There’s a whole lot more to this I believe and OP has started some other threads all about this same Pro.
@Carrie_Anne Wow, really? 😳
That is obsessed. 😏
I genuinely like everyone I've ever cuddled lol... But there's a difference between enjoying each other's company in the moment, being an authentic longer term friend, having a more romantic "crush," and being madly in love with someone you wanna spend the rest of your life with. It's not exactly a hard science... But I mean all of those are things that organically happen to people all the time.
Unfortunately, yes.
It is not possible
@trysdet it is, actually. That's been agreed on. Whether or not it's a good idea in theory though...
A couple of years ago, I developed a crush on an enthusiast who I met here. We were both single and fairly lonely before meeting. The affection we showed each other, along with the feeling of being useful and needed eventually made me develop feelings that bordered on romantic love. It wasn’t sexual attraction although I did think she was pretty in a kind of detached sense. The best way I can describe how I felt is a very intense desire to make her happy and spend time with her.
There was one evening in particular where my feelings started to change more. I cooked dinner for her and her brother, and it went over very well. She and I watched a movie and cuddled, then went for a walk to get ice cream and held hands on the way there and back. It really reminded me of an evening I’d spend with a girlfriend and I felt really connected and appreciated. After that, my crush began.
I always respected her boundaries, but things came to an end shortly afterwards because it became apparent that I wanted more than she was able or willing to give.
I still get really sad thinking about it sometimes because we had a lot of fun together and she was really nice.
My takeaway is that when two single friends share physical affection, things can get a bit emotionally confusing. I haven’t run into the same problem again, though, thankfully, but I could totally see it happening again given the right person and circumstances.
@mauvefox
"His words" ==> correct, and definitely worrying.
"But given what he’s describing that was probably going to be her call anyway."
"Maybe one message. Maybe. A message where you apologize for what happened and that’s it. But he sent several. And they included begging for another opportunity which her ending early and her ongoing silence had already answered. That’s harassment. He then goes on to post it here publicly where she can see it (which is borderline an attempt to get around a block). Where he has no insight into how creepy these actions were. Which is frankly even scarier."
==> All your interpretation and assumptions. As usual.
@Krisha I’m not sure I understand your comment. Or your “as usual” remark. How can I be correct but also making assumptions?
Several people in this thread came to the same conclusions I did. I don’t see that qualifier applied to anyone else.
I haven’t really had many encounters directly with you but you sure seem to be taking some shots at me of late. Not sure what I’ve done to get under your skin.
@Carrie_Anne I am not sure exactly who you are referring to, but he did contact me and I did not mince my words. 😅
@alvin152 Glad you did respect her boundaries when she decided not to reply anymore. I hope you're working on things with a therapist.
@penguin34 You’re the 3rd Pro that I know of who he contacted in a very short period of time, all seeking some kind of validation for his actions I think and all the messages he sent. Maybe others? IDK. I don’t like to attack a person but I will be concerned about actions and behavior here. Hopefully Alvin will understand that his approach isn’t a good idea and instead find a new Cuddler and be respectful of boundaries. Sometimes our emotions take control over common sense.
@Carrie_Anne IMHO, someone who is going through emotional issues at the moment like the person in question, should NOT be on this site at all, it's simply not the right place. They need a therapist and other suitable support systems in place to help them work through their issues. On a personal note, I have been on the other side of this , I blocked the cuddler on all channels, the only issue is , he knows my address so he sends me hand written love letters via post. 🤷
@penguin34 oh my goodness that's creepy!
@Cuddlesofcuddle very!!!! He has also set up a subscription to the WWF , sponsored a penguin on my behalf and sent me a "penguin pebble' to resemble how penguins choose a mate. 🤦
@penguin34
I'm so sorry!
And this is why we’re “sensitive” about these things. Because this shit escalates so so fast and it’s dangerous! Are you getting any help from authorities at all? I know they can be pretty useless in these cases.
Wow that's really unsettling. I'm so sorry @penguin34 😞
i avoid it since CC. IS not a dating site and professionals are doing this as a job.
@penguin34 eesh, I'm so sorry you've experienced that. I've had a few stalkers over the years just from being friendly to people online, but thankfully none from CC thus far. Does it make me a little gun shy around the behaviors of some of the men here? Absolutely - as it would any reasonable person with self-preservation instincts.
I believe I said this in another thread about the same topic, but from my own experiences and therapy work, forming inappropriate attachments is often a trauma response. When you experience childhood trauma it can deeply impact how you emotionally bond with other people, and until you address the underlying thought patterns you can end up continuously putting yourself in harmful situations.
Falling for a cuddle partner, especially to the degree of obsession or otherwise interfering with your ability to function, to me is a clear indicator that someone needs targeted therapy - way beyond the scope of what cuddling can help with. I know if I had tried cuddling before I started working on trauma and attachment issues, I would have been in danger of falling too easily, too quickly for people who were unavailable.
People here, especially newer folks, tend to view cuddling as this magic pill that will heal them, make them less lonely, fill a void in their lives, etc. The reality is, unless you are using as an adjunct supportive practice in additional to actual mental health treatment, you're likely to do yourself and others more harm than good. Cuddling is not a substitute for addressing the underlying causes of loneliness, disconnection, self-esteem issues, etc. with a qualified mental health professional.
I've gotten along real well with a few but that's all
@cuddlefaery
This is so true. Cuddling is awesome. It really has been one of the fastest ways I've found to help me ground my nervous system. But I do have many other ways. And going through a therapy process to work through your old stuff, whether it's clearly defined trauma, or just the trauma of being a human in the world of every day life is so important.
I've developed some amazing friendships here, but honestly some of them I've never even cuddled 😁.
Falling for your cuddle partner can definitely happen, and it can be heart breaking. My advice is to treat every cuddle bud as if they are unavailable for a romantic relationship. and also to have different cuddle buds so you aren't becoming too reliant on one person.
@cuddlefaery I appreciate your therapy (and all your other) insights. I've learned a lot from you.
My advice is to treat every cuddle bud as if they are unavailable for a romantic relationship. and also to have different cuddle buds so you aren't becoming too reliant on one person.
@cuddlefaery I agree with this advice, and I also practice this advice too. ☺️👍
@mauvefox same! Some I may never get the chance to cuddle. Some we'd probably be terrible cuddle partners because we'd be getting into too many shenanigans to settle down and relax 😅 but just making connections with diverse people from all over who share this niche interest is wonderful
@Katota that is also great advice! It's a good personal boundary to set for oneself to avoid putting yourself in a situation where those feelings are allowed to develop in the first place.
I kinda view it like work friendships/relationships. Forming romantic attachments to clients & coworkers isn't just ethically questionable - it can cause real practical issues in a work environment. Before I did therapy to work on it, I frequently developed crushes on coworkers and it was miserable. So years ago I set the boundary for myself that work folks just aren't in the romantic potential box.
Humans aren't robots and we're wont to develop pesky feelings we don't want or need - but learning compartmentalization and how to process unhelpful emotions goes a long way to prevent those feelings from causing issues.
On a personal note, I have been on the other side of this , I blocked the cuddler on all channels, the only issue is , he knows my address so he sends me hand written love letters via post. 🤷
For all of the cuddle clients, this is a great example why pro cuddlers don't want to cuddle in their own home. Someone can seem perfectly normal, but then this happens...
@cuddlefaery Very true, hence my obsession with Werewolves and other various inhuman beings. Lol 😂 Yep, the first thought that goes through my mind IF EVER platonic feelings shifts ithe opposite (with ME) is .... 🤔🤔🤔
"Hmm, can this man be anything OTHER THAN HUMAN?"
If he can't do that, then platonic it is. 😁👍
Maybe you can use a location that is not your home