One of the hardest things I've ever had to seek is affection from a male. Particularly one bigger than me. Finding out I'm autistic helped me understand how normal my needs are, not to mention elements of trauma that play their part. Did you know there are actually devices used to squeeze and cuddle kids/ adults on the spectrum? I think its beautiful. My folks are not touchy feely at all so you can imagine the confusion and downright desperation of creating my own imaginary buddies to be close to. I also have OCD so my preferences are extremely narrow. Hope you all are well!