Back channel communication feedback

lovingspoonfulllovingspoonfull
edited September 2025 in General

Hello all, I’ve recently been pinged by two different profiles asking for additional information about two women I’ve cuddled. This made me uncomfortable and I’ve chosen to just encourage them to reach out and forge a connection to see for themselves.

I would have left it at that but one of the requests seemed off so I wanted to cast a wider net for thoughts and opinions.

I know I’ve seen existing threads discussing this topic but could not find them when I went looking. Does anyone have a link they can share?

If none, please let me know your thoughts here.

Stay safe and have happy cuddles!

Comments

  • [Deleted User]gem7 (deleted user)

    @lovingspoonfull That recently happened to me twice. Both requests were pretty suggestive so I reported them. They were both banned within 24 hrs.

  • Carrie_AnneCarrie_Anne

    @lovingspoonfull
    I would report anything that feels even slightly off. The mods will determine if there’s a problem. If in doubt, report.

  • JubalJubal

    I've had such requests from time to time. I'll usually let the woman know the person's screen name and what the request was & let her decide whether to report.

  • SpaceGoatSpaceGoat

    I like @Jubal ’s way of going about it but if it’s suggestive then definitely report.
    I’d like to say they might be anxious and trying to find out more about the cuddler buuut I’ve heard messages that past cuddlers have gotten and they were definitely looking for more.

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    I handle it the same way as @Jubal. I tell her, tell her what they asked, and let her decide. Sometimes it’s nothing and it’s a rookie, and other times, like one in Connecticut years ago, it is something. The one years ago was a stalker situation who threatened violence to her and had a restraining order against him. But I am not here to vet their meaning for her.

  • lovingspoonfulllovingspoonfull
    edited September 2025

    @Jubal and @TheFunCartel I did let them know as a courtesy.

    @gem7 and @g_w_t_w thank you. Appreciate your inputs.

    @SpaceGoat yeah. Nothing obviously off in the message, but enough that I was uneasy.

  • SoosonSooson
    edited September 2025

    The last dude bro ( is that how you guys call them here?) who reached out to me was already banned by the time I gave the pro a heads up

    And then you got the innocent general inquiries like this one in my inbox from couple weeks ago 😒 🤣

    "Hi fellow cuddler,
    I will be visiting Chicago soon, and I saw that you have alot of karma. I wanted to get you recommendation about who gave a great cuddling experience. I'm in Detroit area, if you ever comes here I can recommend some great cuddles . Thank you "

  • MTexMTex

    I asked one pro about a potential partner I had reservations about & never got a response. My inquiry was simple. I just wanted to know if he was respectful & safe. She didn't respond so I assumed he wasn't & blocked him. I've learned you can't trust karmas.

  • AdamINFJ77AdamINFJ77

    Interesting! I've been on here a long time and never had anyone reach out to me until the past week and it's the same message you received but the cities differ. I thought it was a normal/innocent request but now am finding it off. Here's what I received:

    Hi fellow cuddler,
    I will be visiting Columbus soon, and I saw that you have a karma. I wanted to get you recommendation about who gave a great cuddling experience. I'm in Chicago area, if you ever comes here I can recommend some great cuddles . Thank you

  • SoosonSooson
    edited September 2025

    @AdamINFJ77 Either same travelling dude or someone recycling a script they liked. Yea they are as innocent as a life insurance salesman.

    @mtex I said this here before. The only valuable Karma are the ones rated 4 stars or lower. Especially when it comes to evaluating someone as far as concerns similar to the ones you had. 5 star karma are for entertainment purposes only.

  • MTexMTex

    @Sooson I'm starting to realize that. One person told me that they have heard that big tippers get 5 star karmas. 🤦🏻‍♀️ That makes it unsafe for us enthusiasts who rely on that for vetting purposes.

  • BlueIrisBlueIris Mod
    edited September 2025

    I once asked a pro about a prospective cuddle partner I was vetting who had given this guy karma. She said he was fine. I then got a furious message from the cuddler because I had the nerve to ask someone about him, which told me everything I needed to know. A reasonable person wouldn't get furious because I was vetting a complete stranger I only knew briefly from chats on the internet and was trying to get information about him. A reasonable person would understand that I was trying to keep myself safe. I'm absolutely certain this guy was not "fine."

  • AdamINFJ77AdamINFJ77

    I personally think content matters regardless of how many stars are being given. If there isn't any text accompanying it or the comment is really vague or superficial, that's much different than one where someone specifies something to do with safety or being respectful. Volume also matters. You generally find certain themes. For example, if there are 10 karmas and 7 reference the person being a good conversationalist, I would comfortably expect there not to be as much awkward silence/pauses when you meet. I also always try to have a phone convo before meeting to see how the vibe is. That has proven useful. I know some community members require a video call.

    I wish you luck in your vetting process and success in finding good snuggle partners.

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel
    edited September 2025

    Something with this type of person who contacts you and asks about a pro aligns with other cuddlers as well. When I first got on here eons ago I stupidly responded to two of them. When they contacted me I asked them what they wanted to know. Both of them wanted to take communication off site. I did not do that because they would not provide specifics as to why. I can now surmise the reason.

    Shockingly, they were both banned. And they seemed so…harmless.

    @lovingspoonfull Uh the thread title may invite the uh…shall we say…the uh definition of platonic challenged or those who ignore exit signs.

  • Sheena123Sheena123
    edited September 2025

    I’ve had a few stalkers during my time being here but one I had really seemed to be hell bent on trying to catch my cuddlers saying I’m a spicy cuddler or a bad cuddle. He would create multiple profiles and message multiple cuddlers from my karma and even tell them he will pay them if they can tell him “anything good”…. I’m glad my cuddlers told me so I could warn them that this guy is unhinged.

    But either than that, I don’t mind Cuddlers telling people how the cuddle went but obviously there are some that ask because they are fishing for spicy cuddlers.

    Also, one thing to understand about karma is that sometimes people lie. But also, I could leave amazing karma for someone that was respectful and an absolute gentleman only for this guy to turn around and be a complete creep or predator to others. So even though karma has some importance, it’s not a singular thing you should choose as a vetting tool. I see nothing wrong with people reaching out to ask for advice or to ask out of safety.

    But if the person asking seems creepy or sexual, obviously warn the pro and report the creep.

  • SideonSideon

    Speaking on the mod side of things, I can't tell you how many times the supposed alpha dude bros want the deets on Pros and "if they offer extras". Can't tell you how many guys still on site who are on the razor's edge and one report away from being banned...

    Thanks to all who do give the Pros a heads up, and also who report them. I have yet to see an innocent request.

    Have a strong vetting process, whether you're a Pro or enthusiast. Karma is a tool, but leverage it don't rely on it - ask discerning questions and come to your own conclusions if they would be a good fit, if you'd feel safe and comfortable with them, and if you feel they are who they've represented themselves to be.

  • lovingspoonfulllovingspoonfull

    @TheFunCartel 😂 yes. Another cuddler told me the same. Maybe “back channel” might have been a better term.

    Thanks all. I’m seeing a lot of good thoughts here.

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    @lovingspoonfull Willie Dixon is happy to count you as one of his fans.

  • lovingspoonfulllovingspoonfull

    @TheFunCartel gotta confess. That reference flew right over my head. Will have to look him up later.

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel
    edited September 2025

    @lovingspoonfull Look him up on Spotify. You will get the reference then. Just search his most downloaded songs.

  • waynewvwaynewv

    I agree with @Jubal , I have had the same happen a few times and I also let the person know that I was asked about. I thought maybe they were afraid it was a scam ?

  • disneysamuraidisneysamurai

    I’ve gotten a couple of these requests and all of them got banned shortly after. I did the same thing as you did - basically said why don’t you reach out to that pro and arrange to book a session? I don’t know why they need my additional input when the karma I wrote pretty much sums up my experience

  • pmvinespmvines

    @lovingspoonfull

    you changed the thread title! Are you no longer my back door man?

  • BlueIrisBlueIris Mod

    @pmvines He broke on through to the other side.

  • pmvinespmvines

    @BlueIris

    You had to make it painful didn't you

  • Mr_Cuddle_BearMr_Cuddle_Bear

    I've given a heads up to the pro and not answered the person requesting info. Once, I was contacted by a mod asking if a particular person had reached out to me. I worked with the mod and provided whatever info I could. Subject was later banned.

  • lovingspoonfulllovingspoonfull

    @pmvines nearly left it but got way too many giggle texts about the implications!

    Glad you were amused. 😎

  • 123Cuddles321123Cuddles321

    Ha! I just had my first inquiry! He didn't ask about a specific cuddler but instead asked who was my favorite.
    I simply didn't respond for now.

  • IronicMaidenIronicMaiden

    @123Cuddles321 I volunteer as tribute.

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