It's not so much not being in the forums . My question is more so how he said he's brand new to cuddling but has been on the site for 10 yrs . Not even a judgment , just an observation
Not sure this could have been a burner account if he opened it 10 years ago.
because relations at home might not be what it was... Sounds like a reach out... Careful my friend, your on some dangerous grounds I have a favorite too. in a short time we've become friends ( so I think ) MINE FIELD
If this is with a pro, be cautiously aware that something para-social like can occur. I was catching feelings in the beginning too. But acting on it actually takes away from the session.
A good pro holds space for you, allows you to be seen, and is giving you wonderful sensations while holding you close.
You may think this is relationship chemistry, but they don't feel the same way. It's a platonic intimate service that can leave them drained. They have to detach after each session, because that's how they can do this service in the first place. Just like when you leave your job.
A good pro will make you feel the quality. But the truth is you're a quantity.
This is a very interesting topic for me to discuss. I am however, on the flip side of this; I had a cuddler quite obsessive over me, not in a romantic way per se, but saying things like, "you are the first person to understand my autistic side and not make me feel embarrassed etc' let's be friends, hang out, constant messaging etc. I eventually blocked him on all platforms, he sent me a letter in the post Instead. 🤦 I keep professional boundaries for all cuddlers, if I ever get the slightest notion of anyone getting emotional attachment or a sense that I should be available to them and no one else as they have feelings for me, it's time to block and move on. Good luck to the OP, but I think you know the answer to your question. 🤷😉
Normal. Its normal to give into it and ruin everything.
Run don't walk, don't see them anymore at least not for a long time.
Time to be an adult and have boundaries.
@TeddyBEEAARRR Adults are less apt to have boundaries. Boundries started around 2018.
I would be very careful about getting attached. Human beings are not meant to have important emotional experiences within strict boundaries like you'll find here. It causes your brain to panic and try to create a deep connection. As above with @penguin34, you will be straight discarded as your reward for all that effort. Best to learn your lesson as soon as possible.
@TheFunCartel You absolutely put the FUN in TheFunCartel. Always love your commentary. I'm a fan. May have to take a break from reading threads for fear of developing unhealthy feelings for your posts 🫣 😂
@All_the_snuggs Any feelings you develop for @TheFunCartel 's posts are definitely healthy.
@BlueIris I have never felt so seen and validated! Appreciate you. To the threads I go! 🏃♀️🏃♀️🏃♀️
@All_the_snuggs I'm good at validation. I used to work in a parking garage.
Can someone have unhealthy feelings for more than one commentator?
Asking for a friend, obviously 🙄
Definitely not talking about @BlueIris and @TheFunCartel
@All_the_snuggs @BlueIris Oh you are both too kind. I really appreciate fans—they are cool and comforting. Especially in the summer.
But seriously, the kind words were heard and savored.
Did we just get noticed by a celebrity? @BlueIris
I feel like Taylor Swift just pulled us on stage and asked to be best friends.
It’s good to see several cuddlers so that you don’t get attached to one in particular. You start to understand the difference between romantic love and a general feeling of love when you broaden your horizons
Men don't have one love for bad girls and another love for kindhearted emotional providers. We just have one kind of love. That's another way our instincts lead us to the wrong choices. It's like females who get themselves into situationships where they're super attached, but the guy isn't. They keep trying to give him everything but he's got a rotation and just doesn't care.
man so in February I met someone from here. we're both enthusiastss. he was coming every week for a while. he's spent the night here... more than 5 times at least. we've gone on outings. a few times there were conversations to check in with how we feel. he kept saying he didn't want it to be something different, so mostly kept going. I don't want to create any problems for him for what he did ask me for, but I wasn't comfortable with it then he went to find someone to date Normally. he doesn't cuddle anymore, and life just... feels strange sometimes. I still talk a little bit. he took me when I was cremating my cat who just passed away. he went with me to pick her up. 🥺 sometimes it's such a murky feeling. it did feel like he was my best friend I've made in a long time. and it vaguely feels like I've lost them as well. I've gone back to meeting other people and hosting different people. hopefully this sense of loss goes away. it really gets me in my abandonment wounds. 😵💫
@BlueIris I liked your parking garage joke 😄
@graceangel Super brave for you to talk about this. I totally understand how you feel, because most of all the companionship is what I savor more than just cuddling a stranger.
It’s human to fall for a cuddler and I empathize but as ppl here have said it’s best to create a little distance by taking a break or rotating with another cuddler.
Think about it this way.. would you rather have an awkward attempt at romance or a lifetime of cuddles?!
I say this with kindness, as I dk if your cuddler may potentially have feelings for you too ( I remember reading about a couple on this site that originally met here n got married.. but that is very rare) but most likely not as this site is meant for platonic relationships/cuddling. If you choose to tell the cuddler you have “ caught feelings “ be prepared he/she may no longer feel comfortable cuddling you. Only express it if you can handle this potential outcome. If not , sometimes writing how you feel, but keeping the writing ✍️ to yourself, can potentially get the “ icky” feelings out & make you feel better. It always you to “ purge” what you keep inside in a safe space. 🤗🤗
graceangel ty for sharing your story. I completely understand the murky feelings you’re having. The feeling of losing a best friend IS crushing . It’s difficult when you spend quality time with someone and then they can no longer give you that time and move in a different direction to pursue romantic interests. Sending you virtual hugs 🤗
For the men, there's never a lifetime of cuddles on offer, just sayin'. Don't let anyone convince you otherwise. It's your belief in a lifetime connection which brings out that husband-like devotion and platonic energy they crave, but the truth is these connections are always casual.
@cde123 Do you believe there's a lifetime of cuddles on offer for women?
@graceangel I'm sorry this happened. It's not ok for someone to push your boundaries & ask you to do things that make you feel uncomfortable. I understand that it can be difficult to stand-up for yourself when you don't want to feel like you are rejecting the other person.
I was recently taught that if something is 80% comfortable & 20% uncomfortable that's not good. It should always be 100% comfortable for both parties the whole time. I'm learning that I need to be more vocal in communicating what I like & don't like.
I hope that you can find another cuddle partner that can respect your boundaries & has that rare chemistry that makes a partner great!
@WriterGF No, I don't think so. It takes some serious emotional gymnastics for men to provide what women crave in these connections, and I think we should be appreciated more for it.
@cde123 I think providing what you are talking about comes naturally to some men, not to others. If a person has to do serious emotional gymnastics to give something, maybe they simply don't have it to give.
IMO it’s possible to turn your thinking around, change in attitude. It takes accepting a different point of view. Open thinking. People seem to get in a rut, and refuse the idea that they do have power. It’s liberating to recognize. Being stuck in failure - or not - is a choice actually.
thanks for the kindnesses.
@MTex i'll be perfectly honest. I have massive abandonment wounds around "fears of abandonment". I also realize that is really just a "me problem" and not anyone else's problem. I also try to be hyper aware of it, so i'm not treading water in what could potentially be "codependent" for me personally in regards to that. in some ways.. this situation has actually served as a reminder why it is that i'm so cautious and use approaches i do. because they are safeguards. some people may never understand it since they don't know what it's like to have to take this sort of responsibility. It can be scary to draw lines in the sand and think these people will just disappear.
@g_w_t_w i think maybe some of that is because it's actually a struggle with the ego to admit to even just yourself that you were mistaken or need to evolve. even though really, there's nothing wrong with it overall. we all are constantly learning and growing or should be. noone's right 100% of the time. there's a reader i listen to on youtube who likes to say there's your side, my side, and the truth. sometimes we're so biased and unable to see that there's more pov's. and that our way isn't the only way to do something. I think the past few years, I've had a lot of life lessons in how to ... surrender things to the universe that i thought i was controlling.. and the idea we have control is just an illusion.
Just wanted to say thank you @graceangel for being so upfront about core abandonment wounds and the safeguards and caution that comes from them. I learned about that the hard way.