And to be clear, picking the bear is a gallows humor kind of joke, given the stats on what we suffer at men's hands. Mockery isn't enjoyable, but it will NEVER reach the level of sexual assault, stalking, violence, or murder. Just really need you to keep that perspective in mind, because we have very real and rational fears for our well-being.
I love to see man being vulnerable and working on their mental health and well-being. Together we are stronger 💜🩷❤️
@jonnyquest Very good rundown surrounding what many men face. I was blessed with very good perspective, coping skills, and a wealth of dopamine. But when I had a major surgery 10 years ago I developed acute depression (a nurse in charge of the outreach programs at the hospital warned me that 3 out of 4 people developed mental health related issues from it). I dismissed her warning but I am glad I held onto the brochure.
I was at home recovering (six month recovery time) severely limited in what I could do, when I noticed I was numb and did not care about anything—did not care what happened to me, or what happened in the world, or to anyone. I felt nothing and this was not like me at all. No matter how I puzzled things out there was something working against my best thoughts and logic. And it was stronger than me and I felt powerless to change it. This frightened me to the core. I can handle a lot of things but not being in control of my mind and feelings is my worst fear. I quickly deduced that this is what true depression must feel like. Luckily I called the number on the brochure and I was out of the woods in two short weeks because after all, it was acute and very specific to a situation.
My encounter with mental health gone awry was very mild and very brief, and I am unable to even fathom what living with it for prolonged periods must be like, but I support and encourage anyone to seek out help no matter the cost. Don’t be like me and dismiss it as something you never need because no one knows the future. Money is just money but your mental health is sacred. Please get help and talk to those who will listen.
Thank you @pmvines for this very important reminder.
@TheFunCartel being an only child helped with picking myself up by my own bootstraps so to speak.. @SpicyNSweet that's a point of view that can be understood. Because while men account for 80% of all homicides women are more than likely to be murdered by someone they're intimate with.. So that bear comment while understandable also gets under the skin of a lot of guys because it seems like men are being judged without even knowing us, we're already guilty/ someone to be feared until we prove otherwise. And no I've never seen a therapist because personally my therapy is the gym, helping people out,and diving into my hobby of Cryptozoology..Probably the helping people out part is my favorite because it shows me how lucky I truly am. Because no matter what I'm going through there's someone that's living under a bridge that wishes they had my problems. There's someone in a hospital bed that's wondering if this might be the last ride so to speak who would change places with me in a heartbeat no matter how bad my problems may seem.. So that's how I do it, I take my frustrations out at the gym. I get a perspective in life in general by helping people out. And I kill a few hours out of the day just to see if Sasquatch, Dogman are real and if there really are feral people really are living in the Appalachian Mountains.. @pmvines thank you for bringing up this topic.
And I'm saying it's valid to feel prejudged and dislike it. But that still doesn't override our very very realistic fears and safety. Respectfully, the gym is amazing and I go often, but it's not a replacement for therapy with a mental health professional. It's great to have the perspective that others have it worse, and to remain grateful for our privileges and gifts in life. That doesn't mean your struggles aren't real and difficult. Everyone has them and should feel free to address them in safe spaces.
I'm more mad at the men who make it easy to be feared and not trusted than the bear
Shoutout to @pmvines I appreciate this is gaining more awareness. Could've used something like this when I was younger, especially growing up in a brash at best to hostile at worst environment in East New York. In a world where society acknowledges and sometimes rewards hypermasculinity, not all men are built from the same cloth, but they are usually left either unheard or mocked for it.
I'm more of the balance of that but I'd admit that I've done my share of dumb stuff that got me in trouble and I'm fortunate that it hasn't led me to the two usual destinies for youth in East NY, Central Booking or the Morgue. This is what happens when young men don't have proper mentoring and understanding, we're left having to prove our worth in society and that can potentially lead to disaster if not steered in the right direction. Stuff like this also takes a toll on the mental health of men because more often than not, we are expected to shoulder the brunt of hardships and responsibility. Atlas holding the whole world on his shoulders is the personification of that and he can't shrug, the world will be doomed if he does.
We may be strong, but we're not invincible. We all have our moments of vulnerability and there's no shame in confiding in those who will show understanding. To my fellow men here, you can stay strong, we're conditioned for it but we can only be strong on our own for so long.
EXACTLY, @pmvines We don't trust men implicitly for reasons. And none of those reasons are "I just hate men! Men suck!" It's about self protection.
@SelfMadeJay Thank you for sharing. I am familiar with the area and that is a rough environment to be vulnerable in. I hope you are able to be vulnerable now.
🫂
Thank you @Meowmoon love that
While no rules are broken, this post seems to provide advice which may be dangerous, hence it is being removed. Furthermore there is no way to verify if the story is indeed true, or verify all of the pertaining facts. [-RadiantHugs]
I’ve been on this site for a year now during what has probably been the most difficult year of my life. But I’ve been able to get through it all and I’m still pushing and this community has definitely helped so much with that and with helping me learn more about myself my mental health. So grateful to everyone on here for being who they are and making this community what it is!
Happy Men’s Mental Health Month!!!🎉
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I feel your pain. As a mother of a son, a now 19 year old son this concerns me more than it ever used to. And my ex who suffers from mental health issues, when he would break down and cry to me it just broke my heart because he NEVER had to hold it all in or "always be strong" for me! I know men deal with the s*** and have bad days, weeks, months, years. Hell, WE ALL DO, but men, you ARE ALLOWED to cry and be vulnerable. Some of us women will hold you while you cry, some will cry with you, but your safe to be vulnerable. LIFE sucks A LOT, let's be honest, it's f***ing hard, but it's also BEAUTIFUL too. We have to keep our eyes open for the tiny moments that are beautiful. They're not always big bountiful things, but they're there if we just try to see. I have suffered from depression ever since I was a young girl and it's gotten much worse since I had a child and divorced my husband and then raised my son on my own, all alone. No family, it was me and my boy, now he's a man who also sometimes struggles with depression. It terrifies me, I don't want him to EVER feel the feelings or have the thoughts I know I've had. Honestly no one should have the thoughts I've had - man or woman. It's truly frightening when you're in the dark all alone and you know the darkness is cruel and trust me, it plays tricks on you. Men, you ARE worth it and are allowed to cry and fall apart sometimes. Sadness and depression are not only reserved for one of the sexes because NO ONE is immune to it!
DO NOT HEED THE ABOVE, concern-troll “warning” people not to call the suicide hotline and advising them to rely on a chat bot instead.
Even if you accept everything in the comment as true (which I don’t), it’s the equivalent of telling people not to take a shower because your friend Marion had a bad experience at the Bates Motel.
https://www.sccenter.org/unraveling-the-myths-suicide-hotlines-and-the-police/
Thank you @MonkeyNeedsAHug (and a very nice comparison)
Whatever happened in the case described above, we can’t know all the details. That certainly is not standard practice for a basic call.
I take showers in the mens shower room. It is bigger than mine and saves on my water bill. It is better for my mental health. Why does mental heath start with 'men'?
Well I thought I'd open up some vulnerable feelings here and hope it's ok. So first of all I'm not suicidal and don't want to die. Dying is one of my biggest fears so that helps deter any such thoughts. That being said sometimes when I get down in a low mood after a negative experience or rejection I feel tired. Tired of trying for certain things and experiencing constant failure and rejection. Tired of keeping going on hoping that one day things will change if I improve myself in multiple areas perhaps. This isn't just for one thing, but multiple with the main two being applying for a job I'd much rather have than my current one and that would enable me to live the life I want financially and the other finding a soulmate. However it also applies in smaller things such as never having formed or joined a band when it seems so easy for everyone else yet any auditions led to nothing and any ads that says looking for members have led to nothing. I'm sure there's other small things I'm not thinking of. The point is sometimes I just feel tired and want to just not try and just disappear into a fantasy world. I usually try to remain hopeful and positive and this isn't an everyday thing I dwell on, it just happens at times. Anyway I was just sharing in case anyone else feels the same way and it might help them not feel alone in this.
@CSnMUS87 Thank you for sharing. The more men that share the more it normalizes men talking about mental health. When I was a kid in the 60s and 70s you were always told if you go to a psychiatrist it will ruin your career prospects. This was not just our family, it was the prevalent message in society at the time. I carried that thinking for a long time until I had met people that were good people but were struggling. So thank you for speaking up.
People often confuse clinical depression with being sad. Being sad is situational. It's often times like a sore stomach after eating something that doesn't agree with you or sinus issues after being outside in the pollen. Temporary and easily managed. It's a nuisance, but really not that terrible. True depression is always there. It's chemical. You can't just turn it off when you want. It's chronic. You are at a 6 or 7 out of 10 as a baseline , every now and then a 7.5 or 8. It's an emotional deficit. You can learn coping skills and compensate so that it's manageable and doesn't impact your daily life as badly. But it's not as simple as just saying that you're sad, or low. You get used to living with it and integrating it as a part of yourself, but it's never easy and it's hard to understand if you don't have it yourself.
I’m glad there’s more men’s mental health awareness. I’ve grown up having to go it alone and fend for myself and figure out my own problems because if I voiced my concerns or needed to vent, the response has always been “stop complaining and man up and deal with it” or “you gotta pull yourself up by your own bootstraps” or my favorite “you must have brought it upon yourself”. And while there’s some validity to having that only you can solve your own problems because at the end of the day that is true, I feel like I’m not allowed to vent or complain about anything and if I’m having a bad day or someone wronged me, no one is going to listen.
🫶🏾 this is so sweet!
I have been doing therapy for years, but the anxiety and depression keep getting worse. I just joined here and have yet to have my first cuddle session. I haven't been held in a year and I'm hoping the platonic physical connection without the pressure of going any further is going to help me.
I think choosing to leave and choosing to live are both valid options
I'm sorry for my lack of punctuation I'm using text to speech. And I'm going through it right now that's probably at least half the reason why I'm here on this site. I just want to cry I just want to be held I just want to be cuddled and I'm truly hurting right now and I wish 988 could help I wish talking to somebody online could help I wish I could find a new therapist like one that I had over so many years ago that was like the best I ever had and wish I could go back to her but that's not an option and the way we do mental health in this country and it's a shame. I just want somebody to physically show up and show me that I matter that I'm saying and that it's okay for me to release my heart and my pain and try to truly heal and I've learned I can't do this alone and that's what breaks me probably the most even though I was conditioned to be alone and stay in the familiar hell and not embrace the unfamiliar heaven.
@SpicyNSweet your comments on this thread or whatever it's called We're very warming and I thank you for those even if they weren't directed towards me. I wish I was able to afford your services right now and I wish that I was local to you right now. Thank you for being you
@MrSnugglesT
I haven't been held in a year and I'm hoping the platonic physical connection without the pressure of going any further is going to help me.
Welcome to the community. Platonic touch certainly CAN help, but it could also go the other way depending on a number of factors that are nearly impossible to predict. The sudden flood of oxytocin into your system after extended touch deprivation can really mess with your thinking and emotions.
As much as you may be looking forward to meeting any cuddle buddy, it is extremely important to start with someone who is truly aware of how touch, after extended absence of touch, can impact you, there are some truly wonderful pros on this site who understand this and could be beneficial to someone in your situation. But not everyone on this site is that skilled / aware of how touch affects their cuddle buddy(s).
I recommend you read karma carefully and look for someone who’s karma reflects understanding and communication, not just physical sensations. - Best wishes to you!
I'm completely ready to throw my entire life into somebody's hands in so many different ways I'll tell you it I'll tell you what broke me right now and I'm tired I'm sore I'm stressed I'm exhausted and it would just be nice to not even just be held but not be alone and I truly feel like it when the world is made me feel like showing me that nobody really there for me and that breaks me every second at I wish there was people active in my location because it would be nice to be held even if it is by a stranger or somebody that genuinely cares