It's not so much a matter of having a lot of time as having a brain that gets stuck on one problem and obsesses over it.
Like, now I want to point out that while you can say someone is gorgeous and mean their personality, the context really made it look like the OP meant face and figure, and that if it's wrong for men to fantasize about random women then it's also wrong for women to fantasize about random men, and so on—but I want to go into horrifying detail about all of it.
Which is stupid, you're all right. I'm being an idiot again. I just need to find some other puzzle for my brain to get fixated on solving. That'll push this one out, and we'll all be free!
Sorry, everybody.
@DarrenWalker is definitely not a troll. If anyone would take a look at their profile, they could perhaps empathize where they were coming from. I don’t think they meant to upset anyone by expressing their opinion.
To paraphrase what @CreativeCuddles said in a different thread, if you accidentally have a cultural miscommunication — let her know.
Well, I think what we have here is miscommunication happening here of the neurodiversity type.
Some of us have atypically wired brains — myself included. We think differently. Some of the ways in which neurodiverse individuals think differently are amazing. Some are confusing.
———
At any rate, here’s my .02:
This thread made me a little uncomfortable, because in my opinion while the OP only mentioned cuddling, her fantasy seemed to me to be of a romantic or sexual nature. She has since said it was not, so I’ll take her at her word.
Since it made me feel uncomfortable, but didn’t seem like it was breaking any rules and wasn’t intended to make anyone uncomfortable... I just ignored it.
I only decided to comment because, frankly, I kinda’ thought this thread took a mean turn.
FWIW, I identify as demisexual. So I don’t really find people physically attractive unless I find their personality attractive. So, I don’t fantasize about people that I casually encounter. I don’t think this makes me deficient — in fact, I’ve found it to be quite advantageous in having stable romantic relationships.
If any of you have read another post of mine I apologized for the wording of my post. Anyone that thinks I would intentionally come on here to cause issues with this post is absurd. It was a thought and some of you took the thought and ran with it and read so much more into it that baffles me as much as you for my posting it. I wasn’t implying anything about cuddling nor did I say anything negative about cuddling. If cuddling wasn’t something I wanted to get involved with I wouldn’t be here. There are thousands of cuddlers on this thread and no two people will ever have the same thoughts on any post not just mine. For the poster that stated people that start controversial threads are the ones that get banned is categorizing. I don’t imagine they ever apologized for their actions, I did. I am new to this thread and as I said in my other post if I offended someone I apologize but i think there is a time to end it and move on.
There are men and women in this world I find attractive, that surely doesn’t mean I am thinking in a sexual way. I think women with beautiful hair or skin are gorgeous, I find men with a 5 o’clock shadow or in a suit and tie attractive but just because I have those thoughts does not mean I am thinking sexual I am thinking just that, they are attractive. There are so many post that I see where people say what do you do if you arrive and your cuddler isn’t attractive? Does that mean they are thinking sex too? No, absolutely not.
Thanks, @AndiCuddles.
Yeah, I didn't mean to upset anybody; I just didn't really care if I did, to the point where I didn't even think about the possibility. I was too focused on figuring out what was up with the original post, and what the best way of categorizing it would be. Socially okay? Socially not okay? And how am I expected to respond? That seemed more important to me than other people's feelings.
...Which has always been kind of a problem for me (emotional consideration isn't my best subject), but it's worse when I'm fixating. Still sorry about that. It's tough to notice when you're fixating, because all your attention's on whatever, and you don't have a lot left to notice that, hey, you're obsessing.
If you (anybody) could let me know when I start doing that, it'd probably help. 'Cause it's not likely I'll notice otherwise.
Sorry; thanks.
[Also, I switched to kanji. Fixating on something you're trying to memorize is actually a wonderful thing—super helpful. 王: king. 玉: ball. 宝: treasure. 国: country....]
My post above, "Or they are a troll. There's a lot of that going around.", didn't contribute anything to the discussion and I don't even remember where this was directed. If this confused anyone, as much as it confuses me now, sorry. I know this is retro-active but I can no-longer edit that post. Please ignore it.
@CreativeCuddles , below... Someone, a prominent person, helped me see that people could take this random and unhelpful comment, as offensive. Now I see that I put-off a few people, based on my inbox. I hope I have reduced the negative impact. Thanks, all.
That’s the problem in these forums, if you give an opinion or a thought and someone doesn’t agree with you or you don’t agree with them you are automatically a troll. We all have our own opinion and just because someone doesn’t agree with mine doesn’t mean I am wrong to voice my own opinion or have the right to start a thread. I unlike others do care if I offend someone but in a forum we are suppose to be able to share a thought without being judged or attacked wondering what my ulterior motives are just because I found someone of the opposite sex attractive.
I am more apt to consider someone else’s feelings over whether or not I should give an opinion about a post. If I can control myself and not hurt someone else’s feelings that is my priority.
@CreativeCuddles I don’t think you were attacked... I just think your thread confused @DarrenWalker and made them uncomfortable. I don’t think they were trying to make you (or anyone else!) feel bad. And, when it seemed like their opinion was in the minority, they were genuinely curious as to how other people felt — which is why the conversation continued.
I think it’s totally fine to find someone attractive. Even being demisexual, I find people attractive. But it’s more like I find people attractive in the same kind of way that I find a painting or a gorgeous day in autumn attractive.
@AndiCuddles Thank you for your thoughts.