How is expecting accountability for what you say anything but treating you like a competent adult? 🤔
We could always go back to the smacking, growling, and pinning idea....
I did keep scrolling. But you keep on coming back to play. 😂. It’s too much fun.
Just cause I’m grown I can’t have fun?
@OhioMike thank you!! I appreciate that so much.
I 100% agree! @jdev25 it was an extremely well thought out post that shows you putting in the effort here. I’m sorry to have glossed over it before.
I’m not going to be held accountable without also seeking accountability.
If you want to get defensive then please reflect on the situation. I am one person who is being talked down to by multiple people at the same time.
If I have a conversation with one person that doesn’t mean it warrants a bandwagon. Have some respect for the people who are having that conversation they should be able to handle their own banter.
I have concerns about how this community treats new members, who I would like to point out will also probably be solo with no connections to defend their confusion and questions. Your annoyance about how you handle “just another newbie” thread is telling about my concerns.
@cuddlefaery Exactly! 🤗
Why so much hostility? No need to be dismissive and rude because OP isn't privy to institutionalized knowledge that others have gained throughout the years. It's been mentioned that every "newbie" has the same questions despite numerous forum posts answering their questions. Instead of accusing new members of "not doing their research," maybe consider structural changes to improve clarity. Rules and FAQs are posted, but even within the rules there is a lot of subjectivity that is enforced inconsistently. With the community growing and evolving, a fresh introduction to the site and more detailed expectations may be helpful.
You're posting in a public forum, which invites outside commentary from multiple people. Perhaps moving specific discussions to DMs with individuals may serve your needs more.
Having concerns as a new member is absolutely valid. Coming into the forums primed for a fight because you don't get the immediate answer you're seeking is not.
As others pointed out, you got a fantastic initial response, and then others also pointed towards helpful resources like the pinned posts. Your defensive response to those suggestions is what set the whole ball rolling. And what followed was people matching your unserious and silly replies with their own - the only difference is you seemed to be offended whereas the rest of us were not 🤷🏻♀️
This is the point where I would normally suggest taking a step away from the forums, and even the internet, taking some breaths, work on other things, touch some grass. When you come back, those initial replies are likely to read differently than they are now. However, I get the feeling that even me suggesting that is just going to trigger more defensiveness and escalation, so not sure how else to provide assistance right now.
I would like to let everyone know that I’m fine, I don’t need to step away from anything. If others are feeling heated I understand because I’ve been a bit provocative.
@cozycuddler4you, thank you that sums up what I’m trying to say.
I’m not supposed to be leading, I just got here. You cats that have been here for however long are the mentors. This is a cuddle community and I think the whole point of that is being embraced.
Let’s lean into that maybe?
And I fuckin love cats man.
@HometownHumble are you willing to share with us , more specifically, concerns on how this community treats new members? Maybe it will help the conversation ...
Thanks @OhioMike for the kind words.
I'm a fast study with most anything in life, and especially anything tech related as it's my primary field. So navigating new websites is second nature. However, I make an effort to remind myself that not everyone has the same understanding or experience as I do. I've witnessed very capable people in one area of life be very lost and confused in other areas.
From what I can see here, some of the earlier posts in this thread made a couple inside jokes related to the zeitgeist of this forum if you will. The only reason that I understood that they were meant to be humorous and not taken literally was because I've actually done quite a bit of reading on these forums, despite having only joined recently. It's unlikely that anyone new is going to realize what people were saying in those remarks, and could easily interpret them differently.
So I honestly think some misunderstandings have occurred here, and different styles of communication have collided and now it's spiraling a bit. I think we all could maybe dial it back a bit and remember that we all come from different backgrounds, different upbringings and so on. I think @cozycuddler4you makes an excellent point, that many here have incorporated a lot of information into their minds that they access frequently because they are big participants in this space. Not everyone fits that mold though.
I don't think they came here primed for a fight. I think those original comments that referenced some "insider knowledge" were probably taken differently, and it just kind of cascaded from there. Sometimes people are too eager to jump on the bandwagon instead of pausing to reflect and look back on how communication may have broken down in a way we didn't recognize.
Are there any particular questions you have ? I agree that it seems a little broad and vague
@OhioMike you are lookin at it boss.
@HometownHumble so are you mainly referencing how new people here on CC are treated in the Forum community?
Its not vague at all,
It’s a question about what you guys do to connect with the community at large. That’s not something that I’m going to necessarily read about. Maybe the phrasing has you confused but it’s a one on one question. I’m asking you (1) singular as an individual how you bring in new members into the fold.
Is the only way to interact with the community via forums? I have seen scheduled meet ups before but it only seems available in the avalanche of this forum.
I think the topic of discussion bubbles was read recently and that would be a good improvement. We can all relate to the things that connect us.
@cozycuddler4you the friction isn't with him being a newbie and seeking answers - it's with how he was dismissive of the answers he got. Coming into the forums for advice and then refusing all said advice isn't exactly productive. Worse, he got antagonistic because people were suggesting he try utilizing the resources the site and forums do provide.
Could there be more resources? Absolutely, but also this isn't a cuddle education site - this is the equivalent of FB for cuddling. The forums are only a very small part of the site, just like the groups on FB. You don't go on FB expecting the company/site to teach you how to hire a service from one of the business pages.
Imagine you join a FB group - you read the stated rules, click "I agree", and are in. Only you didn't actually read the rules - one of them said to check the announcements and to follow additional rules in the pinned posts. You ignore those pinned posts, which includes FAQ, and then immediately start asking questions that have previously been answered. The other users, who did actually read the rules, announcements, and FAQ point them out again in response. Only, that's not the answer you want - you want people to tell you on demand instead of taking the couple of minutes to read the already posted answer. You get defensive, start aggressively throwing on the sarcasm, and get even more incensed when people don't take kindly to your behavior.
Why should this behavior be more tolerated here than in any other forum or online social group? And don't suggest it's because we're kind cuddlers - we still have boundaries and behavior expectations to uphold no matter how kind we are. It does the newbie no good to be allowed to skip the bare minimum of reading the resources the site provides. All it does is enable continued lack of self-advocacy and poor behavior.
In terms of building connections with people , most of that for me is done via reading the forums and messaging people on the forums or people whose profiles seem interesting to me. There is some light passive interaction via the forums but if I want to get to know people better I just simply message them . I'm here to make friends and for shits and giggles. Meeting and /or possibly cuddling is secondary or tertiary to me.
There are a lot of organized meetups here and there lately that are advertised in the forums, which are good ways to meet people if you're in the general area or able to travel.
Im not sure if that is the kind of thing you're asking for input on because as I said , I find your post a bit vague. As others have stated, there are lots of things here to look at and read that you might find useful. And I realize you feel misjudged or attacked, however I mostly see some tough love and useful comments, even if you don't necessarily agree with the presentation.
@cuddlefaery to be fair, if you look back to the very beginning, there were some comments that could have been interpreted as being a bit dismissive towards him as well. Some things have been edited now, so it's hard to construct the original full picture.
Regardless, I think it's healthier if instead of continuing the downward spiral, everyone takes a breath on all sides of this, and tries to learn from mistakes that were made.
I honestly, don't think everyone here understood what he was asking. I think he had some great points and some great questions if you take a minute to fully understand what he was asking.
@HometownHumble
I think the problem is that is not how your post read at all. You talked about perusing but not reading, with a critique about walls of text being walls.
People did give you feedback and resources because that’s what we thought you were asking for. You asked the community how we onboard. That’s what we gave you. And when you came back with some playful defensiveness, the thread followed along.
If what you were actually asking was for people to talk about their individual experiences on what they do to welcome cuddlers. That could be an interesting question. It’s just not what was posted.
@cuddlefaery
I’m going to bed, have a good night, I hope this misunderstanding doesn’t ruin any potential friendship we could have.
Goodnight everyone.
I actually think that's exactly what he posted. It's how I interpreted it. And he also added in the thing about discussion bubbles which ties right into that concept specifically.
I'm still disappointed with the lack of Felines
@pmvines 😂
Goodnight man, I’ll get it fixed.
@jdev25 i can see he clarified that as his intention. It’s not what he made clear in his post. I went back and reread it several times during this trying to figure it out. And I can see how those words hid this intention within them. But he asked a generic how do you as a community onboard. And that’s what we gave him.
You addressed the first part of his op beautifully so there was no need to address that, the rest was him saying I didn’t really read the assignment can someone walk me through it. Now that he has added additional clarification it makes a little more sense.
However he could have added that about ten posts ago. But he didn’t. He got defensive.
@pmvines Here ya go!
@mauvefox I actually understood it the same way from the beginning, before he added any clarification. As I mentioned, I do tend to have a knack for understanding people, and cutting through different styles of communication, so I'm sure that helps. The reason I didn't address every single thing in my original response to him is because I didn't feel I was qualified to answer it, not because I didn't understand it. I'm very new here, and while I'm a quick study on most anything, I haven't seen a lot of those topics on the forums and so I didn't feel like I had a solid foundation with that. (And I think that actually just goes to support his point, though maybe there is older info buried out there, but if I haven't found it yet, he surely wouldn't have.)
I also see people focusing on him being dismissive, but honestly people were initially a bit dismissive with him first. Like I said, things have been edited so we'll never be able to get a clear picture of how it went exactly, but I do feel like it was a breakdown of understanding and communication.
Kitties galore 😂
@pmvines Yes, they were once in a James Bond movie.
@jdev25 it's generally not a good idea to expect people to read between the lines with text-based communication. If OP did not explicitly mean what he said, miscommunication is bound to happen as many of us read text at face value unless we are given other context cues.
That is precisely why some of us speak very directly, don't hedge our replies with niceties, and utilize things like emojis and gifs to add tone & context.
There's this wonderful autism creator I follow that has a line I love:
And the converse is also true:
If it were just us misunderstanding the OP, then instead of getting defensive and antagonistic he could have clarified. If I'm misunderstood, I clarify, I ask questions. If it's clear I'm misunderstanding wording, I clarify, I ask questions. But that isn't what happened here - as others pointed out, the OP was worded vaguely and in generalities with an overall unserious vibe, so that is the response he got from several people.
And despite OP's insinuations, I'm quite certain that, like myself, none of the people who responded to his antagonism were at all heated. Being verbose and disagreeing with someone does not equate anger or upset.