when to stop replying (vent)

bluebellebluebelle
in General

I get most won’t read your profile but if you message me last minute and I say no unfortunately I don’t do last minute or same day because of “xyz” (which is also on bio) and they say thank you then do it two more times. Ex-ask if available now ? Either late night or during day -so I say it again well now it’s a third time -should i just stop responding ? This actually happens more often that i thought it would -maybe they message several at one time and get us mixed up but on my end it is beyond frustrating to keep repeating myself -

Comments

  • Sheena123Sheena123

    At that point, if they’ve done it three times and they don’t bother to remember it’s you, I would write to them “hey, this is the third time you’ve asked me even though I said I don’t do last minute bookings, (it’s also on my profile), so I’m going to have to block you so you don’t keep making this mistake. Have a great day ✌🏻 “ and then block him

  • BlueIrisBlueIris Mod

    Not only should you stop responding, but after three times you should report him for harassment.

  • TxTomTxTom

    Just Block. They can obviously check their message history and see that they've already messaged you before.

  • BellaAineBellaAine
    edited May 21

    You don't owe anyone an explanation as to why you don't host last minute. You simply say I don't take last minute requests or just don't respond since it's already in your bio. Block if they keep spamming you with the same message. I sometimes do take same-day requests depending on how they approach me, my mood and whether I’ll be available, and only if they get me a Lyft/Uber/taxi(if evening/night) because I do not like driving at night. But if they message me for the first time after 10 p.m. trying to book on the spot, I block. Most of the time I don't see the message till the next day anyways.

  • mauvefoxmauvefox

    I agree with everything said so far, I never even considered reporting for harassment, but I will now.

    I'm an enthusiast but I still get the same problems on here. just blatantly not reading my profile. Or maybe they read it but then totally disregarded it, which is kind of worse. 🤷‍♀️

    I try to be mindful of the numerous complaints men have posted here about not being replied to at all, so if i have a minute (which i don't always, but i try) I just point it out, "You haven't read my profile, come back when you have" or something to that effect.

    Now sometimes they double and triple down on saying yes they have, when they completely have not and its evident. And then I stop replying.

    Sometimes they still pop up every couple of weeks with a request or a "just saying hi" and yet still have not read my profile. 🙄 At that point I just ignore them, if they're unrelenting and bogging up my messages, then I will block. (I wish there was a way we could archive messages we don't want to see. i don't want to delete them because i want to see the history in case I need it.)

    I also try to reply to messages from users I don't know and am familiar with well after a certain time in the day/evening.

  • 123Cuddles321123Cuddles321
    edited May 21

    If I were a women cuddler...
    I would block with anyone who...
    reached out for late night cuddles at first contact or...
    obviously didn't read your profile or...
    seemed sketchy in any way.

    edited: I originally typed "would not block" by accident.

  • jaypoejaypoe

    Reasonable vent. I just dealt with this for the first time. It was like good cop bad cop trying to catch me in a lie via repetition lol. I was nice and understanding for as long as I could because this industry and platform is indeed negotiatory by nature but you can tell when someone is either not listening at all or actually unreasonable.

    Almost everyone else understands my time doesn't exist in a vacuum. Youre not ordering a pizza to be delivered in 30 mins or it's free. I don't want to have to spell it out for potential clients that I actually make more at my regular day job than this so therefore my schedule is hard fixed. There's zero chance I would have a spontaneous revelation that I should book time off work (especially last minute!) for a not for sure random thing with a stranger. And definitely never a first time meeting at midnight. Maybe for an established customer who I already trust and even then only with plenty of advance notice.

    On a related note these types tend to have zero consideration for your preparation and travel time either. I'm in NYC area and I've had a lot of Philadelphians (2+ hrs away) ask if I can meet immediately. With what teleporter??

    So it's a red flag for me now. These people are probably not even serious, or they do urgently want a booking but they're purposely trying to push your boundaries before you even meet. What are they really after that they're so impatient? Don't let them gaslight into believing it's "rude" or "unprofessional" to stick to your existing policies!

    I give everyone 3 strikes and then it's a block. I personally don't feel the need to inform someone they're being blocked because they will hopefully just assume I deleted my account and not attempt anything retaliatory. I don't report for this particular behavior because it's not exactly that they're being nasty - just unreasonable. Maybe if their approach fails repeatedly they'll come to understand the common denominator isn't the pros who can't accommodate them, but we also can't baby everyone thru basic communication skills.

  • SpicyNSweetSpicyNSweet

    @123Cuddles321 oh, so most of them then😂

  • ImaaniImaani

    I just stop responding… the more strict you are, the better your clients 💕 happy cuddle

  • biancalovecraftbiancalovecraft
    edited May 21

    You should ignore those completely. If they're able to figure it out they will. If they're not able to see that far past their own nose do you really want to be that close to them?
    One of the greatest lessons I've learned from cuddling is about conserving ALL of my beautiful positive energy for myself and the people who are worthy of it.

  • mauvefoxmauvefox
    edited May 21

    Editing because the comment I was replying to had a typo that significantly changed the meaning of it. Thank you @123Cuddles321 for editing it.

    However I’m gonna leave my comment for transparency sake and because I do see other men who don’t have any understanding of the female experience, minimize it and belittle it.

    Since you said "if you were a female cuddler" I assume you have never been a female cuddler in your history. (I mean that seriously, not in any snide way, I have no idea what your history is or how you identify).

    If my assumption is correct and you've never been a female cuddler, its possible you have no idea what the experience of the female cuddler is on this site. Those kinds of messages make up the majority of the messages we receive. So if the person sending a message has not taken the time to read our profile, what is the problem with me not wanting to receive any further messages from them. The way to do that is a block.

    Blocks don't necessarily mean that someone has done something overtly against TOS, sometimes it is a way to set boundaries around our time.

    And "seems sketchy in any way" is pretty broad. Because again, the majority of the messages we receive are sketchy, some are sketchy af. But even when they are only mildly sketchy, most of us have a good radar for these because they escalate pretty quickly. Maybe the first message isn't reportable, but in my experience, as a female cuddler, they get there more often than not. Why do I have to subject myself to that when there is an option to not have to see it anymore.

  • JasonCuddlesJasonCuddles

    To me if they don't seem to respect your boundaries online that's a pretty good indication they won't offline either. I don't deal with people that push for something you've already said no to.

  • SweetCuddler33SweetCuddler33
    edited May 21

    I reply once .,., then I go about my daily activities of life .. if the person is persistent , annoying in leaving messages… or just ignorant all together with comments after I already politely declined and ended the correspondence , I ignore them.. intelligent people normally understand and move on ., they will be ok 👍 , for those that keep writing back … 😩 ugh., meh 🫤 it’s just weird and creepy… come on. Please STOP ✋ ..then, I report them.. can’t argue with stupid… even here in the forum .. just ignore .. smiley face➡️ 🙂 ( careful, some may see a smiley face as being “ passive aggressive” when in fact it’s really just a smiley face and doesn’t mean anything else) then, I check my watch because I have someplace else to be instead of crazy land and I’m not giving the person any more of my time .. no sir/ma’m… ignore, ignore.. be nice though.. kill them with kindness 😃 .. kindness always wins! 😊

  • SweetCuddler33SweetCuddler33

    @JasonCuddles exactly 👍, well said 🙌

  • TichantoPTichantoP

    Given how many messages Pro Cuddlers receive, if it were me I’d look for just about any reason to remove someone that I think is wasting my time.

    The first time someone demonstrates they aren’t acting with intention, I’d decline politely and block them.

  • MorpheusMorpheus

    The majority of female cuddlers on the site don’t accept same day appointments. Are these newbies that are asking?

  • cuddlefaerycuddlefaery

    For me, low effort contact = low effort response, no effort contact = no response 🤷🏻‍♀️ that is a boundary I set for myself long ago for my own sanity.

    If someone sends a message that is something "hi what's up", I'm going to respond with the same energy. If they show they can't be bothered to read & comprehend my profile or replies, then I will very quickly not be bothered to respond any more. I'll tell them I'm not seeking what they're seeking, wish them well, and move on. If they push back against that boundary at all, then a block is in order.

    Blocking is just a boundary - it's not a moral judgement. It stops me from interacting with someone who is an unnecessary drain on my time, emotions, and/or mental energy. It's a clear, hard "no" communicated to the other person - thus why circumventing blocks is so problematic: someone said no, and the other person ignored it.

  • cuddlefaerycuddlefaery
    edited May 21

    @mauvefox thank you for yet again saying what I was thinking, and in a more diplomatic way than I was biting my tongue on 😅

    Edit: I just noticed the comment we were reacting to was edited as it had a significant typo that completely changed the meaning. My apologies @123Cuddles321 for not noticing before. Fwiw, I did think it was out of character for you 😅

  • mauvefoxmauvefox

    @cuddlefaery nice catch!

    @123Cuddles321 I edited my comment. Thank you for the change to yours. You and I haven’t interacted in here, and I’ve seen similar and worse comments from others in forums, so I didn’t know or think to question it.

  • Goonie4lifeGoonie4life

    @bluebelle it may be less confusing if you just remove "same day appointments are rare" from your page.

  • zoeloveshugszoeloveshugs

    I’d stop replying. It’s important to set boundaries. I make it mandatory to have a ph chat prior to meeting to get a better sense of someone. Safety first 🤗

  • Dcuddler4UDcuddler4U
    edited May 22

    I agree with @Goonie4life

    While a reasonable person reads "same day appointments are rare" and thinks "I guess I shouldn't expect a same day appointment"

    However there is a small but extremely vocal minority who view that "rare" both as a challenge and a trigger.

    I have heard many horror stories of people basically harassing service providers because they did not get the same special treatment they BELIEVE others got. Often it is not a service that it is ever provided but 'they heard a rumor.' But because a friend of a friend of a friend said he heard pro did it for someone that means the pro is being a [insert bad word] right now for not doing it for him too.

    While I don't believe it will completely solve the problem, I would recommend changing it to "no same day appointments" and then after you vet a client, meet with him once or twice and realize he's cool... let him know, "sometimes I can do same day appointments for my regulars."

    Again won't completely solve the problem because some people will push boundaries no matter how firm you are, but I think by leaving just a little wiggle room makes some people assume they should be the exception to the rule.

  • tristan406tristan406

    I agree with @Imaani -- high standards help protect against bad experiences

  • bluebellebluebelle

    You guys hit the nail on the head with so many points feelings actions etc I appreciate all the feedback and will definitely be re wording bio to be more assertive and then no more repeating myself to those who can’t be bothered to read or hear the words the first three times ♥️

  • Goonie4lifeGoonie4life

    @bluebelle Hope you have a wonderful week

  • VitaminJVitaminJ

    I have done an occasional same day appointment while traveling for cuddling, and as long is someone is respectful and communicative I’m willing to entertain it. If I’m free I’m free if I’m not I’m not. But the odd message that just says “hello” (not even capitalized the horrors! lol) I agree with @cuddlefaery that matching energy is a good way to handle it. But I think about the times I’ve scheduled other self care like massages, facial, nails, hair, doctors, etc and how I was able to plan ahead, use my calendar, and prepare accordingly and feel that same energy could be applied towards cuddle professionals.

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