@sunnysideup @TxTom @HarleyGirlKate Thank you all; yes I do plan to tell her at some point in the future and will be prepared to handle whatever answer is given. I agree taking a break to really assess the situation is a good step for now as others have also said here. Do any of you have ideas about approaching the conversation in the first place?
@JSP_1 Respectfully, I reject the idea of the "friend zone" and see it as a coping mechanism. I have dated women who I have previously been friends with; one was a good friend for several years before our lives lined up to properly spark a relationship. In the end, we didn't work out, but we are still friends.
You are almost certainly in the friend zone.
@JSP_1 FRIEND ZONE DOESN'T EXIST! ☺️
@pmvines
She's a service provider and is likely treating you the same way she treats all her normal well mannered clients. Sometimes the feel goods get in the way of common sense. This happens in many helping fields , it's.called transference and when I was doing therapy I had to maintain rigid boundaries with my clients due to this phenomenon . I honestly feel like you'd benefit from taking a break from cuddling for a while and give yourself time to reflect from a distance.
I hear you, and I am fully aware much of what I receive is part of her job and not to be taken differently. I tried to focus most of my original post on how I feel about her, rather than what I think she feels about me. I didn't expect to have these feelings, but after learning more about her, they developed. It's not about the services she provides, what she looks like, etc -- it's about who she is as a person.
Do any of you have ideas about approaching the conversation in the first place?
Yes, after you've informed her that, the next time you see her, you have something important to tell her,
and when you're on neutral ground (in public, not hosting at your place or hers),
and you're not cuddling. Perhaps during a scheduled lunch or dinner session.
@TxTom thank you so much, that makes a lot of sense and is very helpful
Yes, after you've informed her that, the next time you see her, you have something important to tell her, and when you're on neutral ground (in public, not hosting at your place or hers), and you're not cuddling. Perhaps during a scheduled lunch or dinner session.
@TxTom Sound advice! 😁👍
Thoughts that come to mind... Is she offering major discounts or outright free sessions, majorly running over on time or wishing you would stay longer without charge or communicating with you a lot outside hours because if not I can't think she is anymore than a service provider. Even those aren't guaranteed signs as some pros can just have that nurturing side without it meaning anything else but at least there'd be something outside time restricted conversation.
Tbh if you have already decided to tell her I wouldn't waste any time because either it goes well then great or it doesn't and you know sooner to not go back. How to approach the conversation...speak with your heart, it's not something you should rehearse or have written for you.
OP, please don't. You're romanticizing a monetary relationship. You pay her to give you attention. The texting between sessions is to keep you as a client. Are you ready to hear NO from her, and that she only wants to see you when you pay her? That's a harsh reality and honestly, a horrible position for you to put her in. Again, please don't.
Lots to unpack here....
But since this isn't a dating site, and we are all trying to be really committed and PRESENT to the notion of platonic touch as an authentic tool.... I have a reaction to this.
Maybe getting advice from people on a different website, from your friends, your therapist, in fact thousands of articles about relationships..... all over the internet, would be a more practical and useful way to go about doing this kind of research regarding expressing your feelings of love and desire for a romatic relationship.
I'm not trying to be a jerk here..... but it sort of feels like walking into a meeting for recovering alcoholics who are looking for alternative healthy ways of living/relating and asking everyone for their favorite recipes for mixed drinks for the rager you are throwing this weekend.
Just my perspective…. Sort of not the best use of the platform or fulfilling on the ideas of the community.
@sg89
Is she offering major discounts or outright free sessions, majorly running over on time or wishing you would stay longer without charge or communicating with you a lot outside hours
Yes to major discounts and running over on time. I'm not sure if she wishes that I'd stay longer because I don't ask and I excuse myself before too much time passes after our sessions because I want to respect her time. Usually 15-30 minutes or so. And yeah we do text a decent bit between sessions. It's generally her reaching out to me.
Thank you. I do plan to wait a little bit especially after reading all of the advice here, but not all that long.
@starrynitecuds
The texting between sessions is to keep you as a client.
I'm not sure how that conclusion can be so definitively drawn without knowing what we talk about?
Are you ready to hear NO from her, and that she only wants to see you when you pay her? That's a harsh reality and honestly, a horrible position for you to put her in.
I am getting there, and will fully prepare myself for rejection before mentioning anything. How is it a horrible position for me to put her in? Sure it may be uncomfortable, which again I'm really trying to minimize in any way possible, but ultimately if we part ways, it's a choice between (1) knowing the reason and having closure, albeit with some discomfort, or (2) not knowing why I stopped visiting because I couldn't bring myself to say anything, and having self-doubts as a professional. Telling her seems to be the more humane option to me.
@sillysassy
That's a fair point, thank you. I do still think it is helpful to get perspectives from actual professional cuddlers, but I will broaden my search too.
@cheeseboy @cudbud64 @JoyfulHeart or whomever is available....
@scotd25 just joined today. He mentions.....
I do still think it is helpful to get perspectives from actual professional cuddlers
Is it maybe possible that since OP is only looking for advice from ACTUAL professional cuddlers it could be posted in the professional forum?
I know the website is confusing on a THOUSAND LEVELS and its not always easy to see what would be the best course for you to get the information you are seeking....
Wishing you all the best in your search and as always "May the Cuddle Gods be EVER in your favor!!"
Actually yes, I didn't realize there was a separate forum or that I would be able to access it without some kind of extra credentials. I would be open to having this thread moved if that's possible.
Thank you so much.
@scotd25 & @sillysassy I have moved this to the professional cuddling page and left a redirect link in the general forum.
@cheeseboy thank you!
@scotd25 I think you should feel it out and see how it goes. I can’t say that you’re just infatuated and I can’t say you’re in love either. You’re just a human being having a human experience in a human body. You really never know what will happen until you express yourself. It may end your cuddle relationship, you may get your feelings hurt, or you may end up developing a new type of relationship with her. But you’re already aware of this. My advice would be to ask her out to lunch or something and just don’t do it in a session. Keep it light hearted and see how she responds.
@deepsleepcuddle Excellent advice, I really appreciate it. I'm simultaneously so excited and so terrified 😖
@scotd25 Don’t be scared. Never be afraid to live in your truth. Even if she rejects you, living in your truth is liberating enough. And keep in my mind that a rejection may not have anything to do with you. She may find it complicated because of the professional/client relationship and the fact that she’s also cuddling with others. So be aware of her reality as well.
@deepsleepcuddle thank you so, so much. Your perspective is both grounded and immensely helpful.
Here is a different take, I hope. I had similar feelings spring up with a reiki provider I was seeing (about twice a week), some years ago.
During our sessions, I experienced the energy she surrounded me with as “love”. To this day, I have no better way to describe it. Suffice it to say I’d never felt so much love and acceptance directed my way before. I found it healing and transformative. It was also disorienting.
I began to sense I might be feeling something that transcended (or transgressed) normal professional boundaries. And we hadn’t discussed that. So I took a break. After a while, she reached out to see if I wanted to resume our practice. I did. But I asked if we could meet up just to talk first.
I told her what I had been feeling. And it turned out it was mutual. But not in the way you might be expecting.
She was holding this space for me and she was laboring actively to fill it with love and acceptance. She was hoping I would feel that energy and heal from it. And she was trying to teach me how to access those feelings of love and acceptance on my own.
In other words, she was being a kind, generous, talented, and loving practitioner of her craft. She was nothing more and nothing less. And I remain grateful that I was her client. (Nothing more. And nothing less.)
Just ask her out in a non session date. If she agrees then you know she's into you. If she doesn't then just keep on fishing. Half of these comments are just pure negative. they're are some cuddlers that have met their partners on here so you might get lucky U NEVER KNOW!!. Don't be scared of rejection and dont sit around and wait because we all get older not younger. If she ends the cuddling session with you so well be it. No more wasting your time. Good luck!!!
Take it from me…the only love I have known is unrequited love. So I have just switched it off. Tired of the pain and loneliness so I just don’t allow myself to feel emotion anymore. It’s very liberating.
Something in the way you have expressed this situation shows me you will be careful in how you proceed, asking advice and putting much thought into how you feel. I am the type who relates to what @deepsleepcuddle said. We never know when/how/where we might meet the one person who is right for us, if it ends up being mutual - it’s basically a miracle! I think you have to very carefully let her know.
There’s a lot of good advice here…and some negativity also. Go with your gut (but be prepared for the worst) While out in a neutral location, ask her how she feels first before revealing how you feel. “Are your feelings for me strictly professional? Friendship? Anything more?” Wait for her answer before revealing yours maybe? Or that you feel a strong connection. I wouldn’t jump in with anything too intense because that could scare her away and ruin your cuddling relationship.
@MonkeyNeedsAHug Thank you for sharing your story. How did things go after that, did you continue seeing her at all?
@jay350 Sounds like a plan. Thanks a bunch!
@Spud424 My heart aches for you, brother. I was in your frame of mind for years. While it is liberating in a way, in hindsight, personally I was in a pretty dark place even though I thought I was fine. One day, a kind loving woman just popped into my life unexpectedly and opened my heart up. Ultimately things didn't pan out with us, but she taught me to be receptive to love again. I found it to be much more liberating to let love happen, but avoid making it a focus / strong desire.
@g_w_t_w Thank you -- yes, I am trying to tread very carefully here. Not only because I hope things will go positively, but also because I truly care about Amber and don't want to upset her or bring negativity to her life. I appreciate your advice.
@scotd25 First, I want to honor you for your courage and authenticity; I have no doubt that what you have offered in conversation is both true and accurate as regards processing through and seeking guidance.
Second, the bulk of what others have said is based upon binary thinking and merely a perspective. I'm not saying they are wrong; I'm simply suggesting that the reasoning is based upon a patterned way of understanding life, emotions, and behaviors....and it's very limiting. I disagree with much of what has been offered to you as advice.
Third, I want point out that most of the responses have been answering questions you have not been asking. I never heard you ask "Do you think I am in love, or is this an infatuation?"......so I want to apologize for my brothers and sisters who are telling you what you are experiencing; I think it comes from their unique circumstances, memories, and biases, not necessarily insights providing clarity for you. I'm sure they mean well, but I wouldn't think long and hard about it.
Finally, I want to give you a perspective to consider.....and follow it up with some suggestions. I, myself, try (and basically succeed) to fall in love virtually every day! Sure, one may argue that the love I fall in to isn't for romantic purposes, or for creating a living together relationship.....but it is love nonetheless. It is exactly what we were put on Earth to do. It is what the angelic realm supports us in doing. Literally. Every day. Now, it can become complicated, of course. We meet and fall in love with someone at times when there is a hole in us. A vacuum. We feel different in their presence. We feel met, seen, recognized. We are then left with wanting that feeling, that person, every single day....maybe.
But, if we can turn our attention to what the other has enlivened IN us, so that we feel that we INjoy them, their touch, their conversation, their attention......we can begin to separate our celebration of this divine interaction from our unmet needs, desires, and our agendas. Men need to wake up to the fact that the energy we exude filled with desire, need, and agenda is extremely cumbersome for women. Even when you are in love with someone, even if you are married.....even if it's unspoken.....it is still a huge burden. The sensitive women on this site can tell you from personal experience what a burden it can be.
Does that mean we should deny it? Deny our feelings? No, of course not.....but how it is presented is crucial. Try to separate your feelings from your desires/needs first; if you are governed by a strong libido, release yourself prior to your next meeting. Meditate in preparation to come clean of agenda, to meet this human in the moment without a desire to need anything more than this beautiful moment. Open that space within yourself to fully download gratitude.
In your personal situation with "Amber", I would schedule a public session, at whatever rate she charges to join you for a meal. Select a cafe that represents your tastes, one that has space for private conversation. And engage in conversation that arises naturally.....yet that also has the possibility for moving into deep sharing, if you intuit that it will be received in that place and time. I would begin with expressing your gratitude for her creating sessions that became a catalyst for you getting in touch with the deepest regions of your heart. That she activated in you such warmth, such appreciation, such joy......that you have begun to wonder if there might be more to explore with her.
The binary thinking I referred to before assumes that you must be either a client, or a friend. Paradoxical thinking allows you to imagine that all kinds of seemingly incompatible instances are possible. Suggest that you continue to have your regular sessions (it sounds like she too really values them...thus doesn't watch the clock too carefully)_but also consider having the occasional non-session meal, or walk, just to explore your burgeoning friendship, if that's welcome from her perspective. And promise to do all that you can to diminish/reduce any expectations, desires, agenda.....that you will do all you can to respect boundaries, protocols, etc. in all interactions with her......but that you do wonder what interactions in different circumstances will bring.
Best of luck to you.....you sound like a person with reflective consciousness and a good heart. I have no doubt that greater clarity will emerge; and in the meantime, enjoy the journey of connection!
@beaubliss Wow, I cannot thank you enough for your thorough and measured reply. Really, I appreciate it so much. Your empathy is a breath of fresh air. There is a lot to think about and I am immensely grateful.
You describe a beautiful way to approach life. I commend it and will strive to do the same.
I will take your advice seriously and see where this goes. I very much appreciate you.
Congrats, you probably scared her off.
Im happy you feel that way about someone! but please remember that in the end you are paying possibly several hundred dollars for someone to cuddle you as a transaction. They might have an established life already that youre supporting. What grounds me fast is thinking what you could do for YOURSELF with that money . Late to the game 🤣
@scotd25 Your acknowledgement is a gift, thank you!