Please respect your cuddle buddy

pmvinespmvines
edited August 2018 in General

I have heard from several women here recently who have had some serious issues with boundary pushers. Some not just boundary pushing, but actually full on groping and dry humping. This is not the case for most people here, and I do not want to give the impression that it is. Most people on here are genuinely good, respectful people and would never do this sort of thing. However, even only happening one time is too often! I wish I could blame it on transients from Backpage and Craigslist and the like, but I have been on this site a while, and it is something that was happening before as well!

I cannot say this enough. Please respect the women on here, whether they are a paid cuddler or not, you still are expected to have a minimal amount of decency and respect. Its not just about the terms of service agreement for the site, it is about common sense, respect, being a grown up, and not being a slimy creep! Also, what you may see as boundary pushing could actually wind up being a legal charge against you in some situations. Think with your big head...

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Comments

  • [Deleted User]Wine66 (deleted user)

    And please respect the men here as well. NO means NO, let's just cuddle.

  • CuddleStellaCuddleStella

    Thank you @pmvines and @Wine66!

    For new folks: always look at the agreement form that was given to you upon signing up for the site! The rules and terms are given there and they are not to be ignored or negotiated over.

  • Psychonaut83Psychonaut83

    @stellarosass They can be ignored if the two adults involved in the cuddle session agree that they can be ignored. What two consenting adults choose to do in the privacy of a home or hotel room is no business of cuddle comfort's.

  • Psychonaut83Psychonaut83

    @stellarosass For example: I once met with someone who wanted skin to skin (topless) cuddles. I, as a grown adult, agreed to this. The "agreement form" didn't factor into my decision at all. We both left the session happy, and no harm was done to anyone.

  • pmvinespmvines
    edited August 2018

    The thread is specifically to address people willfully pushing themselves on others against their will and their wishes, which happens more often than you think , to the point Some times of what would constitute assault. This is not about anything consensual. Let's not minimize the reality here by starting irrelevant arguments please. The complaints from women I have spoken to have nothing at all to do with consent!

  • Psychonaut83Psychonaut83

    Irrelevant? See, this is why you don't butt in when you're not the person being addressed. You make yourself look like an idiot. My comment was relevant to @stellarosass post re: the cuddle comfort agreement. You're dismissed, @pmvines.

  • pmvinespmvines

    Oh okie dokie then

  • [Deleted User]galowglass (deleted user)

    dismissed by the dismissive. (now butting back out)

  • pmvinespmvines

    Some people just love to be adversarial

  • Psychonaut83Psychonaut83

    @galowglass I’ll have a retort for you later. Let me think on it a bit.

  • quietman775quietman775
    edited August 2018

    @galowglass Looks like you might have to wait a while for that retort. I'm sure you'll live, LOL.

    @pmvines Your original post is a reasonable appeal to logic and human decency, but I wonder how efficacious it is. I suspect the kind of person who gets aggressive, gropes, and borderline assaults someone is not likely to change his behavior because some stranger on the Interest asked him to be respectful. While there may be a few people who are genuinely confused about the site's values (due to the thinly-veiled adult entertainment nature of some cuddle sites), and a few others who get carried away by their hormones, I think the vast majority of bad actors know their behavior is unwanted, unwelcome, and wrong. They just don't care.

    @Wine66 also makes a valid point. Bad behavior is not gender specific. I have had female cuddle partners make inappropriate grabs at forbidden regions of my anatomy, likely on the mistaken assumption that anyone with both X and Y chromosomes would welcome it. Not so. As you say, "Let's just cuddle."

    So I agree that everyone should be respectful. I'm just not sure that our reaffirming that here will have any effect on the ones who aren't.

  • pmvinespmvines

    @quietman775 I know, preaching to the choir likely wont change much I suppose. What prompted me is that I just heard from a friend this morning, a paid cuddler on here, about a terrible experience she just had that is really causing emotional distress to her. I have heard similar situations, both less and worse than what she had experienced, and it upsets me. Even though I am not a client to these women, and only talk to some in real life and hang out with even fewer, I still feel mighty protective toward them. So hopefully just putting it out there that these slime balls don't go unnoticed will at least make someone think twice, but you are correct in that it is likely wishful thinking on my part.

  • [Deleted User]galowglass (deleted user)

    @pmvines "protective" B)

    (sorry if that projects too much machismo)

  • xela_peachxela_peach

    I had a problem with a client trying to push my boundaries, but luckily/thankfully it was before we met in person. He had a lot of karma and reviews so I was initially lulled into a false sense of security. I'm glad I paid attention to the red flags though because saying "no" in person can be a lot more difficult that virtually. The person has since deactivated their account and the conversation in question was over text so I don't think I could do anything about it at this point.

    Side note, I wonder how often this happens and people don't report it in their karma and reviews? It's common for people who feel invaded to not report it, as if letting it slide by will make it go away.

  • tallteddytallteddy

    I can understand @psychonaut83's reasoning of thinking that whatever happens between two adults is their business and nobody elses, but I should hope that if someone asks for something that goes against the rules or terms, that the other person involved should have the decency to report that person, as to prevent others running into an awkward situation or worse, being forced into something they do not want. If you want to cuddle people but don't want to follow the rules of cuddle comfort, don't use cuddle comfort. Other people depend on these rules for their own safety.

    Also I noticed psychonaut is now banned and I wonder if that has anything to do with the confession he made in this thread.

  • tallteddytallteddy

    @xela_peach I do hope more of us have the guts to report people. The rules are here to make sure everyone knows what they can expect if they approach someone for a cuddle and provide a safe place for everyone. Not reporting someone might result in that person being able to do the same thing over and over, causing harm to other cuddlers.

  • Psychonaut84Psychonaut84

    Thank you for your post, @tallteddy. A voice of reason (and I'm not being sarcastic).

  • CuddleStellaCuddleStella

    I don't think the response I posted warranted that response from @Psychonaut83. I really hope more folks can understand that we ALL have the responsibility to follow the guidelines and rules on CuddleComfort. men and women alike.

  • Psychonaut84Psychonaut84

    If a man meets his future husband or wife on cuddlecomfort, or if a woman meets her future husband or wife on cuddlecomfort, has either done something wrong? I stand firmly behind my belief that they have not.

  • CuddleStellaCuddleStella

    Take it upon @mark and @reurbo to hear you out in this. As a cuddling community, I stand by what promotes the best practices within a platonic cuddle session for all parties. That's what the site is for.

  • Psychonaut84Psychonaut84

    Fair enough, @stellarosass. You're here for your purposes, and I'm here for mine. I guess there's not much more to say (shrug)

  • rob241rob241

    @pmvines yeah I think some guys are confusing with Tinder on here
    I hear complaints from ladies ALL THE TIME, it's horrible
    It starts on messaging insisting they do more than cuddling or begin to be creepy in some way

    or they try to keep their intentions to themselves and try to do more in person

    @xela_peach "I'm glad I paid attention to the red flags though because saying "no" in person can be a lot more difficult that virtually."
    That's deep ;/

  • charliehustlecharliehustle

    @pmvines who are you? The CC police?

  • charliehustlecharliehustle

    @pmvines you don't have authority to give people orders here. So please keep the advice to yourself. And why would these cuddlers tell you of all people ? For all we know they may be lying.

  • respectfulrespectful
    edited August 2018

    I have a friend (who is not a cuddler) who was assaulted, and she was afraid of coming forward for fear that she wouldn't be believed.

    @charliehustle, I'm not sure what would motivate you to say that a person here who says they were assaulted (or had their boundaries violated in some way) "may be lying". It is a very inappropriate thing to say.

    Edit: It's possibly understandable if you have been falsely accused in the past or something like that; that would be terrible to go through.

    My logic is this though: surely it's clear that some men here push boundaries? And no stretch to say that other men do more than push them? So the chance of several professionals all lying about it is extremely low (I would say zero).

    I don't mean to attack you by saying these things; it's just an issue that's close to my heart.

  • [Deleted User]Cuddlejt (deleted user)

    To the men who are replying. I am hesitant to meet anyone on here, as several of the men who have contacted me start talking about wanting to sleep with me or talk about skin on skin. While I would welcome a relationship, I don't think it's too much to ask to meet in a way first. Having to screen is making me wonder about everyone on this site too. And this conversation is making me wonder about everyone on this site. I was so excited to find it because I'm tired and lonely and could use a hug. I didn't think this was a dating site. Over time could I develop feelings for someone... Of course. I can't you all understand that the offer of a cuddle is the point... First and foremost. Everything else comes after that. You have to keep your priorities straight... or go ahead and sign up for Plenty of Fish or something.

  • tallteddytallteddy

    @cuddlejt on the sleeping part, overnight cuddles are a thing here. A lot of people came out of a relationship and miss cuddling up to someone in bed. It's said to help you sleep. It's okay if you're not looking for that. If they're asking for more then just sleeping, you should report them.

    As for the skin on skin, unless they're talking about shorts and tanktops, it's not allowed by the site and these people should be reported. If you don't, they might get in touch with others and ask the same thing. Not everyone is capable of saying no when asked something.

  • pmvinespmvines
    edited August 2018

    @charliehustle Authority? Orders? Wow, really? The thread is about asking people to please be mindful of themselves and not willfully do things against the other person's personal boundaries and to not grope, molest, sexually harass, or assault them, which unfortunately is a thing sometimes. What i am talking about has nothing at all to do with what two consenting adults choose to do, but rather is about one person pushing boundaries or pushing themselves onto the other with zero consent. Its not an order, there is no police, and if you disagree with the sentiment then you are really going out of your way to troll here. As for why would people tell me these things? I have been on this site 2 yrs, and talk to many of the people both onsite and off, and have met with some in the real world. There is trust and rapport. I have no reason to not believe them.

  • charliehustlecharliehustle

    @pmvines your approach is very odd. These so called victims should report their 'inappropriate' experience to the site moderators so official actions can be taken. By telling you won't stop the 'violators'.

    All accounts are unverifiable so there could be a million shady people out there both professionals and non professional.

    Just look at the turnover amount.

    Peace.

  • charliehustlecharliehustle

    @Cuddlejt the feeling is mutual. I would not want to cuddle with you either because of the lack of security here. Although you appear to be nice, this site doesn't provide me the security I need yo feel comfortable.

    Maybe @pmvines aka cc police can chime in. Lol. Jk

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