Say hi first??

mebigspoonmebigspoon
in General

Since i joined I've noticed no one says hi or starts a conversation first. It's just "Are you available tonight?" "Let's cuddle tomorrow"

Like dang Stranger, say hi! Get to know me.

I don't know of anyone who is willing to just go out w someone without knowing them first.

Is this normal to not have manners? I'm genuinely curious.

Comments

  • SleepySheep1SleepySheep1

    They're messaging 50 profiles the same thing in hopes of getting one yes, focused on quantity over quality unfortunately.

  • LetsCuddle44LetsCuddle44

    Unfortunately that seems to be the norm with most things.

    I try to personalize my intro message by mentioning something from their profile that made me interested in a session. Like, they are into sports or sci-fi.

    Even pros skip past the introduction and get right to the are you interested in booking part.

    Hopefully things change.

    Good luck!

  • disneysamuraidisneysamurai
    edited January 18

    I prefer to book way in advance because I know pros are busy and can’t drop everything to cuddle for x number of hours, plus I want to consider if I’ll be able to cuddle and still be able to pay all my other bills during the month, so I’ll usually book specific days on when I know I can afford it. Sometimes too far in advance though, that’s feedback I’ve received, which makes sense because things come up and people forget.

  • BlueIrisBlueIris Mod
    edited January 18

    @mebigspoon - That's not uncommon or unusual. However, I consider it a lack of manners. Anyone who started a "conversation" with me that way would never get any further. On the bright side, it's a great timesaver when vetting someone. I know immediately I'm not going to meet them. Ever.

  • mebigspoonmebigspoon
    edited January 18

    Ah. I didn't even think about them spamming dms.

    I force conversations & before they know it we're getting to know each other & getting closer to cuddling.
    I don't feel comfortable cuddling someone I don't know- like a blind cuddle date.
    The session would go so much better for us both if we got to know each other more.

  • mebigspoonmebigspoon

    @BlueIris That is definitely the silver lining. Makes it easier. Like when someone who you already didn't care to talk to & they block you 😆

  • penguin34penguin34

    @mebigspoon I understand your point, but on the flip side, I have had people chatting for weeks, months or even years. It gets frustrating as a pro, as some people have no intention of putting in a booking. I suppose there is a nice healthy middle ground somewhere? 🤔😅

  • BlueIrisBlueIris Mod

    @mebigspoon - Yes, exactly. By eliminating a greeting, they're essentially telling you, "I'm not interested in getting to know you. You're a commodity. All I want is access to your body, as soon as possible."

    Because of messages like that (and worse), I think I may have cuddled with fewer than 1% of people who wrote to me.

  • Sheena123Sheena123

    I’ve always said it’s like they are just ordering a pizza 🤷🏻‍♀️

  • wilderdudewilderdude

    Some people view cuddling with a pure as a purely transactional arrangement, they get down to it. There's no illusion about making a friend.

    I wouldn't do it that way but I can understand the mindset.

  • AlderInTheWoodsAlderInTheWoods

    @mebigspoon if it makes you feel better, I would be happy to do that if I were anywhere near to you. Could be worse, before coming here I spent a good bit of time on FetLife. Nothing like getting unsolicited gential images without a word of explanation.

  • HuggycatbearHuggycatbear

    @mebigspoon it's always good to me to have an introduction and a little banter leading up to the session.

    This would be handy adding it to your profile. You could kindly ask that they give an introduction in greetings.

    As a client I've also encountered pros who barely communicate and just want to book. Definitely seeking quantity over quality, an unfortunate byproduct of this transactional community.

  • mebigspoonmebigspoon

    @penguin34 Yeah that's happened to me. Just out of nowhere he's like "This has become an inconvenience" meanwhile I was just trying to be cautious & asking for boundaries for my own comfort 🙃 Welp, there goes almost 1 week of talking. We literally just needed to book 😆
    I've noticed that once they know you catch on to them just wanting to talk & then you don't reply as much now they want to book.

    @BlueIris That definitely feels like a fact. I feel icky just thinking about that tbh.

    @Sheena123 "Can I get a side of cuddles with skin to skin contact? Hold the boundaries."

    @AlderInTheWoods Its nice to know there are people out there who like friendly banter 😊
    No idea what FetLife is but I just put it together... I hope you feel at comfortable & at home in this community then!

    @Huggycatbear
    I guess there is something on both sides- clients just wanting us without getting to know us & pros wanting to book just to book.
    I guess it's not uncommon for "quantity over quality" mindset.

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    Manners, conversation, wit and general conversation skills passed away several years ago. Saw the obituary in a thing called a newspaper. However, we inherited ghosting, impersonal messages, entitlement and general contempt of acknowledging each other’s humanity. So there’s that.

  • HuggycatbearHuggycatbear

    @TheFunCartel 💯

    (And emojis hee hee)

  • LivyatanLivyatan
    edited January 18

    Am new here but try to keep it down to 2 messages max until actually ready to book, or will ask about a txt package so the Pro is compensated for their time. They may not have a pricing set up in place, but the few that have been contacted are surprisingly reasonable, and it breaks the ice for an actual meet up.

  • MorpheusMorpheus

    I usually just send a selfie with a hundred dollar bill taped to my forehead.

  • CuddleYoginiCuddleYogini

    I m not expecting a long message and i also dont want it but they definitely should say hi, how are you and i want to book a cuddle session. It is short nice and kind and so many of them are not aware this is for emotional and physical support, not something else. Also i really get bored from people who are booking a session and then ghosting! Those people also should be banned…

  • mebigspoonmebigspoon

    It's funny, I match their vibe & go straight into my questions when they want to be so straight forward but won't answer the vetting questions.

    But then I force them into conversation, then eventually their profile is gone.

    BTW when I say force (I feel like I need to explain) is completely ignoring their first message & just start talking, asking about their day, etc. Pretending like they actually want to converse first

  • KrishaKrisha

    Really, such a turn off those people. Or the ones who just say "hi" or "hey" and nothing else. And the persistent ones who do that multiple times in a row, like <the first few times you didn't react, but if I say "hi" enough times you will react> 🤣

    Make some effort jeezzz.

  • mebigspoonmebigspoon

    I personally don't understand the whole charging someone just to talk.. but it's slowly starting to make sense why they start charging for their time.

  • HuggycatbearHuggycatbear
    edited January 18

    I don't trust texting as a service, simply because of chatgpt.

  • mebigspoonmebigspoon

    I just don't understand why charge for human interaction... virtually. I would get it if we were all in covid

  • PolarMtnHuman95PolarMtnHuman95

    It does seem weird that it seems like many guys here would not say hi first. Imagine saying hi first, and asking how they are, to the enthusiasts, and still getting no response from most, and many just looking at the profile but not responding. Sure, nobody has the obligation to respond, but many would at least assume that at least some would respond and that at least a some or at least few would lead to cuddling, with people nearby. Here me out, there has been few talks, many of which become inactive or delete their account (or in some cases, some of them get banned), and the rest just ghost eventually and relatively quickly, and zero cuddles with enthusiasts since I have joined in 2018! That is a special kind of weird fact, like literally!

  • LottusLottus

    I think I feel better knowing it's not just me throwing a flag on the play whenever someone does seem genuine.

  • HuggycatbearHuggycatbear

    @mebigspoon Me neither. I get offered a lot of virtuals. Never done one. Never will. I understand facetime for screening purposes, but I spend enough time with screens at work. Don't see how it could be fulfilling doing long-distance "cuddling."

    @PolarMtnHuman95 Totally understand. I've mostly given up on trying to connect with enthusiasts. I don't mind that it takes time with the conversation part. In fact, I'd enjoy that.

    It's writing openers into the void. No response. I've had more luck on dating apps. And these connections here are just for possibly friendship.

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    @mebigspoon Virtual sessions do have their place because many people have expressed how these help them maintain a modicum of social interaction and human contact. Do I do virtuals? No, Zoom meetings for work make virtuals a no-go zone for me. But if it helps others, I am all for it.

    As far as charging for it? Well pros are charging for their time just like in-person cuddles. I don’t see the negatives to it. From a client perspective if you do not wish to pay for a virtual session, then don’t schedule a virtual session. Pretty simple.

  • MorpheusMorpheus

    I always try to be polite and yes I say hello but I also keep it brief with pros. My assumption is they are inundated with messages. If they want to chat, I’m happy to chat but I’m sure they want to get to the point.

  • genuine_cuddlesgenuine_cuddles

    I agree with @BlueIris. I say Hi or Hello and usually introduce myself. In my view, messages setting up cuddles and what people share (or not) in their profiles is them letting me know who they are. If they aren't polite in either as in not saying hello or being strident in a profile (or an empty profile), they are doing me a favor. If I'm not comfortable with basic communication, I'm unlikely to be able to relax with them and enjoy a cuddle session.

  • mebigspoonmebigspoon

    I really appreciate everyone who has given their opinion! It's given me a lot to think about. I updated my profile too- let's talk first.
    I wish others could understand how much communication goes into feeling safe & comfortable, especially for women. And I'm sure men also need that, too.
    Kindness goes a long way!!

    I don't like skin to skin on first session but I had the sweeeeeetest guy & we talked for an hour at a Starbucks before going to cuddle (it was supposed to just be like 10min but we got lost in the talk) I cuddled tf out him, caressing his whole belly, chest, back, everywhere w skin to skin bc he just made me feel that comfortable.

    So I wish others would realize that it just makes the session so much better- for both parties!

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