Boundaries/Social media..

Comments

• CaramelNotes

  May 30

  I would pretend it never happened and not bring it up.
• jonnyquest

  May 30

  @CaramelNotes In retrospect that's exactly what I should have done..
• trysdet

  May 30

  Oh gosh. You know what they say. Hindsight is 20/20
• cuddlefaery

  May 30

  Unfortunately, all the Meta apps are notorious for scrubbing people's phones for contact details. That means even if people use burner numbers like Google Voice, if they have contact with others on the site they may get recommendations on social media. Even using the strictest privacy settings and removing the social media apps from your phone may not prevent it from happening.

  In general, if someone is an acquaintance or coworker, best practice is to NOT add them or contact them on other platforms without their permission. So if a pro cuddler shows up on your feed, it's best to pretend they didn't and ignore the suggestion until or unless they invite you to contact them off site. The only exception that may be better received is if you contact them on the original platform you met them and warn them that their data is vulnerable through the apps.

  "Hey, I just want to give you a heads up that clients may get recommendations to add you on social media apps." And then link one of the numerous articles available about the security and privacy gaps with Meta.

  It still may make the pro uncomfortable to be "found" that way, so be prepared for a negative reaction. Especially if they are less tech savvy. While it would be much better for everyone's safety if people pointed out when there are issues, most tend to operate on the "if you see me on xyz, no you didn't."
• jonnyquest

  May 30

  Thanks @cuddlefaery .. Privacy really doesn't mean the same in 2026 as it once did..
• pmvines

  May 30 edited May 30

  I run across people from here all the time on Tik Tok lol. If I find them interesting I'll send a message or follow them on Tik Tok and might casually mention knowing them from other site as they are both public sites, but I don't push for any kind of conversation around it unless we are friendly with each other already
• jonnyquest

  May 30

  @pmvines my mistake was assuming the cordial conversation we had previously meant that I could tell her about running across her Instagram page.. Lesson learned..
• Carrie_Anne

  May 30

  It’s definitely happened to me quite a few times and I use a google voice # here and it’s different than anything I have on FB or IG and it still has people from here as a follow or friend suggestion.
  I just ignore and move on. In your case, I wouldn’t worry about it, you don’t need to do anything else.
• cuddlefaery

  May 30

  @jonnyquest being a woman on the Internet is fraught with a lot of creeps and stalkers, so I can't fault the pro 🤷🏻‍♀️ yes, it sucks for the non creeps, but there is no way for us to know whether a person is or not at first, so caution is not just recommended, it's necessary.
• SelfMadeJay

  May 30

  Not your fault that IG in it's never ending quest to collect your online data would request someone you had a prior conversation with but bringing that to her attention was a mistake, so consider that a lesson learned for the future if the same situation arises with another.

  I personally would've kept silent and not even bring up seeing her other socials because there are some that may not feel too comfortable knowing you have that other access as well.
• alvin152 (deleted user)

  May 31

  When a pro cuddler uses their real name as their username. They are at risk of their social media profiles being exposed.
• Ironman294

  May 31

  That happened to me, a pro cuddler I had become friends with their IG appeared on my suggested to follow, I never clicked follow but looked at a reel, not sure how they figured out it was me because my profile is not my fave or name and they blocked me here and never responded to me ever again. That was a shame, never got a chance to explain or ask if that was the reason. We were supposed to meet up the next day and I discovered I was blocked and no response in texts. That was sad. So don’t mention and don’t click even if curious.
• Krisha

  May 31

  @Ironman294 That's wild, if it really happened the way you told, you did nothing wrong and she lacks manners !

  Same for @jonnyquest , if it happened the way you told, you did nothing wrong. Except blocking her without giving her a chance to express what she wanted first, that would annoy me.
• jonnyquest

  May 31

  @Krisha We ultimately blocked each other.. She did ask if I followed her on Instagram and that she felt uncomfortable so that's when I told her that it was a recommendation by Instagram and that if she wanted we could both block each other.. And both of us wound up doing that..
• Krisha

  May 31

  @jonnyquest
  I see, I guess it would have landed differently if you had mentioned it was a recommendation right away.
  I don't understand the pointless blocking, but if both parties agree 👍
• TheFunCartel

  May 31

  I see, I guess it would have landed differently if you had mentioned it was a recommendation right away.

  @Krisha I agree. I have seen this repeatedly over the years but it seems more frequent now days—people lodging complaints or asking questions on the forums that come across as wrong, or creepy, or completely mundane because they leave out essential information that clarifies the reason for the thread or post. It’s like people come to the forums without their proofreading and logic skills armed only with a shovel to bury the lead.

  This is a problem when you are posting in a written medium because when you clarify after the fact it undercuts your credibility because people then think you are only saying something to put yourself in the best light. I am not saying it happened here, but it does happen.
• r3fusaltousual (deleted user)

  May 31

  I don’t mind if people follow my public Instagram. It just doesn’t really go into cuddling or anything at all (it’s mainly about me using up what I have and makeup). But I do have a private Instagram that I do ask people not follow because my friends and family follow that account.

  But everyone so far has been very respectful of that request.
• ksb30

  May 31

  I keep the little social media I use to only accepting friend requests of people that are friends of friends.. it helps limit but I cant help and notice that the cuddlers i keep in co tact with show up as friends I might know lol. I consider social media a boundary unless they are a digital creator or something like that.
• TheFunCartel

  May 31

  I am so glad I have zilch social media. Seems like adding new complications to an already complicated world. I did FB briefly back in the day and it still haunts me despite disuse for over a decade.
• quincyq03

  May 31

  Different people have different opinions on this kinda stuff. I may be in a unique situation, but Instagram is the only social media I use with any consistency and I’ve developed a larger following on there. Both random and relevant people find me on there all the time and I don’t mind. I would actually be flattered if someone remembered me enough to add me from here or mention that they saw me.

  For some people that are doing cuddling more “on the down low,” I could see how that might create more tension.

  At the end of the day, this site is public and so is Instagram. If someone wants to associate on one site and not the other, they have the right, even if it’s not something I would do. I try to be consistent across the board in all walks of life.
• Krisha

  May 31

  When you create public profiles on social media, you know people can reach out/follow you, then don't complain when they do 🤦🏽‍♀️
• TxTom

  May 31

  I wouldn't bring up finding someone here via another site. Even though it seems completely innocuous, people seem to react to things in the online world differently than things in the real world.

  Telling a cuddler, "I saw you at Costco the other day" is just different than saying, "I saw your profile on such-and-such website." It wouldn't bother me, but I understand how it might bother some folks.
• quincyq03

  May 31

  Telling a cuddler, "I saw you at Costco the other day" is just different than saying, "I saw your profile on such-and-such website." It wouldn't bother me, but I understand how it might bother some folks.

  Wouldn’t that be even more triggering for some people? If a cuddler doesn’t want to associate on another social media site, they’ll probably be even more bothered if you saw/interacted with them in real life, outside of cuddling.

  Cuddling has become intensely transactional, not all of the time, but increasingly more often. I understand you may not become best friends with a cuddler, but if a cuddler wants no interaction with you outside of a cuddling session, and that wasn’t disclosed up front on their profile, I wouldn’t even want to cuddle with them.

  Can you imagine someone’s profile:

  Professional cuddler
  Rate: $200/hr
  Rules: We only cuddle at the disclosed rate and are to have no outside connection in any way, whatsoever.

  An extreme example, but it sounds like many operate that way, even if it’s not disclosed.
• TxTom

  May 31

  Wouldn’t that be even more triggering for some people?

  It might be. Depends on the person. And seeing someone is different than interacting with them.

  One of my Pros state on her profile that if she happens to cross paths with a client outside of a session, she won't acknowledge the client with anything other than a brief smile--like strangers passing each other on a sidewalk. (Note: I'm in Texas.)

  But again, it wouldn't bother me.
• pmvines

  May 31

  Nothing wrong with setting boundaries outside of work.
• Ironman294

  May 31

  My suggestion is everyone should set their Instagram and FB to private. That way even if their account pops up you can’t see anything. I have mine set on private though if people asked I would approve. Funny thing is one time on FB suggestions 5 people side by side were cuddlers I know 😂😅
• NashGal23

  May 31

  I had this happen with someone who had booked a session with me. Before our regular session had occurred, he had found my instagram, tiktok, and other sites I’m on. I had NEVER exchanged phone numbers. I blocked him on everything including cuddle comfort immediately. I’m a lot more cautious on who I book with people I don’t want them finding my personal social media accounts.
• Morpheus

  May 31

  Over the years, I’ve had this happen and I’ve added cuddlers on social media. It never seemed like a big deal to me. Around a year or so ago, I did have a blowup with a pro who viewed is more so as stalking. She was really upset and blocked me everywhere. Luckily we talked it out and made up. After that happened, I decided that I would never add a cuddle buddy even if they show up as a recommended friend.
• cuddlefaery

  May 31

  I'd like to point out that the consequences and implications of a woman being found on a different site or in-person are completely different than those for a man. I'm sure that is going to heavily impact how people react to being found/contacted without invitation/consent.
• jdev25

  May 31

  I had NEVER exchanged phone numbers.

  It's quite possible that the person did not even try to seek you out on other platforms. The algorithms probably just suggested you to them as someone they might know so you just came up in their feed. This can happen even if you've never shared any type of phone number, email, or other contact information with them in any way.

  Some people may prefer to remain in blissful ignorance as to how this sort of thing happens, so I have spoiler tagged some technical explanations below:

  I don't think most people realize just how advanced the technology is that powers this sort of thing. You don't even have to be logged into a website or share anything yourself. For example, with all the geo-location data available, you and some random person you've never even met or talked to, might go to the same coffee shop around the same time on certain days, and over time, the algorithm will notice this overlap and once it goes over a certain threshold, it may show your profile on some other platform to the other person as someone they might know. And you've never spoken a word to them or even known of their existence.

  Various web trackers that are embedded all over the internet track your browsing and shopping history. If there are multiple indicators that seem to connect people, such as they both have some similar interests, both visit certain websites (such as this one or any other), live in the same city, etc., over time the information pieced together paints a picture and it's pretty crazy how accurately this technology can construct social networking maps between people who know each other, or are mere inches away from knowing each other. The tech may have people connected prior to them actually running across each other and beginning a relationship.

  Because this tech builds up actual social networking maps, you could be 3 separations from another person, but someone they know hangs out a lot with someone you know, and the algorithm figure that out based on their repeated geo-location proximity, being on the same wifi networks, and all sorts of things.

  Shadow profiles are built up on all of us, and multiple sources broker data and collaborate to piece together so much more information than people even dream is possible.