Cuddle question

[Deleted User]Angielove (deleted user)
in General

Hello! I recently became aware of my boyfriend’s cuddle sessions. He’s been very stressed lately, but had been hiding his therapy from me due to fear of judgement. I am 100% behind any type of therapy that helps a person that doesn’t damage a relationship.

That all being said, once he came clean we discussed open and honest communication in addition to finding a cuddle therapist that we both feel comfortable with. What are some things I should know, plan for and look out for so I can be supportive to him and his needs. While we have made a more concentrated effort between us for physical touch, sometimes he travels for work and I can’t go with him.

Any advice would really be amazing!

Comments

  • Sheena123Sheena123

    It’s awesome to hear a couple having open communication and understanding 👏
    I think if you’re going with a pro cuddler to hire, finding one that understands the situation and is professional in how they cuddle, that’s a good start. See if the pro is open to having a conversation with both of you before the cuddle whether it be in person or through video chat when he’s travelling and make sure all of you are comfortable with each other. To me, it seems like you’re taking the proper baby steps to have a cohesive and copacetic relationship 👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻

  • [Deleted User]CharlesGrove (deleted user)

    Cuddling can have therapeutic effects, much the same as any other form of self care and affirmative connection. (Walking, time spent with friends or pets, reading, meditation, etc…)

    But it is not therapy.

  • Midnight01Midnight01

    Honestly, I don't think it's good for your relationship. 1st he was hiding it from you. 2nd he should be getting that from you, not this website. 3rd. This is NOT a substitute for therapy bc it's not therapy. Pros will tell you different obvi, but this has the makings of a bad outcome.

  • cde123cde123

    Hey! First of all, chances are he's not getting enough physical affection from you, hugs and cuddles and the like. If you try to improve that within your relationship, hopefully he'll lose his need for cuddle therapy.

    The pro women on this site are still, well, women and most of them are not realistically capable of platonic cuddle therapy. I don't mean breaking the terms of service, but I've had them switch into more of a "are you going to take me on a date" mode, rather than offering therapy. Providing therapeutic methods within a cuddle session is honestly only something the rare asexual women can truly pull off, assuming the guy's at all attractive. So, overall, it's better to get therapy from therapists rather than finding it on here.

  • AlyLaurenAlyLauren

    I love how open-minded you are, and while hiding things in a relationship is never healthy, it sounds like you both are on a really positive path to growing and learning together!

    Before sharing my perspective, I do want to share that I am a professional so that where I'm coming from. Touch and intimacy are areas that can be very complicated and sensitive for everyone, and there can be fear and shame mixed up in that. Particularly with someone you're really close to. It's intimidating to risk rejection or judgment from a partner or friend by expressing a need in that department. I've know men who are ashamed just to admit they want to be the little spoon sometimes!

    Your post reminded me of an event I just attended. There is a wonderful woman here in Colorado who hosts Cuddle Puddles, which I attended. She is very knowledgeable, and she had a structured environment of practicing consent and boundaries with the group and easing into platonic touch and it was beautiful. But she also does workshops on intimacy for partners, like a sensual massage workshop she is doing for Valentine's day.

    I think you both could absolutely approach cuddling with professionals in a similar way. Maybe there are ways to connect and experience platonic touch that you could learn from a pro and apply to your relationship.

    As long as you're both open and honest and feel respected in this dynamic, I think it's fantastic! I would recommend communicating often and honestly and setting boundaries that both of you need. No two relationships are the same and you and your partner get to decide what yours looks like!

  • [Deleted User]WriterGF (deleted user)

    Most cuddle pros are not medical professionals or trained therapists. A good number are simply people who discovered this is a profitable side hustle. Some work very hard at it and do their best to provide the right atmosphere and a good experience, but what they do cannot take the place of therapy. If your boyfriend needs professional help for the sake of his mental health, get him to an actual licensed therapist.

  • [Deleted User]Angielove (deleted user)

    Thank you all for the responses. This is something he started before me, when he was going through his divorce from his wife where there wasn’t even platonic physical touch. He was concerned about the stigma.

    He is in traditional CBT and we are in couples therapy, as well. So we are navigating through a lot. My mother was also a counselor/therapist so I am fully aware of different types of therapy and self-care. I am firmly in the camp of, if it helps you heal and isn’t damaging to our relationship, I’m supportive. I am 100% NOT okay with it being a secret. We are addressing that issue.

    He has also expressed that since it’s out in the open and we have had more concentrated efforts (which feels nice for the both of us and our connection) he doesn’t feel the need to book a session. I’m a planner and would rather have an idea what to look for should this arise again.

  • cde123cde123

    That's cool. I understand him. There are some well-established and professional providers on here - you can usually tell from their well-written profiles and karma count. They are most likely to be issue free.

  • PinkMalloPinkMallo

    Pro here - I really applaud how you are handling this OP. I've worked in simillar dynamics before and the most effective thing was a quick video chat before booking an actual session with myself, client and client's partner. The full transparency is great and it is really easy to go over boundaries on both sides that way. I also wear what I do for in-person sessions on the video chat. Good luck! 😊

  • AlyLaurenAlyLauren

    @cde123 I'm sorry you've had that experience with professionals, but I very strongly disagree with you that the only professionals that keep it professional are asexual.

    Not only myself, but many of the professionals I know from this site as well as others do not try to date their clients or engage in anything romantic or sexual.

    I am aware that there are pros and clients who misbehave or violate TOS and personal boundaries. But sharing the perspective that most or all professionals do is harmful to the whole community and damages the credibility of cuddling as a safe, platonic form of connection. This misconception is part of the reason I spend so much time fielding sexual messages and reporting profiles.

    I do agree that pros are not therapists. I never claim to offer "therapy" and I encourage my clients to see actual mental health providers where it applies.

    @Angielove I don't think this means that you are coming up short in any way, or that this is your fault because you aren't offering enough physical affection so please don't take that on.

    Keep communicating and being honest! And spend some time getting to know cuddlers or pros before the sessions. 😊

  • Sheena123Sheena123

    @AlyLauren 👏👏👏

  • ReltvlyCanshesReltvlyCanshes

    @Angielove i think it's great you are inquiring for the sake of your relationship, it's also good you are open to it. Make sure you address him hiding it from you and i also suggest you decide on boundaries that make you comfortable with this. I'd also suggest you try it yourself so you know and are better i formed about what's happening during a session and how it makes you feel. You might want it more for your partner or you may find it's something you're not comfortable with. But i think it's great that you are inquiring.

  • cde123cde123

    @AlyLauren With you on that… pushing romantic or sexual boundaries won't get clients anywhere. The thing is, though, pros can be surprisingly unprepared for a client who holds boundaries consistently and forcefully as well as they do.

    Well, anyways, back to the topic. I certainly agree that therapists trying to get with clients is wildly out of bounds. That would get someone's professional license pulled for very good reasons.

Sign In or Register to comment.