Self consciousness

plumbobplumbob
in General

I feel like everytime i leave the house everyone is silently judging me with the most negative thoughts imaginable.

Yeah I know rationally most people probably dont even notice or care I exist but I can't shake the feeling that i look like a disgusting weirdo and everyone feels that way about me.

I tried therapy but it didnt really help over time and I felt like I couldn't open up about anything.

I use to use this site occasionally but i think at this point i dont really want to interact with people anymore and I mostly just browse this site out or boredom/habit.

I dont really know why im opening up about this on here. Maybe I just want some support or comforting words because it hurts a lot. I dunno😟

Comments

  • SpicyNSweetSpicyNSweet

    I'm so sorry to read this. You're right that most people probably aren't noticing you in the way you think about yourself though. Can I tell you a secret? Pretty much everyone is tearing themselves apart to a degree, and struggles thinking others are as well. I've never met anyone who didn't have self conscious issues in some area.
    I hope you can start to love and accept yourself. Life is so short, so fragile, and it would be a shame to miss out on the beauty and joy out there. I know you mentioned trying therapy, but sometimes it can take a little while to find somebody you feel you can trust. I love my therapist! Maybe give it another try? Hugs❤️

  • natasya148natasya148

    Your feelings are valid, but not necessarily true. My thought about the world is that people always have opinions. Some are positives and some are negatives. One can never will them all. You will go crazy if you try. So here’s my motto: I only live once. I will die trying to please everyone. So why don’t I just please the most important person: MYSELF. It does not always work, but for most of the times, it definitely made me a happier person. Good luck on your endeavor! 😎

  • IronicMaidenIronicMaiden

    A therapist once told me something which I've found helpful, and which I try to always keep in mind.

    No one cares. Everyone too wrapped up in their own little worlds to bother judging you.

  • MeltMyWayMeltMyWay

    Hey… I’m really glad you said this out loud. That feeling is way more common than people admit, and it can get loud in your head.
    From the outside though—most people really aren’t paying that much attention. They’re stuck in their own thoughts and insecurities too. That voice telling you everyone’s judging you? It’s not telling you the truth, even if it feels real.
    Also, therapy not clicking doesn’t mean something’s wrong with you. Sometimes it’s just not the right therapist or space.
    And honestly… the fact you posted this means a part of you still wants connection, even if you’re tired of people. That matters.
    You’re not some “disgusting weirdo.” You’re just human and hurting a bit. You’re not alone in this 🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂

  • PCuddlesNLPCuddlesNL

    I feel the same way sometimes :#
    I wish I knew how to shake that feeling for good.

    But I think the best thing a person can do is just try to focus on themselves. Though that is easier said than done.

  • JohnR1972JohnR1972

    @natasya148

    Your feelings are valid, but not necessarily true.

    That is beautifully said.

    @plumbob - I will never forget the sign I read in the kitchen of an older couple. It read…
    “In your 20s, you care about what other people think of you. In your 40s, you quit caring what other people think of you. In your 60s, you realize they were never thinking about you in the first place.”

  • cuddlefaerycuddlefaery

    One of the big ah-ha moments for me in therapy was learning to distinguish between "normal self-consciousness" and social anxiety. I spent most of my life just thinking I was super introverted and shy, but a therapist pointed out a few years ago that what I'm mostly experiencing falls under social anxiety and General Anxiety Disorder. Being self-conscious from time to time is normal and to be expected... Feeling anxious, on edge, and constantly worrying how other people are judging you when socializing or in public is not. For me it likely stems from being neurodivergent and various negative childhood experiences, combined with a dysfunctional family where we were taught social maladaptations that make anxiety worse 🤷🏻‍♀️ And because of how I grew up to mask and shove down negative emotions, I've had a hard time even recognizing the sensations of anxiety. If asked, I always said I only experienced it situationally, but that's because I became so very good at avoiding triggers.

    Being able to distinguish between social anxiety and regular self-consciousness isn't a magic pill that will make social interactions easier - but it has allowed me to learn healthier coping mechanisms and how to recognize and name the feelings, which helps me stop the downward spiral. There are also some medications that can help take the edge off in a safer and more effective manner than the typical social lubricants (alcohol, weed, etc).

  • cozycuddler4youcozycuddler4you
    edited May 7

    As others mentioned, people are too preoccupied with themselves and their own actions and insecurities to notice how you look or what you're doing. We rarely ever notice or remember things about other people that they may feel self-conscious about.

    This study proves it: The Spotlight Effect in Social Judgment: An Egocentric Bias in Estimates of the Salience of One's Own Actions and Appearance: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/10707330/

    Researchers in this study had participants wear weird / embarrassing t-shirts. When they asked participants how many people would notice, most said at least half. In reality, only 25% noticed.

    Hope this data provides a bit of freedom from your thoughts (or at least 75% more freedom.) It has for me. <3

  • great_pillow08great_pillow08

    Whatever it is you don’t like about yourself, do little things every day to either change it or accept it. Write it down if you need to. Hold yourself accountable and track your progress. I had really bad acne as a teenager and had to make conscious efforts not to touch my face. As an adult, I struggle with (believe it or not) hydration. Everything’s a battle- All you can do is try! hugs

  • SoulSurvivorSoulSurvivor

    I struggle with the same stuff. Cognitive behavioral therapy can really help. I recommend checking out a book called “Feeling great.”

    It can help you quiet those negative thoughts, which may feel very true but are likely not grounded in reality. You’re worth it, my friend.

  • SweetCuddler33SweetCuddler33
    edited May 7


  • Goonie4lifeGoonie4life

    @plumbob it's all about baby steps. Have you ever seen the movie called "What About Bob?"? It has Richard Dreyfuss and Bill Murray. Great movie to check out.

    If that doesn't work, I recall a Simpsons episode where Homer was nervous about giving a speech in front of a huge crowd. He was told to picture everyone naked. 🤣

    Hope your week goes better for you. Be your best self and ignore everyone else. Sending good vibes your way

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