Multiple accounts, creepy behavior

[Deleted User]Stitcher (deleted user)
in General

I feel kind of weird asking for this advice, but I’m beginning to get a little freaked out. I grew up as the daughter of a stalking victim, so maybe I’m just a little sensitive about this sort of thing. Please feel free to tell me if I’m being too sensitive.

There was a guy on here that I had been messaging with for a bit, and a couple of weeks ago we agreed to meet up somewhere public as a get to know you type of thing. I insist on doing this for my safety before I finalize decisions to cuddle someone. It was a really good thing that I did, because within 15 minutes of meeting this guy, alarm bells were going off in the back of my mind. I trust my gut. So I extracted myself from the situation as quickly as I politely could without drawing a ton of attention. When he texted me afterwards, I tried to be nice about it by saying we didn’t have much in common and that I didn’t think we would make good cuddle buddies. Then I blocked him.

Everything was fine until a couple of days ago. I got a message from another guy I’d never been in contact with before, so I went to look at the profile. Despite having a different age and city, I was pretty sure it was him. I was cautious with my messages, but tried to give this profile the benefit of the doubt. That user deleted their account.

Now today when I logged in, I see a visitor from a nearby Florida city. I check the profile to see if it’s maybe someone I’d like to message. It’s the same guy. He always lists the same interests. His third profile lists the occupation he told me from messages from his first account. I blocked the profile, but feel really creeped out.

I don’t know at this point if I should delete my profile, or otherwise resolve to only cuddle with women.

Has anyone else had a situation like this? How did you deal with it?

Comments

  • quietman775quietman775
    edited August 2018

    Hi @Stitcher

    I sympathize with your experience, and with how growing up the daughter of a stalking victim can sensitize you to this issue. But if you are home (or somewhere else safe) right now, there is probably no reason to get freaked out. My take is as follows:

    You are probably right that all three accounts were the same guy. It's not all that uncommon for members here to open an account, change their mind and delete it, and then later open another one. I believe they are prohibited from reusing the old username, so they have to come back with a different one. I've seen both men and women do this. Sometimes the reasons are innocent and legitimate. Sometimes they are more suspect, as with this guy who apparently disguised himself with a different age and city. Blocking him was within your rights, and if your suspicions are correct, it doesn't strike me as oversensitive.

    What does seem like overkill is the idea of deleting your account over this, or deciding to write off all men here and only cuddle with women, because one guy set off alarm bells. This is an Internet community, and a large one at that, with tens of thousands of members. Not all will be compatible with you, but that's no big deal.

    You didn't wish to speak to him, and so blocked him. The technology is serving you exactly as it should. If he makes a dozen profiles in a row, you can block him a dozen times. No harm to him and no risk to you. And if he violates the TOS, you can report him. But I wouldn't let your experience with this one guy chase you off the site, nor let it lead you to exclude an entire gender you were previously willing to cuddle. That's giving way too much power to one guy who interacted with you for 15 minutes out of your lifetime. If you have a bad meal at a restaurant, you chalk it up to experience --- but you don't swear off eating, or even off eating at restaurants. One of my friends on here has gotten messages from a few sketchy characters. Her typical reaction is to say, "Next!" I'd say give that approach a try.

    Good luck and happy cuddling.

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    Always trust your gut. Keep in mind that the biological responses your body gives you when it thinks things are wonky are instinctual preservation tools. Utilize these tools because it could save your life. It only takes one time ignoring your signals for things to go bad. Never talk yourself into thinking your instincts are wrong.

  • [Deleted User]Stitcher (deleted user)

    @quietman775 Thank you for the reality check. You’re right- I’m at home, and I can keep blocking him indefinitely.

    I think I was having flashbacks to my childhood when I saw that third account. I have far too many vivid memories of things like getting up from the dinner table, turning off all the lights, and going to hide in my parent’s basement... more times than I care to count. It’s made me a bit jumpy.

  • [Deleted User]Stitcher (deleted user)

    @FunCartel That is why I was so, so glad I insisted on meeting in public first. It’s super important to me that everyone in a potential cuddling situation feels safe and comfortable with one another.

  • Lola_Lola_

    I've dealt with similar situations before, and unfortunately there isn't much I've found to help it. I think blocking the profiles and not giving him any attention is the best move.

  • [Deleted User]Stitcher (deleted user)

    @Lola_ Thank you for the advice. I’m sorry you’ve had to deal with this sort of thing, too.

  • [Deleted User]MissX (deleted user)

    @Stitcher I'm a pro cuddler in Socal but I'd second what @quietman775 said. Yes, there are some creepy guys on here but also a whole lot that are solid and great cuddlers. One thing I would add is you should report the last account and give @Mark or @reurbo as much info about the other accounts so they can look into it. It's true that he could be deleting the accounts on his own and creating new ones but it is probably more likely he's been banned before and is attempting to come back w/a new account. Unfortunately that happens. However, if you keep the admins informed they usually end up running them off for good. If you've blocked him though you might have to unblock him temporarily so that you can get to his profile and file a report. I'm tagging them here just in case you can't do that. Good Luck and always trust your gut :)

  • toolboxtoolbox

    @Stitcher please for your lifes sake delete delete delete.

    This dude sounds creepy.

    Just start a new profile if the site allows.

    You can never be too careful.

  • [Deleted User]Stitcher (deleted user)

    @MissX I just went to go unblock the most recent account so that I could report, and it appears to have been deleted just like the other two. :/

    @toolbox I thought about deleting and making a new account, but then I wouldn’t be able to share a picture of myself on my profile. He’d know it’s me. I’m going to stay my current course for now and hope that there are no further issues.

  • MaxCuddleMaxCuddle

    I would say trust ur gut also. I would say maybe bring a friend to the public meet also. I hired a pro, neither could host, I got a room. She had her sister drop her off. Her sister came to the room to meet me. I had no problem with that. I wanted both of them to feel as safe and comfortable with the situation.

  • unclebuckunclebuck

    I know it’s a cliche, but ALWAYS trust your gut.

  • [Deleted User]chococuddles (deleted user)

    Agreed.

    Trust your gut.

    Unless you're a skeleton.

    Then trust your funny bone.

  • [Deleted User]galowglass (deleted user)

    @chococuddles High-five (fist-bump if you're more into that.)

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