Concerns

webborolewebborole
in General

I would like to ask a question. So, I get this site is professional, but is there any specific reason why people with neurological disabilities that effect their communication, are ambushed, bullied and or targetted? I have had numerous issues with this on the site, not withstanding the fact that only one, and I repeat, only 1! has been willing to be understanding.
Let me preface this by saying, I am aware this is a professional site, but that does not mean disregard disabilities. Because this is a professional site, ADA is a must, and at no point should a person be pushed away due to a disability, rare condition, or based on circomstances. If a person is being downright combative or disrespectful, that is one thing. But if people are misusing the professional status they have to criticize a person's disability, they in my book should look for a different profession that does not involve interacting with people. My opinion is that if you are going to be a professional, learn how to work with people, before you try to be a professional on here.
I for one will not book with someone I do not trust, and this means it may take a few times of talking.
If you have struggles with how I communicate, let me know what works best so I can communicate the best I know how and still you understand me.
I've talked to a lot of people, professionals and non professionals, whom have expressed a concern for the lack of compassion from some people they have booked with or for that matter the aproach to people with disabilities.
I am hitting that point hard for a reason. This site, as I understand it is a professional site, but that also means ADA is applicable regardless of a persons lack of desire to follow it. If a person has a cognative, neurological or other disability it is very much suggested that you do the following.
1. Note on your profile what you need, what your disabilities are.
2. Do not engage with someone if they are quick to judge because that session could go wrong very quickly.
3. Remember the terms of cuddle comfort do not just apply to clients, they apply to professionals too. No bullying of people with disabilities is tolerated by the staff, though to be honest it is hard to detect because of how the reporting system is.
4. If you book with someone, make sure they are comfortable with you before you book with them, because booking without knowing, is no different than inviting a stranger to your house without knowing who they are. This is basic internet safety.
5. When you book, make sure the schedule works with the professional. Try to be understanding on both ends.
6. Shaming a person for things out of their control is highly discouraged, not propper and really can create miscommunications, misunderstandings, and can often lead to total disarray if not contained.
7. If you are a professional and you are going into this for the money, but you are posing as someone who is going in it for the personal connection, people notice. While you may have good intentions, if you are not a people person this site can be a bit difficult to understand, and you may run into misunderstandings with a person past the point of repair.
With that being said, do I think this is a good site, if used correctly yes. And by the way this is not a dating site, so please, clients, be ware of your aproach.
Now that point made, there are some people who have very unique cuddle preferences, due to either things out of their control or otherwise, so please be openminded, because your lack of openmindedness can actually reflect how you are reviewed, and can totally effect how people respond in the future.
Lastly, if any professional on here wants me to help them in any way in how to accommidate disabilities and how simple it is, please reach out.
Also, for the record, I will in this forum post a couple of rare conditions and how those conditions effect communication.

Agenesis of the corpus callosum is a condition where the band of nerve fibers that connects the two sides of the brain is missing or underdeveloped. This can make it harder for people to share and understand information clearly, affecting how they communicate with others and how others understand them.

Cerebral atrophy is when the brain shrinks or loses cells. This can make it harder for a person to speak clearly or understand others, affecting how they communicate and how well they can follow conversations.
I have both, one to a very severe degree, and one to a minor degree. The ACC is more severe, but the cerebral atrophy is minor in nature, but when combined they effect communication.
If you are a professional seeing this, and I have reached out to you, please in the future be more understanding.
I wrote this guide and review in the hopes that maybe some things will get better on this site that will hopefully make it better for people with disabilities.
Whether I remain on this site will depend on if things change in the next little while. Things can't change over night but people can make a difference.
Will you be that person?

  1. Will you work to make people's experiences on this site better?12 votes
    1. I want people to feel safe on this site, so I will do my part.
      58.33%
    2. No I cannot accommidate. This site is not disability friendly, so why should I?
      41.67%

Comments

  • Sheena123Sheena123

    If this person bullied or harassed you, you need to report it. I don’t know what happened but based on what you’ve said, if they bullied you for your disability, you can report that.

    Not much more can be done. There are some pros on here that are only in it for money and don’t care about people or cuddling, and then there are others that put a lot of genuine love into what they do. This site is not in charge of them. You just have to have conversations with people and choose who you connect with. You will come across people you don’t match with so move on.

    Keep in mind as well that most pros don’t have training and aren’t qualified for handling certain situations regarding disabilities and mental health. They just sign up, become pros and start holding people. If you need more than just a cuddle, you might need to look elsewhere.

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel
    edited February 4

    I have always thought that having a special needs section on profiles would be nice to let people know there are possible challenges. Plus it would make starting a topic of conversation easier for people that are potentially isolated because of their disabilities. I think being aware someone has special needs is far more relevant to in person cuddles than if you have children or not.

  • sillysassysillysassy
    edited February 4

    @Mark @CharlieBear @stormydaycuddle @RadiantHugs @cheeseboy @JoyfulHeart @Sideon @netrunner @Gary
    Besides reporting is there anything else that can be done? This feels like a grievous thing for @webborole to have experienced in his four months since he joined and I know this is not how the site was intended.
    I can’t believe anyone in charge would condone this as soon as everyone is made aware.

    I second @Sheena123 in saying I’m sorry this happened but cuddlers are not employees of the site and are vetted by you the cuddler and the rest of the community in reviews that are called Karma. I wish you the best in your next steps to find someone who aligns with you and your needs. Big hugs out there.

  • CharlieBearCharlieBear Mod
    edited February 4

    Hmm I just checked and I’ll comment here since it’s posted to the forums anyway. I looked at the reports but I didn’t see any bullying going on. I would suggest trying to keep messages more concise, which I understand may be more difficult if you are using accessibility tools to communicate.

    Also, while it may hurt, people block for a multitude of reasons, and please understand no one is obligated to respond. I didn’t see discrimination going on, more just some unclear messages of what is expected of them, and large, and I mean very large, amounts of text that I would be surprised if a pro would read though when there is not a booking made.

    I definitely understand wanting conversation but please know you gotta build that rapport first, and with pros, propose a booking and discuss logistics. I’m sure they would like to do a which a lot of that conversing in person during a cuddle session.

    I really do not want to come off as insensitive here and if there is bullying going on please report it.

    And yes, everyone registered as a pro is an independent contractor, they do not work for the site. The pro tag simply means they are allowed to charge money to cuddle on this platform. It does not indicate any degree of professionalism in how they conduct themselves or provide their services.

    Edit: I see you may have trouble speaking as well, which makes the amount of text more necessary and may not be possible in person. I can see how this would be very difficult to navigate.

  • BellaAineBellaAine

    Since you’re blind and also navigating autism, and now sharing about ACC and cerebral atrophy, you may want to name all of them in your bio to prevent miscommunication. You can also add: Looking for an Enthusiast/Pro that understand sensory needs, communication differences, and safety. I understand that not everyone is skilled to meet my needs but please be kind when letting me know. If you are equipt or emphatic to my needs, please send me a message. 

    Pros: Be nice. All you have to say is: I am not capable at this moment to give you a good cuddling experience but I wish you the best. 

    Life isn't fair love and we are all learning as we go. Create your own beautiful lense and view life through it.

  • sagantysonsagantyson

    I’m sorry that you are feeling you are being treated unfairly. I’m curious what was actually said. if you were turned down as a cuddle client, that in and of itself does not constitute bullying. Bullying would be repeated, uninitiated attacks by somebody with more power than you.

    The ADA pertains to companies of a certain size, not individual contractors. I understand your concerns, but cuddling is such an intimate act that anyone should be able to pick and choose who they reject a# a cuddle partner for any reason at all. If I don’t feel right about someone, I do not need to justify why I might not feel comfortable cuddling with any particular person. Women in particular are putting themselves into a vulnerable spot when they agree to meet one on one, especially if it’s at someone’s residence.

  • great_pillow08great_pillow08
    edited February 4

    @webborole The term "professional" on THIS site only means the cuddler is authorized by the site TO CHARGE A FEE. There's no education, training, or background check required. I ABSOLUTELY DO NOT support ANYONE listing their disabilities on their profile- Society's not ready for THAT conversation, but I WILL say that if you message someone new, that should be mentioned in your first few PRIVATE messages or else you're opening yourself up to an endless amount of judgement and yeah- bullying. Being ignored and disregarded for not being normal sucks- BELIEVE M-E, I GET IT!! The problem you're going to run into with reporting such "here" is that what you consider bullying and what those who read your report see as bullying may differ dramatically- And whomever reads your report wins. If you ever need to talk, feel free to reach out to me here! hugs and prayers

  • pmvinespmvines

    There are lots of people not getting cuddles on here for whatever reasons. I'm not really clear about what you're saying even happened, so it's hard to even attribute it to whether or not you have a disability. Also, women on here, cuddle pros or not, have a right to decline services it's not an appease the masses or else scenario, and for good reason. I'm sorry that you have had negative experience and that you feel wronged, but like I said it's hard to gain insight into the situation from your post. If they aren't able to meet your needs then perhaps it's a good thing you didn't connect, as it could have ended up causing much more harm than good. Just a thought.

  • JohnR1972JohnR1972

    I concur with @great_pillow08

    I ABSOLUTELY DO NOT support ANYONE listing their disabilities on their profile- Society's not ready for THAT conversation, but I WILL say that if you message someone new, that should be mentioned in your first few PRIVATE messages…

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