What am i doing wrong ? ? ?

SnugglyJonnySnugglyJonny
edited September 2025 in General

So been on here a few weeks and have had little luck. My profile info is this:

So I am a single Dad of two boys. My oldest son is 15 and my younger is 12 (or will be in 3 days). I adopted these boys by myself through foster care in 2019. Being a single Dad with nobody to help share responsibilities with is time consuming and can be tough. And of course now they are getting older they no longer want to cuddle. Not for a couple of years now. So while I am able to snag a few hugs here and there, I rarely get any physical contact and i need it!!

My typical first message would be something along the lines of this:
_
Hi CUDDLER So, I have not been on here for long. I have had one cuddle session, and while it was nice, I am still a little nervous as to what I might find on here. I just need some adult conversation and a little physical contact. I have two boys, 12 and 15 that take up a lot of my time, especially in the evenings. There is no mother as I adopted them through foster care a few years ago. One thing I didn't realize was that it would kill my ability (and desire sometimes as I am tired a lot) to date. I haven't been on a real date in years. And now with my boys a little older they no longer like to cuddle, so I need some touch. Anyway, probably too much information for a first message. I hope this finds you having an amazing day!!!

I'm Jon by the way . . ._

I did setup and complete a session with a pro (she was awesome) and we shared some karma . . . but i can't afford pro's very often . . . thoughts?

I have sent out tons of messages, but have only received 1 reply . . . so what am i doing wrong?

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Comments

  • TxTomTxTom

    Doesn't sound like you're doing anything wrong, but I would advise you against using the word "date" on this site.

    If you're not wanting to pay a Pro, and you don't have the time to spend getting to know an enthusiast, then, as you know, there are plenty of places out in the real world to meet people and cultivate a friendship.

    And having children, even older ones, can actually be a plus at family-friendly events where you may make the acquaintance of another parent.

    Good luck to you.

  • SnugglyJonnySnugglyJonny

    Appreciate that . . . i didn't try to use the word date as though i was looking for one, just trying to provide a sense of reasoning as to why i am so deprived of physical contact and why i am looking. I don't have time to date, hence the reason to look for some other way to the physical touch needs met.

    I have no problem trying to get to know an enthusiast, but none reply, so hard to get to know nobody.

  • susieq123susieq123

    Pre written messages seem like you didn’t even take out the time to read the pro’s profile. It comes across as scammy.

  • bluefish281bluefish281

    All of that is way too much information. Talk about yourself, not what has happened to you. Also, bringing up dating heavily implies that you're looking for more than cuddling.

    Keep it simple. All you need in your profile is what you're looking for and a little bit about yourself.

    If you're messaging a non pro: Hello, my name is X, this is what I'm looking for, this is when I can do it, if you're interested let's chat.

    If you're messaging a pro: Hello, my name is X, and I am looking to cuddle for this many hours at this time and date, are you available then?

    Remember, whether you get replies or not is not only influenced by what you say, but also your location and the fact that women's inboxes are flooded with messages. Just keep trying and like I said, KEEP IT SIMPLE

  • SnugglyJonnySnugglyJonny

    @Susieq123 . . . that was just an example, i don't use the same message for two people

  • SnugglyJonnySnugglyJonny

    Thanks Bluefish281 . . . i will modify

  • SnugglyJonnySnugglyJonny

    @bluefish281

    So my profile doesn't say anyone about not dating, that was just that one message . . . this is my file:

    "So I am a single Dad of two boys. My oldest son is 15 and my younger is 12 (or will be in 3 days). I adopted these boys by myself through foster care in 2019. Being a single Dad with nobody to help share responsibilities with is time consuming and can be tough. And of course now they are getting older they no longer want to cuddle. Not for a couple of years now. So while I am able to snag a few hugs here and there, I rarely get any physical contact and i need it!! "

    Can you please explain how you would modify?

  • HelesalenHelesalen

    I wouldn't reply to those.

    Any message that starts with 'So' is a red flag. It displays self-absorption and impatience before any communication began, when patience is the most important thing to express when initiating close contact with a stranger.

  • BigSpoon66BigSpoon66

    You seem sincere but I’d avoid using “lonely” in your profile name. It will come across as being needy and could make even pros uncomfortable. I would also not include what you mention about cuddling with your boys and wanting a replacement. Cuddling with one’s sons is not synonymous with cuddling with a woman or a man. It could come across as creepy, even though you might not be.

  • [Deleted User]Circle5 (deleted user)

    Hey man, I feel you. This account is my second attempt at CC, and I've seen many posts where people ask the same question. I haven't had any success yet either so I'm not a good judge of profiles or messages, but I've picked up a few bits of helpful info.
    One truth to consider is that there's a vast difference between the number of men & women enthusiasts. Near my zip code there are at least 4 times as many men as women who've logged in during the last month, and I've heard that women's inboxes are sometimes overflowing with messages. Also, remember that regardless of how nice and safe you know you are, it remains to be seen by everyone else.
    Last time around I did a lot of work on my profile and got a lot of good feedback on it, although it was mostly from people who bumped into me in the forums. It felt, to me, kinda bullshitty... Like a sales pitch. So I'm keeping it simple now. After I send a message I'm getting some curious folks to look at my profile but most haven't responded.
    It's tough being touch-deprived and having this community be right here at my fingertips - and yet still feel separate from it because I'm not making any connections... Then I remind myself that expectations are the source of disappointment and I get on with my day.

    Good luck friend ✌️💛

  • SnugglyJonnySnugglyJonny

    thanks Helesalen . . . never heard that So was a bad word . . . lol . . . can modify

  • SnugglyJonnySnugglyJonny

    @Circle5

    Exactly how i feel . . .

  • mauvefoxmauvefox

    @bluefish281
    I'm an enthusiast (non pro) and just FYI, I wouldn't reply to your message. There is simple and then there is transactional, and your example feels really transactional.

    If you want an enthusiast, at least what works for me, is to have a message that feels thoughtful, why did you click on my profile, why are you messaging me specifically after reading my profile.

    Tell me a little bit about yourself in your message, I'm also a parent with kids a little younger than yours, that's a possible connection point so i think it's fine to leave it in. But yeah probably leave the lack of dating out of it as it might imply you're looking for a replacement for that which could indicate something outside the TOS. 🤷‍♀️

    A lot of guys are just messaging every female enthusiast they can find with a blanket disconnected statement. Or they message trying to be poetic or overly clever with something likely written by AI.

    There are far more men on here than women. So bluefish is right in that our inboxes are full of messages and it can be easy to get lost in the shuffle.

    So if you want an enthusiast to reply, you have to make it personal and engaging. Don't have conversation non starters. Because if you put all the responsibility of keeping the conversation going on me, I am probably moving on.

    Ask me a question or leave an interesting fact about yourself or your interests.

    Enthusiasts might not charge money, but we do expect time, effort, and intention. It takes time. I message on here for a while with folks before I even determine whether or not we might meet in person. I want to get to know someone and see if there is a good connection before we meet up.

  • SnugglyJonnySnugglyJonny

    @BigSpoon66

    SnugglyJonny better? hope so as i don't think i can change it any time soon again

  • Carrie_AnneCarrie_Anne

    Most messages I receive are telling me what they want me to do for them. It’s rare that anyone tells me how they would treat me. It’s rare that they show curiosity or ask me questions. The few who act as if they are caring and giving, respectful and kind are the ones who get my attention.
    I’ve spent a lot of time in the Caregiver role here and now I’m only interested in unselfish Cuddlers.

  • SnugglyJonnySnugglyJonny

    @mauvefox

    Thanks for the helpful info. Though my profile does not say anything about dating, that was an example first message . . . my profile is simply:

    "So I am a single Dad of two boys. My oldest son is 15 and my younger is 12 (or will be in 3 days). I adopted these boys by myself through foster care in 2019. Being a single Dad with nobody to help share responsibilities with is time consuming and can be tough. And of course now they are getting older they no longer want to cuddle. Not for a couple of years now. So while I am able to snag a few hugs here and there, I rarely get any physical contact and i need it!! "

    Thoughts on what is bad with what i actually have in my profile?

  • SnugglyJonnySnugglyJonny

    would this be better for a profile:

    Single dad here — I adopted my two boys on my own. Yep, went from single to Super Dad mode in an instant! It’s been tough at times, but honestly the most rewarding adventure of my life.

    Between driving practice with my 15-year-old and coaching my 12-year-old’s football team, life’s busy but never boring. I still make time for good coffee, bad dad jokes, and the occasional sneaky hug (on the rare days my kids forget they’re “too cool” for that).

    Now I’m looking to add a little grown-up connection back into the mix — some fun conversation, and yes… some much-missed physical touch. I’m big on quiet cuddles during a movie, gentle back rubs, and those light arm scratches that just melt stress away.

    So tell me — what’s your favorite kind of cuddle?

  • mauvefoxmauvefox

    @SnugglyJonny
    the information is not necessarily wrong, but some of the delivery could be better. for example instead of "I need it" write about what you get out of cuddling and physical contact and your goal of making connections.

    You can write about your interests maybe, something that fills out who you are a little as a human being. but again it's not that the content of your profile is all that 'bad'.

    The work I think is mostly done in the messaging. profiles are one thing, but messaging is where i figure out if this is a human being i would get along with (and if i want to cuddle with).

    along with what @g_w_t_w said, I'm looking for messaging (and a profile) that shows me a person I want to get to know better, instead of a person who needs something from me.

  • HuggycatbearHuggycatbear

    @SnugglyJonny I like the first two paragraphs. Much better and it has more of a fun conversational display.

    "Grown-up connection" sounds a bit too adult, if you know what I mean, or still gives that dating type of speak.

    The 2nd paragraph can stand on its own of why you are looking to cuddle. You've been busy raising your sons as a single father, and want some tenderness in your life.

  • SnugglyJonnySnugglyJonny

    @Huggycatbear

    thanks!! will tweak once back . . . have to run to a meeting!

  • KatotaKatota
    edited September 2025

    Lol 😆 Well, I am not a "qualified CC profile author" by any means...But I would not bother even mentioning that you're a single father because it's already mentioned in the Facts section of your profile. ☺️

    When I made my profile on CC, I asked myself 2 questions? ✌️😁

    1) Why do I enjoy cuddling?
    2) Why did I join Cuddle Comfort?

    So I answered those 2 questions and put the answers into my profile intro. ☺️🫂

    And then the rest of my profile shares MY cuddling expectations which aligns with Cuddle Comfort's sole purpose of existence which is PLATONIC CUDDLING WITHOUT SEXUAL EXPECTATIONS! ☺️👍

    I make it very clear that PLATONIC CUDDLING is all I am here for and nothing more. 😌🤚

    And then I added some likes about myself, like horror movies (horror is my favorite genre 🎃😁) and Halloween 🎃, I even centered my choice photos and memes around horror for my photo gallery. 😁

    Some CC commentators are against sharing Halloween pics in one's gallery , but I am not against it, as it's a favorite holiday for ME (and my son) as a cuddler and as a person. ☺️

    Like I said, I am not a 'qualified profile author" just keep on tweaking your profile until YOU feel it's where You want it to be. Good luck to you! 👍

  • 4bearhugs4bearhugs

    Also, you've only been here a few weeks. It can take months for a guy to get a response from a female enthusiast.

  • pmvinespmvines

    There is no cracking the code here. Be patient, be yourself, and be thinking about what you can do for others instead of what you are wanting them to do for you. This place is a colony of emotional vampires. Nobody is going to want to spend time with you if they feel it's going to deplete them of their energy. And always remember, friends first, then cuddles.

  • KatotaKatota
    edited September 2025

    colony of emotional vampires.

    @pmvines Oh you said, EMOTIONAL vampires. Lol. I just saw VAMPIRES mentioned and I ran with it...Oops! 😜😆

    Nobody is going to want to spend time with you if they feel it's going to deplete them of their energy.

    This is true too, friend I agree with this. 😁👍

  • MonkeyNeedsAHugMonkeyNeedsAHug
    edited September 2025

    Saying you can’t afford a pro as you did in your message risks conveying unintentionally that the enthusiast is not your first choice.

    (If I could afford a pro, I wouldn’t be messaging you at all.)

    Similarly, I think it’s great that you cuddle with your sons and that you mention that. I think it would be cool if more people here used cuddling with family as a frame of reference.

    But your profile indicates you’re a single man, looking to cuddle women.
    So I think it’s likely you’re looking for ‘something’ from these women that you wouldn’t get from your sons. I am not making a judgment as to what that might be. But you might do better to examine that and try to articulate a bit.

    Also, I think @g_w_t_w , @Katota , and @mauvefox have given you good feedback. And I agree with the folks above who have pointed out that for men here finding free cuddles from women is a lengthy process.

    Some folks take years. Some take months. And some seem to take forever.

    Good luck.

  • whoismaryamswhoismaryams

    I am not an enthusiast so take what I say with a grain of salt. But reading other female enthusiasts' experiences and feelings I've gathered some thoughts (also, from own experience as a lady). First, you have no profile pic. I know people want to be discreet because of the stigma attached to this, but a lady is going to believe you may have something to hide (drama and unsafe). Secondly you state you're busy and don't have time to date which is cultivating a romantic relationship. I know cuddling here is not dating and it is platonic in nature, but most female enthusiasts like to cultivate some kind of relationship and feel safe before cuddling. There has to be some type of investment with cuddling either time and connection (enthusiast) or money (pro).

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    May I suggest the education route? Here at TheFunCartel School For Wayward Cuddlers we educate you on cutting edge techniques to grab the attention of unsuspecting enthusiasts. A typical semester’s schedule includes:

    Cuddling English 101–tips to avoid incorrect usage of there, their, and they’re in your messages and profile as well as other useful information.

    Art 101–the art of cuddling. We take classical art nudes and teach our students how to turn them into wonderful works of platonic art by painting shorts and tank tops over such figures as the Venus de Milo or David.

    Math 101–learn the measurements of different mattress sizes and how much you need to get you and another person to fit. Also discover the utilitarian uses for the Optimist Theory with y being you and E-squared denoting two enthusiasts. Also called dreamers calculus.

    Science 101—How safe are the chemicals when gas is released under the covers in a classic Dutch Oven scenario?

    History 101—learn the latest about those ghost accounts who last visited CC six years ago. Also we will research the Nuremberg Trials surrounding the liberation of Banned Camps.

    Tuition rates vary. See your mods about potential scholarships.

    @SnugglyJonny All this to say—be yourself, have a sense of humor, have empathy to others and your patience will be rewarded.

  • BlueIrisBlueIris Mod

    @TheFunCartel Seems like just yesterday you were having your first nervous cuddle. Now you're teaching classes. How far you've come! I'm so proud of you.

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    @BlueIris You are correct. I had great teachers such as you. My diploma is framed in my office.

  • SnugglyJonnySnugglyJonny

    @whoismaryams

    question on the profile pic . . . i have 6 or 7 pics . . . when you go into my profile you see them. But it does not show up on the thumbnail for the forum or my messages. How do i fix that?

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