Pet names from strangers

JuliaRaeJuliaRae
edited January 2025 in General

Maybe just me, but the second a complete stranger calls me a pet name, I’m not comfortable with them. It’s weird on dating dating sites and extra weird here. “Hi beautiful/gorgeous/sweetheart” is the “nicest” red flag, but a red flag nonetheless. On the other hand, it weeds people out easily.

Edit: I messed up the poll, just comment if you’d like 🙃

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Comments

  • lovingspoonfulllovingspoonfull

    @Jayaress Not just you. At the very least it’s a presumption of familiarity. I’ve met people that did it where it didn’t feel ick, others where it did.

    At worst it is problematic. Up to you to spend the time, or not, to find out which it is.

    I lmao the first time a fellow student in college called me “honey-child”. 😎 I started looking around for my southern grandmother. With her it ended up being cultural but it was harmless and she became a good friend.

  • wilderdudewilderdude

    Very, very weird when a man does it to a woman he doesn't know.

    I've had older women call me 'baby' and 'sweetie' and it feels good, nothing creepy or sexual about it.

  • ZColesZColes

    I didn't think it was an issue. For me saying beautiful is similar to an older lady calling me hun, hunny, sweetheart, and baby. I don't mean anything by it, just the way I talk.

  • SoosonSooson

    When I was a pro I only allowed people of my preferred races list to call me pet names.

  • SunsetSnugglesSunsetSnuggles

    🚩🚩🚩

    Just people filtering themselves out, makin' it easier on us.

    ~ Sunset Snuggles

    🫂 Enthusiast 🌄 Travel Junkie 📸 Shutter Bug

  • Sunrise_SnuggleSunrise_Snuggle

    Definitely a red flag. It's a form of love bombing.

  • roni56roni56

    Women calls a man honey (happens all the time at stores) its ok, and vice versa is creepy. Men need to get some slack sometimes.

  • NatsWarmEmbraceNatsWarmEmbrace

    Jayaress I feel 100 the same way ! And it’s an instant no for me !

  • ReltvlyCanshesReltvlyCanshes

    I noticed it's seems like people think it's weird when men do it, but what about when women do it? I hate being called hun.... but it seems like it happens all the time in the world.

  • ReltvlyCanshesReltvlyCanshes
    edited January 2025

    I taking a stand from now on Betty will no longer refer to me in a condescending manner! When i go buy my lottery tickets and she calls me honey, im going to ask for the manager! And if Rog, doesn't take care of it I'm going to start going to Buckeyes! Aaarrrggghh

    And if my 2nd favorite barista Trish calls me sweetie, i won't stand for it! I don't care if she's a single mother working her way through school i will not be handled and spoken to in such an endearing manner!

    And if Carl down at the filling station calls me buddy, I'm calling the police. He can't be out here flirting and calling people "bud" or "buddy" or "pal" what do i look like a toy? Something to be played with?

  • ZigOutsideZigOutside

    Haha 😂👆Now that cracked me up...

  • [Deleted User]CharlesGrove (deleted user)

    I gave up tracking the number of times people try to minimize me to make themselves feel safer, or better than, or whatever.

    It’s more or less constant when dealing with other humans.

    Seems like the more you care about other people the harder your life becomes.

    Not more rewarding, just harder.

    You tell yourself that the misery is the cost of “greater things”, but that isn’t true. Most of the best things are intensely personal, utterly private, and only required the misery of existing, which you were doing already.

  • ZigOutsideZigOutside
    edited January 2025

    I have a story related to this. So I am from Canada but lived in Australia for almost ten years. Even by the end I was still just getting used to all the slang. I started noticing a lot of people calling me doll, darling, darlin, darl. People at the gas station, or a convenience store or out on the street. I really liked it and thought it was cute and just like slang does it kinda started rolling off my tongue. I messaged a friend of mine who was a middle aged married man and told him I would love to swing by for a chat and I would see him later, darling. Not thinking anything of it. Well about an hour later I received a VERY ANGRY message from his wife telling me to never call her husband darling again who later blocked me from all of his and her contact/social media etc. It was an innocent cultural mistake and certainly not meant the way she took it. He was around my dad's age. I learned the hard way that a woman can call a woman darling, a man of any age can call a woman of any age darling but a woman cannot call a male friend darling or it implies something romantic.
    Very confusing for this Canadian born gal. Especially when everyone was calling me darlin! Lol

  • pmvinespmvines

    Oh topic of pet names my ex wife called me Barney, which I actually kind of liked lol

  • JuliaRaeJuliaRae

    Men and women have very different experiences, historically. I also don’t mind/enjoy when older women use them on me. We all understand context.
    Caring about people (imo) means caring how you make them feel, even if you personally can’t relate.

  • [Deleted User]CharlesGrove (deleted user)

    @Jayaress Actually, we don’t all understand context.

    Nor do we agree upon it.

    Context is entirely subjective and experiential.

    And presuming that others understand/agree/empathize with your context is one of the catalysts of being offended.

    No one, ever, sees things exactly the same.

  • [Deleted User]MaverickLegend (deleted user)


    @ReltvlyCanshes in addition to being called those same terms I have to constantly remind the ladies my eyes are up here lol 😂

  • JuliaRaeJuliaRae
    edited January 2025

    @CharlesGrove You just clearly demonstrated that you understand context. I didn’t say “the context.”

  • pmvinespmvines
    edited January 2025

    I don't mind pet names with my friends or even strangers if they aren't in a hitting on me sense. I also grew up in the south and it's more common here. But yeah my friends and I call each other babes , cutie, bro, hun, have one friend who calls me her hot bitch top bottom ho. We are familiars so this is all familiar language.

  • pmvinespmvines

    Also considering how much I am at Waffle House,.otherwise known as the Awful Waffle, I'm kinda used to being called him or sweetie by strangers

  • [Deleted User]CharlesGrove (deleted user)

    I suppose I understand the various dictionary definitions of context.

    Much like I do the definitions of love.

    And, in both love and context, I am certain I have very little understanding of those things in specific moments or instances.

    I’m honestly getting less and less sure that people can communicate on any level other than violence in its various degrees.

  • cuddlyDavidcuddlyDavid

    Hello beautiful is better than what I normally get! Especially from Scots who have been on the Bucky!

  • ZigOutsideZigOutside

    It really does come down to intention. But it's the boundary pushers who ruin it for the people just being friendly.

  • ReltvlyCanshesReltvlyCanshes

    @MaverickLegend thank you for that. I'm getting a tshirt made now. I can't stand when people don't look me in the eye when they call me " big fella".

  • MorpheusMorpheus

    I don’t use pet names unless I have a relationship with the person. I love pet names but I also understand the potential awkwardness.

  • KrissiAKrissiA
    edited January 2025

    I like to call everyone Pookie and tell them I love them.

  • JuliaRaeJuliaRae

    @KrissiA I think Pookie is fair game 😁.

  • AshleyStoneAshleyStone

    @pmvines Yes, this - The South. Originally from Michigan, its not a thing there, but after being here a few years I am used to being called "honey, hon, sweetie, darlin, etc." By men and women. Even my husband was referred to as "babe" by a woman working in a store. I had no idea it was a red flag 😬. For anyone out there concerned about it, might help to take into account where they're from.

  • pmvinespmvines
    edited January 2025

    @AshleyStone
    What's funny is when I'm in a non southern region and it happens, now that throws me off guard lol. Last week I was eating at a place in Denver and the server kept calling me fella. Which made me feel like a labradoodle, I wanted to ask her if I was being a good boy and pant at her

  • Carrie_AnneCarrie_Anne

    @pmvines
    Ok that made me laugh, Fella 😊😂🤣🤗

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