Legitimate concern or red flag?

SsbbwcuddlecakeSsbbwcuddlecake
in General

I just had a potential client ask me if I live alone, then further explained that he's just likes to "sus out" if there are any husbands, boyfriends or other men "lurking" around. It's giving me creeper vibes. I'm interested to see if there are any male enthusiasts or clients who have asked this question or make it a point to- perhaps due to past experiences?- and if there are any pros who have been asked this question- what was the outcome ? Were these experiences generally good/safe? Did you not book- better safe than sorry?
Thoughts?

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Comments

  • [Deleted User]CharlesGrove (deleted user)

    It is a red flag.

    It might be unintentional, because I understand being cautious around men you don’t know, and especially putting yourself into an intimate (even though platonic) circumstance with someone who is in a relationship.

    It isn’t like possessive, jealous, violent men are a myth…

    But it’s also a terrible way to ask.

    And, bottom line: You have your instincts for self preservation for plenty of critical reasons. You should absolutely trust them.

  • CalthegreatCalthegreat

    It could go either way really. Last lady I cuddled had her toddler in the room and that threw off the vibe. Maybe it's a bad past experience or maybe he's trying to figure out how alone you'd be.

    I'd paint this yellow 1 second to red. Figure out his intentions, look at karma, see what his preferences are and ask yourself if that's a safe situation. If you feel unsafe, cut off communication even if you have no intention of reporting. Just say that "something feels off and you aren't feeling it anymore. Goodbye & Goodluck."

  • Carrie_AnneCarrie_Anne

    In all the cuddling I’ve done, no one has ever asked that.
    To me that would be a 🚩 and I would drop that one instantly, no more conversation, I wouldn’t take the chance.
    IMO, if you’re hosting, find some way to let them know that you have a friend who you share your cuddle information with, something in place so let them know that you’re not just there alone forever. Casually mention you have a friend coming by after the session?
    I lived in a security building with cameras when I was hosting, and I pointed them out. I never had a problem
    Maybe you need a Ring” doorbell?
    If I lived alone in a single family house, I don’t think I would ever host. I also don’t go into a man’s single-family home for a first time cuddle.

  • great_pillow08great_pillow08

    He has a valid concern, but so do you. LISTEN TO YOUR INSTINCTS!! If you're even questioning this at this point, you don't know him well enough to let him in your home. If it's listed on your profile that you're single, set up a camera in like your air vent or something and have it record to your computer via blue tooth (there are free apps for this!). I wouldn't meet up with him if not in a public place though. You HAVE TO BE careful!! WE ALL DO!!!

  • Carrie_AnneCarrie_Anne

    A camera of your own is a good idea, but that only helps after the fact if there’s a problem. Doesn’t prevent one. Anyone coming into your home should know in advance in some way that there is surveillance. If you live alone, I’m not sure how you can get that across, but they need to know somehow that there will be a camera, so they had better behave.

  • SsbbwcuddlecakeSsbbwcuddlecake

    @CharlesGrove Thank you for your response. I agree I should ultimately go with my gut.

    @Calthegreat Thanks for weighing in. I think even if it might be ok,there's still too much of a risk that he has bad intentions and it might not be...and what the actual?! She had her toddler in the room? 🤯That's a whole other topic- nevermind that's is awkward for anyone trying to enjoy a cuddle session but say you were a different kind of person- now she is not only putting herself (I mean,as a pro we all are doing this and you have to know that going in)but her own child at risk! Just..WOW .

  • ReltvlyCanshesReltvlyCanshes

    I'd say i wouldn't consider it a red flag because i think id like to know if someone else is going to be around. But what i do have an issue with or what i think is the reddest of flags is susing out to see if a man is lurking around. All of those words make it weird.

  • pmvinespmvines

    Yes it is. I can understand that someone may prefer to be alone for privacy and relaxation reasons, but if you have a significant other or not should be on no consequence to them. Nothing wrong with asking but the way he went about it is all wrong

  • SsbbwcuddlecakeSsbbwcuddlecake

    @g_w_t_w I definitely have many safety measures in place including a support system - I have family members who know when a client is due to arrive and when they are leaving and if they don't hear from me after a session someone will come looking!
    Thanks for your input about never having heard this-I wondered how common it was-the more comments I read validates my initial feelings and thoughts on the matter. Definite Red flag!

  • SsbbwcuddlecakeSsbbwcuddlecake

    @great_pillow08 Thank you,it seems to be the consensus to not question myself. I definitely appreciate being able to share this.
    That's a really good safety measure regarding the camera-Im not tech savvy and never considered it. I had no idea about the free apps! Another option for anyone to consider...

  • btc13btc13

    I have never even thought to ask that personally and never had any situations come up that would make me think of it as a concern.

  • SsbbwcuddlecakeSsbbwcuddlecake

    @g_w_t_w I do have ring!

  • Sheena123Sheena123

    I’ve had a few ask that (even thought I have it in my profile….) so I just tell them that we will have our privacy for platonic snuggles. My hubby goes to the community hall nearby or he goes grocery shopping or goes to the movies and he know when we start and when we end so no worries 😌 it lets them know that I do have my hubby aware of the situation if he tries something sketchy but also ensuring them that the place is all ours so he can feel comfortable in case he just worded it creepily not meaning to

  • SsbbwcuddlecakeSsbbwcuddlecake

    @ReltvlyCanshes Thank you,yes...I agree the wording takes it from red to screaming red😆

  • SsbbwcuddlecakeSsbbwcuddlecake

    @pmvines Yes,I had that thought as well. I don't understand why having a partner or not matters.. would also like to note that 9 times out of 10 they are married or partnered themselves.
    But also.. PLATONIC? ! 😆

  • Carrie_AnneCarrie_Anne

    @Ssbbwcuddlecake
    It sounds like you have good precautions in place.
    To me what was important was that they knew in advance that they shouldn’t try any shenanigans and seeing your Ring camera should help a lot.

  • SsbbwcuddlecakeSsbbwcuddlecake

    @btc13 Thanks for your input . It really doesn't make sense to me why it should come up!

  • SunsetSnugglesSunsetSnuggles

    @Ssbbwcuddlecake
    Men are rightly concerned about the possibility of a woman cuddling without her significant other's knowledge, and if "caught" in the act, this could be very dangerous for the man, through no fault of his own.

    However, the way he worded it sounds like he is trying to ensure you are vulnerable. Not to ensure that you are providing a safe cuddle environment.

    I'm not one to suggest ghosting people based on assumptions, however. Tell him how his line of questioning made you feel, and you'll learn a lot from his reaction. Is he apologetic and opens up about a backstory of someone who put him in the middle of a dishonest situation? Or does he become defensive and accusatory?

    I once met a cuddler who said he was uncomfortable meeting me in public because I might have my boyfriend watching us from nearby. Cuddlers can have all the fears and boundaries they like, legitimate or otherwise...but don't let them change your boundaries or affect your safety protocols. I told that cuddler that absolutely not, my boyfriend had zero interest in spying on my meet-ups, and I would never do that to someone, but that I meet in public, zero exceptions.

    ~ Sunset Snuggles

    🫂 Enthusiast 🌄 Travel Junkie 📸 Shutter Bug

  • SsbbwcuddlecakeSsbbwcuddlecake

    @Sheena123 Hmmmm...that's really interesting,I've been doing this for close to a year and this is the first time anyone has asked me that!
    I personally feel that being it's platonic it really isn't anyone's business where your husband is located or if he's somewhere in his own home...as long as the cuddle space is quiet and private and you're time isn't disrupted...but I do think it's good that they know you have a support system and someone knows exactly what you are doing and who you are with!

  • SsbbwcuddlecakeSsbbwcuddlecake

    @SunsetSnuggles Thanks for your perspective. At this point,booking with him will really be going against my better judgement. I just have a bad feeling about him. I did let him know that asking a woman if she lives alone could be seen as a red flag. I had thought to block him,but now I'm curious to read his response. Probably won't change anything but might be telling...

  • Sunrise_SnuggleSunrise_Snuggle
    edited February 2025

    The way that this client phrased it is suspicious. However, the client's concern is not altogether invalid.

    For me, it would be a concern if there are other people in the living space, and they are unaware of and potentially not accepting of the cuddle session taking place. In other words, if there is any element of secrecy involved, that's the wrong vibe for a cuddle session. Moreover, that is unsafe for the client. Dealing with that level of stress during a cuddle session is the last thing I would want.

    If the professional lives with a partner and said partner is either unsupportive of hosting clients at their place, or unsupportive of her career as a professional cuddler altogether, that is a very valid concern for the client. It's not ok at all to host clients if you live with a partner, without said partner's full knowledge and consent.

    That being said, as long as there is full transparency and there isn't any element of deception, it shouldn't be of any concern to the client if the professional lives with a partner.

    @Calthegreat

    Yeah, that's unacceptable. By default, there shouldn't be anyone else in the room, including an infant or a toddler. The client should have the professional's full, undivided attention, and anyone else in the room would be a violation of that.

    If it was communicated in advance, and the client agreed to it, it's maybe ok (but still not ideal); but if it's a surprise, it's not ok at all.

  • friendlyj311friendlyj311

    Yeah for sure that's a huge red flag! That's none of his business point blank.

  • rxpectingrxpecting

    It's borderline what he asked but totally the way he asked 🚩

  • Sunrise_SnuggleSunrise_Snuggle

    I think that a far more legitimate question for a client to ask would be something like, "is there anyone in your living space that is either unaware that you're hosting a cuddle session, or does not approve of it, or both?"

    However, I think that this particular individual very likely does not have good intentions, and that it would be wise to not proceed further with him.

    If you do decide to proceed further with him, insist on a public meet-and-greet before any private session can take place. How he reacts to your request for a public meet-and-greet would be very telling.

  • SsbbwcuddlecakeSsbbwcuddlecake

    @SunriseSnuggles I appreciate your take on it. I get that someone might want to make sure that it's a safe environment for them as well and that there aren't any outside threats...but I also can't imagine someone living in the home where cuddle sessions take place NOT knowing about it. Likewise,if someone is in a committed relationship I would think it very difficult to hide especially if they are hosting.
    At any rate,I think we can all agree that the way this particular client presented this is concerning and definitely would make anyone question his motives!

  • SsbbwcuddlecakeSsbbwcuddlecake

    @rxpecting Yes. Agreed!

  • SsbbwcuddlecakeSsbbwcuddlecake

    @friendlyj311 I couldn't agree more. There's only so much you need to explain about your own living situation. All that matters is that the cuddle space itself is relaxing, quite and private. It really shouldn't matter if you are partnered or not imo-or who lives in your home and where they are during a session as long as they aren't in the room and you haven't invited them to pull up a seat and observe..privacy and discretion can still be maintained.

  • ChrissyNoirChrissyNoir

    Someone asked me that @Ssbbwcuddlecake I declined the session … Money is never that more important then safety.. And this is your life .. how you feel comes first !

  • OverTheMooonOverTheMooon
    edited February 2025

    1) I REALLY don't want to meet their boyfriend or husband while I'm paying to cuddle his wife.

    2) I really don't want another guy to see me pay for cuddles (it's embarrassing). I don't want anyone to see me, but especially not a guy

    3) Is the worst reason. I wouldn't say they're likely dangerous, as creepy would imply, but they might be looking to cuddle (romantically). You should get a camera, and ask for a pic of their license maybe

    It's of those reasons. Its hard to express, at least for me, how embarrassing it is. For you, you're just getting paid for being kind and a friend. For me/them, we're paying $100s or $1,000s because I'm not good enough to cuddle for free/naturally. I guess that's slightly different if the client is married. But still, paying for something that's usually free. Basically a long hug. It's a legit concern, and a red flag. Id say take precautions, try to sus HIM out, or just deny. Id be very sad if they denied me for that, but it's understandable. Better safe than sorry, I guess

    4) oh, or maybe they're paranoid of being robbed.

  • JohnR1972JohnR1972

    I have only cuddled with 4 pros where they hosted me, and 1 where I hosted her. The majority of my cuddle experiences have either been in hotels or outdoors in parks. I never asked a woman if she lives alone. I can absolutely see where that would feel like a red flag.

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