POLL – Issues with age differences

edited October 2018 in General

Something I come across a lot are older people who are anxious to cuddle with younger out of fear that it's boundary pushing and not appropriate, especially in cuddles with the opposite sex. Obviously since intent is platonic this is very far from the truth, but has anyone had these issues when approaching or being approached for a cuddle?

I recently had a gent of 55 respond to an ad I had up who is interested but does not want to scare me off with his age. Little does he know, my eldest cuddle was in his 70s and I hope to find others who are even further down the road. As a pro I can't discriminate based on age, but even if I weren't I don't think I would anyway.

To some it might seem like a red flag since why would age even matter, but then there are times where doing something that actually isn't wrong still gives us these guilty feelings. As a survivor of child sexual abuse for instance, I feel guilty when I come into physical contact with children. I feel like I am passing my abuse onto them. (Don't worry, my therapist and I are working at this!)

So it begs the question— are you comfortable cuddling and connecting with someone who is well outside your age group? Why or why not?

  1. Would you feel comfortable cuddling someone with a significant age difference of more than 15 years?410 votes
    1. Yes
      66.34%
    2. No
      17.80%
    3. Maybe
      15.85%
«134

Comments

  • [Deleted User]Kingpin (deleted user)

    I believe it's a sociological fact that most men look for younger women while women look for older men. The myth of anxiety concerning age difference is a recent contrivance.

  • Interesting timing on this. Today a new member signed up who is near me. There aren't many non pros who are active, so I visited the profile, where it suddenly struck me that this person is 16.

    Obviously I wouldn't approach anyone underage, but just visiting the profile made me feel creepy!

    Age is irrelevant to me (if they are an adult!), but I completely understand this discussion and welcome it.

  • edited October 2018

    @Kingpin

    The myth of anxiety concerning age difference is a recent contrivance.

    While you're right that there is a sociological pull on preference with regards to age difference, I find the latter point to simply be a myth in and of itself. There are many situations where age difference does create anxiety. Many relationships etc. where two people are otherwise compatible are not pursued because one person feels, "I'm too old/too young for you".

    Does anybody here watch Downton Abbey? Classic example. Poor Edith.

    Edith Crawley jilted at the altar

  • more than 20 years older is a issue for me ..

  • edited October 2018

    @Kingpin - many women are not looking for older guys! As an older guy, I've found a significant number of older women are looking for younger guys, their stated age range stretches further on the younger end than on the older end. The bigger problem, however, is people who don't state a preferred age range, then you are completely in the dark.

  • edited October 2018

    I'm 47, and half of my cuddles have been with someone who is 21; in a few weeks I'm cuddling someone who is 61.

    Just like platonic cuddling is a new concept to some people, the idea of crossing age barriers and being close to someone much younger or older can be a bit of an alien concept too. Some things people might be thinking:

    "What are you trying to get from being close to someone younger?"

    The assumption might be that cuddling inevitably has some level of sexual tension in the background etc. Such people just need a better understanding of what platonic cuddling is all about.

    "What could you possibly have in common?"

    The assumption is that the gap is too great to be able to relate to someone from a different generation. But the truth is, people are really interesting! There is a ton of stuff to talk about, and getting someone else's perspective and hearing their life experiences, dreams, memories etc. can be quite amazing. (Not that cuddling always needs to involve talking).

    "Older people are gross and smell funny."

    I hope not! I always have a shower before a cuddle. :)


    While we're on this topic, the requirements for being a professional include the line: "You are accepting of all races, ages, genders, and sexual orientations". So technically professionals should never refuse to cuddle someone on the basis of age difference alone. I suspect that's happened to me a few times (no reply from a couple of professionals), but it's hard to really know.

  • edited October 2018

    @UKGuy is too right. From what I glean older ladies have the widest acceptance of age range.

    Being younger, I guess I adhere to the stereotype a bit. I actually personally prefer the 40+ and up demographic for my cuddles because in my experience they have been more mature and understanding of the concept, though that isn't to say I haven't met absolute gentlemen in their younger years.

    @respectful Nail + head = you hit it. I find it good that you mention commonality, since that too is a huge barrier with age gaps. Maybe they aren't aware of or have not come across an "old soul" as it were.

    When I spend time with clients who are even as young as 40, they might be surprised at some of the things I love and am aware of. One could not get over my absolute adoration of Prince, and the fact that I own 17 of his albums, he was just like, "Why?! You're so young!" when in reality Prince was still a huge icon around the time of my birth; nobody who is into music really forgot about him. Some of my favourite songs, and movies and things date back to the 1910s... No client is ever into things "too old" for me, unless maybe we go back quite further :)

  • I normally want to cuddle with someone my age because I feel I would relate better

  • I have cuddled with women in their 60s and also some 21 year olds.
    I found both to be enjoyable.

  • For me it depends on how they come across and how relatable they are. I could talk to two different gentlemen 15-20 years older then me and have one give off the creepy grandpa vibe and one feel like my best friend. Same thing with someone that much younger.

  • I cuddle with people who are 40 years older than myself. As a matter of fact, they are pretty darn good at it. Age ain't nothing but a number baby lol.

  • I wish there is an option to like a comment ?

    Loved your comment @TeddieB

  • 15+ years older no problem....15+ years younger might be hard for me but I would try because I don't want to have an age bias.

  • Both of my cuddles this year (one from the site, one from the real world) have been less than half my age. I often prefer the company, socially, with younger people just to be able to forget my own advanced age for a time. I’m not sure how I’d feel about cuddling with someone a lot older than myself.

  • [Deleted User]DarrenWalker (deleted user)

    It's the person, not the age. If I cuddle really well with someone, they tend to feel like family—so for me all age does is change whether they feel like a grandparent, a parent, an older sibling, a younger sibling, a sibling's kid....

  • @Myrddyn I do hope you reported the underage enthusiast. Minimum age to join here, pro or enthusiast, is 18.

    Youngest person I've cuddled is 23. Oldest was over 60. @TeddieB is right: age is just a number, and tells you little about someone's personality, vitality, cuddle skills, or level of engagement in a session.

  • Half my cuddles have been with men young enough to be my kid and the other half have been with men older than I am. I probably wouldn't cuddle with anyone under 21. In real life, I've cuddled with two different people who were 20 but we had known each other socially for awhile and it was in a group situation.

  • edited October 2018

    @waywardchild80 - what exactly is the 'creepy grandpa vibe'?

  • I am wondering if I have a creepy Grandma vibe? I do have a 3 y/o Granddaughter.

  • Yeah I wondered that too. Lol, I get what is meant by it but that's just kind of...eh. I'll echo what @DarrenWalker said. For me, age correlates along that familial association. My Grandpa was not creepy, so I refuse to call other older males behaving badly, Creepy Grandpas. Any creepy people are just being that – creepy people.

  • My own experience of UK cuddlers on searches shows most women treat this site like a dating app, choosing narrow age ranges, say 5-7 years. I bet most of the age gap voters on here are men. Personally I do not treat this like a dating site, and would be okay with any age range, since it is just occasional meets for cuddles, and i have enough hobbies and interests that should be okay with any age range.

  • Hey, this is an interesting topic and I read all comments. I've decided to share my first profile comment ever on this topic. I hope to be brief. My dominant love language is touch followed by quality time ! So when single (divorced) many years and not in intimate relationship I have two deficits 1) Gentle and Genuine therapeutic touch and 2) Aloneness
    Now I am very much a social creature, I have social interactions ie: business, church, work..limited there..I'm a nurse. I have kept and maintained many longterm friendships with women 8 to 30 plus years long. I am very likeable, caring, empathetic, trust-worthy, nurturing, respectful, and respectful and mindful of women and their needs (I have four adult daughters...I love! ) I'm an interesting person, well travelled (49 states and over a dozen countries) educated, conversational and principled, 30 plus years a vegetarian or plant-based diet regimen. and basically I'm a gem of a person (a man, man but not macho) Yes I'm a gentleman ! But, it Must Be an Age/Gender Gap!! I've been on CC site since 2016, have messaged 50 plus women carried some brief convo's with a few but only met with one for a public cuddle (and it went well). I've sought cuddle buddies in Orlando, Atl, Mpls, Denver, Davenport, Ia, DC, Baltimore when travelling and of course Philly and Nearby NJ where I live. All without success (to date) ! My profile states age preference 21- 80. I specifically reach out to women my age and older 60 plus, because of empathetically feeling they are touched deprived and need platonic cuddling as much as I do ! I communicated that to some and still they choose not to follow up also. And of course I reached out to 20's to 30's yr old cause that's the majority of women who make up this site! So this is my experience and what i have found here at CC. I love people, I'm a people person, I'm a natural lover of life and nature. I'm a helper naturally which is why I choose the Nursing Field (Its been good for me) ! I'm not a complainer and am not complaining here. I am a very optimistic person which why I'm still part of this CC community. I do feel part of this community But as yet it hasn't served me well and I'm sure there are hundreds and probably thousands more like me and can identify with my experiences !! I do want to thank the pros who are out their making a difference every day in individual lives and who genuinely care for the individuals/males who otherwise are left without hope and withhout your Comforting Services ! My only other observation is that so many other non-pros Express the desire and interest to nurture, lift the burden of loneliness and touch deprivation and serve others platonically and have the desire to be served but what happens? Do they follow through? Are they attempting to fulfill their goals or allowing the men at this site to cuddle and comfort them??,( That could be another whole thread "Do Women on CC Really Come For the Cuddles They Say They Want"... That's all I have to say now !! Peace and keep Smiling Alot !!

  • @UKGuy For instance I got a message the other day from a person who was 75 Male and his profile stated he was only seeking 20-30 year old women to cuddle (I'm not in that age range btw) but it struck me as odd and creepy combined with the message.

  • I recall one of the users here stating he has a preference for cuddling women his daughters age. He gave a reasoning behind it that made sense to him, however to others it came off as a bit creepy.

    I dunno, I am in that middle ground age still where I am not a young man but am not considered old, perhaps older still, but not "old" . Be that as it may, I still feel inside very much like I did 20 yrs ago, even though my body might not. I feel a lot of older and aging people are likely the same, so even though physically they may feel their age, inside they still have a lot to give and a lot to offer.

  • Just being old is creepy to some people. But everyone gets old eventually. When I look at some of the young people joining this site with their nose rings, face tattoes and infantile snapchat filters, who really are the creepy ones?

  • It really would depend on the person for me. Age difference is the least of my worries.

  • I'm 33 and just joined this site. Right now, I'm wanting to cuddle with people that are around my age. If I cuddle enough or just simply change my thought process, I might change my preferences. For now, 24 to 39 is my age preference. However, if someone outside that age range messaged me, I would at least message them back and possibly reconsider a possible cuddle. Just my thoughts.

  • edited October 2018

    I'm 27 and I have a roommate it would be a very awkward situation if she saw me bring a way older man in my bedroom. I would have to explain who he was and what happened.

  • [Deleted User]Spectra615 (deleted user)

    My problem is not that it feels creepy, but I know so many people who are older than me, and those are people I get along with better than people my age.

  • edited October 2018

    @October1027 - your profile indicates you are a professional. Professionals on this site agree to not discrimninate based on many factors, including age.

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