What's something society treats as "normal" that you think makes people feel more disconnected?

TucsonArizonaTucsonArizona
in General

I've been thinking about how disconnected we still are these days, post covid era, and how many people are still feeling isolated, so I thought to start my first discussion.

What's something society considers completely normal that you think actually makes people feel more disconnected from each other? Could be anything from work culture, dating apps, social media, living arrangements, expectations around independence, the way friendships work as adults, etc.

For me, I think we've normalized being "busy" to the point where many people feel guilty for slowing down and genuinely connecting with others.

Curious what everyone else thinks. What have you noticed?

Comments

  • pmvinespmvines

    Online communication and texting is much more passive and low energy involvement than phone chatting or face to face . It's very convenient and does have lots of benefits, including making it possible to know and converse with people from all over the world, however it's a quantity vs quality thing and ultimately can lead to a lack of true connection or for that matter even knowing what true connection is, particularly for those of a certain age for whom this is all they know.

  • cuddlefaerycuddlefaery

    Single-family living spaces. I've been interested in intentional living communities and housing co-ops for awhile now. I have lived in co-op style houses where roommates intentionally negotiate, communicate, and work together to create a safe and comfortable home. I think as we've moved away from village living and multi-generational homes, we've lost a lot of the community connection and support. Communal living gives the opportunity to reconnect with others, as well as pool resources and reduce consumption/waste.

  • biancalovecraftbiancalovecraft

    I think about this a lot too and it's literally everything in Western society. Nuclear families, single family homes, big city anonymity, secularism, sitting alone in your car on the freeway for hours, and now you cant even do basic life administration without being on the internet, so we pretty much just live in here now -with the endless scrolling, dating apps, and social media which in themselves are full scale social and self-concept disaster. Now here comes AI for people to chat with when they're lonely. There is nothing normal about us.

  • disneysamuraidisneysamurai
    edited June 8

    Wearing headphones the entire time you leave your house and having your face glued to a phone or laptop.

  • JasonCuddlesJasonCuddles

    I think that building cities for cars and not people in North American cities has reduced community and increased isolation.

    Take something as simple as getting groceries. If you lived within a 5 min walk of a little grocery shop you would be more likely to walk there each day as you decide what you want to make for dinner. You would be more likely to see the same people and build relationships of at least some sort.

    I could go on about this topic but I think I will leave it there for now.

  • SpicyNSweetSpicyNSweet

    @cuddlefaery Yes!!! We've lost the village mentality and many of us have suffered so much as a result. 💔

  • NYCLatnGuyNYCLatnGuy

    All of the above, and more broadly, every technological advance has decreased the amount of brief but meaningful interactions we used to have — those weak ties used to add up, and the Covid pandemic rapidly decreased them even more. ATMs mean we don’t talk to a teller, self checkout means no cashier chit chat, even our delivery services just leave our food/packages for us to gather alone. Services like Waymo will continue this trend, and sadly many (all but the most intentional?) of us will start replacing human connection with AI interactions.

    That and the loss of third spaces (like bowling alleys or local clubs) compound the problem of social isolation that has beset our society. Sadly, there are no easy answers, the best we can do is try to live intentionally and make the extra effort to build community, unless our society somehow arrives at a consensus that we need to change our trajectory.

  • RebeccaKeRebeccaKe

    Ai

  • JubalJubal

    Big one that I see is over reliance on texting vs talking. So often I'll try to contact a referral (who has asked me for my professional help), and the person will NOT answer voice calls.

  • zoeloveshugszoeloveshugs

    I think texting rather than on the phone or in person convos have become the norm which disconnects us from one another.
    Ghosting has been the new norm which I find abominable , cruel and immature .
    Social media has replaced real connection.

  • cuddlefaerycuddlefaery

    I may be in the minority here, but I'd argue that mobile phones, SMS, social media, and internet communication has created more connection for some communities who historically face barriers to connection with the larger public. I know that any tool can be misused and good things in excess can be problematic, but I think the world in general is becoming more inclusive and accessible. And that's a good thing!

    I was one of those teens who would feel utterly alone and unseen even in a group of my friends or family. I was always an outsider looking in, never quite fitting in - and my mental health massively suffered for it. When I started joining early online communities, I found my people finally: I was seen, appreciated, and understood in a way I never was with my usual peers.

    And texting/online chats for me has been a massive accessibility tool. Between chronic health issues and the accompanying mental exhaustion, tech based communication allows me to stay connected with people instead of remaining isolated. And it may be anecdotal, but I've seen the massive positive changes that can happen for lonely, isolated people who learn how to harness technology to build community. Yes, I've seen the negative impacts too, but overall it's been net positives for many.

  • lillycolelillycole

    Living entirely isolated from society, even (or specifically) in cities. People will live alone, work from home, order groceries and/or takeout for delivery as well as getting all essentials online and delivered without ever having to leave your place. It's possible to live life without ever having to encounter people in person. But I think over time that lack of even mundane encounters with other people will start to wear on a person, whether they realize it or not

  • Suzie_QSuzie_Q

    Grind culture. A lot of people's down time, by necessity, is just used for self repair now or general upkeep. By default then their work becomes their main mode of social contact, and a true social life and connection gets neglected.

    I have friends I haven't seen in years due to this, we just keep track of each other through social media or the odd text.

  • mauvefoxmauvefox

    @cuddlefaery i agree. for some of us it’s opened doors we didn’t have before. I actually communicate much more with people via messaging than I ever did before. I’m more comfortable I can think through what I want to say so my anxiety and my ADHD don’t run away with the conversation.

    Ghosting. I hate it. I try not to do it to others and I don’t want it done to me. But I also understand that for some folks it feels like a safety issue. Some people respond very negatively and aggressively to any kind of rejection.

    The “nuclear family” singular families living isolated in their house/apartment boxes with no help from community. Not just even with kids but with everything it takes to run a household even without kids.

    How far we’ve been removed from our food sources. Most kids don’t even know that chicken used to be an actual chicken. 😁 my kids were shocked when I told them this and other fun food facts when they were younger.

  • disneysamuraidisneysamurai

    @lillycole great to see you posting on here!

    I had to think about this a little bit but I think people’s ties to isolation and use of technology is largely a result of people feeling that their community has abandoned them or they’ve lost trust in their community, and as stated previously, from technology they’re receiving wants and needs that they aren’t getting from their community.

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    I think people are a lot more low effort in getting out to social events now days because there are larger swaths of people who are socially challenged. Go to any college campus or high school and you see people walking with their heads down oblivious to anything but their phones. They are cheating themselves of learning social mores and communication. It’s even become ok to break up via text. Used to be cowardly if you broke up with someone over a phone call! Face-to-face communication is how you earned self confidence and the ability to think on your feet in the moment.

    Socializing is a learned skill. You can be extroverted and still need to learn how people want to be spoken to. Now days they are learning it from a screen.

  • frankchaosfrankchaos

    To a point all the things people have mentioned are true in causing people to feel more disconnected, but it is also true that there are benefits to all of them too and have the potential to create more connections also. As many of the great minds point out, anything can be used in a negative or positive manner weather it be a tool, concept or knowledge and weather it is considered good or bad greatly depends on the intended out come.
    The closest I can consider being a wholly negative in the aspect of wanting connecting to rise and disconnection to fall, would be the mentality toward absolute thinking and one size fits all interventions that end up neglecting individuals. One of the biggest I see that causes people to isolate and chose to be more and more withdrawn and cautious is the rise of calling for the complete death of different groups of people even from people who consider themselves pacifists and anti-violence.
    But in the end, even those extremes are well, unavoidable. Even if you were to eradicate said thing you think would 'fix' anything(a concept that makes people think absolute perfection is something that can be achieved concurrently while life can continue being alive) it is bound to re appear eventually (generally not the EXACT same, but in the sake of effecting the aspects you wanted it gone in the first place). This doesn't mean you shouldn't fight for a more positive, harmonious and considerate state of existing, that is a part of the he whole life being alive thing too.
    But those variances are the friction that keep momentum moving, and that movement is the life. Striving for balance is one of many things that sustain life , even if true balance isn't achievable. The natural state of everything wants to stop moving and even out, and you can't eskew one thing and not expect that energy to not be taken from somewhere else (equivalent exchange).
    I think I'm getting off topic, so I'm going to stop myself here. 😅

  • CoachJMan19CoachJMan19

    I think cell phones are the biggest thing and second would be social media. Cell phones because everyone is just glued to their phones and no one ever socializes in person anymore everyone is just busy on their phones instead of talking to the people around them. I have even been out to eat where I saw a couple who was obviously on a date and they both were just on their phones instead of talking to each other. Everyone is always on their phone wherever they go and it is just considered normal instead of just talking to people around you. The second one social media I would say society says is normal, but everyone is consumed by social media these days. Everyone pretty much has social media and whenever you meet new people and want to stay connected the go to thing to give is social media as it is just considered normal but really it is not because you show on social media what you want people to see and it is more controlled verses giving someone your phone number which is more personal than giving someone your social media.

  • VaniRae31VaniRae31
    • The loss of 3rd spaces
    • 40hr work weeks
    • The use of AI in lieu of relationships or friendships
    • Walkability scores being so low
    • Parents being in or on the play areas at parks
    • People no longer setting their friends up with family/friends/coworkers/acquaintances (the use of dating apps)

    Specifically speaking on America since it’s where I live.

  • VAdudeVAdude
    edited June 15

    Zero free time/overscheduling/no real privacy, due to the increased prevalence of personal technology in our lives 24/7.

    "Hustle/Grind/Fast-paced" office culture. All you are doing is making more money for your bosses at the expense of your own well-being. Nobody is impressed by your martyrdom.

    Related to the above: Not taking vacations/PTO/breaks. Burnout is real.

    Increasing global temperatures, melting ice caps, erratic weather patterns, droughts, etc.

    Sending more and more of our tax money to bomb innocent people overseas every year while we don't even have remotely enough funds allocated for basic housing, healthcare, healthy food, retirement, and other essential human needs.

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    @VAdude You definitely hit all the notes. Everything is broken and those in charge aren’t even bothering with a band aid fix. The youth of the country are taking the brunt and I fear a mental health crisis on the horizon as a result.

  • cuddlefaerycuddlefaery

    @TheFunCartel tbh, we already started hitting generational mental health crisis with millennials. And as generational trauma compounds, it's only going to get worse until people start breaking the chain.

  • JohnR1972JohnR1972

    @JasonCuddles

    I think that building cities for cars and not people in North American cities has reduced community and increased isolation.

    @zoeloveshugs

    I think texting rather than on the phone or in person convos have become the norm which disconnects us from one another

    So many great answers on this thread but these are my favorites!

  • VAdudeVAdude

    @TheFunCartel sad, but true. And it's all interrelated/reinforcing, which means I don't see things getting any better. I am getting closer to retirement but I really feel for the young people of today. They will be inheriting a world that is unfortunately damaged beyond any sort of easy repair.

  • theHugAlchemisttheHugAlchemist

    Google. we don't need to ask anyone for help on how to setup a tent, or a good recipe with potatoes and broccoli, etc etc . Just do an internet search.

    really the convenience culture of tech, from maps to Amazon to chatting with Ai.

  • RickyMRickyM

    @cuddlefaery since you mentioned community / communal living, and you live in Davis, I have to ask if you have ever seen Village Homes in west Davis? It's an intentional community and I used to go walking there all the time.

  • cuddlefaerycuddlefaery

    @RickyM I'm very familiar! I grew up going there for dance classes and wandering the paths between houses. I also knew the main designer as his daughter was my dance teacher 😂 I still frequently go there for events, classes, or just to wander.

    Davis in general has been at the forefront of exploring intentional living communities for decades - not just Village Homes, but also the Domes, student co-op housing, N Street Co-housing, etc. It introduced the idea to me young, along with frequent trips to Europe.

  • CuddlesWithCatCuddlesWithCat

    Genocide.

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