I think the forums feel strangulated, like many others have said. I wish we were able to speak freely and have engaging conversations - not everyone is going to agree or be happy. Toxic positivity in this type of space makes me extra uncomfortable. Part of cuddling for me is being open, sharing feelings, and sharing fears. Life isn’t all sunshine and rainbows - and a lot of people seek out these services because they are not doing well mentally. Talking about serious issues, mental health, death of loved ones at the hands of our government, death of neighbors in war, that’s life. My favorite cuddles is when someone can be vulnerable, real, and a little broken. I don’t need a smile, or someone pretending to be strong - you can fall into my arms and I’ll give you some solace in this crazy world. That’s my vibe. Not OMG LIFE IS SO GOOD ALL THE TIME.
This site feels more real and true to the cause of connection when we can talk about good and bad. If people don’t enjoy a post they can move past it, if people are discriminating against a human being for race, religion, or sex - mute them, time them out. Don’t punish the rest of us adults who enjoy, an grow and gain from serious conversations. Even if uncomfortable. I’m afraid I’ll even be muted for saying this.
@Kense 100%
@DarlingNikkii
I think the forums feel strangulated, like many others have said. I wish we were able to speak freely.
Why do you think this is so? Is the issue, other users or is it over moderation?
I don't think it is over moderation by the site but under moderation by a lot of users who feel obliged to challenge the feeling or emotions of others. Many topics should be open for respectful discussion and agreement or disagreement but its ok for someone to post about their feelings or emotions without having them challenged. I have seen comments like " I don't see why that is a problem", or " Maybe the problem is you" etc. Maybe just allow people to feel what they feel. That is all...
@7gem I don't know why someone would post their feelings on a forums page, and expect people to just agree? Forums are for discussions, and I think if you want to voice your opinion and not have others discuss it - you should probably post it on your facebook, or text your friends. For your example - people can feel how they feel, but I also have feelings on it - so why not let me feel how I feel about their feelings? lol. I just draw the line at racism, sexism, and facts.
If you can't deal with people not agreeing with you - stop posting in a chat forum. As a long time redditor, and mod there - I will never understand people who post asking for feedback, or opinions - then get the opinions and get pissed for being "attacked". Attacking to me is someone hurling personal insults - like "you're stupid", "you're ugly". Me saying I don't agree with you because of x,y,z, and this is the way you're coming across isn't an attack. Ya dig?
@DarlingNikkii I understand what you are saying and respect your thoughts.
@Kense absolutely nailed it.
Also, if a friendship develops between a User and a Moderator, that Moderator should recuse themselves from any issue occuring between their User friend and another User. The issue should be handled by a different Moderator.
CharlieBear is the only Moderator I've seen whom has explicitly stated that this is what he does.
Friendships are great, and biases are normal. But the job of judge, jury, and executioner should be as impartial as possible.
@TxTom I haven't been a Moderator for very long but I have already seen a couple of examples of Mods recusing themselves from decisions because they were friends with the member in question. It hasn't happened to me yet but of course I would too. I think it's one of these things that haven't been said explicitly because it's too obvious. There's nobody on the Mod team who, in my opinion, would dream of improperly favouring a friend.
^^^^ what he said. Me. I 100% opted out a few days ago.
…..
@Morpheus who owns the boards?! I haven’t seen any insults?
@DarlingNikkii maybe ganging up on is a better description.
When I was an active moderator I would often recuse myself when needed, as would the others. While that was shared among ourselves, we didn't always announce it to the community.
@Morpheus I agree with @DarlingNikkii on this one because I looked back at the OPs comment on the Married Pro thread and I believe the thing that got some strong opposing opinions is the OP mentioning marital status should be on pro profiles. OPs feelings were valid but those with opposing views and reactions are valid too.
Personally, I see threads dwindle real quick when people jump to “defend” an opinion or accuse others of “mobbing” or “attacking.” It has a chilling effect on participants thinking they are not on the “right team.” Many things can be true at the same time and having a strong reaction in disagreement doesn’t make either invalid.
I think what makes Reddit popular as a forum app is the anonymity and not necessarily knowing other identifying factors that cause bias like race, gender, etc because you see a lot more discussion and a lot less “teaming up” if that makes sense.
@DarlingNikkii @mimiloveshugs2
I think there are a lot of rude people especially 2 in particular who get away with everything and a whole lot of snarky comments.
I get having thick skin and dealing with opposing opinions but some people are downright rude.
There doesn't really seem to be a worthwhile ROI.
Relatively few really interesting or original topics, and lots of unnecessary snark whenever someone asks any genuine questions.
People have better things to do with their time.
@VAdude 🎯
@Morpheus I totally get that and it can shut down discussion quickly. I respect your point of view and there is room for improvement as far as engagement goes. At the same time it’s volunteer based - so I tend to give a lot of grace there lol
There is a time and a place for respectful discussion, back and forth, dissenting opinions, and challenging each other. I would actually say that is appropriate most of the time.
There can also be a time and a place reserved just for support, validation, and compassion. Some people have nowhere else to go, especially on a daily basis. I was silly enough to think a forum on a cuddle site could be that place. But I don't think any place on the internet that's open to the general public can actually be that.
So I rarely post here. The rest of my life is contentious enough. And when I read the forums here, I usually leave feeling worse than when I got here.
I was on another forum back in the day that had protected threads. Those threads were reserved for comments that supported or affirmed the OP. 95%of the threads were not protected. It worked great. There's a place on the internet where people should be allowed to gather and, for example, celebrate their favorite band without a bunch of others coming in and saying how crappy that band is. And there should be a space where both sides can fight it out too.
I don't think it's the mods' fault generally, though I have often wished they would just suspend trouble makers instead of closing threads.
I honestly don’t know why this site has a Messageboard in the first place. I guess it’s a nice thing to have but like others have mentioned it does invite a lot of negative energy, and that’s the very thing most people on the site come here to get away from. Also like someone else mentioned, message boards are very antiquated and most people are now posting on social media sites. I also want to add that the site is heavily reputation-driven so every time you post you’re putting a lot on the line and I’m pretty sure the decision to cuddle or not cuddle with someone can stem from what they post on here.
@mimiloveshugs2 I agree with what you said completely. There’s a difference between having a different opinion and explaining it as opposed to just attacking the other person’s opinion. The former allows both sides to understand each other better and facilitates thoughtful conversation, while the other shuts the conversation down.
Posts here in general are a partial reflection of the society and the CC Community around the world…negativity, positivity, different behaviors, counter actions and the level of discourse is a glimpse of us
What @jamesDC said. People’s tolerance for diversity of thought has plummeted and for some reason, instead of communicating like adults- members tattle to moderators and instead of “moderating”, conversations get shut down and members are labeled as trolls and “punished” for- communicating!
I knew these message boards would be a bad idea as soon as they were permitted to become about topics unrelated to cuddling and sadly, I wasn’t wrong!
@great_pillow08 i wish I didn’t agree with you … but I agree with you. I think you’re 100 💯 rigbt
@great_pillow08 likewise, which is why I seldom come on here. The community in and of itself is solid but there are times where forums can easily be highjacked or overpoliced and it doesn't make for healthy discourse or conversations among many here. Like someone stated a few days ago about a member here airing a small grievance of not having any knowledge being with a married pro cuddler and it didn't take long for that thread to go left.
Thankfully in my opinion, it just seems to be a chronically online problem because meeting up with local cuddlers around my area have been pleasant experiences.
So much of this talk about people being mean and argumentative and rude just boils down to your echo chamber is not my echo chamber so when your echo chamber posts something I am going to be upset and offended, but when my echo chamber posts something I am going to call you out if you have an issue with it. So maybe the issue isn't that people are mean. Maybe the issue is that people are overly sensitive to that which displeases them. We are all grown adults, and I refuse to treat anybody here as anything other than that. I don't coddle, and I save my kids gloves for kids.