Men: what do you prioritize as self-care? This can be anything from physical (ex: skin care) to other layers such as emotional, spiritual, etc.
There are no constraints.
Finding things to laugh about, music, alone time, clothes shopping , pedis, walks, traveling to see friends, escaping into a video or podcast, silence
I suck at self care. But when I make time to do so, a walk in nature is completely uplifting!
As a paint contractor with arthritis, I get a weekly massage, alternating between 2 therapists (1 does exceptional with the mech and shoulders, the other is great for back issues.) Besides this, I need some alone time every couple weeks, so I pick a couple movies or a book to lose myself in.
Time at home with just my wife and dogs is the best form of self care I could ever ask for.
Unplugging from devices and screens, and then getting into a comfortable spot for some reading with a glass of wine or a beer.
I'm glad this is getting talked about. We suffer in silence more than we'll ever admit. I've been bad about self care my whole life. I feel like all you can do is just make time for yourself whenever you can.
@bamatt I agree! So many men do suffer in silence. I am just breaking out of my shell to express myself within the last couple of years and I'm nearly 50.
The suicide rate of males compared to females is staggering.
I am hoping this thread can be a sharing of ideas and a space for us to safely talk about what we can do to care for ourselves in this modern age. I do see a pattern here that many of us are on the path of self-love where we spend time with ourselves. I went into that kicking and screaming, being a hopeless romantic. And now I realize loving yourself isn't just a light switch you learn to flick on. It's a journey that can take you through areas you didn't even know you could do to treat yourself better.
At the end of the day, we are the ones who'll always be there to pick us up after we bumps, bruises, and even breaks.
For me, health is primarily #1 ever since I turned 40 and got diagnosed with cancer and diabetes. I was 274 pounds and lost 100. I reverse the diabetes. I unfortunately might be in another battle with cancer, but waiting on biopsy results as I speak.
I see health as more of a matrix.
Physical health: I hike and go to the gym. I walk parks. I used to swim and want to get back to it. I do have a skin care routine that is simply moisturizer and sunblock when I need it since I live in the desert valley. I would like to know more here. @pmvines I love that you do pedis. I love when men find unique ways that appeal to them, even if it might be stigmatized. Not saying that is, I'm more focused on how that appeals to me.
Emotional health: Anything artistic helps me here. I write poems, journal, and my long game is novel writing. This has led me to join a writing group where I read chapters in front of others. I find expression to the best for my emotional health. I used to be dominated by fear of new things. I have redefined this particular fear to give me the cue that I'm exploring something new and exciting. And I don't have to get it right the first time. Giving myself space to learn something new has given me the freedom to expand my horizons.
Mental health: I'm an overthinker. I'm also empathic. People have lived rent free in my head. I have spend a tremendous amount of time and energy on sideline thoughts that don't even materialize into reality. If for example I go to dinner with someone new, my mind might create 5 scenarios that never happen. Yet it still has its cost. Still drains me. And this anxiety is what stops me from expressing myself.
I realize why I loved weed for as long as I did. It cut out all these thoughts and gave me an idgaf attitude. I've since learned that I can do this without the weed. I have tore down what I call the old scaffolding of these thoughts, and learn to not worry about what people think of me. Also finding a way in our spaces to peel the mask of, instead of fearing consequences.
Social health: I'm an extrovert. So social currency is my favorite form of currency. More than money. So I try to connect with others. At first, I found more success in connecting with other men more than women. They flake or ghost less. I'm not saying men are generally better, this just has been my experience. However, having healthy male relationships is the best way I've found connecting with other women.
The cuddling community has helped me a lot with intimacy with women. It's platonic sure, but cuddling and conversations has made us feel safe to be vulnerable with each other. I love gaining perspective. What better way than here. As well as from different ages.
Spiritual health: I'm eclectic. So I believe in everything from Jesus, to Buddha, to atheist principles and lifestyle. For me, it all connects together. I do not participate in organized religion. I would rather my belief be more direct, then through institutions where money is involved. That's just me.
I pray and meditate.
Purpose: I don't find my current job fulfilling. The system has taught me that by paying the bills and maintaining my lifestyle in integration, I will find joy. This brings me no joy. I don't have much of a retirement saved up on approach to 50, so I am going to have to shoot the moon and go full-on into my long game of writing novels. Out of all the risks, I think investing in ourselves is the best gamble.
Writing novels is my purpose. And it is something I can character build over a long period of time.
I work out preferably 5 times a week doing a combination of weights, cardio in the sauna, and isometrics and stretching in the sauna as well - all at a Hotworx gym. I also get facials once a month and in the meantime do a lot of skin care like staying out of the sun for long periods of time, using exfoliating and hydrating cleansers, and using sunscreen often. I don’t drink anymore and I’ve never smoked. I won’t drink sugary drinks except on very rare occasion and try to limit sugar as much as I can. I’ll eat whole foods throughout the week and maybe eat out on the weekends. I usually study Japanese at a coffee shop like Starbucks in my spare time and when I get a chance I’ll go to a Disney park here in Florida, especially EPCOT or magic kingdom. I think the thing I need to work on is to stay off of sites like Reddit or YouTube where it’s really easy to get drawn into controversial/argumentative things.
And of course I cuddle at least twice a month, sometimes more and shooting to cuddle every weekend.
I'm lucky enough to live near a nice canal so walking around helps tremendously. And other little things...thrifting, muscle soak baths, massages though I've neglected them this year
I agree this is a hugely important topic - for reasons already stated.
Self care for me: Combination of movement, nutrition, sleep, mindfulness (meditation, journaling, and creative writing), friendships, time outdoors (I live at the beach - feet in sand or ocean makes a big inis t on my day!), appreciating the arts - mainly music but not exclusively, experiencing joy (in any number of ways—from sports to 1:1 time with my partner), regular quality time with my dog, and finally closely monitoring all the medical stuff to stay ahead of any issues that might arise.
Like others, I sed this as a multifaceted issue. No silver bullets. It takes a variety of things to keep the balance right.
I think a form of men’s self care that’s often overlooked is having positive relationships with other men whether they be friends or family members. I am lucky enough to have some great buddies that can have open conversations with about life where I’m not judged. It’s amazing. I offer that to any one on the site, if you feel like you need someone to talk to, I’m happy to listen and chat with you.
I like getting a massage every few weeks.... Sometimes I can almost go to sleep...
I take a pause every now and then. Pay close attention to my mental state. Do small things that make me switch up my mood. It can be small things like hydration, a walk outside, speaking with someone to vent. Sometimes your nervous system needs reassuarance from you that you're there for yourself! And you'll do what needs to be done to keep yourself safe and secure!
I’m really bad at self-care. I’m the one who takes care of people. I’m a giver. But when I do Try and take care of myself I tend to fallback on some of my favorite tv shows and horror movies.
@Drubie971 I'm also a giver, and because of that, I'm still learning how to receive. It created lopsided situations where I would do all the reaching out, and then get frustrated.
I didn't give them a chance to give back on their own.
Or I had the scoreboard logic where as soon as someone gave to me, I had to turn around and give back.
I would feel bad for taking up their time.
I'm learning to simply accept and I hope you can too!
Music Sleep Hot showers Family time Cuddling whenever I have the opportunity
Hot showers Workout Music Sleep
Sauna is my self care ritual. I budget with it in mind specifically, and also monday is dedicated as my sauna day 🙏 Monthly massage is a close second
I have a sauna, hot tub, swim ritual I do as often as I can. Therapy, with consistency now that my provider takes insurance. Mindfulness and intentional breathing techniques. A relatively new development is listening to the Dungeon Crawler Carl audio books, they are so so good, crazy fun voice acting and story.
Fifty-one, and I'm still not very good at this part.
@Huggycatbear great topic! I love walks in the forest. Playing with and cuddling my dogs. Hanging out with my partner usually gardening or watching shows. Every evening I get in my hot tub just before bed - my best sleep aid. Reading books, especially those that stimulate and challenge me. Last but not least -cuddling helps me to let go, calm down, rest and be taken care of.
@Morpheus I totally agree. I have a group of men who live all over the western hemisphere. We communicate daily, meet via Zoom weekly and retreat together yearly. It’s been a life saver for me.
This is sadly something that Men, in the US anyway, are not really encouraged to prioritize.
Some things that have worked for me are Yoga, meditation, acupuncture, breath work, reading, walking, cycling, weightlifting, and other things like therapy, peer counseling, men's groups, and so on.
It's a matter of finding the time when you also have other duties/responsibilities to balance. Nonetheless, it's critical to your own well-being.
Male on male genuine friendship will heal the world
Friendship is tough to navigate for loners
Watch videos or read articles on topics like how to emotionally support an upset person
Coping skills
Learn hobbies in a group setting but he careful about who you connect with
Build comfort with touching other men like fist bumps and pats on shoulders. That sort of thing.
No need for half the population to feel isolated when they have each other to vent to and bond with.
Gettin' my sleep on!
What's upp time to catch some Zzzs...
I take whole body massage like once every 3 months
Massages, meditating, listening to binaural music while high, long walks, hair wash days, anime before bed, sleeping in on weekends, pizza Tuesdays, hugging my stuffies
Take time to do the things I want to do, working all the time takes its toll and just things like going on a cycling, morotcycle trip or spending the day working on my project car are so important to forget about the stress of daily life..