Professional Cuddler on Soft White Underbelly

bluefish281bluefish281
in General

The other day the YouTube channel Soft White Underbelly, which is known for its raw interviews with people from parts of society we usually don't hear from, released a video with a professional cuddler. I'm interested in hearing what you guys thought of the interview.

Comments

  • SolarisSolaris

    I'll definitely give it a watch. I've watched a few of his interviews before, and I've seen him interviewed. He does some interesting work.

  • SolarisSolaris

    I felt very sad for her. I could relate to where she came from. She said her mom never really hugged her. Now she hugs for a living, to help others and try to help herself.

    But she seemed really broken up about it. Like 7 years of all this platonic hugging doesn't seem to have helped her get over the neglect she suffered as a child. That's sad to me, and no shade on her. Just shows how damaging childhood neglect is. She probably does more cuddling in 1 month than I have in my entire life, and yet, she broke down while talking about it.

    I hope she begins to feel loved.

  • Ironman294Ironman294

    I’ve met with her she’s a sweetheart and deserves so much love and compassion. Her account was banned. :-(

  • Smiley_BountySmiley_Bounty

    Woah, excellent fodder for discussion. This is a topic with layers and I applaud your eye on this one. I'm familiar with the Soft White Underbelly videos, they tend to find particularly tragic cases for every topic.

    I appreciate that this would be the 'underbelly' brought to light, earnest want to give and receive comfort. Most of my experiences have been so lighthearted, but occasionally I do sense that there is a deeper need or wound. I celebrate that I can hold that space for them in that time, help them towards healing for a period of time. I have aspirations of being able to take on a more structured 'Life Enhancement' approach, but that is still in development. When I watched the video, her issue wasn't so much a simple lack of hugs, it was that she was parentified and scrutinized as an eldest daughter. I actually identify with her history a lot, strained household that (at least) leaned too hard and expected too much of children taking care of children. But my background is office administration and customer service. I'm polyamorous and queer. The people that I love and bring close are attuned to my understanding of humans. It felt like our narrator was angling for the ways that her being a cuddler either was problematic for her or hurt her relationships, but she really seemed balanced about why she chooses to cuddle, her (understandable, human) psychological struggles seem to be more disruptive of her relationships than her cuddling, and she seems to be aware of it. That's how I read it.

    Comfort is such a human thing to want. Mammalian even. It makes sense that there is a very mixed bag of people coming together to help each other at different levels, especially since therapy generally discourages contact. Not all relationships are up to the challenge of holding space for the level of support someone needs, not all lifestyles allow for the development of relationships that provide that support. Opening to multiple relationships that can fulfill different spheres is the logical thing to me. I love to help!

  • penguin34penguin34

    I once did an interview with IGV about side hustles, mine is cuddling. I got paid for my time , but as far as I know, they didn't end up releasing it. 😅

  • [Deleted User]steve1995 (deleted user)

    I watched the video twice and was very touched by her story. It made me emotional. I appreciated how open she was with her experience as a pro cuddler.

  • SolarisSolaris

    I kinda feel like making a documentary about it myself now. Interviewing all genders, pros and enthusiasts. I don't know who would volunteer though, especially the enthusiasts.

  • Lexi_89Lexi_89

    SWU has the most raw, emotional videos. I’ll definitely be giving this a watch!

  • ChristinaBrookChristinaBrook

    I literally just signed up for this site because I saw Mark’s interview with her last night! I had no idea this existed and so excited to have found it. I love Soft White Underbelly!

  • SolarisSolaris

    @ChristinaBrook
    Really, how funny! Welcome to the site. There are threads that pros recommend to each other here to give tips on how to safely do this. Good luck to you 😀

  • SunsetSnugglesSunsetSnuggles

    It's great to see cuddling talked about openly.

    That said, I'll give my thoughts as I watch. Like the interview, they veer all over the place...

    Right off the bat, really not a good look to have nipples out when advocating for platonic cuddling.

    The interviewer, Mark, hits us with his crappy assumption, "What is your typical client, is it a guy who just is too scared to have sex?"

    He asks, "Are these older men? Younger men? Unattractive?" So unfortunate to see his assumptions are so judgmental of his own gender. Then he literally goes on to assume they're "in the incel world". 🤮

    Back to the cuddler, Emmy, she very smoothly admits to being banned. She also talks about having been a dancer, and continuing on and off, so that would be a strong indicator of why.

    I like the section where she shares her observations on men, defends them against the incel comment, talks about the link between their homes and their energy, etc.

    Not sure what to make of her claim that she doesn't know the relationship status of the guys. Tons of guys here are married. I disagree entirely with her claim that 80% to 90% of men here are single.

    It also speaks of deep ignorance on both of their parts when they say that men in relationships "can get a hug easily". There are countless people in loveless, affectionless marriages and relationships.

    Mark speaking on her earning a living: "Find a guy that will take care of you and you don't have to worry about any of this stuff." So clueless...sexist...wow.

    And I love Emmy's sweet but very deeply vulnerable response: "Being imprisoned...getting completely tied down by a guy..." She is wise to want to make her own money and not become financially dependent on someone else.

    Her admission about losing all her boyfriends due to her cuddling is very sad. It sounds like she may need to learn how to much more clearly convey to them what cuddling entails, how big it is in her life, and explain what previous boyfriends have struggled with, in detail, so they can really digest it before ever entering a relationship. There definitely needs to be a very healthy relationship, strong trust, and a certain personality type, for it to work smoothly.

    Mark's focus on her looks and his lack of understanding or sympathizing with her not being able to hold a boyfriend reflects a disturbing shallowness on his part, especially for someone who has such deep conversations with people as his job.

    Very sad to hear Emmy talking about the lack of positive affirmations by her mom, clearly having to grow up too soon to take care of her younger sisters, etc.

    She seems like a very sweet, introspective, honest person, with a lot of pain, who is in this for the right reasons.

    Overall it's very cool to see this. I enjoy watching Soft White Underbelly for the interviewees, but I have often felt that the interviewer, Mark, is very insensitive, especially when asking questions about peoples' abuse history, etc. Here, he showed a lot of red flags in his assumptions and worldview.

    I'm happy to see cuddling brought up, but I wish it had been by a different interviewer... That said, Mark's red flags are met gracefully and without judgment by Emmy, and her genuine reactions to so many of his icky assumptions are a great way to combat that kind of sexism and negativity. She handled it great.

    ~ Sunset Snuggles

    🫂 Enthusiast 🏞 Travel Junkie 📷 Shutter Bug

  • marcustanakamarcustanaka

    You can hear the sadness in her voice. My impression from the interview is she still needs the attention from men but dancing took too big a toll on her soul. Cuddling allows for an income and male attention but she really should get out of the intimacy business. She is still being used for her looks and body.

    I hope she finds her true calling in life and I wish her the best.

  • KuddlyKoalaKuddlyKoala

    @SunsetSnuggles I agree with most of what you said!

    I agree that Mark's insensitivity as an interviewer was very off putting. Mentioning her physical appearance , I can imagine, must have been uncomfortable for her. It really looked like he didn't do any prior research into the platonic cuddling community. She did a great job at redirecting the conversation without coming off as combative.

    I also found it a bit strange that she said 80-90% of the clients were single, although I don't know who she cuddled personally. Definitely a lot of people in relationships who do platonic cuddling!

    Love your overall understanding of the interview. I hope more people get to learn about platonic cuddling from people who actually do it!

  • SolarisSolaris

    I was also disappointed in Mark's understanding and sensitivity.

  • biancalovecraftbiancalovecraft

    This was a train wreck.

  • ImaaniImaani

    The interviewer has always been very exploitative imo

  • VitaminJVitaminJ

    @SunsetSnuggles and @CuddlyKoala thank you for taking the time to write up your thoughts. I had a feeling of unease after watching the interview and you brought a lot of the things that were bothering me into specific relief.

    This was my first listen to this interviewer and it seems like he truly did not research or was intentionally asking the surface level questions that uninformed people ask. I feel like there is so much more depth and breadth to who can benefit from platonic cuddling but he didn’t probe beyond the surface. Hopefully it will bring more attention to the community, and people will be spurred to do their own research.

  • OhioMikeOhioMike

    Yeah I agree with above peeps , that interviewer kinda made it awkward and uncomfortable to watch. Maybe he had another agenda or something 🤷

    Wouldn’t it be cool 😎 if we could do videos chatting with each other about the cuddleverse and post them on the forum. ?

  • pmvinespmvines

    I felt a little annoyed with the interview as well. I suppose it's a testament as to what the popular perception is of cuddle pros and the cuddle community dynamic in general . I honestly don't blame him that much for his statements, though I admittedly did only skip through and watch a little bit of it. What I saw seemed more ignorance than insensitivity.

  • AMC143AMC143

    The idea of going to someone's house for an overnight that you don't know... doesn't resonate... Thanks for sharing this video.

  • cuddlefaerycuddlefaery

    When I first came across SWU, I thought "oh great, this is giving a voice to those often ignored by society". But the more videos I watched, the more I became unsettled by the patterns of questions, tones of voice, and choices in interviewees. So then I started looking up critiques on SWU and it's creator - and found a whole rabbit hole to dive into.

    Suffice to say, the channel/project is highly problematic and exploitative. It gives a surface level of "voice" to the people he interviews, and often ends up harming them. I never recommend or watch the channel any more. There's far better channels from more ethical creators that actually benefit these communities instead of being voyeuristic and exploitative.

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