Hello! Trying this posting thing again. This time only one topic, haha.
How has being on this site helped you to connect with others outside of the Cuddling scene?
1) Cuddling with attractive females has helped me in a world where pretty privilege is a thing and can be disarming to our own full expressions of ourselves. I used to talk to women that I consider attractive like Grace Ashcroft of Resident Evil 9. Hu-hu-hu-hu-hu-hu-hi.
People don't react well to social anxiety I've learned lol. It prevents us in getting to many areas in our lives, including career, and feeling like an equal part of something.
So in a nutshell, it was one component that helped fix my social anxiety.
2) Being touch-starved made it so I was desperate to date. I came from a scarcity mindset. I had an anxious attachment. I over-invested. All the things that would sink my dating life before it could get a foothold. Now I am meeting people in the wild and I can trust in myself to not only present myself in opportunities, but also to not over-invest and feel heartbreak too early.
3) After my hospital stay, I had cancelled with a cuddler but then was discharged that same day. She reached out to me. I said you know what? If you don't mind, I could still come over for a couple hours. She was delighted and gave me a huge hug when I came to her place. She fast-tracked me into healing with tender loving care. And I so appreciate how she fixed this wounded warrior up.
I’ve learned how to get to the deeper parts of conversation. Most people seem to want to open up and not just talk surface level. Some people don’t like to go deeper but I think most of us desire to be heard and talk about ourselves and what we’re going through. Cuddling has made me realize that and that I’m always wanting to let people vent to me. I’ve also always been an empathetic person but it’s given me a deeper understanding of why it’s important to have empathy for people because you truly never know what someone is going through, being judge mental of someone’s bad attitude has definitely gotten the best of me before entering the cuddle world and now I give a lot more grace for people. It also has just been an overall stress reliever with some cuddle buddies. They have not only helped me financially because I am a pro that charges so that helps with stress relief of course but giving those feather touches, light massages, head scratches and tight squeezes and receiving them in return leaves me feeling so zen that it just makes my days feel lighter and less chaotic ♥️
@Brandi 100%
I just discovered this recently. But a large reason I've felt ostracized so many times in my life is because I have a deep well inside of me that is eager for connection and expression. And when I would present it, people would, for a lack of better word, not f with me. They would change subjects or shut me down. They would make me feel like a weirdo, or act like I don't exist.
I tried to fix that by engaging in more shallow conversation as an entryway into the pool so to speak, but I don't do shallow talk well.
I love that you used the word grace. Grace has been my magic word of late, and it is what I'm trying to do to build the person I want to be, not only for myself, but for others in more healthy ways.
I love what you said about empathy and being judgmental of someone's attitude, and how you are more patient. I think that's what happens on the internet all the time. People don't want to be patient in someone's understanding of what I call their schemata. Which is not only their personality, but internal systems and external world.
As a counterpoint, too many people want to rush the deeper questions and connection. I tell stories from my life that people find humorous or interesting—a recurring theme in my karma—but on a couple of occasions people wanted to drill down on them. I will and have shut down when that occurs. I am naturally guarded about myself and only time will unlock anything deeper. A two hour session ain’t gonna do it.
Pacing is an art. So is presentation. I will say it sounds like @Brandi had learned from experiences which my intuition tells me she probably has the wherewithal skills to know when and how to probe. But too many cuddlers I have seen seem to think “we are cuddling, so tell me your emotional secrets” because they assume physical intimacy and emotional intimacy are automatically connected organically. No, I am usually there to decompress, have a laugh, and make a friend. That’s me and I appreciate the ones that read the room. I think the only cuddler that cracked my emotional egg quickly and with my full consent was @sillysassy. But she is very much a unicorn in the cuddle community. Not saying the others I have seen aren’t great—they are in their own way and for different reasons—but I am talking about emotional and deeper connections. She is special in that she is so natural and organic about it, she is free of agenda, and she asks for consent on deeper questions. She should educate the world on connections—we wouldn’t be in such a cesspool if she did.
I think my interactions with females overall has dramatically improved, people in general actually. I’m much more comfortable approaching and interacting with people. I always say that this site has been life changing for me. That may sound a bit dramatic but it’s true.
@TheFunCartel oh absolutely it for sure depends on the person and it is a skill in some ways to be able to as you said read the room. A huge reason I said most people like deeper talk and some just absolutely don’t haha, I learned after asking two or 3 questions and they don’t seem engaged in the conversation, it’s time to shut up and just enjoy the silence. Some people really don’t even want shallow talk and specifically are there for cuddles and silence because they live such chaotic lives where they really don’t have peaceful quiet time. Or it just takes time like you said, and over multiple sessions the conversations have gotten deeper. & One time had a cuddle session where he asked please no talking and no lights other than a little night light, and no background noise because he got overstimulated very quickly. That was roughhh for me and had so much time to look inward on why it was hard for me. After that session I started meditating and learning how to quiet my own mind. I’m so thankful for that person/session because it got me into meditation. ♥️ Now that I’m writing all this out it’s kinda crazy, I’m thinking back to so many amazing people who have taught me so many little things here and there or have helped shaped me into the person I am today over the past 10 years.
Thanks for creating this thread, that’s awesome. And so glad to hear that others have gained some priceless things out of being in this community ☺️
