Soooo, I've been on CC for a while now, and I've had a lovely time here, but I have also noticed a division that is often unspoken that I'd like to get more perspectives on.
We all know that this site is all about platonic cuddling, and most - if not all - of us here agree that platonic cuddling comes with more than enough positives to make it worth pursuing, after all, that's draws so many us here.
We agree that physical touch is an important human need. That connection with others outside of a sexual context is also a basic need we all share. That the friendships that can arise from enthusiasts finding like-minded friends here can be deeply rewarding to find.
Post after post here praises the virtues and benefits of this kind of connection on both the pro side and among enthusiasts.
But I have noticed a bit of cognitive dissonance, both in the forums and in people's irl experiences, where the question of what people want vs what they can get is concerned.
You see it a lot in frustrated forum posts about mismatched expectations between cuddlers, but the place I see it most is when cuddlers - statistically male ones, but it can be anybody - agree to something platonic, but will jump at the chance to take things to a non platonic level if that's seen as an option by them.
**And that raises the question that I asked in the title, are you settling for a platonic connection, or seeking one? **
And to be clear, I'm not judging with this question either way.
Obviously follow the site rules 100%, don't seek non platonic connections here, or attempt to initiate them here, this definitely isn't the place for that AT ALL.
My question is aimed at prompting self reflection, and finding people's active desires instead of something more passive and unintentional.
I think a lot of us here are very (understandably) lonely.
The way our world is set up doesn't prioritize our emotional needs or even our basic nature as glorified pack/herd animals that biologically maintain the same reward system inside each of us that animals have, regardless of our individual personalities or lifestyles.
Socially speaking, most of us are deeply isolated in ways most humans in history haven't been, and for all the benefits of our modern times, it's made maintaining community with friends, family, neighbors etc. so much harder than it needs to be.
And as a result, we tend to lean much harder on romantic/sexual relationships in our lives, since that's a socially acceptable way to get the support, companionship, and basic, nonsexual physical touch we're missing in our lives.
But the dating world also suffers 🤷🏼 Dating apps are a mess, people often have clashes of priorities, there are fewer and fewer ways to meet and get to know eligible romantic partners in the wild naturally, the list goes on and on.
Even people in relationships often find the connection to be mismatched, but for various reasons it's agreed that having someone is better than having no one at all, so many give up on relational intimacy and look elsewhere to try and fill that gap.
Whatever the reason, a lot of us use platonic connections as a kind of fallback, and even though many do find deep fulfillment in de-centering romantic connections and seeking platonic friendships instead, so much so that they value it above romantic relationships, it often takes a long time to choose that path. Even when that's the path people choose it's still seen as a social failure by most compared to finding a partner or having a family, so there's a lot of stigma to deal with even when they're perfectly happy with that lifestyle.
So, which one are are you? A patch-er, filling the gaps to build a more satisfying whole, or a life-er, dedicated to a platonic relationship centered lifestyle?