Describe Affection in Platonic Cuddling?

TallmannTallmann
edited July 2018 in General

What does affection look like when you’re cuddling a friend/platonic cuddler?

Would you describe appropriate affection as lightly stroking a cuddler’s arm, or their hair? Or is the affection more of a verbal message? Or a state of being?
Please explain so I can know how to initiate affection without coming across as crushing. ?
It seems like a slippery slope from affection to romance.

(I read the forum post titled “Is affection a core emotion ingredient of cuddling?”
It’s an interesting conversation about affection but never defines what affection looks like.

Comments

  • pmvinespmvines
    edited July 2018

    I define it as whatever is consensual between the people at the time as not everybody is comfortable with the same touch and same boundaries. I like a lot of touching, playing with a head hair, back, neck, arms, legs, stomach, etc, These are also things that i would do with a romantic partner so i can see why the concept of platonic cuddling is a little confusing to some because it can very much look and feel the same as something more sexual. However, I would say it is more about intent really. Is the intent for self sexual gratification, or to attempt to turn the other person on? If that is the case then it is not platonic touch. So to answer your question, platonic is about context and maintaining non sexual boundaries, and absence of expectations of things leading to more.

  • TallmannTallmann

    @pmvines Thank you. This is helpful.

  • [Deleted User]galowglass (deleted user)

    affection can be the words you share, too. or the respect you give, or the little courtesies you practice.
    for me, being brand new to this, it equated to sharing the space, to joking around with words and our conversation, and some very non-contriversial contact. Much like a hug you would give a friend (not a romantic interest).
    affection is warm, quiet, blue and brown. it smells like lilacs in bloom and feels like dry grass being watered.

  • CuddleStellaCuddleStella

    Much of what I do upon requests from cuddlers is holding or hugging them back tightly, hand holding, caressing shoulders, arms and hair and of course, verbally always checking in on how they are feeling and if they are comfortable and content with the position or would like to try a different one.

  • MrKinderMrKinder

    Platonic cuddling is so great because it's safe and stress-free and that it doesn't require affection necessarily. But I think affection takes time - once you know more about each other, you're able to give genuine, specific-to-them compliments that mean more. The moments where you embrace a little extra tightly...the little prrrrr when you nuzzle, things like that. Playing with the hair or massaging - those are actions that you know will trigger a pleasant nerve response, and that, too, usually only comes with the familiarly that time spent requires.

    I'd only do affectionate acts like these when I know they'd be received well - not when I think they would be. It's like asking someone to marry you - you don't ask unless you know the answer is 'yes'.

  • calineurcalineur

    For me, affection is the feeling of emotional attachment to the one I am cuddling, whether shared or not. If that feeling of affection is present, I express it with affectionate words and caressing. I am motivated to express thanks to her for proactive expressions of affection on her part, such as holding my hand, rubbing my fingers, gazing into my eyes with a continuous smile, suggesting a position, etc.

    While no, the intent is not romantic, the feeling is as strong as any love I have ever felt.

  • [Deleted User]StarCaptSilas (deleted user)

    It's definitely head scratches, arm scratches, face scratches and so forth. I like my head and arm scratched like a cat and I only let people I truly trust do that. Affection and a strong friendship bond come from that trust.

  • Fredrick_HugsFredrick_Hugs

    The only way to know for certain is to have an honest heart to heart discussion with your partner. No sense in hiding your intentions. Let the chips fall where they may! If you're rejected, be a good sport and thank the other person for taking care of themselves.

  • [Deleted User]galowglass (deleted user)

    (safe for work)

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