Cuddled but No Karma

cobrapause44cobrapause44
in General

I’ve cuddled a few times now and never received karma from the pros I’ve met. The experiences were all positive I’ve spoke to one about additional bookings over the last year but timing never worked out. Am I the only who thinks it’s weird that pros put emphasis on karma but then don’t leave it after a good experience?

«1

Comments

  • KempistKempist

    Did you any of them if they would give you karma?

  • thecolorjadethecolorjade

    Did you discuss with them at the end or message them for example “hey, I’m going to give you a karma. Would you mind leaving me one back in return?”

    I personally ask for mine not to only because in my area I find a lot of people that message me aren’t here for the right reasons. It kinda deters them with my lack of reviews.

  • CuddleDuncanCuddleDuncan Mod
    edited March 6

    For clarity: This was posted as personal opinion and not intended to reflect policy. [/Mark]

    It is never ok to ask for Karma, for obvious reasons.

    Attempting to trade Karma ("I will write something nice for you if you write something nice for me") is dishonest and will get you banned.

    But, when you are writing your thank-you note after the session it is acceptable to say something like, "It was a really wonderful session, would you like me to write you some lovely Karma?" Most people will say yes of course, and nearly all of them will take the hint although sometimes it does take a while before they get round to it.

    Not everybody uses or wants Karma, so you should always ask first. This is less true for Professionals, but you should still ask. (There are numerous reasons for this, but one is to allow for plausible deniability: "Yes I have a profile but I don't use it, I was just finding out what it's all about.")

    Karma must be true, fair, polite, useful and written in good English without textspeak or abbreviations. False or malicious Karma should always be Reported and is routinely deleted by the Moderators.

    Karma of any kind is very much the exception, not the rule, and is written only for a minority of sessions. Karma may be written only when you have met the person (videocall counts) or in the case of a no-show without a message.

    Some professionals consider Karma carefully but many don't, partly because a large proportion of clients don't have any. Karma is an excellent and useful starting point but should never be relied upon on its own, and always click through to see what you think of the writer. Be especially careful of generic Karma written by professionals when they were new: many of them are scared of having their business affected by revenge Karma so they don't want to write the whole truth. Additionally, tthere are all too many cases of people with a considerable amount of five-star Karma attempting to drive a coach and horses through the Terms & Conditions.

    There is a short section on Karma on page 1 of the Frequently Asked Questions sticky topic.

    Edit: As is usually the case when a Moderator posts on the forum under their own name in ordinary text, this post is me talking as a normal member and not as a Moderator doing moderating things.

    When posting as a Moderator, text usually appears within somebody else's post

    either like this

    or like this

    There's nothing in the terms of service about whether you can ask for Karma, the above is my opinion.

  • SunsetSnugglesSunsetSnuggles

    Some people don't engage in Karma, even though they love cuddling/have good experiences. Some take issue with reviewing a human like an Amazon product. Some have anxiety about writing something to be seen publicly. Some don't want a paper trail showing who they've cuddled. Etc. etc.

    Sometimes lack of Karma means a negative or neutral experience. Sometimes it means nothing about you whatsoever. Sometimes it means they forgot, or are busy.

    If they have left Karma for others but not you, and it's been six months or a year, perhaps they didn't view the cuddle the same way you did.

    It would never hurt to ask how their experience was, ask if there was anything you could improve upon, etc. It's always best to examine our own behavior before asking others to adjust theirs.

    If receiving Karma is important to you (as it often very much is to newcomers, due to the ridiculous stigma some people have against those without Karma), you could check that those you seek out cuddles with are actively leaving meaningful Karma, beforehand.

    Best of luck finding happy cuddles!

    ~ Sunset Snuggles

    🫂 Enthusiast 🏞 Travel Junkie 📷 Shutter Bug

  • cobrapause44cobrapause44

    I appreciate the response but as we can all see they are contradictory - did you ask, you should never ask. As a client and consumer on the site I find it strange that pros aren’t required to leave karma, tbh I think these experiences are rather one sided and in some ways predatory even if they are enjoyable but I guess that’s the nature of buying someone’s time

  • MonkeyNeedsAHugMonkeyNeedsAHug

    “These experiences are… predatory even if they are enjoyable.” I am lost.

    🙈

  • MorpheusMorpheus

    I think what @CuddleDuncan is trying to say is that falsifying karma is dishonest but politely asking for honest karma after a cuddle session , is okay.

  • SunsetSnugglesSunsetSnuggles

    There are no rules or guidelines on whether people can or cannot ask for Karma. I typically find it in bad taste to ask, but everyone is different.

    ~ Sunset Snuggles

    🫂 Enthusiast 🏞 Travel Junkie 📷 Shutter Bug

  • TheFragmentedTheFragmented

    I mean a good amount of pros are not willing to see folks who do not even have one to three reviews. Others want a 50% deposit if your karma count doesn’t meet their required minimum. So yeah, it matters. I kinda wouldn’t want to meet up with someone who was unwilling to leave an honest review because how else am I supposed to build up a good reputation? Not everyone can make it to those cuddle parties.

  • MorpheusMorpheus
    edited March 5

    There are pros with no karma who in their profile, say they won’t see someone who doesn’t have karma lol

  • BrionCBrionC
    edited March 5

    Regardless of what business or service is being provided getting a positive or negative reviewsis espected and most cases-desired especially if you want to see where things went right or wrong. There is nothing wrong with asking for Karma any more than there is for a referrel from a current or previous client/customer. Why do you think employers ask for three references before they will consider hiring you? By all means ASK FOR KARMA...lol

  • SunsetSnugglesSunsetSnuggles

    Some good threads with discourse on the no Karma topic...

    https://www.cuddlecomfort.com/forum/discussion/17665/cuddling-with-no-karma-thoughts/p1

    and...

    https://www.cuddlecomfort.com/forum/discussion/18069/is-it-a-red-flag-to-meet-a-cuddler-that-has-no-feedback-karma-and-been-a-member-here-since-2018/p1

    ~ Sunset Snuggles

    🫂 Enthusiast 🏞 Travel Junkie 📷 Shutter Bug

  • Sheena123Sheena123

    Every pro is different. I will usually ask if they’re comfortable with me leaving karma for them. I ask because I’ve had some men say they don’t want karma because guys will start messaging them to get spicy feedback about the pro. So I ask. Some pros don’t care about karma and others don’t bring up karma if it was a bad time.
    Not saying it was good for you but bad for her, I’m just stating an example.
    If you want one, I see nothing wrong with asking for one but if they say no to doing it, respect that decision.

  • CuddleDuncanCuddleDuncan Mod
    edited March 5

    @SunsetSnuggles is correct to say that the site does not have rules about asking for Karma. On reflection I should have mentioned that in my previous post. (Beetles off to edit previous post .... )

    It's not ok to ask for Karma because it's rude.

    For a start you would be putting the other person in a difficult position. Sure, a lot of the time it will be fine and they'll be delighted to do it. And some of the time it won't really matter whatever happens. But it does matter if it's done in person when one person is secretly scared of the other.

    It's not ok to ask for Karma because that's soliciting a review, and that's never ok in principle. It might not be intrinsically wrong, but you're at the top of a slippery slope with your skates on and a supportive crowd chanting "Slide! Slide! Slide!"

    It's not ok to ask for Karma because that's jumping into the middle of conversation you haven't had. As @SunsetSnuggles said above, some people don't agree with Karma on principle.

    It's not ok to ask for Karma at the end of the session because the cuddling experience doesn't necessarily end when the session ends: it can continue for several hours, as people who have experienced a 'cuddle coma' can testify. Discussing reviews when the thing hasn't even finished is just dumb.

    It's not ok to ask for Karma because you're being selfish. You're putting yourself before them. You are asking them to do something that benefits you, which involves work on their part that is of no benefit to them. If you offer to write good Karma for them in return, that's trading Karma for which people have been banned. Karma depends on the experience you had, not the favours you have persuaded the other person to do for you.

    It's not ok to ask for Karma at the end of the session because that's not thinking about yourself: it's the opposite of self-care. A cuddle is a special thing, at the end you should be thinking about what just happened, not the next time. You are worrying about a thing that hasn't happened in the future, not focussing on how to benefit from a special moment. Furthermore, you may be ruining the moment for the other person.

    To be clear, it's never ok to ask for Karma. It is ok to offer to write Karma: in fact, before writing Karma you should always ask if the other person would like it, and be clear that you intend to write something positive. If you intend to write something [true, fair, polite, useful and ideally kind] which is negative, then there is no need to ask: the benefit to the community outweighs the harm to the individual. That is a necessary condition for having Karma in the first place.

  • CuddlingforlifeCuddlingforlife
    edited March 5

    Yea . I personally am not a fan of the karma, and I especially don't reach out to ppl for their high karma numbers.. if I did. Some of them I wouldn't of ever considered speaking too. They brag.. and my last experience with high karma was a shitty (SA) person. So i will never ever trust the over weighted karma again.

  • SunsetSnugglesSunsetSnuggles

    A lot of Karma simply means someone has met a lot of people. Technically it could even mean a bunch of coffee meet-ups or attending meet & greets across the country, with zero actual cuddles. Karma should be one of many aspects taken into consideration.

    @Cuddlingforlife
    I'm so sorry that happened to you, and I hope you reported the person.

    ~ Sunset Snuggles

    🫂 Enthusiast 🏞 Travel Junkie 📷 Shutter Bug

  • RomeoSapRomeoSap

    I wish there was an implied karma system. I've had 3 sessions with the same person. That should at least indicate an implied anonymous karma.

  • SunsetSnugglesSunsetSnuggles

    @RomeoSap
    That doesn't inherently exist, unfortunately, but if a client leaves a Pro a Karma, then books one or more sessions properly through the site, this "repeat client" tag then appears beside their Karma:

    ~ Sunset Snuggles

    🫂 Enthusiast 🏞 Travel Junkie 📷 Shutter Bug

  • Carrie_AnneCarrie_Anne
    edited March 5

    I found out recently that you can get karma from people who meet you at a cuddle meet-up. I’ve never gone to one myself. But one person I know goes to them all the time and has a huge number of karma. They admitted it was mostly from brief hugs at meet/ups.
    I also know of a couple of new pros who traded karma for each other, I’ve seen it in their profiles so… a little bit of everything here lol.

  • CSnMUS87CSnMUS87
    edited March 5

    I for one enjoy receiving karma and having something nice to read. I usually do leave karma for someone after a session (though there were a few enthusiasts who didn't want me to for privacy reasons and I respected that) and usually receive one back (sometimes first if I forget to do it on the same night). I don't ask for it, as I know we're not supposed to, but I just hope for something. I'll admit if I had what seemed like a good session with a pro and left them karma and then they didn't reciprocate, I might be slightly annoyed and think twice about booking again unless we really connected well or there are a lack of affordable other options at the time. I don't say anything to them, but internally it helps me decide in the future if I'm on the fence of who to book. It makes me wonder if they didn't think the session went well, even though I try to be respectful during all of them.

    I feel as though (even if it may seem unfair) it's better to have karma than not when it comes to making your profile seem stronger as if to say "yes another person agreed that this profile is someone safe to cuddle." It certainly seems to have helped more than hindered me in finding cuddle sessions (whether pro or enthusiast) and in my head having more recent karma signals "hey everything is still ok here. they haven't all of a sudden changed in a negative way". Almost like continuing education credits, or running a scan on a computer to make sure things are still good.

    I will say I mostly apply these thoughts when it comes to pros rather than enthusiasts.

  • mimiloveshugs2mimiloveshugs2

    @Morpheus I understand why a newer pro would ask. The difference is that we have to get verified on the site as being real human beings, and have a credit card on file but enthusiasts don’t. I wish everyone had to - that would cut back on bots and people on here looking for non platonic stuff.

    I personally don’t go by karma alone. I have other ways of vetting and at times have reached out to other pros if they have left feedback for confirmation or an honest opinion. I turn down the vast majority of inquiries here, even though many reaching out to me have positive karma.

    And I’ve stopped reporting people who violate TOS because all they do is create new profiles and make the process more difficult for pros. And I’m on the fence about whether or not I want to continue accepting karma myself because I agree with other commenters saying it makes us seem like a commodity when there are those of us who actually see this as something we care about and enjoy creating a positive experience for others.

  • mimiloveshugs2mimiloveshugs2

    @Carrie_Anne I have had a session with another pro to experience what it’s like as a client. The orgs that do certifications encourage it. But I can see people trading just to trade too lol

  • 4bearhugs4bearhugs

    I notice @CuddleDuncan is European and everyone else commenting is from the USA. I wonder if there is a culture difference we are seeing here. As a contractor, I rely heavily on word of mouth (positive personal referrals). In fact, I maybe only book one job every 3 years that are not personal referrals. A lack of karma (in my mind) means that the cuddler is less than great or inexperienced. Indeed, most of the time I cuddle someone with no karma, it turns out to be an experience I would not want to repeat.

    Most contractors I know ask a customer at the end of the job if they can be used as a referral. Is that really different than asking for a karma? I don't think so. Sure- go ahead and wait a couple days before asking. Make sure your cuddle hangover is gone and everyone is thinking clearly. But I don't think (at least in the culture I live in) that asking for karma is as cut-and-dried as @CuddleDuncan says it is. He even contradicts himself. Paragraph 7 says that asking for karma is selfish. Paragraph 8 says asking for karma is not thinking of yourself.

    My answer- consider your culture. Wait a few days to ask for karma if it is culturally acceptable. And ask if you can write a karma for them.

  • CuddleDuncanCuddleDuncan Mod
    edited March 5

    @4bearhugs I think you might be right about the UK/US cultural difference. I was thinking about that as I was writing and nearly said something but decided against.

    However there is no contradiction: the two are different points. But let's not argue about that, it will descend rapidly into semantics.

    @mimiloveshugs2 please do Report people for breaking the TOS, it's the only way we can get rid of them. There is nothing we can do to prevent people from creating new accounts in the first instance - it's just how the internet works. Everybody finds it frustrating. We ban people who were previously banned all the time, but we can only do it if we know they are back.

  • CSnMUS87CSnMUS87

    I do notice I hesitate to message pros that have little or no karma. I might wait it out and see if they stick around, start getting karma, or get banned. I might eventually send a message after some months (more likely if I start seeing good karma). I'm not saying it's everything, but it does help paint a picture along with pictures, and a nicely filled out profile. Even then it's not foolproof but the chances seem better in my opinion. There was one time though where there was a pro with good karma and had been on for a few years that reached out to me, asked for a deposit, booked a session, then said she got sick and cancelled it and said we'd reschedule. Months and several excuses later she just ghosted and never refunded the deposit or anything. I noticed she got banned so I guess after years of good experiences she decided to try to pull something with more than one person because I had not yet reported her at that point, giving the benefit of the doubt until I saw the ban. So yes it's not a guarantee, but I still get a bit of peace of mind upon seeing something good on their profile and having a good rapport. I don't plan to ever do deposits again after that.

  • supadupasupadupa

    So if I’m not mistaken someone asks me to write karma for them if it’s not okay we should report them right for asking for karma???? It’s very confusing so what do we do?

  • SunsetSnugglesSunsetSnuggles

    @supadupa
    There are no rules or guidelines on whether people can or cannot ask for Karma. In other words, it it not against any rule, therefore it is not something to report.

    ~ Sunset Snuggles

    🫂 Enthusiast 🏞 Travel Junkie 📷 Shutter Bug

  • supadupasupadupa

    @SunsetSnuggles but a moderator said multiple times it’s not okay. So doesn’t that mean it’s against the rules? I mean what’s the difference. I don’t want to go against a moderator. It seems like I’m not the only one to be confused by this being stated several times. And moderators are not wrong.

  • UREverythingUREverything

    Check out this video, "karma chameleon" https://share.google/NsG3ItmyIpN6MdF9W
    Conviction
    Contradiction
    They are your cuddler
    Not your rival
    "Time to hop aboard the riverboat"

  • waynewvwaynewv

    I do like to read the Krama of anyone before I contact them for a cuddle. I always like to leave Krama but I have cuddled with guys and they asked me not to leave any Krama. I never asked why, I assumed they didn’t want others to know he cuddled with another guy. The ones that asked that on there profile they listed them selfs as straight.

Sign In or Register to comment.