Why do some guys think everything is about sex

NessisBestNessisBest
in General

Is it just me or does anyone else have this problem? My boyfriend thinks that every time I have a booking that I’m going and doing something sexual. That is not the case and in fact furthest from the truth. I joined this site specifically because it isn’t sec based. Is it him or am I just crazy? Like I can’t even ask my old friends to talk without him thinking I’m talking about sex. Is it insecurity? Or maybe drugs? Or is this normal?

  1. Is this normal?39 votes
    1. Yes
      48.72%
    2. No
      51.28%

Comments

  • mduncan501mduncan501

    I'm sorry to say that it is normal. We are animals deep down, and we evolved in such a way that reproduction is one of the main drives of life. This not only means finding a mate for ourselves, but also chasing away (or worse) competition. That all being said what makes us human is our ability to think beyond our primal instincts, but jealousy is a tough one. I would think that many men, maybe even a majority, would have the same issues as your boyfriend, and that the chances of finding an SO with zero issues with you doing this are likely also zero. I think the best you can hope for is someone that feels jealousy, but respects and trusts you enough that he chooses to stay out of your business.
    And before anyone complains, most of this can be gender swapped. Not just men.

  • KatotaKatota
    edited August 2025

    Is it insecurity

    ☺️

    I'd say it's insecurity, and not being able to see that Platonic and Cuddling can indeed exist. 😁

  • [Deleted User]WriterGF (deleted user)

    I voted no because in general it sounds like this person is unusually jealous. As for this site, a lot of people outside of the cuddling community think it is a cover for sex work. The whole idea of platonic cuddling outside of a relationship, let alone pro cuddling, is just alien to them. It's too niche still at this point. Also, they are looking at it through their own eyes - it's entirely possible your boyfriend could not get into bed with someone and not have it turn sexual, so he assumes you can't either.

  • SoosonSooson

    It is absolutely acceptable and normal for someone to not want their partner getting in bed with others for a living platonic or not. It doesn't take being on drugs for someone to feel that way.

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    I am curious…did you talk to your bf before you started this? If so, he is kind of being a tool if he said he was cool with this.

  • CuddleDuncanCuddleDuncan Mod
    edited August 2025

    @NessisBest Dump the boyfriend and run away. This is nothing to do with sex, it's a jealousy/control thing. Get out of there now before it gets worse.

    This story never, ever has a happy ending. He's literally shoving a red flag down your throat and you're ignoring it.

    This type of behaviour is 'normal' in a certain class of abusive relationships. Because so many people on this site have been in abusive relationships, many people here perceive this kind of thing as 'normal' or acceptable. It isn't. It's too common, but just because something is common doesn't mean that it's ok.

    As an aside, it's simply not true that men think about sex more than women. Sexual assault on men by women is a widespread and serious problem in the cuddling community, it just doesn't get talked about much.

  • SoosonSooson
    edited August 2025

    @CuddleDuncan Not wanting your partner to get in bed with others is abusive? you're joking, right?

  • pmvinespmvines
    edited August 2025

    This is an example of why so many people in the cuddle community fall in the polyamorous spectrum. Most traditional relationships and mindsets don't survive it. And that's ok. Not everyone has to approve of it. Boundaries are boundaries and should be respected, even if that boundary means they aren't comfy with something you are doing that you yourself don't see as wrong and in essence is rather benign. We are in a cuddle bubble on this site, and often tend to forget that most people outside of the bubble will and do not understand why we do it. I don't feel there is something wrong with a partner if they don't feel ok about it. Doesn't mean cuddling is inherently wrong, or that you are doing anything wrong or inappropriate, just that it is not for them and perhaps that this is something that should be discussed and considered when choosing a partner. If you don't feel you need consent from a partner to cuddle other people then that's ok I suppose, however you can't then also be upset by your partners response to it.

  • Carrie_AnneCarrie_Anne

    Re: so many topics in this forum…
    people are constantly commenting in absolutes, as if they don’t understand individual perspectives. Not everyone thinks as “you” do.

  • OhioMikeOhioMike
    edited August 2025

    @g_w_t_w you know , I see that commenting in absolutes by posters quite regularly here . So odd to me for a comforting site

    But anyways , the concerns I have with commenting in absolutes is they can be untrue, they can create defensiveness, and they can hinder problem solving .

    Those words like always /never and no one /everyone I feel are non productive in commenting

    I feel the approach is better when there is a balance , a good dialogue and of course understanding complexity and using empathy.

    What’s they saying ? The truth often lies between extremes .

  • Rocket_ManRocket_Man

    I mean I think most guys don't want their girlfriend to go off and cuddle with other men for any reason

  • Carrie_AnneCarrie_Anne

    @OhioMike 💯
    At least we should recognize that we are just expressing an opinion in most cases.

  • KatotaKatota
    edited August 2025

    does anyone else have this problem?

    Hmmm....🤔

    😁👍

  • IronicMaidenIronicMaiden

    @NessisBest

    Like I can’t even ask my old friends to talk without him thinking I’m talking about sex.

    This is the huge red flag. I agree with everything @CuddleDuncan said.

  • cooperecoopere

    I think that there is absolutely no problem with it. I am going to become a professional myself and I doubt my girlfriend will thinks it’s all about sex for me. I can fill a women’s spirit her happiness and her sadness if present by holding a women close to me for a minute or for days. Great comment, I hope to see more.

  • [Deleted User]gem7 (deleted user)

    @coopere I suggest you do some research regarding male professionals. From what has been discussed on this site ad nauseum, there is very little demand for it.

  • KatotaKatota

    @IronLemon Wow really, I totally overlooked that comment. 👀😲

    Again @NessisBest read this meme:

    And all will be right with the world! 🤲🌈❤️😊

  • pmvinespmvines

    @OhioMike @g_w_t_w

    More often than not when people speak in absolutes they are merely projecting their own personal experiences and beliefs onto others. They assume their personal truth is universal, and without reproach. It's this kind of inflexible thinking that sometimes inhibits empathy and compassion, and not the other way around.

  • ladybug7ladybug7

    Everyone of my clients has experience a moment or two where we do a "platonic pause" because if I allowed it, sex would happen. Your boyfriend feels that way because largely men are wired to be titillated by certain things... Its hard for some people to wrap their brains around people who are capable of drawing and sustaining boundaries. Its an insecurity but it's one that if you don't pay attention to.. it's kinda of cruel. You should figure out a way to do your booking so he's comfortable, not do them, or keep the bookings and lose him. Expecting him to just be ok with it though... Isn't going to work.

  • wilderdudewilderdude

    People outside of the cuddling community seem to think it's a front, just like when I get a massage people laugh and think there's more going on.

    It's just how it is, part of it is the fact that loads of people have used these businesses as a front for sex.

  • wilderdudewilderdude

    @CuddleDuncan idk if it's a jealousy/control thing. It's perfectly reasonable to not want your partner to get into bed with members of the opposite sex, platonic or not. There's a reason most users will not cuddle with attached cuddlers unless they have the consent of their partner.

    That said, if he has that much of a problem with it and OP doesn't want to quit it, then the relationship is doomed. Best to find someone that doesn't have a problem with it.

  • PunAboutCuddlesPunAboutCuddles

    I could see him maybe feeling a bit weird about it. Unfortunately, almost everything is sexualized at this point. I think it boils down to trust though. There definitely does seem to be some insecurity. Ultimately, it comes down to boundaries and what each person can handle. I feel like a really open and honest discussion would help. It might come down to a choice between between him and the cuddling. It’s okay for him to have boundaries and be uncomfortable with what you’re doing, but it’s not okay for him to try and control you. Your boundaries also need to be respected and it simply might be a compatibility issue.

  • MorpheusMorpheus

    @NessisBest have you actually had any sessions yet? You’ve only been on a short time and have no karma. I was just wondering how he’s reacted if you’ve actually had a session. Also what did you mean about drugs?

  • Mike403Mike403
    edited August 2025

    Most humans are wired to want sex. Platonic cuddling with a stranger with no sex is a niche activity. We are here for that but if you bring it up to somebody outside of a cuddle site, they may look at you like "wtf?"

  • Carrie_AnneCarrie_Anne

    @pmvines @OhioMike
    💯 to what you each said.
    🙏🏻 For explaining so well.

  • OhioMikeOhioMike

    @g_w_t_w one of my wishes for CC is common sense like you portray was more rampant on here ! 😊🙏🏼

  • SoosonSooson
    edited August 2025

    Also what did you mean about drugs?

    The likeliest interpretation is that the boyfriend's judgment is impaired by substance abuse, which make it quite comical that people here suggest she will leave him for not accepting her cuddling with other men, rather than for THAT reason.

    And if that is not the case than OP needs to be here to engage/clarify etc. otherwise, others will do it for them.

  • DaveLaughsDaveLaughs

    Maybe ask your boyfriend what he thinks of this when he’s off drugs.

    I’ve personally never heard of drug-induced mate guarding before. That’s a new one.

  • MorpheusMorpheus

    Based on what the OP said, it sounds like she has bigger fish to fry and maybe professional cuddling isn’t a good fit.

Sign In or Register to comment.