I wonder if newcomers on the site think they might be more safe because of the use of pro.
And if you think it's misleading or incorrect, what would you call a paid cuddler's role?
"Safe" is relative. Whether pro or enthusiast, folks need to vet who they're communicating and planning on cuddling with.
I'm going to echo what @Smiley_Bounty said in a previous forum post.
"Navigating and uncovering actual wants is labor, navigating your own boundaries and communicating those boundaries for each unique person and situation is labor, being understanding when someone missteps is labor and the people I open my arms to may not be familiar with navigating any of that and may not be in a place to do that labor. As a professional, I am happy to fill in those gaps with my own excellence, and resolute that even if they can't do the labor for me, I can help them for even just an hour."
For semantics sake the definition of a professional "aka a pro" from the dictionary on my bedside is "An individual who earns a livelihood by performing specialized, skilled work, often requiring education, and adherence to ethical codes. It describes someone competent, reliable, and respectful, acting with integrity in their field, rather than as a hobbyist or amateur."
I'd say a professional cuddler fits that bill.
Personally I used to be an enthusiast. It was great, but I almost exclusively cuddled women as the process of vetting men was longer and also many got the impression after a few sessions that it was something other than platonic.
I found that when I did cuddle men, even when it was a safe and "good" session the cuddling and physical closeness was often mistaken for, or used as, an opportunity for emotional venting rather than mutual connection. Which is not in and of itself a problem, but when this occurs regularly without reciprocity, it is draining, as I was also there for healing and connection that I was not receiving. I never had this issue with women or pros as pros were focused entirely on my comfort, and women tended to be more emotional aware and we were able to be more reciprocal in our connections.
Emotional labor—listening, validating, nurturing, and calming another’s stress—is real work, even if it is invisible, and sometimes would even negatively effect my mental health over time after repeated sessions where I felt I was just being used as a pseudo-therapist for these individuals. This labor is often unappreciated and when unrecognized can definitely lead to burnout, particularly because my expectations vs my reality of cuddling were vastly different even when abundant communication occurred prior to meeting.
I figured, after so many raving reviews about my healing presence, I figured that I should share my gifts and just become a Pro. I cared a lot of about setting, preferences, utilizing tools I learned in therapy (and through my minor in psychology), to help others. And if I was going in with the expectation of nurturing for another, I could at least prepare myself to be in the right mindset for it.
In addition, why should I not be paid for said emotional labour? Why was it expected of me to handle it for free- and I find this is mostly due to patriarchal expectations of what women should be for men, as when I suggested men cuddle with other men many were appalled or would insinuate they certainly would, if they were paid.
I find it interesting that men saying that would not spark much backlash at all, but when coming from women it is seen as entitled and unfair. More unfair, seemingly, than women continually providing unpaid emotional labour for men and usually at the risk of being put in a dangerous situation at worse, or an unfulfilling emotional situation at best.
This work is very adjacent to professions like massage therapist, mental health counselor, therapist, mentorship services, etc. and yet none of those seem to have the ridicule or constant re-asserting of validity that professional cuddlers do.
It's also odd to me because it seems you have had MANY pro cuddlers- what was their role to you?
For many its time, convienence, the lack of ambiguity around intent etc. but even more simply, there's a market and a demand, and therefore there is a supply.
The use of cuddle pro is not necessarily misleading . I love the cuddle pros here and consider some to be among my best homies. What I feel is misleading is when cuddling is espoused as a sort of pseudo therapy. That is not entirely honest and can be quite harmful when somebody makes claims of having mental health or physical health capabilities and can be dangerous when making claims that are outside of their scope. It might be therapeutic in a sense, but something can have therapeutic qualities and not be therapy. It gets sold sometimes as some sort of miracle water snake oil, and that is not good. Keep it a pleasant fun safe mutually shared experience. It's already a pretty awesome thing, no need to convolute it into something it's not.
Well said @pmvines. I wish someone could come up with a better term than "client." Maybe just say "cuddler" for lack of a better term. That's what I say.
If you didn’t use the word pro, what word would you use?
I don’t necessarily think it’s misleading, there are some pros that don’t act professional but that in and of itself, doesn’t make me think using the word pro is a bad thing.
I do think words like licensed, certified, therapy or therapist, regarding cuddling are definitely misleading.
I have some ideas…
Pro here means they charge money, that’s it
The word "Pro" is definitely misleading. I have met a limited number of "Pros" on here. I have met some very good people on here and have shared moments of professional experiences. Becoming a "Pro" doesn't happen with 2 cuddle sessions. It takes dedication, commitment and the willingness to learn more about yourself and the service that you are attempting to provide. If a "Pro" needs the cuddle session more than the client because of various ongoing life situations then the client ends up becoming the :"Pro" and still pays the "Pro" the fee.
@SleepySheep1 You can't be serious saying that pro cuddlers on here fit that definition from the dictionary.
.
People will have different perspectives. I have been on and off the site since 2019. I go in season where I travel for work and find myself missing connection on longer trips.
Some cities seem to have better pros. They are intentional, lots of Karma.
Some pros, at least back in the day I’m not sure ever booked. Makes me wonder how they stay pros. The should get the labeled removed if they are in active with bookings over 2 months.
It be nice if there was at least some check box videos that had to be watched to be a pro. Training on platonic cuddles, how to enhance the experience with types of touch, or things like scents and lighting like candles. All those things help me relax.
And virtual - 🤮 there is NO cuddling. For the pros who only do virtual, that’s not cuddling it’s arm chair therapy that the barber can give. I get it’s nice and it’s needed, but it’s not cuddling.
A virtual session is not a cuddling session, it is an online meeting thats it. Mostly for moral support or to have a conversation
The second definition of professional in the dictionary is: participating for gain or livelihood in an activity or field of endeavor often engaged in by amateurs.
As in a professional golfer or poker player or even basketball player.
It can literally just mean that someone is getting paid for what they do when other people do it unpaid or as a hobby.
And even in the world where professional does mean education and licensure. There can be those who lack “professionalism”.
Well, the difference between a "pro" in almost anything is whether the person is doing it to get paid. A pro golfer who consistently finishes at the bottom of the scoreboard is still playing for money. A pro fisherman who loses every tournament is still fishing for a money incentive.
The difference that I see between "pro" and "professional" is some form of licensing or credentials. In one of my above examples, a tournament pro fisherman doesn't usually need any special credentials, whereas a professional fishing guide usually needs a guide license and maybe some form of boating credentials. Same with a professional massage therapist - have to be licensed as an LMT.
But "pro" (as opposed to "amateur" or "enthusiast") just means you have a money incentive for what you're doing.
Sorry to repeat you @mauvefox - was apparently typing my thoughts out even as you had posted, heh
Siding with the pros and cons debated here seems “pro” remains the optimal word … my thought is that out of all the other professions this is the only one where you get the exact same thing back … can anyone think of a profession where you get the exact same thing back from your client plus money? … most if not all economic activity is asymmetrical (eg. cake for money) while this seems symmetrical ( ie. cuddle for a cuddle) with only the emotional factors offsetting it leading to payments (cuddle for a cuddle plus money)…
In theory, cuddling with a pro would not be 100% reciprocal. It would be someone who is there and dedicated to your needs (within their limits and boundaries). The client doesn’t really have to worry if their partner is having a fulfilling cuddle (as long as the pro is safe and comfortable). Most pros put a lot of time and effort into making sure their client is comfortable and content and happy with the experience.
As an enthusiast I would never ever ever want to be a pro on here.
Edit: I have never been one, as implied by the statement above. But I am friends with several and have interacted with many more in the forums and I have seen the efforts they put into their profession. Of course there will be pros who are lacking. That is true in all fields.
And there are other types of professions who are not part of ranking systems. For example in most states professional life coaches are not required to have any specific education or training. Educational advocates are not licensed nor required to have any specific education or training. You hire them based on reviews, reported experience, and an initial consultation. There will be good ones, great ones, and awful ones.
Lots of comparisons to sports like pro golfer which signifies a ranking system in a league. I don't think this fits the cuddling community. Like how good a pro is at cuddling.
@pmvines I'm with you all the way. People in their profiles talk therapy and make-up terms that sound therapeutic. Some try to talk like a drug dealer. A deliverer of oxytocin. It'a akin to marketting like using "natural flavor."
@HUGGGGGG Really good point. We have the pro side that makes money and gets to cuddle. On top of that, since I'm a giver the emotional labor has been put on me at times. I had a cuddler who was dealing with relatioship issues in their personal life, and was eager for advice.
There are pros that also complain about their job to me with other clients, while cuddling.
I do agree that the emotional labor can be one-sided for transaction in many clients. I am not that client.
@mauvefox Have you ever been a pro? Or a client?
@Huggycatbear thank you, I second what you say for myself as well.
To be clear . I don't feel using term cuddle pro is misleading and I don't feel like it's an inappropriate term, nor do I feel that cuddle pros are not an important and needed service. It's the cuddling itself that I don't feel is all that it's made out to be. It's great to do and I feel people should do it as often as they feel they wish to do, however when people start talking clinical about t It and compare it to modalities used in mental health therapy, and inaccurately espouse it as helping with medical problems that is where I tap out. That has potential to cause harm.
@pmvines C’mon now. I used to have to hop around on crutches but then I cuddled and my leg grew back. We’ve met, you know I walk like nothing ever happened.
@TheFunCartel Are you sure you didn't just miscount? (Doctor Who reference)
I think it can be somewhat misleading since there is no training or certification required and it only means they have been approved to charge money to cuddle. Some pros certainly seem like professionals and some even cuddle out of an office space, which I think is really cool. But yeah, regardless if they have a pro tag or not, I’d suggest screening anyone you intend to meet online.
I love the term Oxytocin or Dopamine Dealer 🥰🥰🥰
Being a pro in this site REALLY IS a lot of emotional labor. Getting stood up by someone youve spent a lot of time talking to and putting out money for a place to host is really the only reason I charge, and why my fee isn't as high as some others. I love the cuddle sessions I get, when I get them, but I'm definitely not making enough to quit my day job. By the time the site takes their fee, and I've paid for the hotel, I'm not making ANYTHING off of at least one cuddle a weekend, and I have tried not to pass on that to my Cuddle Buddy... I have to put in the work and message the people who have seemed Interested and try to line them up with space between to reset my space and regulate my anxiety, especially if they start pushing boundaries.
@CharlieBear I hear you, but my contention is that if we call them for example ‘paid cuddlers’ or something I feel Neanderthal type humans may become more dismissive of boundaries on both sides … and also the word pro leaves a room for the newbies to develop their skills … I don’t think pro is best but seems to work most optimally…. About some pros being amazing: I do feel they should have perhaps a different color? … like they are still a pro but instead of the typical CC pinkish color they get a different color or a badge … I do think newbie pros should be differentiated from truly seasoned professionals….
@Krisha
I'm beyond serious. In its simplest terms it is someone doing something for payment with a certain skill rather than as a hobbyist, amateur, or enthusiast aka not paid.
Pro's here are simply independent contractors that act with integrity and are not enthusiasts.
While you may have certain connotations associated with the word, the definition, particularly as relevant to this site, is fairly broad.
Are there good and bad pro-cuddlers on here? Of course, but that's why there is a karma system, the ability to chat and determine compatibility and wants before booking a session, and moderation to ensure everyone is acting within the established guidelines of the site- and booting those who don't fall within it. I've been a mental health counselor (the kind that doesn't require a degree just very very basic training) and were their good and bad ones? Yes, but they distinguished us from volunteers by calling us pro assistant counselors (there were counselors above us with degrees or certifications).
I think some people are taking the verbiage too seriously. At the end of the day you can't call it providers, or companions, etc because all of those words have already been co-opted by sex workers. And ultimately a rose by any other name is still a rose. I'm not sure why this theme is re-hashed in the forums every week. The current system works, the website clearly has no intent on changing naming as its clear enough, and regardless of your view on the validity of pro-cuddling it's not going anywhere anytime soon so I'm not sure what the intent or productivity in these discussions is. It's so prevalent and tiring that I'm honestly considering leaving entirely, despite recently renovating a space in my home for the exclusive intent of hosting.
@SleepySheep1 I'm sorry you feel this way! It was not my intention to stoke fires so much as I wanted to get people's perspectives, including yours which is very valuable. So I apologize and I would love for you to feel vibrant from the sharing of topics instead of drained.
Cuddle pros as it stands do incredible work. When I came out of the hospital after 4 days, I had to cancel a session because I didn't know when they would dischsrge me.But she reached out to me on that day to check up on me.
And I was like, you know what? I'll come for a couple hours even though I was disoriented and hurting. She glady accepted and when I came over she gave me the deepest hug.
Really took care of me. I am looking forward to the next cuddle decision where we decided a dinner and movie. Her healing was so direct and I felt so much better afterwards.
I told her she cares for the wounded warriors. She liked that.
Amazing cuddle pros I've met on here.
@Morpheus said,
I would suggest Compensated cuddler in general, but reserve Professional cuddler for those who've taken various training and certifications.
So many great points here. And truly there is riff raff on both sides. Because people are simply people regardless of gender or pro designation.
Even though there is advice to cuddle as many different people as possible, especially as a way to limit feelings from occurring, I feel more safe cuddling the same people who are happy to see me with that mutual trust. The world has gone so crooked as a whole.
Finding a good person who legitimately cares is a rare find. Thanks for all the education and viewpoints here, so I can better safeguard my cuddling journey as a client.