@jonnyquest
I've never had anyone behind closed doors during a session tell me that if I pay x amount we can do this or that so to speak..
Same here. I have seen a couple of my early cuddlers were banned (long after I had a session with them). While our cuddle was purely platonic, one in particular just kind of gave me the vibe she would have been happy to do more if I had asked and been willing to pay. My guess is she picked up on my vibe that I wasn’t looking for that so she didn’t offer.
@mccuddleman big right wing incel vibes my man. You're just straight up wrong, move along please. I'm getting second hand embarrassment reading your posts lmao.
Idk why everyone wants to argue.
This discussion has been derailed too many times by off topic price complaints and price comments. The topic is sex workers on here. Go to the Price Complaint thread for that, per mod warning on the previous page. - BlueIris
This argument is pointless. We have the rules we all agree to and we should all adherence to them.
Because humans by nature are argumentative … just part of being human
Arguing is a waste of energy. If somebody tells you that the sky is green, just agree with them and move on.
At the end of the day, capitalism basically wins out. Many cuddlers on the site have realized they can charge 2x-3x for not so platonic services on top of the usual cuddle rate, and find it an easy thing to do - especially when certain clients they have seen before are willing to pay. Easy money in a tough economy. One shouldn't judge cuddlers who do offer it discreetly, because they are doing what they need do what they gotta do to survive. Their body their choice, at the end of the day.
If you want to be safe you can put strict warnings/disclaimer on your profile that absolutely no non-platonic stuff is tolerated and the client will be blocked/reported if they ask. This would likely help you avoid any clients seeking non-platonic stuff.
Technically these things happen in situations that are completely outside of CC's purview (e.g. cuddler meets client a few times for platonic cuddle, client/cuddler messages the other or talks in person directly about non-platonic services) - so it's completely out of CC's jurisdiction as well - basically two adults have hashed out an agreement in private between themselves.
Honestly, I don't actually think your concern is only about safety (otherwise you could write disclaimers as was recommended above) but about losing clients to this phenomenon. Obviously many of the clients will eventually gravitate to the cuddlers that do offer non-platonics (human nature) and the platonics only will lose market share.
I feel platonic people are totally happy to see people who platonically cuddle and then later mutually and respectfully decide whatever they want however they want, may it be to remain platonic or anything else they like - to each their own … CC fraternity please help me articulate this better … What we don’t want to see are people using this platform to buy or sell sex directly or indirectly in the guise of cuddling and to top it all off disrespect coupled with non-platonic behavior triggers people here because a good fraction of people on CC are by nature more sensitive and empathetic… lastly, as many have said they can choose not to do it or go elsewhere but not here because we are poised to minimize SW here
I think that ship has sailed, Gina.
That’s what this site is.
And it is what it is.
@HUGGGGGG I think that the idea about people starting out platonic and then "mutually and respectfully" deciding to engage with one another non-platonically appears valid on its face, and yet often works out differently in practice. It gets used as a smoke screen for non-platonic intent at the outset, and excuse for pushing boundaries, etc. It's also common practice for people advertising elsewhere to make the disclaimer that they're charging for companionship time only, and whatever activities happen during that time are between consenting adults, and not part of the transaction.
@CuddleDude97 That's also part of the problem with any kind of disclaimers and expectations of them being respected. People who want to use the site to offer fee based sexual companionship on a long term basis, and are successful at it, are going to learn to blend in. They may appear to at least be complying with the norms and guidelines, or even being over-enthusiastic about them and their enforcement. People who are looking for or hoping for non-platonic activities with still see those disclaimers, and wonder if the person really means it, or is trying to not lose an advertising platform.
Whether it's enthusiasts meeting, or involving a fee, I think that the cuddle community has things to learn from parts of the kink community, where boundaries, respect, and consent are essential. I remember reading a post on a kink social networking site (I think) by someone quite awhile ago about how they negotiate scenes, and that they have a seventy-two hour rule. Once the boundaries for a particular scene have been agreed upon, the participants won't renegotiate to loosen them during or after the scene for seventy-two hours.
@kendrayk74 I hear you … I was responding to the post before. Ones who respect/hold boundaries don’t need any changes to the already established CC rules they are good enough … however I see what you are pointing at, my thought is: a boundary pusher would just say rules are meant to be broken (Someone really said this to me - also mocked that im a ‘priest’ before she left) … nevertheless I have no arguments against cuddlers deciding that CC rules are not going to change before, during or after in some additional statement … Perhaps we could couple a boundary pushing attempt with a monetary penalty?
@kendrayk74 Interesting post! I am getting educated here. Kink is something not allowed here and I get why, but it looks like the community takes special steps (for lack of better words as it's outside of my experience) that better prevent boundary pushing?
My heart does feel sad that platonic cuddling is being compared to kinks
I’m doubling down on the thought of having monetary penalties for boundary-pushing because (1) if sexworkers want money they should get more money by not offering sex on here (2) this will earn more for CC (3) this may incentivize one or both cuddlers to maintain proof of remaining platonic (4) we may also want to consider asking retired law enforcers to work like mods to pick out buyers and sellers of sex work? On the positive side this gives an option for the SWers to change their work as well. So for point 1: first boundary pushing action may end with no cost warning or third attempt could escalate to double/triple the session fee? … let’s help each other with counter arguments to find this or any other better way to mitigate SW on here … Notes: 1. The first step leading to nonplatonic behavior starts with boundary pushing - so should be mitigated at this first stage. 2. This works in reverse too if a client proves pro pushed the boundary then they should get their money back and CC will still profit from this… 3. This will help relieve suffering of genuine pros as well because boundary pushing aggravates them and they can levy a penalty on people who push it …
@HUGGGGGG and @Huggycatbear my intention is to identity the comparable challenges that are faced as communities (and, keeping in mind that there are a lot of different communities that make up the particular group of individuals that gather around a particular watering hole community like these forums). There are also plenty of areas that aren't good parallels).
Challenges like operating on the margins of social acceptance. Members are concerned for their privacy, being stigmatized by other groups they're part of or who have power over their lives.
Challenges like having a mix of people who are active participants in the community and those who are existing on the periphery to varying degrees at varying times.
Challenges like having people who want to exploit members or resources of the community, rather than buying into the community norms.
Challenges like having to figure out how to identify people who are breaking the norms, determine which ones are bad actors and which ones are potential contributors to the community, and then treat them appropriately.
Challenges like limited resources to do the work of keeping the community going, welcoming and educating new members, excluding bad actors, etc.
Challenges like being a voluntary association that, barring clear criminal activity, has only soft social levers and exclusion to enforce norms.
Going to talk about the money side of things in a different post.
Got you … looking forward to the money post
@HUGGGGGG
He wasn't comparing cuddling to kink. Nobody was. He was talking about boundaries and consent and how cuddlers really need to improve in those areas. And I wholeheartedly agree.
@HUGGGGGG I definitely understand the appeal of trying to find some kind of lever to dis-incentivize breaking community norms. I know that I would exit this site if there were anything close to the level of policing that you're suggesting. "Proof of remaining platonic"? I expect the risk of financial penalties being imposed would discourage many of the people with fee-based profiles from even starting to list themselves as pros?
@pmvines , thanks much, you got it!
@kendrayk74 ok … then let’s find a leverage that is more balanced than what I said …. Struck-through point 3
Yes, i like that different communities that often get pre-judged, including kink, can help bring an understanding and safer practices here in the cuddleverse.
Yasss THIS PLEASE 🙏🏼.. I have to heavily vet any patron who messages interested in a session and if I feel even the tiniest bit of unease I will cut communication bc I’ve had my boundaries pushed so much so I had a guy stalk me for almost two years from the forum and it took almost that long for him to get banned from the forum altogether..unfortunately even when they get banned for pushing sw they can come back a few months later under a new profile and continue their bad practices smh … I hate it here like why muck the waters and destroy pro and client safe and comfortable experiences 😞
@HUGGGGGG I honestly don't think money is the lever at all, at least not for the folks who are paying CC to advertise on the platform. And I expect that any additional funds raised through financial penalties would get eaten up by the costs of enforcing, disputed charges, etc.
As I know I've read elsewhere in the forums, having CC depend on the cut of revenue from the professionals creates perverse incentives, where discretion can be more important than actual violation of the TOS. And, as @Ginamarie2 points out in the original message, people being discrete can actually worsen the risks for people who are trying to provide actual platonic cuddling.
I think that if the cuddling community wants a space that is enthusiast focused, while supporting people who want to provide platonic touch as a paid service, we will need to find another way of resourcing the infrastructure. Then as a community we can look more at what kind of ways we have to socialize people to the community norms.
In addition, MEN DONT USE THIS SITE FOR THAT STUFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Its ridiculous. This is PLATONIC ONLYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY.
thank you for coming to my ted talk
@Huggycatbear Exactly. While I've never been deep in kink or poly circles (often a lot of overlap), one of the common practices is of having public gatherings (munches) where members of the community and potential members of the community can meet, chat about non-kink and kink things, and get a feel for one another. Established members of the community then (usually informally) either okay the person getting on more restricted access communication channels, getting notifications of other gatherings, etc. Established members can also flag the person as setting off their intuition in a bad way, and that person doesn't get invited in further.
It's far from perfect, and local communities can be healthy, distressed, or toxic, depending on the people involved. You get "broken stairs" when people with problematic behavior are identified but allowed to remain without fixing the problem, and potentially harm newcomers as a result. You also have to have a critical mass in a geographic area.
Thanks @kendrayk74 lets see how others weigh in … and what is your comment on possibly involving people with law enforcement background?
Us uggos need cheaper physical contact options. They need to legalize the NSFW kind of cuddles.
...this is why professional cuddlers need to be on a completely separate site than non-pros
I hope they can fix it and make it safe please 🙏
@HUGGGGGG Re: involving people with law enforcement backgrounds, that would be a hard no from me. Whatever it says about me, knowing that the site itself is engaging in deception around people that are trying to be vulnerable, trying to "catch" people would discourage me from engaging on the site.
@MikeSugs It reads like you think you're leading off with a joke. Even if sex work were legal, advertising or soliciting for it doesn't belong in a place that exists for the purpose of people seeking platonic cuddling connections.
@maryjane4200510 I hope that we can make it safer. Meeting strangers, bringing them into our homes or hotel rooms, and sharing touch is always going to have a degree of risk.