@justwanthugs I know that each situation is not always the same. However I also know that when you are doing something like cuddling interwebs strangers, often in bed with sleepwear, and often pretty close and intimate in terms of personal space and touch, while keeping it from your loved one and using textbook excuses for doing so, which often amounts to nothing more than I want to do this thing and my partner doesn't do enough of this thing or do the thing the way I like it to be done so I am going to now go behind their backs and do the thing regardless and hide it because I feel a certain way about it and they will most certainly also feel a certain way about it, then I'm sorry but I do consider that a form of emotional cheating. Cheating does not always imply sex.
This is not the same as getting a massage or a facial or pedicure, or other adjacent forms of self care. If it were then there wouldn't be an anthology of threads and posts about whether or not it's cheating. At best it's a grey area, and in my experience grey areas can leave a whole lot of room for excuses and justifications that don't always add up. People are free to do as they wish and please don't misinterpret my opinion on this matter as a judgment because it honestly isn't. Live and let live and you do you and others do others. I'm not in a relationship nor do I want to be so I really don't have a dog in this fight. However if I were in a monogamous relationship, then I would have to take a step back and evaluate the cuddle world and how it relates to me and fits into my relationship.
@Mare_Bear I’ve had at least 3 tell me that same situation but I would’ve had to take them at their word, re:their wife’s condition. How would I know if it was the truth? The fact is I probably wouldn’t know so I went with my gut and how I would feel personally.
Society is touch starved. It's a thing.
Is this the thread where single people are asking why married people don’t do marriage the way single people imagine marriage is supposed to be done?
Or is this the thread where we try to parse out whether cuddling is cheating? (The consensus there seemed to be that lying to your partners is largely reprehensible.)
@pmvines ‘ comment above seems to conflate the two. Doing so paints people in open marriages as deceitful. In my experience, they are no more likely to lie to their partners than people attempting (or espousing a preference for) monogamy.
@MonkeyNeedsAHug As I always say, why not both?
Variety is the spice of life.
Sometimes ppl just crave the warmth & touch of another. Cuddling is a healthy way to secure that feeling instead of having sex behind a partner’s back.
My partner is fully aware I’m on this site. For ex, just because I enjoy cuddling others doesn’t mean I love him any less or don’t enjoy our cuddles. Variety is the spice of life!
I at first struggled with cuddling men whose partners were unaware but I’ve come to realize we should never be judgemental of someone’s relationship. It’s none of my or anyone’s business. They are taking a healthy step in getting their self care needs met.. everyone needs hugs 🤗 to be the best versions of themselves!
Everyone is different
@MonkeyNeedsAHug posted: "...paints people in open marriages as deceitful."
As with those whose significant other is aware of and consenting to them cuddling, open marriages are, by definition, aware and consenting...the opposite of deceitful.
~ Sunset Snuggles
🫂 Enthusiast 🌄 Travel Junkie 📸 Shutter Bug
It seems like a lot of people have addressed the seemly implicit question of “Why would married (or just partnered) people cuddle with others, when they should just cuddle with their partners.” I don’t think that it is a completely unfair question - specifically that I don’t think cuddling should be used to avoid discussing needs within a relationship.
But, I think it’s also important to point out how much the question is influenced by stigma around cuddling. “Why do people got to gatherings for their hobbies (book club, game stores, gym, etc) alone?” “Why should a married person go to the movies with a friend when they could go with their spouse?” All seem a little silly don’t they? Committed relationships should be wonderful parts of our lives, but it doesn’t mean that we don’t need more or different connections with other people.
I think the point most people here are trying to make isn’t about the act of cuddling others outside the relationship, nor even what type of relationship. It’s the deceit if they’re not discussing first with their partner. The lying is what’s making it cheating. And it seems the ones doing it just keep dancing around the truth.
I believe that openness, honesty, and communication are the foundation of any strong relationship. For me, cuddling is a comforting, validating, and non-sexual expression of connection. However, I also believe that cuddling someone outside of your marriage or partnership without your spouse's knowledge and consent crosses a boundary and can feel like cheating.
When done with mutual understanding and clear boundaries, consensual cuddling can be a beautiful way to foster connection and emotional support without diminishing the love or trust in a committed relationship. It's not about replacing intimacy with a partner but enriching life with safe, respectful, and meaningful connections.
The key is trust, respect, and transparency, ensuring everyone involved feels secure and valued.
Lots of stuff release oxytocin, like chocolate.
I like the rush of meeting a stranger, something out of bounds.
Judge me with out judgeing me?
@Louie6600 nailed it. It all boils down to honesty.
Why do people that have one house buy a second house? Because they can.
@dave31415 ofcourse, same way why people have affairs, coz they can.
This started with the question “why”, and it’s been interesting to so observe a number of views that have offered a sympathetic understanding of “why” CC is so essential to many, but inevitably, some judgemental ones as well. Every single person I’ve met via CC (mostly Pros) have been in the sympathetic camp, one or two suggesting more than 50% of men they met with were married, and they recognise the human need for physical contact when it is absent at home.
Whether married or having a “significant other” (which probably bumps the stats even higher), it’s the same “condition”. However, it’s important to state “In a relationship” on one’s profile. It permits Pros (such as @g_w_t_w ) to state on her profile “doesn’t cuddle with married men” and to respect that stance. Both sides are being honest with each other at a CC level.
But to become judgemental about “why” someone who has a SO/is married and engages at CC is sadly wrong. As mentioned before, my other half withdrew ALL tactile contact 25 years ago. I felt somewhat cheated, given the early days. It was too late, and it felt like a massive betrayal. It took me about 20 years to summon up the courage to join something like CC.
In a similar post a couple of years back, there were shouts of “well get a divorce, then”. There are a multitude of reasons why that can’t happen. If we’d had no kids, yes I can see separation would have been almost inevitable. However, sometimes, one focuses on the needs of others, so a choice was made (by me) to continue to the end of our lives. There seemed to be a greater”honour” or “self-sacrifice” in that, so as long as my profile and conversations with people on CC is open and honest, and being dishonest here would be the only place where I feel I could be challenged. Indeed, if people are dishonest about having an SO, perhaps that’s a time to “flag” an individual.
As I said earlier, CC is a life-saver. The only person who needs to ponder my situation is me (and the Almighty). So, thank you, once again, CC and for the big-hearted and compassionate souls within her.
@CambridgeGuy Not everything that doesn't align with your opinion is a judgment, or a negative. These are all opinions given and not everyone will agree. I don't have oodles of sympathy, but I dont have to. It doesn't mean I have contempt.
Married people are still Human .. that’s why .. just because someone is married doesn’t mean they should be locked in a cage .. . Marriage is not a punishment.. Marriage is a open , nicely communicated.. Partnership…. .. 🌸
@ChrissyNoir Key words in your post are "nicely communicated." The point I see being made here is that the problem arises if you are cuddling and lying to your spouse about it. Only reason to lie is if cuddling outside the relationship would hurt husband/wife.
That said, everyone is different. Some spouses might not care, some might encourage it, and some (like my ex, if I had done this) would lose it completely.
No, @roni56
You missed @dave31415 ‘s point.
People who buy a second house aren’t doing anything deceitful.
But people who have affairs are.
This is why I get so frustrated with people’s comments on threads like this. So many people conflate having more than one source of comfort and affection with cheating.
🙈
I wish I had found this when I was married, it wouldn’t have saved the marriage, but it would have saved me. Saved me years of touch deprivation. You just wouldn’t understand unless you have experienced it.
I think the majority of the married cuddlers feel stuck in their marriages for one reason or another. I've talked to a few men who are staying because they don't feel like the wife could make it without them (I'm guessing they mean financially) It was sad, but moving... Even though they are not getting the touch they need, they are staying out of compassion it seems. I would have left my husband a year or two ago if I could have afforded it. It's not that I'm depending on his income, he hasn't worked for over 2 years. I just can't afford to pay the bills here and have money to move out on my own. (I can't just leave because my mom and son live here too). There are all sorts of complicated situations out there that cause married people to cuddle with others. I initially started out of desperation to pay bills, but I am also touched starved for the last couple years, so it has been a huge blessing in both aspects. I think some people just really need touch a lot more than others. I honestly kinda wish I was one of the ones that didn't need it, it can be downright painful sometimes.
"There is no function in whipping an expired Appaloosa",
I'm not down with opc with ops....are you down with opp who's down with opp
C= cuddles S= spouse P= person
Spelled it out for those who may have shown up years after this was a thing and for those who might have been offended by one of those P's.
As someone who is recently separated, I would say that marriages can be complicated and they don’t always end all at once. Sometimes they fade over time and can get to a point where you no longer share any type of affection or intimacy because there are hard feelings between you. It can be easy to say that you should just end it at that point, but that isn’t always the case either. Cuddling is a way to get the feeling of human contact. Is it right, probably not, but everyone deserves human contact, and there are a lot worse things you could be doing instead.
It’s lying that would make it cheating. Wanting to cuddle when in a bad marriage isn’t surprising.