Cuddling with transgender people...

[Deleted User]MelissaNicole42 (deleted user)
in General

I'm kinda scared to ask this, given the fact that there are folks out there who hate trans people... but, is a person being transgender a barrier to cuddling that person?

I am transgender myself.

But, yeah... society and media have given a real stigma here; with an image of us dressed in a trashy manner, wearing fishnets and minimal clothing.

So, I'm asking, like, does cuddling with a transgender female seem impossible if she is an otherwise pleasant person?
(I say "pleasant" for lack of a better word)

By pleasant, I mean that she showers twice a day... wears long sleeves even in the summer, usually nice cardigan type stuff... brushes her teeth 3 or 4 times a day... does not stink in any way... and, she is an asexual, meaning that the idea of sex actually quite repulses her... she's very nurturing and not one-sided in any way at all.
So, given those qualities, is being transgender always necessarily a dealbreaker?

Hope this question can be addressed in an honest yet gentle way.
Thanks for reading.

Melissa

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Comments

  • [Deleted User]BigHugsCA (deleted user)

    I'd have no problem cuddling with a female who identifies as a male.

  • [Deleted User]MelissaNicole42 (deleted user)

    There are, at least seemingly, more of those (female to male) than there are of me (male to female).
    Thanks for the kind reply!

  • KempistKempist

    Really? I thought it was more male to female.

  • [Deleted User]MelissaNicole42 (deleted user)

    @ snugbuddy, ah, I could be wrong. Like I said, seemingly.
    May be a regional thing.

  • BlueIrisBlueIris Mod

    @MelissaNicole42 There are those who will cuddle anyone, so being transgender isn't a dealbreaker for everyone. To avoid an unpleasant encounter, though, you'd probably be wise to discuss that with potential cuddlers prior to meeting them.

  • [Deleted User]MelissaNicole42 (deleted user)

    @BlueIris Oh, absolutely. In fact, it's transgender people not disclosing that to people upfront that has perpetuated the stigma against people like me.
    I'd totally never hide that. In fact, I don't see why anyone would.
    The same way that people wanna know that they're accepted for who they are and not for their money or possessions, I like knowing that people know me completely and decide then to know me even further.
    But, yep, way too many transgender people hide what they are.
    That's bad all around.

  • ColouredCrayonsColouredCrayons

    @MelissaNicole42 I think everyone has a different sense of what they are comfortable with. Unfortunately some people don't see past gender and identity to see the underlying humanity. People who are that way aren't bad but probably aren't the type of people you would want to cuddle anyway.
    Cuddling is about feeling secure and accepted, so if the other person doesn't feel that, it's not going to be a good experience for either of you. So to answer your question, no being trans is not a deal breaker when it comes to cuddling. But I cuddle everyone who has a kind heart and even some people who don't because they need good vibes also.

  • [Deleted User]MelissaNicole42 (deleted user)

    @LeeS That was a very intelligent take.
    I think that most negativity in the world... not just at my kind, but at the world in general... comes from not receiving enough good vibes.
    It then becomes a vicious cycle... they don't put out positivity to the universe, then very little comes back to them, which finally makes them put out even more negativity.
    Most grumps in the world just need to see some love, even when they act unlovable.

  • Torn55Torn55
    edited October 2018

    I don't want to offend anyone but I cant overlook what someone was born as. Call me one of those "grumps" but I cant see myself cuddling men, and though a lot of men switched their bodily appearances to be more like a woman I cant overlook of what that person was born as. If I did it wouldn't be a comfortable situation for me especially since we're talking about personal space here. With that being said that is just me and though I personally take issue with the whole idea of that gender swapping surgery I think everyone should experience what cuddling has to offer so I hope you find those people out there that are willing to cuddle transgendered individuals

  • [Deleted User]MelissaNicole42 (deleted user)

    @Torn55 Your thoughts reflect how I wish more people could be.
    While you may not understand or support what all does or doesn't make a person transgender, and you express that such people aren't in your personal comfort zone... I appreciate that what you said was voiced in a non hateful way.
    Oh, and I meant "grumps" about people irrespective of trans stuff.
    I ride buses all the time, and I see people fussing at others for everything from someone's plastic grocery bags shifting and making noise, all the way up to the color of a person's shoes.
    It's a jungle out there.
    Thank you for such a humane comment.

  • CuddleStellaCuddleStella

    I personally am open to cuddle with anybody, any gender, trans status, or orientation. I think it’s not necessary to open up on those details but I’ve heard of folks who feel the need to have transgender folks disclose that.

  • BabichevBabichev

    It's not a barrier for me. I have transgendered people in my life and have cuddled with at least three of them.

  • [Deleted User]MelissaNicole42 (deleted user)

    @Babichev That is so awesome.
    I can't speak to your personal experience, but I've had 2 friends that weren't mutual tell me basically that my affection had been some of the best they'd ever experienced.
    I think that their experience may have to do with the fact that the ostracized, such as in my community, often feel an empathy for others that the less ostracized might lack.
    Hard to explain what I mean.

  • CreativeCuddlesCreativeCuddles

    I have no apprehensions of cuddling with anyone and I wish stigmas of any kind didn’t exist because they give someone a label even before they know them. I am Bipolar, far from ashamed to admit it. I am proud to have it because it means one of you don’t and that I can live with. But you say Bipolar and people think you are “crazy.” (My kids may agree!) I am far from afraid to cuddle with a transgender and would actually like to. I am an open book and very comfortable with who I am and would want them to be as comfortable with me as well.

  • [Deleted User]Kaiwoods (deleted user)

    I’m pretty open to cuddling with anyone who isn’t an boundary pusher!
    The only people who wouldn’t cuddle you for being transgender are people you wouldn’t want to be around anyway!!

  • PositivitouchPositivitouch

    Hi Melissa,

    Being transgender is an amazing and wonderful thing, and it would be an honor to cuddle with you, or anyone who has this experience that is unfairly being discriminated against. Anyone who would say it's a dealbreaker could use more exposure and education and empathy. Disqualifying someone because of their genitals, which are not part of a cuddle session anyways, is bigotry and likely is a passed down prejudice that has yet to be overcome.

    I love you!! You are worthy and lovably! I'm in Portland, OR if you want to cuddle any day. First one on me :)

    Becky
    www.positivitouch.com

  • DeathbyChocolatDeathbyChocolat

    You being trans doesnt matter to me if your on this site you should be open to cuddling all genders and everyone should have good hygiene ie being clean

  • [Deleted User]simontudley (deleted user)

    I like to cuddle women. If a trans woman has a feminine nature, I don’t mind if she has a penis.

  • respectful328respectful328

    My view about cuddling with a transgender M to F would be wonderful and non judgmental as long as the person presents themselve as a female and has looks well in her transition. It would be a honor for me as I respect genders and I feel comfortable.

  • [Deleted User]LookinginHFX (deleted user)

    I cannot find any problems with this, all need touch and interaction

  • RainbowZebraSamRainbowZebraSam

    I'm fine with cuddling trans people, and have had some good experiences with trans women as cuddle buddies.

  • CreativeCuddlesCreativeCuddles

    @respectful328 non judge mental means just that. You don’t judge. Stating “as long as they look well in their transition” you will cuddle with them. I know several pro’s who don’t ask for a picture until the cuddler is ready to book. If you are talking to a transgender Male to Female and you don’t get a picture until it’s time to book and you don’t feel they “look well in their transition” how are you going to handle that?

  • UKGuyUKGuy

    I wouldn't tell anyone else who they should cuddle with and I resent anyone telling me who I should cuddle with. As far as I am concerned, everyone can make their own decision on this and it is no-one else's business but their own.

  • Davy75Davy75

    Hi Melissa

    Never be scared to ask! You being you is in no way a "barrier" or "deal breaker" to a cuddle... it shouldn't make the slightest bit of difference - doesn't to me anyway!

    Davy

  • Cuddlebuddy904Cuddlebuddy904

    I have experience with transgender cuddling, it was beautiful. No judgement, I love the human being.

  • JaneBondJaneBond

    I personally don't discriminate against anyone for ANY reason. In fact, I don't ask for a picture until the date and time are confirmed. That way we can get to know each other through text. Once the date and time are confirmed, I then share my phone number for logistical reason and to request a picture to know who will be showing up at my door. To me, everyone is treated with love and acceptance. That is unless otherwise warranted by their request, actions, and disrespect for my rules.
    I welcome anyone from any gender identity.

  • [Deleted User]cuzzyfuddles (deleted user)

    Being trans is not a dealbreaker for me at all, I'd totally cuddle with you Melissa if we got along

  • ubergigglefritzubergigglefritz

    I love all the supportive responses (especially from men)! I personally would love the opportunity to cuddle anyone, as long as they are respectful of my boundaries and have a genuine desire for the non-sexual services I provide. I do not discriminate against any gender, orientation, or race, etc...

  • JasonCuddlesJasonCuddles

    [quote]is a person being transgender a barrier to cuddling that person?[/quote]

    Not to me, but I would assume it is to some. Only way to know if it is to a particular person is to ask.

  • Brant76Brant76

    @MelissaNicole42 As long as you are a nice and kind person, which you very much seem to be from your post and comments, I would have no issue or hesitation cuddling with you. This is about platonic cuddling and mutually beneficial touch. Aside from that, I admire and respect anyone who is brave enough to be who they feel they are even when society feels the need to sometimes be mean to then due to a lack of understanding or some irrational fear.

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