Cuddle Buddy in the Wild

HuggycatbearHuggycatbear
edited April 10 in General

My barber and I have gotten pretty close over the 3 years we've known each other. We share a lot of intimate details of our life. She knows I'm part of this community.

We share our dating woes. Both of us give a lot of energy to others only to be taken granted for.

I'm thinking of asking if we can be cuddle buddies. No kissing. No sex. Platonic. Like on here. I think it could help both of us heal.

What do y'all think? Any advice on how to approach this?

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Comments

  • BlueIrisBlueIris Mod

    How would you feel if she said no? It would probably get very awkward and might find yourself in need of a new barber. I think keeping the professional line between your personal life and someone who provides services to you in place is best. Think of how many times she probably gets hit on in a week.

  • lovingspoonfulllovingspoonfull

    I would not recommended asking her. You could share your experiences with cuddling and how it benefits you in a neutral and non-expectant manner. But I would not make it an invitation which could be perceived as an imposition.

    Worst case she thinks you’re weird and distances herself, best case she’s curious and opens the door. Many cases in between.

    Good luck.

  • OhioMikeOhioMike

    My cuddle world is pretty much open to all. I’m blessed I get to travel a lot so more chances to spread the word about this site. 👍. When just about anyone ask “what’s up ? “ I’m usually chatting about the cuddleverse and what’s going on. I don’t normally ask people “hey wanna cuddle ? “ but I do pass out flyers to anyone interested and leave them just about everywhere lol to peeps all over. Kind of a low pressure way to get people at least interested enough to check the site out …

  • SpendTimeWithUSpendTimeWithU

    Instead of going right to cuddling, just ask her if she wants to get a cup of coffee after work. Let things progress naturally

  • OhioMikeOhioMike

    Heck we have even left the flyers at the front desk of hotels at our meet n greets lol. Here’s a couple All -Star cuddlers displaying the cc flyers … 😊

  • BlueIrisBlueIris Mod

    Having been in women's discussion groups online, and having been a woman all my life, let me again advise against asking a woman out in any capacity while she is at work. That includes just going out for coffee. She is at work, she has to be nice to you, and that would be putting her in a very awkward position. She probably gets a lot of that at work.

    Women do not want to be approached by men when they are at work. Women in the discussion groups advise against it. Vehemently.

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel
    edited April 10

    What @BlueIris said. I have to act interested and engage with people who I find abhorrent (generally because they are racist or misogynistic) while at work and if they wanted to be friends outside that world it would be awkward and problematic. And I am a guy. Can’t imagine the day-to-day BS women have to put with from guys who take niceties as proof of romantic/friendly interest outside of her workplace.

    Now I don’t think you are socially awkward or incapable of reading a room @Huggycatbear , but it does sound like you are under the influence of dopamine or other pleasurable natural chemicals. I think if you really want to entertain this cuddle buddy possibility, you should continue with your line of discussion with her at appointments and measure her level of interest. Are you asking all the questions? Or is she just unconsciously acknowledging your commentary politely? Let her express an interest beyond mere surface chatter to determine if approaching her is appropriate. But good casual relationships have been ruined by misinterpreting “signals”.

  • [Deleted User]Adam_Prof (deleted user)

    First of all, it's your personal choice not any of us and you are the only person who will handle consequences. Personally, I don't prefer asking anyone of my professional circle for outside gathering as it will affect our professional relationship for sure, and thus I think you will not feel the same - after inviting her out - when you go for another haircut.

    But, as a direct answer to your direct question, and as you both share intimate details as you said, then you should ask her for a date instead of cuddling. And, during that you can both share what you want from the other, and wish you luck with that.

  • HuggycatbearHuggycatbear
    edited April 10

    Oops I forgot to add that we do hang out outside of work. We hike and go out to dinner and stuff like that. So we are friends.

    We also get high together.

    We're both playful. She'll jump on my back and we piggyback around.

  • BlueIrisBlueIris Mod

    Well, that changes everything. I'd still be careful going about it. Maybe start first with a conversation that leads to a mention of cuddling, saying that you enjoy it and there's a website you go to where you can meet like minded people. If she's curious and asks about the website, you can then talk about the people you've met here, the cuddles you've had, go into boundaries and consent. You should be able to tell by her reactions whether the idea intrigues her or repulses her.

    I think it would be best to let her process that information for a few days to a week. Then maybe carefully mention it again. Give her time to think about it and perhaps she may imagine herself cuddling you, since you brought it up. The mentions of consent and boundaries should reassure her of your trustworthiness.

    No matter how well you think you know her, and despite your friendship outside of your client/service provider relationship, don't just spring it on her. Unless at your first mention of cuddling her face brightens and she says, "oh yeah, I'd LOVE to have a cuddle buddy!!"

  • HuggycatbearHuggycatbear

    I'm super thankful of all the advice. I think it's best to let it be organic I agree.

  • cuddlefaerycuddlefaery

    Instead of asking her to cuddle, perhaps see if she is interested in joining the community in general? Like, if the topic of cuddling comes up organically, and if she seems genuinely interested, then you could suggest her joining the site/attending a party and leave the ball in her court.

    I would caution though - even though you guys hang out doesn't mean vague interest for your sake is the same as her being interested of her own volition. People who work in service industries often are very good at feigning interest, even unconsciously, because that is what the job demands. If she asks questions that are vague and leave the talking up to you, it's likely she's not interested in cuddling at this time. If she brings up things she has researched herself, or talks specifics about why she might be interested, that's a slightly warmer. Even better if she brings up the topic herself without prompting.

  • [Deleted User]Bluzy (deleted user)

    Regardless of the possibilities one way or another. It sounds as if you have a positive and beneficial relationship with her. I make up that is something to cherish and be grateful for- not that you aren’t. Thank you for sharing.

  • BellaAineBellaAine

    Do as you please but be okay with every possible outcome.

  • HuggycatbearHuggycatbear
    edited April 11

    @TheFunCartel You're right. I'm an extrovert and get a lot of social connection. A lot of exposure to diff cultures and types of people in Vegas.

    You're also right lol. The natural high from connecting with others def comes into play. I will be patient to let the convos naturally occur.

    @BlueIris I used to fall for that. People in the service industry being nice as part of their job. I agree, approach with care and caution.

    @BellaAine Yes! I live by the beats in my life now. I no longer expect outcome. Being present has gotten rid of a lot of those sideline thoughts. Expectations of the future. Old wounds from the past. And a lot of people from living rent free in my head.

  • zoeloveshugszoeloveshugs

    That is a slippery slope. Unfortunately I don’t think it’s a good idea. It could change the dynamic of your sacred friendship even though you are well intended. Unfortunately ppl get weird when it comes to touch. If she hasn’t joined this community or asked you about it then that indirectly indicates she’s not seeking such a dynamic. Also she provides a professional service to you. I’m chummy with my hairdresser too but they need to create a certain distancing to not sever the possibility of losing your patronage

  • HuggycatbearHuggycatbear
    edited April 11

    @zoeloveshugs Thank you! I have reached this conclusion with a lot of your great advice.

    I think when we have this site to help us connect with each other and cuddle, it becomes a dream of mine on how to get back to finding that in the wild. Because unfortunately, the pros you connect with have a different mindset than the clients. They're here to make money and move on (not to discount the authenticity in their care).

    Just like with dating apps, I've closed them out, and am getting more success dating people in the wild.

    What brought me to the site in the first place is knowing friends that were cuddle buddies, without the complicated romantic or sexual attachment.

    Would be nice to find that in the wild with a friend, since with dating, people come and go so easily.

  • sausalitosausalito

    Ive cuddled an irl friend that mentioned she was too busy for a relationship but didnt want it to be sexual. When I mentioned this site she was a little apprehensive to cuddling with me but we ended up cuddling twice a month until she ended up getting into a relationship.

    I have to admit though since it was completely free when it ended it i was a bit bummed because my brain was starting to develop feelings from exclusively cuddling one person for free. I wouldnt have felt that way if it was a paid session or if i had different cuddle buddies in that time period.

  • Carrie_AnneCarrie_Anne

    I have always considered that the payment created a boundary. And I’ve talked to many men who want to pay, they don’t want the interaction to create anything emotional. They specifically don’t want a relationship, don’t have time for the demands of one and therefore prefer the professional arrangement to enjoy the hugs and then leave. I liked that also.

  • MTexMTex

    I have definitely done some networking for new cuddle buddies with people I've met in real life. I've had success with it. And sometimes I just get a hug at the moment with no follow up. Either way the experiences have been positive. If you bring it up you have a 50/50 chance of it working out. Best wishes & happy cuddling 🤗

  • sausalitosausalito

    @Carrie_Anne thats where im at right now that im usually too busy where I dont even have much time to fully enjoy my hobbies. Id actually prefer paying because it stops expectation from both sides and if i suddenly have to stop seeing someone no one gets offended on either side.

  • Carrie_AnneCarrie_Anne

    @sausalito Same!

    I have to add that there are a lot of generalizations here about the need for touch/cuddling etc…this “need” isn’t true of all humans. But obviously true for the members here.
    People irl who I’ve told about this react as if the whole concept is pretty creepy. Cuddling in bed with strangers you’ve just met.
    It’s not for everyone!

  • MorpheusMorpheus

    I’ve been in this position before with both female friends and females that were service providers. I’ve asked them to cuddle and or asked them out on dates. I only asked if I felt confidant that the relationship would not change if she said no. It’s worked out more than it hasn’t. I trust my judgment and @Huggycatbear you should trust your own judgment as well.

  • HuggycatbearHuggycatbear
    edited April 17

    @sausalito and @Carrie_Anne i hear you both. Transaction has been a double-edge sword. Boundary, yes, but it also creates an artificial side to the experience.

    When you understand that a person would not spend this time with you unless they were compensated by money, it is one person on the job and the other getting a simulated version of care.

    When peoole get their real interest and feelings involved that is where true care begins. But of course, that is limited by said boundary.

    @Morpheus I'm glad you've had success! Finding a cuddle.buddy in the wild is the original dream that led me here.

    I wouldn't mind trying enthusiasts but I find messaging so limiting as a means to connect. Too akin to dating apps. Too much casting lines into the nether with no word back. I've had far greater success in person, where messaging might get miscondstrued and you can get each other's tone, expression, energy, vibe, etc.

  • Dcuddler4UDcuddler4U
    edited April 17

    I've spent far too much time thinking about this, because I was in a somewhat similar situation years ago... it ended poorly.

    I had several different pieces of advice Io make sure you are both on the same page... and the truth is none of them are foolproof.

    Here is a very ugly truth, no one wants to admit. As soon as one person develops romantic feelings for the another person (even if it is subconscious), the relationship has changed. Setting up all the rules, and guidelines in the world doesn't make their feelings go away.

    SO... my advice is... go for it. Invite her to cuddle.

    I see three possible options:
    1. You find you are actually just friends, and this is just another activity you do with your buddy like hiking.
    2. You get closer, this sparks romantic feelings between the two of you, and you start dating.
    3. One of you feels romantic feelings and the other doesn't, and this creates jealously and resentment and you lose the friendship.

    So the natural inclination is to give up on the possibility of 1 and 2 because you fear 3.
    My thoughts are... which ever happens WILL happen regardless of if you cuddle or not.

    At some point something will happen that test if you're just friends, pre-dating, or not on the same page as to your relationship. Cuddling isn't going to change that, so you might as well cuddle.

  • HuggycatbearHuggycatbear

    @DCuddlerKing Wow, strong points. You're right, relationships develop how they go. Cuddling or not.

    There are people who say never makes friends with the opposite sex (and maybe that extends to gender?)

    I'm not in that camp.

  • trysdettrysdet

    This made me think that you can cuddle with wild animal like snake or boar or alligator or something

  • Dcuddler4UDcuddler4U

    This made me think that you can cuddle with wild animal like snake or boar or alligator or something

    Sorry I couldn't help myself

  • jps76jps76

    I think your invitation was telling her that you're on a cuddling site. if she's curious, she'll ask about it

  • cuddlefaerycuddlefaery

    @DCuddlerKing I'd like to push back against the idea that unrequited romantic attachments necessarily mean the end of a friendship. I learned a long time ago that my affection and feelings are not dependent upon those feelings being returned. I don't have to suffer of the other person doesn't feel the same way, because I don't expect them to. Because I don't expect my feelings to change how we interact, the friendship remains the same. It's only because social tradition teaching us that unrequited love must mean suffering, must be returned or else it is somehow less. Relearning how we think about romantic relationships and expectations goes a long way.

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