Manners

Comments

• CSnMUS87

  May 21

  I think I've had something similar happen with some people, but also those that will still have a nice conversation if a cuddle isn't on the immediate horizon. Those tend to be the ones I end up having repeat sessions with, as it feels more like a friendship than just business. So it varies for me. There are those I've had really nice conversations with in my messages but haven't had the right alignment to meet up yet and we still talk. Makes me wish I could teleport to meet some of these wonderful people and schedule something. I will say one of the earliest people I cuddled was from another state and after months of planning and waiting as well as good conversation, we had an awesome cuddle session when they were in town. When I am in a better place financially I certainly hope to travel to visit these awesome people all over the country (or possibly even other countries depending on their schedule and the time of the year.)
  But yes I think I understand what you're meaning about feeling more like a person they are genuinely caring for rather than acting sweet and then going quiet when you can't afford it. I actually had something like that happen in a past relationship where she would act really sweet around payday and then go quiet the rest of the time.
  However I can also see the going quiet as a good thing so you might not feel pressured to keep up with a conversation (especially if it seems more transactional). For me it just depends from person to person.
• SpicyNSweet

  May 21

  Noooooo, I've never refused to reply because someone can't afford a session right then. I don't usually reach out much on my own because I have so much on my plate, but I make it a point to reply promptly to messages. How bizarre and rude.
• MasonDixonCuddl (deleted user)

  May 21

  I have experienced this same thing: both the continual, intermittent, checkins, knowing we will eventually get to cuddle; and the price/personality/location disconnects that produce those cricket sounds we hear sometimes. I make my list, check it twice, and I find out who's no-go or nice. The right ones stay on my cuddle wish-list, and are my first choice for cuddles down the road.
• BellaAine

  May 21

  I'm horrible at reaching out to clients after the first session. Never been good at sales. The people I stay in contact with is because they continuously reach out to me. I have a soft spot for them because they understand I like to be alone sometimes to recharge. That means I can go days without speaking to anyone that isn't my immediate family. That being said I don't lie and tell people I miss them because I don't even miss my ex. 😝 The only exception is when we joke around like that.
• wanacuddle85

  May 21 edited May 21

  I don’t personally reach out to clients like that. I will reach out to them and be like hey how are you because I genuinely care that they’re doing well, but I also have clients that I know currently there is like no hope of booking in the future because they genuinely can’t afford it, but we still have a friendship so I still text to see how they’re doing.
• trysdet

  May 21 edited May 21

  Didn't have that happen with cuddle buddy. Just so called friend from church group. I message her so how are you doing say some small chat about whats going on and I get response - "I'm running out of money". Even though she post herself getting new tattoos. Of course I don't respond to that particular reply with anything other than something along the lines of . That's unfortunate, you'll think of something.
• AntiqueWpatina

  May 21

  I'm not a pro-anything...but now and then if I really liked the pro, I will check in just to see if things are going ok for them. I try not to overdo it though...as people have lives beyond me.
• kendrayk74

  May 21

  Spoilering my text analysis.

  I think it's interesting that the first lines

  There are always threads where the females on the site talk about how ill mannered many of the men on the site are. I am quite sure that percentage wise, men are worst than women but women can be ill mannered as well.

  add zero value to the rest of the text, or if anything detract from it by evoking a men vs. women context.

  Likewise this phrase detracts from the core

  My expectation as a person who has manners would be to reply back with something like...

  by suggesting that we judge the particular person, or someone else who does something similar, as a person who doesn't have manners.

  Which is sad because the rest of this, rather than being about rudeness, hits a lot on how we are often looking for something more than the physical act.

  So many of us are craving affection, care, comfort, and appreciation from other people. And people who are in service industries and sales understand that providing those things with enough of a veneer of sincerity translates to more sales, better tips, etc. Sometimes it comes with almost no veneer, like the birthday card from the car dealership, and it's easy to discount it as marketing. Other times, like what @Morpheus describes, it starts out good and then the follow-through (or lack thereof) gives us a reason to feel even worse than if the outreach had been pleasantly blunt.

  I went through something similar with another pro, someone I met through another venue. After our first session they would reach out and ask how I was doing, but the actual exchange fell flat pretty quickly, so I came to understand that they weren't interested in building a client/provider relationship (and the revenue that would come from that), they was interested in providing a service and being paid for that. Which is fine. And now when they ask how I'm doing I make a polite response, let them respond, and then let them know where I am as far as scheduling again.
• cuddlefaery

  May 21

  I can't speak for other people, but I know personally my ADHD causes a whole host of issues with communication that can come off seeming like I don't care. Namely:

  • out of sight out of mind kicks in and so I can go extended periods thinking I responded when I didn't. And then when I realize, it's been so long that shame and guilt kick in and it feels impossible to fix.
  • maintaining motivation when interest shifts. It's not that people with ADHD can't focus - it's that they struggle to control where their focus lands. "Ooooh, shiny new thing!" can easily distract from the original interest and then the latter becomes quickly forgotten. Not because of lack of care, but because of lack of executive function.

  Not saying that all those people have ADHD, but there are a lot of other causes for executive dysfunction. I'm sure there are some who feign interest just to make money, but I'm willing to bet there's a fair number who just accidentally lost track until something else reminds them. Knowing that doesn't necessarily make it feel better in the moment, but it can help with reframing.
• LilyAnneNova

  May 21

  I have a favorite, but no I’ve never reached out to any previous clients. I feel like if they want to see me again they’ll book me again.
• mauvefox

  May 21

  @kendrayk74
  I always look forward to reading whatever it is you have to say. You always make an effort to say it honestly, respectfully, and kindly.
• natasya148

  May 22

  I personally do not reach out proactively to my clients. If they reached out, I replied back though. There was an instance when I got really close to someone and oh boy… that didn’t go well. So now I tend to keep my distance and display friend zone as much as possible… with good manners I think. 🤔
• penguin34

  May 22

  @Morpheus , this is an interesting discussion that you have brought up. I have never messaged anyone, saying I miss you etc,I believe that they will contact me when they can afford a session. I do however , get to a point in many conversations where I just need to stop replying eventually. People who continuously want to chat, book and cancel sessions numerous times etc, In those circumstances I would just have to cut ties and ignore them. 🤦
• kendrayk74

  May 22

  Thanks @mauvefox , I appreciate you.
• Krisha

  May 22

  Your mistake is viewing pros as cuddle buddies.
• Cuddlesofcuddle

  May 22

  Manners you say, well I'll be. I never knew this point of view.
  I get it, and understand. Thanks for sharing 🙏
  I'll have to be mindful on those replies
• CSnMUS87

  May 22

  I will add that I do appreciate when out of town cuddlers who I've either cuddled before or have shown interest in cuddling reach out to me when they're coming into town so I can start planning for a possible session if my schedule and finances allow it.
• pnwpetrichor

  May 22 edited May 22

  
  This is immediately what I think of when I hear a man refer to women as "females."

  Also, 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
• TxTom

  May 22

  This is immediately what I think of when I hear a man refer to women as "females."

  Also, 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

  [Giant eye roll]
  Oh, boy. Here we go.

  If using the word females when referring to women is offensive to you, then I would suggest that you not use the word females when referring to women. Make up some other word to use, if you wish.

  However, for most of the rest of us, the words are interchangeable---just like the words male and man.
• Emmerich

  May 22

  This may be an unpopular thing to say, but if a pro is telling you they miss you and want to meet again, I'd be inclined to suggest they're just fishing for business. Maybe guard yourself a bit more; don't get so personally attached.

  Beyond that, your suggestion that women can be unpleasant online (and indeed offline) is true in my experience also.
• TxTom

  May 23

  It depends on if the Pro used my name in her message.

  If she did, I will respond.
  If she didn't, I may or may not respond.
• VAdude

  May 23

  I find that many people today, across different genders, seem to put less of a priority on basic human manners. I don't know if it's a conscious decision, an effect of our current cultural divides, or just a lack of effort, but either way it's disconcerting.
• kendrayk74

  May 23

  @TxTom This is all text analysis from you post in response to @pnwpetrichor starting with

  [Giant eye roll]

  Offering this as a heads up in case you don't want to bother with it.

  Oh, boy. Here we go.

  So both the eye roll and this line come across to me as dismissive. Ways of saying We've heard this before, it didn't change our minds then, it's not going to do anything now, you're wasting our time. In a less sympathetic way, it can come across as I think your opinion is immature, misguided, stupid, etc.

  If using the word females when referring to women is offensive to you, then I would suggest that you not use the word females when referring to women. Make up some other word to use, if you wish.

  The key phrase for me here is "is offensive to you". While the sentence starts like a question, it reads much more of an assertion, at a minimum that you see them as saying that they're offended. This frames the issue as a them problem, whether it's that they're thin skinned or trying to weaponize their offendedness to exert social control.

  However, for most of the rest of us, the words are interchangeable---just like the words male and man.

  I'm going to assume in good faith that you are defining "us" as inclusively as possible, which I think would be the English speaking world. In this case you're appealing to the majority as a source of authority on the issue, aka appealing to popularity. Since neither of us has polled the English speaking world, we're both probably actually using smaller samples, comprised of the people we talk to (and tend to agree with) and the media we consume. This does mean that there's a reasonable question over whether either of our samples are representative of the actual English speaking world, or even the majority of it. And if either of us wants to make that claim, it can be disregarded unless it's supported by evidence.

  Anyway, @pnwpetrichor has given readers useful information about them, in that they see someone using "female" as an indicator of other things they would likely find problematic (🚩). So now, whether or not we agree with that opinion, we do know that some people out there do see a difference between "woman" and "female". Which means that if we choose to use "female" over "woman" when in our minds both are equally valid, we are saying that we care more about our reason for making that choice than we do about the way other people respond to our choice.

  If you want to know more about how some people see the difference in word choice, a quick search using duckduckgo.com (or similar search pages that don't use an algorithm to feed your confirmation bias as much) will give you plenty to read.
• trysdet

  May 23 edited May 23

  Ferengis are mysoginist. No the pro has not insult my intelligence saying they miss me.
• Morpheus

  May 23

  I think this post is a lesson for pros that are fishing for business. If you reach out to a client, don’t use a copy and paste text message and if you do, at least personalize it a bit. Use the clients name and maybe throw in a detail or 2 that shows you remember and value him. Lastly, if he says he can’t book a session, don’t leave him on read, reply back and let him know that you appreciate him taking the time to reply, let him know you’re available if and when he wants to book and send him some well wishes. You’re more likely to get a repeat session by doing this.
• pnwpetrichor

  May 23

  Great points, @kendrayk74.

  For anyone interested, here's a start on perspectives as to why referring to women as "females" may rub people the wrong way. Do with that information as you will.

  https://www.jezebel.com/the-problem-with-calling-women-females-1683808274
• mauvefox

  May 23

  @kendrayk74 as always, you’re a treasure on here.

  @pnwpetrichor fantastic article. I think it summed up that issue better than I ever could have.
• Carrie_Anne

  May 23

  Some people tend to comment with the assumption that everyone agrees with them but in reality shows a very narrow minded attitude and lack of worldly awareness.
• SpicyNSweet

  May 23

  Beautifully put, @Carrie_Anne
• SpicyNSweet

  May 23

  @TxTom if you aren't a woman, perhaps you could listen to the viewpoints of other women, and gain insight into a world you'll never understand. 🤷