I struggle with depression and severe insomnia. To the point that I am very unproductive and it’s terrifying to see the years slip away while I’m still young and healthy. I am also on the verge of being homeless at any moment, living with an unstable family member. I have never felt any support by anyone in the forum. I was told that one person active here and pretty well known asked a mutual friend here who is also well known on CC if I was ok. Instead of reaching out directly to me. This was after I had commented that I’m suicidal last fall. I had also talked to her in the past. I would have felt so supportive if she had contacted me directly. She didn’t, but talked to another about me. That hurt a lot. I know many here don’t like my common sense comments. I get it. I’ve just learned a lot over the years. If people want to wait another 30 years to learn the inevitable lessons, I get that also. Another thing I’ve learned while being active on CC, people don’t care that deeply about strangers that are not much more than the typed words they share. Especially when they won’t show a photo. Anonymity makes them feel free to say whatever without any real consequences.
@g_w_t_w I'm here if you ever need to vent..I care
@Dance_Culture You have no idea how your comment helps. I appreciate you and I will take you up on your offer. And same for you 😊🤗
@billiam and @CaramelNotes
Luckily your wish Is my command !!! I enjoy this topic although it’s a sticky one ☝🏾
I am a behavioral, mental health, drug & alcohol rehabilitation therapist. I’m a specialty in my background because I am an overnight therapist in particular, there’s not as many of us in the field as is always needed. I am just happy to be one nonetheless, I never share this factor on C.C. but I guess today is the day 🤷🏾♀️ I only share my line of work with some cuddlers is asked or if it’s relevant when in a cuddle session once they realize they can get a cuddle and a mini therapy session added on for free !!!
Diagnoses in a session is not a very realistic option at all, primarily since I would doubt anyone possess a DSM-5-TR let alone understand how to apply it properly since it’s tricky and specific AF 🫣 and is not typically a one day ordeal. Diagnosing a persons mental health status takes a plethora of time and testing because an individual can have similar functions or lack there of as someone without a mental disposition, but if they are not meeting the criteria markers in a condition often means they do not have it as there are very specified criteria individuals have to meet to be classified as such. Sooo …….. I would never recommend anyone do so in just a cuddle or two even for myself.
My best advice would be simply to let the client tell you first ( ex: I have D.I.D and I often shift based on specific days of the week or I have severe anxiety and hate making direct eye contact so please don’t stare at me eye to eye etc.) so that you can bypass judgement, get an accurate understanding of what the individual is currently experiencing and struggling so that you can create a safe space where you can begin to assess the level of severity within that particular individual experiencing mental health issues as well as start to evaluate what level of care is needed or needs to be recommend for them. Since mental healthcare training isn’t the easiest thing to access all the time. Using the “988” number is useful but I would also recommend applying tools such as a mobile crisis intervention specialist to come and see them or finding a 24/7 crisis center like the one in Joliet, IL I work at where we can have specialists travel to their homes/location and provide them with on the spot crisis management services
Using a 24/7 crisis center as a reference or tool to free mental health services, food/beverages, clothing, temporary shelter, free therapy sessions and have a peer support specialist be able to come and speak with them so they can have someone else who has gone through severe life experiences that may be able to relate more to the individual and their problem(s) more effectively in a professional yet non-medical setting (meaning they can leave and are not involuntary petitioned to be committed long term) is definitely another option I would suggest to anyone that is cuddling with someone experiencing mental health problems and really want to receive hands on treatment and services. What we provide is free to the public/our community and FUN FACT this is paid for “myself included “ by the states taxation on the sales and purchases of marijuana !!! (don’t ever say Illinois has never done anything for its state 🤭 it may not do a lot for us, but it does this much)
If already in a cuddle session, with someone experiencing mental health difficulties first see if you are able to assess the level of safety for you, the public and your client properly and if you find that they are not a harm to themselves or others you may continue the session. If they are not able to remain safe around you, themselves or others than canceling the session may be your safest bet and lightly encourage them to seek mental health/crisis assistance as soon as possible.
Remember the golden rule is to always “ASK”, ask questions to your cuddler about everything possible around how they’re feeling and what they believe may have caused those feelings to develop that day/time frame. Ex: you are cuddling and see your client cry silently 😢 ask let me wipe your tear away, do you know what made you feel like crying ? Can you recall what you were doing before you felt like crying? Can you identify the level of distress and form of tears you are crying? ( tears of sadness, fear, stress, anger, confliction, grievance etc.) Is what you are crying for seem to be family related, work related, life/dating related, personal or all the above? What things or activities bring you joy? Did anything of significance happen in your life recently that could be affecting how you are feeling? When is the last time you’ve received outside treatment/help from anyone? Do you feel you would be open minded to receiving any help or services around your mental health? Do you feel safe enough to go for a walk? Do you think getting a bit of fresh air will be of use to you? (smoke break, cup of coffee/water, walk around the block etc.) Can you recall the first time you felt this way?
Finding out as much as you can about the individual and attentively listening to them will come off as an extreme sense of relief for the person experiencing the mental health crisis/issues as it is a grounds of stress relief, mental stimulation, emotional bonding, helps establish a rapport, provides verbal/physical support and most of all a person to give them a bit of understanding and a feeling of being cared for. Living example that someone else wanted to listen to them express themselves and do to have done so with purpose, conviction and intent. Of course this is not a fix all for any mental health issue or disorder. It is just a soft blue print in how to guide a conversation safely for someone else who is struggling with mental health related issues without passing judgement or trying to diagnose them in an impossible timeframe. As it takes us over several weeks if not several months in some cases to diagnose someone’s mental health disorder, it is not a one time visit job. You’ve to be able to truly monitor and dissect the individuals psyche, behaviors, thought patterns, if there is a reasonable expectation of harm to come from the individual, their baseline, personal triggers and traumatic responses to the presence of uncomfortable stimuli as well as many other aspects to assess.
Hopefully this is a form of help for some of you on this topic mentioned. As I truly love mental health and cuddling very much so having C.C. exist as a platform for me to do both feels like a little slice of heaven on earth 🌍
Yes, I have given genuine therapy sessions in a lot of my sessions the most remarkable ones are helping a blind man 👨🦯 with the dream of become a blind Dj come true, he’s a Dj now every summer for a local church near him and he’s been kind enough to share with me how much of a help our session was for him and his dj’ing gig at the church he did his first year 🥲 so proud of him.
Another was a single father working a high stress job orchestrating airplane routes for our Chicago airports, constantly giving him seemingly impossible gate times to have planes leave at one time to their flight agenda vs the fact they have way to many planes scheduled to leave the tarmac’s at close/similar times. We cuddled up a “waterfall “ model for him to use when coordinating plane departures to open time frame slots on the tarmac to schedule flights for that he says he still uses today 😃 I learned how to apply waterfall models when working in the private sector of a healthcare company in their I.T. Department. Never thought 💭 I would be able to use it for helping someone else graft plane flights ✈️ but if there’s a will there’s a way.
~ Happy Cuddling Everyone 🤗 ~
My heart is full hearing about all the people y'all have been able to reach and help. I'm always so happy to see kind people out there.
@cde123
Hugs 🤗 you are so right, I have to admit this is one of the best/wholesome threads 🧵 this site has had in a long time. IMO !!! I am happy you shared how it made you feel. It’s nice reading everyone else’s response here ☺️
@SouthernDoll love this! Also looking like there isn’t any toxic positivity here 🥰 just some mental health expertise and insight
Happy this forum didn’t take the toxic positivity route, but instead a real conversation about mental health. Literally this forum is why I cuddle professionally.
@theCuddleDrgn
Why thank you so much 🙏 your words are too kind and I am happy to have shared and it be useful ☺️ !!
Thanks for joining the cuddle community, I am so thrilled to hear that the forum has been able to support you in your endeavors to cuddle and help others in need physical touch, support and connection. I am sure you’re doing a stellar job at it !!!
I think that those who are "going through it" just need to be reminded that they are not alone in this world, which is why this cuddle service is growing so much. I believe we all seek a connection, and for some, the fleeting moments shared with another during a cuddle session is all they can get. There is relief for solitude and a glimmer of hope that is fed by sharing our compassion and affections with others.
@MJ73 very true. You are not alone, and others see you and care. The you as in universal. Not that there’s any easy answers for everything. But glad to see that glimmer of hope and relief being shared. It’s so vital to know you’re not alone. And that even if everyone doesn’t agree with you or like you, you are still valued as a person regardless.
"Instead of building systems that support us, humans instead build systems that they have to survive.
Again, we humans are very clever, and deeply stupid at the same time."
@CharlesGrove as someone who rides the rollercoaster, this is one of the best descriptions I have read and it speaks perfectly to two distinct conversations I've had this week alone.
I have never felt any support by anyone in the forum.
I'm so sorry @g_w_t_w If there's ever anything I can do to help you, please let me know. I don't know you but I care about your well being. You deserve to be happy and healthy. Sensing positive vibes.
@SouthernDoll thanks for all of this good info!
@CaramelNotes
You are so very welcome😊 thank you for creating this thread for everyone to weigh in their thoughts on and spread the support !
I'm currently working on getting into a residential therapy program. There's a lot going on, even beyond the obvious stuff (plus, of course, the stress of trying to get into a therapy program). It's something I should have done a while ago, but mental health care in this country is horrible.
One of the things they asked is if I have a support network. I kind of do. I have people who I can reach out to, who will get back to me if they're free, who will be available if it doesn't conflict with their schedule. So none of them are reliable support.
One thing I'll point out is that when someone is struggling, they'll rarely say "I need help." They're a lot more likely to say, "Let hang out sometime." They don't want to be a burden. And they want to see who will actually make an effort. And they don't need much, usually just someone to listen or to hold them for a while. And too often the response to "I need help" in any form is to say "I'm sorry to hear. Let me know when you're doing better."
The irony is that I'm low support needs, but low support needs gets treated as no support needs. Eventually something breaks, and low support needs becomes high support needs (and will be treated as low support needs). I've considered (not really seriously) becoming a drug addict just because then there'd be a lot of programs available to me.
One thing I'm looking forward to is being able to sleep more then 2-3 hours a night. The mental discipline to stay calm is easy, but it does require a certain amount of concentration. Which means I can't do it while trying to sleep. It also take a lot of my energy, which means I can't really do much in a given day, despite not sleeping.
I've posted about my BPD here before. I probably won't reiterate all of that since it turns into a wall of text. However, dating was problematic. I know it sounds ridiculous asf, but a huge turnaround for me was after getting into tarot. they just helped me look at things from a different perspective. I think also; the feeling of tapping into a collective is a powerful feeling. a lot of people who suffer with mental illness already feel like they are broken or dont fit in. Mental illness is more than just stress and anxiety. It's hormones and brain chemistry. everyone says "go get help" as if it's that easy,cheap, or accessible to everyone which isn't the case at all for everyone. Some of that probably depends where you live.
I did used to be on lexapro for like 2 years. my dr took me off of it because he wants me to go see the county mental health department. However, i live in metro detroit, and mass transit isnt' great here. i live really kinda far from both of their locations which are way either north or west of here.
What has been interesting in recent weeks is that the day of a recent dental appointment. I was having a mental meltdown that day, and i tried to get out of going. they forced me into going anyways; i couldn't stop crying the whole time i was there. Incidentally.... i was talking to the dr in the dentist office.. and she starts talking to me because i'm in that perimenopause area.. and she started talking to me about cortisol and what it's likely doing and several other things. I thought it'd be a strange and wild plot twist if the biggest breakthroughs and help finding what i need is because of my _dentist _will be pretty lol. It's such a mess. The ppl from my son's school tried to help, but the people they had me talk to bills thru medicaid. i make too much money to be eligible to get medicaid coverage for therapy, but i don't make enough to pick up a $160+ therapy bill a month.
in regards to cuddling ... i just have to maintain or keep an awareness that i have a really high rate of attachment if i see the same person often.. or if it feels way too personal.. bpd is itself an emotional dysfunction. so to becareful with not getting emotionally involved can be tricky.Alternately, if someone triggers me; good chance i'll split them black.. and block them immediately and possibly forever. ofc i could forgive them and split them back to white in a few weeks. but you just never know