This is a sort-of parody thread to the current thread ‘Can a man cuddle with a woman without being turned-on?’ and all the similar threads that came before it.
But I am curious.
I couldn't cuddle with someone I wasn't attracted to.
Which isn't problem because I get to know people and it's who I get to know that attracts me.
Can I get to know someone and be attracted to someone, and be lying there next to them with it being all warm and squishy, without being aroused? No way!
My little finger gets aroused and just wants to go after their ears. I love to play and tease (when/where appropriate). My brain is aroused and bathed in all those warm-and-squishy hormones. This lasts for weeks. My heart is aroused and just feels ready to burst with joy. This lasts for days. "My little friend" gets aroused according to hard-wired, evolutionarily-driven perogatives. But this only lasts for minutes.
And when I am so busy with all the other, overwhelming joy, that the little guy is only along for the ride. He's not a priority and just a distraction to the love I get from cuddling. So, I tell him to keep-his-pants-on, that he'll get his, in a more appropriate time-and-place. He listens pretty well but that might take practice for other people. Plus, if I'm in the middle of all that wonderful stuff, why in the world would I throw it away by acting like a child about my own equipment.
So, call me aroused. But don't worry that I'm going to make you or someone else deal with it. You didn't bring him to the party.
Lol. I love your answer, @galowglass.
Here are a few thoughts I have:
But cuddling isn’t necessarily romantic or sexual. (And on this site, cuddling refers only to platonic cuddling.)
I’m a demisexual panromantic heterosexual. So I find all of this interesting and amusing.
Sister, those are some BIG words. grin All I can think to say is, "Hey! My name's Joe. Let's cuddle!" (grinning) [edit to add] (btw, I did actually go back and look up those words. thanks)
If you choose a cuddler you don't find attractive. I tend to be turned off by tattoos and facial piercings so that would do it for me. Like @galowglass I probably would not choose a cuddler like that though. But nor would I choose a cuddler I found very attractive. So I would most likely choose someone that falls between those two extremes. All that being said though, looks would be only one of many criteria I would use in choosing a cuddle partner.
For me the enjoyment of the cuddle is in the emotional feelings that arise while cuddling, gazing, conversing and caressing, etc.
That is only possible if I am attracted to her in some way. And no, that attraction is not only due to physical appearance. The personality, ability to express oneself in an affectionate manner, and general happy and positive attitude are important factors in attraction.
If I am not attracted to her, I never pursue the cuddle in the first place and if I do cuddle with someone and the feelings aren't there, then I likely will not cuddle with her again.
Being attracted to her, however, should not be confused with romantic interest. That I do not have.
So, with regards to romance... for something to be romantic there needs to be a pursuit of sex or a long term relationship? I’m genuinely curious.
Platonic cuddling is a new paradigm. I want to explore the nooks and crannies.
Romance is the journey. Cuddles are a wayside rest. Sex is the fireworks, with your best friend. Pursuit can include all of the above. But, Romance can happen in a glance.
"It's more about heart connection rather a crotch connection," Quote, taken out of context but it fits. [Alexandra Katehakis, Ph.D., MFT, CST, CSAT]
@AndiCuddles Yes, in my opinion, "romantic interest" suggests a long term relationship as well as the freedom to choose to enter into such a relationship. For me, cuddling is like eating a good meal or playing a game of chess - done for the moment of enjoyment it brings. Cuddling is the most enjoyable thing that I can think to do. Yes, there is that other thing, but that is not an option for me, plus the negative aftereffect in feelings and consequences would greatly outweigh any momentary pleasure from it. Since I cuddle professionals (due to convenience), and I also only cuddle women that I like (and like me in return!), my goal would be to make a new friend who elicits pleasant feelings everytime she comes to mind.
Regarding the phrase "for something to be romantic there needs to be a pursuit of sex..." no, many people, (mostly many men that I can think of), do not necessarily associate sex with being romantic.
I’m more likely to ask who they voted for in 2016, than I am to ask for (more) photos. I’m more likely to ask about their relationship with their pets. I’m more likely to ask what makes them happy; ditto sad. What loss in your life still lingers in your heart. What has been you greatest joy since last Ney Years? So not only am I 90 gay:10 bisexual, I’m odd.
"So, with regards to romance... for something to be romantic there needs to be a pursuit of sex or a long term relationship? I’m genuinely curious."
Nope. Not for me. "Romantic" is a mood. A vibe. One that I like. And it's a stand-alone thing. It neither requires nor presupposes the pursuit of either sex or a long-term relationship. It's cuddling. Pretty simple stuff really. I enjoy the moment, and then I get on with my life. :-)
@mickcuddle , those are some interesting questions. I'd probably decline to answer most of them, LOL. [I'm a big believer in the secret ballot so I'd pass on the election question. And of all the cuddlers I've met, I only feel personally close enough to two or three of them to discuss any losses in my life that still linger in my heart. For relative strangers, small talk rules the day.] But I think I get what you are saying. You want a connection that is both intellectual and emotional, and that means more to you in terms of quality cuddles than traditional ideas of "romance." Yes?
@quietman775 Yup, you get the idea. The specific questions are not so important as making the connection. And I’m understanding of some subjects being too personal. On the other hand, if it’s all superficial small talk, I’d probably lose interest quickly.
Attraction is pretty complex, doesn't have to be physical. I choose to have people in my life who are attractive to me in one form or another. Their intellect, humor, attitude, interests ietc. considering a lot of people I am cuddle pals with are not people who I have first met face to face but rather online through sites like this, physical attraction is usually secondary and not all that important.
We each have what we believe to be the ideal cuddlee for us putting stipulations on others as if we were choosing our spouse. Everyone is indeed entitled to choose who they wish to cuddle with but don’t set your standards for a cuddlee so high you sit on the sidelines not cuddleing because that perfect individual didn’t come forward. I have been single 8+ years and have been on many dates and I have found the ones that everyone else looks at are those that cannot hold a conversation if their life depended on it but they would have no interest in my mind because they don’t have one of their own. Just think twice before you choose your cuddlee based on their looks alone because you could ultimately be giving up on the opportunity to meet not only an amazing conversationalist but someone that may change your perception of why a specific type of person may not necessarily be the perfect type to cuddle.
Can a woman cuddle with a woman without being attracted to her? (I know the original question was for a man) Yes, I could cuddle with a woman I wasn’t attracted to. I want to have fun, laugh, talk, cuddle, watch TV, etc., not lay there thinking how gorgeous this person is but I can’t act upon what they do to me. We are all attracted to individuals of either the same sex or the opposite sex without acting upon the urges. No matter what standards we put upon our cuddlee or cuddler there is always a chance of attraction beyond what you thought was or wasn’t there to begin with. How you act on the thought is what makes the difference.
I can cuddle with people I'm not particularly drawn to, but it's always nice when there's something you find attractive. Like... if their face is nice to look at. Or if there's a smell they're wearing that you just want to breathe forever. Or if you just like the way they fit up against you (like I do my youngest siblings, they're so tiny, it's perfect). Who doesn't like cuddling babies? They have such soft skin! Their breath smells wonderful! And they just melt in your arms when they sleep!
People forget there's more than one type of attraction. For me, the kind of attraction everyone's always talking about like it's the only one that exists (i.e., sexual attraction)—well, it's just not a thing. I forget it exists... uh, until I run across threads like this.
Anyway, platonic attraction is a great thing in a platonic relationship like cuddling. I can cuddle with someone I'm not attracted to, but I'm more likely to cuddle with somebody if I'm drawn to their sense of humor, or the shape of their head, or the kinds of clothes they like to wear, or the smells they tend to carry with them, or the texture of their hair, or the kinds of stories they tell, or whatever. I think it's nice that I don't have to worry about feeling sexual attraction in a platonic setting—I can feel all this other attraction instead.
To address the original question: like @CreativeCuddles said, action is more important than attraction. Whatever kind of attraction you feel, act platonically drawn to me and everything'll be fine.
@DarrenWalker Beautifully written!
I'm a bi woman and my standards for who I like romantically, who I'd cuddle in a platonic sense and who I'd casually sleep with (if I did that) are all very different. That being said, I do think I have certain standards looks wise for who I'll cuddle, but it tends to be based on more arbitrary things like do they look like they have good hygiene, a genuine smile, have they put in the effort to their profile etc. I don't think I'd cuddle someone who I found completely unattractive because my idea of completely unattractive tend to be warning signs for other, deeper problems.
That being said I can cuddle somebody I find attractive without being aroused. After all, it's just a cuddle. Then again, reading some of the descriptions on here of cuddling, that may be because my idea of cuddling isn't nearly as sensual as some other people's. I am a straight forward hugger and my cuddles are basically just long hugs. There might be other things involved if I'm in a relationship with the person but that's separate to the cuddle itself and I wouldn't want a platonic partner fiddling with my ear for example. Actually, this thread has been good for me, because now I'm are that I have limits and what they are lol.
Personally I think I would have to be emotionally/intellectually attracted to someone in order to cuddle them. For me cuddling is considerably more intimate than anything more physical, so whilst I might not be physically or sexually attracted to a person, I couldn’t share a deeply intimate experience with someone I wasn’t intellectually or emotionally attracted to.
@DarrenWalker Smell is huge for me and probably one of the most important. Cologne to me says confident and successful, provocative and it is classy and elegant. Cologne accentuates what a man wants you to know about him. I love wearing Hollister for men. Ones scent says a lot about someone.
Omg @CreativeCuddles, I'm a pan female who wears that, and I love smells too, but I wouldn't do it unless it was requested because as a professional cuddler, I don't want to cause an allergic reaction. All my friends, I love you all! Please understand though what it is, it's finding that connection in another. I cuddle because as a humans being, we have needs, and I have needs, and I understand that. We are there for each other in the moment, and in that moment you matter. I believe you have worth, I want to find it in you even if you don't believe. I want to hug it into you that you are worthy like a physical positive affirmation, I want to see the spark inside you that makes you who you are, THAT is the attraction. Whatever it is, share, enjoy, and be respectful of this amazingness by not crossing the line, and keeping your clothes on, and we can do it again. I believe it's an individual experience based on if someone can respect boundries. So, the question is, can you?
Why do you have to be turned on to cuddle? Cuddling has nothing to do with sex. Especially if your getting paid to do it. If your looking to get laid there are sites for that. Why use a cuddling only site?
@loveandpeace84 I’m not sure which comment you’re replying to?
@CreativeCuddles - I can't wear any kind of cologne. The tiniest amount on my skin causes a red rash that is painful and lasts for days. I never used to be this way, it developed suddenly a few years ago. Some perfumes are worse than others, anything floral is particularly bad. Lots of people are allergic to the ingredients in perfume or cologne.
Yes. ??
@UKGuy @MizzKitty I do love cologne and perfume but it isn’t something I would wear to cuddle. I have worked in small office areas where a close friend was very sensitive with scents so we all either wore nothing or non scented hand cream and never perfume. Even the slightest scented hand cream her nose went crazy so I wouldn’t do that to cuddle unless requested. But when I can I do love Hollister MizzKitty!
Same here, I have to be attracted to the person to be able to cuddle with them
