👣 Changes in life 👣

[Deleted User]donhulio (deleted user)
in General

Hey everyone. Wanted to let those of you who are my friends know that, for various personal reasons*, I will be leaving this site in a few days. 🥲

This will not affect any friendships that I have with any of you. I am grateful for the many friends I have made here, and I don't want to end a single one of them**.

Best wishes for a wonderful, cuddly, and happy future to all of you.

Much love,

Adam

*Such as: wanting to spend less money on cuddling; and more, which I'm happy to discuss privately

**Not to be misconstrued as an intent to break rules by exchanging contact info with pros outside of booking a session. I think all of my pro friends I have booked a session with. If there's someone I haven't done so with, we can book a quick virtual session if you'd like to stay in touch.

P.S. A fun(?) poll for the heck of it. 🙂

  1. Non-pro men: have you ever thought seriously about leaving the site? Feel free to share in the comme60 votes
    1. No
      28.33%
    2. Yes, in the past
      16.67%
    3. Yes, currently
      45.00%
    4. Other
      10.00%

Comments

  • SunsetSnugglesSunsetSnuggles

    You will be missed! You've been a wonderful, level-headed asset to this community. I still hope to meet and cuddle, someday! 🫂

    ~ Sunset Snuggles

    🫂 Enthusiast 🌄 Travel Junkie 📸 Shutter Bug

  • UREverythingUREverything

    This site is definitely a part of life of your wanted it to be. But like most things its not a lifestyle that is key to living.

    Im sure if you come back it will be here as well as the forum lol.

    Take care

  • MorpheusMorpheus

    I’ve thought about leaving for various reasons many years ago but at this point, I’ve been here for so long, that’s I wouldn’t leave.

  • [Deleted User]donhulio (deleted user)

    @SunsetSnuggles, thank you. I would definitely love to meet and cuddle someday!

    @UglyDuckling, thank you. I don't think I'll be back, but yes I'm sure this site will live on for a long time 😄

  • friendlyj311friendlyj311

    @donhulio although I just recently saw you on the forums and have never met you before, you seem like a truly amazing person after reading your bio. I wish you all the best on your future endeavors. Who knows what the future may bring, maybe we will cross paths one day.
    Take care, J 🤗

  • [Deleted User]donhulio (deleted user)

    Thanks @friendlyj311 🙂

  • [Deleted User]donhulio (deleted user)

    There are a lot of responses to the poll saying you're currently thinking about leaving the site. I'm pretty curious what others' thought process is, if anyone would like to share.

  • [Deleted User]donhulio (deleted user)
    edited February 2025

    For those who didn't or couldn't vote, here are the current totals.

  • sean2589sean2589

    There were times I thought about leaving the site. That was mostly in the beginning when I first joined, almost a decade ago. I didn't know how the site worked, didn't have the confidence to reach out to anyone for a cuddle session, and was wondering if there were real people on the other side of the screen for a good while. But as the years have gone by, even though I've only had maybe 3 or 4 cuddle sessions total, I recognize how great of a site it is. It fills a need that I wouldn't be able to find reliably elsewhere, and I've been so fortunate to meet and talk with great people, that I plan to be here as long as it exists.

  • pmvinespmvines

    I deactivated for about a year a few years back to kinda detox from online stuff. I would choose deactivating over deleting myself just fo avoid having to start over if wanted to return

  • Midnight01Midnight01

    Yes, and I think a majority of non-pro men would say that. But I think ultimately most men on here have a deficiency in whatever it is in meeting woman to get there needs met in the cuddle realm, me included. (there is also a significant amount here who are looking for more than cuddles and enjoy the chase, let's be real). But it gets so frustrating and plain expensive to get a platonic cuddle. I'd deactivate like others have said for like 3 months and see where you are at. I do wonder whether this site at times is more healthy or harmful for non-pro men anyway, psyche wise.

  • SunsetSnugglesSunsetSnuggles

    @Midnight01 posted: "I do wonder whether this site at times is more healthy or harmful for non-pro men anyway, psyche wise."

    This is a legitimate concern.

    The site is a money maker for female Pro's, and can be a confidence booster for female enthusiasts.

    But I've seen it have the opposite effect on men. So many guys are met with silence, or resort to paying for cuddles when that isn't what they signed up for, and I've seen it wreak havoc on their already fragile self-esteem.

    I think the world needs this site, but that doesn't mean it's going to be a healthy or happy experience for people.

    It definitely makes me sad when I see those I care about having negative self-talk due to their isolating experience here, when for me, it has largely been a positive experience full of community and acceptance. I wish it were the same across the board.

    ~ Sunset Snuggles

    🫂 Enthusiast 🌄 Travel Junkie 📸 Shutter Bug

  • [Deleted User]donhulio (deleted user)
    edited February 2025

    One of the reasons I'm leaving is something related to what you're talking about, @SunsetSnuggles. I resorted to paying for cuddles, which I didn't sign up for.

    When I was a teenager I didn't have great self esteem. In my 20s I started learning better ways to see myself.

    I don't know if this site has hurt my self esteem yet, but it definitely puts my mind in a place I don't like sometimes. I guess I don't know myself well enough to describe it. But I know I need to get away from that, whatever that is.

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel
    edited February 2025

    You are a good man @donhulio and it’s not you. The enthusiast numbers just aren’t there yet and cuddling is still a social niche. I don’t know how much it will grow but I am optimistic. Regardless, people like you deserve to be held.

    Maybe we will bump into each other in Salina sometime! Not that far from KC.

  • zaleazalea

    @donhulio sorry to hear you're leaving! you sound like you have a lot of good reasons for doing so though 😊

    I think the language of "resorting to paying" for cuddles is interesting. i think that in and of itself carries some shame that you're not "good" enough, so you have to pay. But I don't think that's true. For one, some of my clients are partnered and already have a source of physical intimacy. And secondly, none of my clients have ever been people I would think "wow, this person sucks and clearly is way too repulsive to find cuddles for free". The reason is always something totally normal: a lack of time, social anxiety, inexperience, etc. That was my intention when I joined this site, to try to help people realize that they're good enough!

    anyways, I wish you all the best! 💜

  • Carrie_AnneCarrie_Anne

    @donhulio
    I’m also sorry to see you go, but I understand - the concept vs reality of the site varies to such a wide degree, and per individual experience. Sometimes we just need a change.

    As @pmvines said, If you think you’ll want to return some day, deactivating makes it easier.
    Anyway I’m glad we got to know each other a little bit, on to your next adventure….

  • [Deleted User]donhulio (deleted user)
    edited February 2025

    @zalea, thank you for your comment.

    Fortunately, I haven't gotten to a point of not thinking I'm good enough for cuddling. In fact, come to think of it, the opposite has been true. I've been surprised to find several people who I would have thought were out of my league, yet they were attracted to me. And I've developed very strong connections with several people, in ways that have significantly boosted my self esteem.

    As I write this comment I'm realizing another reason I'm leaving is that I don't feel I need this site, because I have more confidence in finding a long term partner, who I will cuddle with (and who will also fulfill multiple other needs that we have as humans).

    Back to "resorting to paying," what I meant by that was that I quickly realized that it would be a long time before I had any chances to cuddle with enthusiasts. (And it was - about 6 months before my first such cuddle.)

    I'm glad you want to help people realize they're good enough. You, and so many others, helped me realize that. And for that I'm extremely grateful.

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    @donhulio That is really cool to hear. So the site did work in a sense.

  • pmvinespmvines
    edited February 2025

    @donhulio
    Lots of folks don't have cuddle friends or significant others. Please don't think of it as some kind of failure on your part for being a part of that percentage. No shame in that at all, and I applaud you for thinking outside the box and having a willingness to explore seeing cuddle pros to help with this need. You are proactively seeking options to help meet your needs and that's a good thing. Plus you've made some connections and friends along the way. I know it's not the same as a cuddle friend or a partner, but sometimes you just have to work with what you have until what you prefer comes along.

  • cde123cde123

    It might help to just take a break from women in general. That's what I'm doing at the moment. Try looking for male spaces where you can find support.

  • IneedahugortwoIneedahugortwo

    @donhulio for what I read, it sounds like you have graduated and are ready to go on into the next chapter of your life. Congratulations. I’m very happy for you and wish you the best!!

  • [Deleted User]donhulio (deleted user)
    edited February 2025

    From my earlier comment:

    "I don't know if this site has hurt my self esteem yet, but it definitely puts my mind in a place I don't like sometimes. I guess I don't know myself well enough to describe it. But I know I need to get away from that, whatever that is."

    I am starting to put a finger on the place my mind sometimes goes that I don't like. It's simply a place of feeling addicted to cuddling and human connection, where I spend a lot of time scrolling through profiles of people I'll never meet, dreaming of and wishing for the chance to meet, connect, cuddle with them.

    When I take breaks from doing that, my mind gets back to a reasonable place (which is having a balance of desires in life). But I keep coming back. So that's a big part of why I need to leave for good, I think.

  • RapidCuddlesRapidCuddles

    Its easy to find emptiness, and not find the “right” thing.

    Over the years I have paid attention to Tom Brady. He says, questions “is there more to this” at a number of different ages. I think being able to reconcile fulfilment and emptness goes a long away.

    For many on here, myself include at times, I come here out of emptness. Then there is addiction my brain thinks it will be fulfilled, (addictive behavior) but hard to get something that's fulfilling.

    Of all the cuddles I have had that are service related, one is especially memorable. I have have been a regular twice. I wish more were like the one. Dont get me wrong, most make me me forget everything else in life for a brief moment in time.

    In other words, you are not alone @donhulio

  • jackwallacejackwallace

    This was a chapter in your life. Realizing it is the right time to wrap it up and start the next means you have grown. You know yourself best, overstay and your memories will become resentment.
    “There is no passion to be found playing small—in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living.” Nelson Mandela

  • ChrissyNoirChrissyNoir

    @donhulio I hope you find what your heart desires my love … Good luck and best wishes … We all GROW .IF your not growing as a person .. That's Questionable . I’m excited for you .. Have fun !

  • TrialKingTrialKing

    I did leave the site before for a specific purpose in the past so I understand. I don't see myself ever leaving the site ever again due to some new value propositions I have for myself even if I got a gf or got married she will be supportive of me and my ventures and I will be respectful and supportive of hers

  • SolarisSolaris

    @donhulio

    There are a lot of responses to the poll saying you're currently thinking about leaving the site. I'm pretty curious what others' thought process is, if anyone would like to share.

    I think about leaving frequently. This site shows me where I'm all tangled up emotionally, where the knots are. Which is good because the knots get in the way of what I want in life. And if I can see them I should be able to untangle them.

    But the knots are very painful for me. I'm happy to take that pain on if it results in the untying of knots. But that's not happening for me here.

    The knots are in me, but I do think there are some very big knots in the human condition too. This site, especially the forums, show me these.

    When I think about leaving it's because I start to get too pessimistic about my prospects, when the pain exceeds the progress by too much, and for too long.

  • pmvinespmvines

    I understand the frustration. Problem with online stuff is that it blurs line between actual friends and people you just know. Lots of folks here I chat with but are they truly friends? Some I have amazing connections with that go far beyond just being someone from a cuddle site or anything cuddle related. We have been to each other's homes, had dinner with families, go on vacations and road trips together. Both non pros and pros alike. True friends that I will hopefully always have. However those are very few and far between. Vast majority are just people I know or folks I've met before.

    For example, I have a lot of folks on profile friends page and lots of karma. Yet here it is Valentine's Day and I'm spending it alone. I'm turning 50 in 2 weeks and it will likely be the same thing, spending it alone. So putting too much stock in a site like this can certainly make you feel conflicted emotionally, especially if you aren't able to manage those feelings and have realistic expectations about who the people you meet are and where they stand in your world.

  • [Deleted User]donhulio (deleted user)

    So, after talking to @CharlieBear I learned it's possible for the mods to do any length of timeout. I think I'm going to have them do that to my account for a year, so I can keep myself away for a good while, but not completely lose my account as several had recommended 🙂

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