@jmcalpine it seems like you're seeking companionship. a web site whose business model relies on the touch starved paying for touch is probably a bad place to find it.
@faro i dont think that's necessarily true. I agree that to rely on this place did your sole source of social support probably isn't a good idea. And there are certainly places where there are fewer to zero enthusiasts.
But we are here. It does take time and intention that in my experience here the majority of men who message me aren't willing to do. But if they are, then I've made some amazing connections.
Never pay for gas, a gift card, or any other random, odd-sounding request.
"Women enthusiasts have expressed repeatedly on this forum that they want to get to know someone first before they feel safe enough to be alone with an internet stranger. "
For about ten years I posted and answered ads in the personals section of Craigslist (until that section vanished in 2017). I experimented with many different approaches, from "hey let's meet somewhere for a drink or coffee" to meeting for cuddling, massage exchange, maybe even something slightly naughty but never for sex (I don't partake unless I'm in a steady relationship). I live in a safe, very publicly-seen neighborhood and I would offer to meet by the police station close by. We would walk and chat, and if there was some mutual chemistry and interest, proceed from there. If not, no worries, thanks for checking it out and have a safe trip home.
I met many women over that period and never had a bad experience--usually, it was great because I'm straightforward and always respectful and accommodating. I would never advertise for one thing and then do a bait-and-switch. I enjoy meeting new people and learning about their thoughts and interests so there was little downside for me even if we didn't have much in common. The only negative thing that ever happened was 1) if my guest was looking for something romantic and the feeling wasn't mutual on my part, or 2) they wanted to have sex and were frustrated by my lack of compliance (yes, it happens).
BTW--no one I met ever asked me for money. Not once, in ten years. I did have one or two ladies write saying they'd meet up and "please" me for a little gas money, but I passed.
I've had far less success meeting women here on CC (probably related to the fact that I don't do paid cuddling). I always felt that there was a fair amount of trepidation about Craigslist (at least partly justified) but it was nothing compared to the fear level here on CC. I met one woman here who stated she would need to have four or five get-to-know-you dates (funded by me, no doubt) before she would even consider cuddling with me (or anyone).
I find lots of men reduce their lack of luck in making connections with women to it being that the women are wanting money, or aren't interested in responding, or some other villainous womanly attribute . In other words it's all their faults not mine. This lack of self awareness and blame game are pretty solid examples of why they might be having problems to begin with.
The men here who have regular success with making connections and finding cuddle friends really put in the work, and don't come on here to complain every time something doesn't go their way. You don't see us on here posting about all our cuddles because misery loves company, and I've been yelled at before for posting about positive experiences. People don't want to hear that nor are they actually interested in making efforts to change as it's much more cathartic to complain and garner sympathy. But trust me when I say that there are certainly women on here who are more than happy to meet and potentially be a cuddle friend for those who are willing to make an effort.
@pmvines Can you be specific about the effortful actions you're referring to? I've found that if you contact people and they don't respond, there's really not much opportunity for further effort at that point. BTW I love hearing about anyone having positive experiences in any way, about anything, but I'm not exactly inspired by success stories about paid cuddling (it's no mystery to me how someone can get cuddles when they're paying) in the same way I am about non-paid cuddling.
I appreciate this discussion as an enthusiast who’s been considering whether enthusiasts who are women would ever consider a cuddle session with me or not after reaching out to many and hardly receiving any responses. I would be willing to travel as there aren’t many in Syracuse, NY it seems. I even have offered to meet for coffee to one of the enthusiasts who mentioned that in her profile. I am going through a very touch deprived season of life so of course I would rather cuddle sooner than later but I think it would still be great to connect with someone even before cuddling in that way. I also think it’s a good point that I can’t use this site as my main source of where to meet people and make connections. I am reaching out other places as well but not much success yet at this point. I always offer to play a song on my trumpet for them too as some pro cuddlers have seemed to like that when I played a song for them…Anyway, thank you for starting this discussion. All the best to you in your cuddling endeavors.
@love4embrace I have been an Enthusiast in the past so I will answer as if I was one now. As everyone always says here, there aren’t many Enthusiast women, they get flooded with messages and it may have nothing to do with you personally. I wish the site didn’t make it sound so easy to find a Cuddler because unless you pay, it’s not. I would suggest having your first photo showing you smiling a little, keep it sincere just like your others, maybe take it outside (set the timer and walk back a little?) because looking sad and writing about it could scare someone off. Even the slightest hint that you need cuddling to be a therapy session could be off-putting, even though you don’t intend it. Also I think your suggestion to meet for coffee first is a good idea.
@Carrie_Anne- Thank you so much for that wonderful feedback, very much appreciated, will definitely keep those things in mind moving forward and see what happens!
Pros are supposed to be opened to any cuddles as long as schedules allow and there are no safety/respect issues.
Women enthusiasts can be more picky. While some may prefer younger, more attractive partners, from my interactions with both enthusiasts and pros they repeatedly share the same themes: they are looking for safety, respect, and connection. The entire process is exhausting and even dehumanizing.
Let’s say there are 50 guys who reach out. 30 probably fall into perv, entitled, not ready to put in the effort to ensure trust/comfort, desperate (I’LL RESPECT YOU SO HARD ARE YOU FREE TONIGHT?!?), looking for free therapy or a mommy/wife figure, or are even threatening.
Maybe 20 make a solid initial effort (and I bet that’s a very generous estimate). What woman is going to engage screening 20 or even ten different guys?
10/20 reveal themselves as just better at hiding their intentions via messaging. 5/10 remaining - no spark, no connection. Conversation is painful or just shallow.
By now she’s likely exhausted and has her guard up but is down to 5 potential partners. 2 delete their profiles (probably married/cheating), 2 have opposite schedules or just stop replying, 1 keeps at it, is patient but not pushy, tries to connect without love bombing, does calls or video chats, is willing to meet in public, shares his own boundaries, and rephrases hers back to her to show he understands and respects them.
Or let’s say all 5 are good potential partners and do everything right. She might just want to cuddle with the guy who reminds her of a safe adult from her childhood, or a tall guy who seems funny, or the one she can really nerd out with. The other 4 have a chance someday but have to be patient. Most aren’t.
That’s the realistic (and fair) gauntlet male enthusiasts have to navigate.
There’s also a pure numbers thing. If you’re in Omaha or Alaska, you won’t have the options someone has in SF, Houston, or NY.
@MustHugDogs You nailed it 100%! It’s rare that men on here retain such an accurate understanding of what happens in our messages inbox. Thank you for that. 🤗
@MustHugDogs very well put!
Also, this:
shares his own boundaries
Highly likely to lose most or all of the few left here. Most men haven't put in the work, and are unwilling to do so. The vast majority answer "what are your boundaries?" with "I have none". That's a huge red flag for us that they either have no idea what boundaries actually are, and/or is an indication of a highly codependent person who is going to make us uncomfortable - and ultimately unsafe when they get rejected or things don't go their way.
I'm a professional cuddler. Some would say the very best. I just do it for free.
I'm being visited nonstop by random men since this comment. Honestly, I get it now. PS, I'm a man.
@CuddlesNPeace claiming to be a professional cuddler when you are not registered as one with the site is an invitation to get reported as an untagged pro. If you're not cuddling for pay, you're not a pro, no matter how skilled you are. And if you're not registered as a pro with the site, you're not allowed to use the site to cuddle for pay.
Of note: people can't tell your gender from the forums, especially since you don't have a photo. Thus people likely were thinking you were a female untagged pro and were going to check you out, and potentially report you. People also just get curious to see who is behind a comment. Any time you interact in the forums you're likely to get a flurry of visits from people all over.
(Edited for clarity.)
You might get some angry replies from some of those who visited your profile thinking you are a female enthusiast 😂.
He obviously meant "professional cuddler" colloquially. Just as I might say I'm a professional coffee drinker. He clearly wasn't claiming to be a registered cuddler on the site based on the context of his message lol.
@jdev25 I took it that way as well, but it's important to note how easy it is to misunderstand tone online.
@jdev25 @SpicyNSweet that was my point - saying it, even in jest, is going to invite people to question whether it's a joke or not, and if not whether it is reportable.
Context matters - if you were joking about being a professional coffee drinker on a website where professional drinkers/tasters are regulated and differentiated from amateur hobbyists, it'd be a similar issue. Joking about it here doesn't have the same potential consequences because this site doesn't have rules specifically for professional coffee drinkers - but it very much does for professional cuddlers.
I would not be surprised if people skimmed or otherwise don't have great reading comprehension would jump to conclusions. And as @SpicyNSweet said, sarcasm and wry tones don't translate into text well without context clues. A lot of people read text literally, taking words at face value or applying their own context when one isn't given.
FYI, folks, @CuddlesNPeace was indeed reported as an untagged pro shortly after he made the comment above. I, too, didn't take it as a joke the first time I read it. I reread it and then realized it. So when I saw the report, I dismissed it.
Just a cautionary tale.
I took the comment as saying he was a cuddle pro, but I am also lazy with crap vision so I am sure I didn't read it correctly
They gave obvious contextual clues with the statements following, so I think anyone who read as far as the first three sentences would have understood the usage. The only reason they would have been reported is if people are just in a rush to do so without stopping to think for a second lol. Fortunately the mod understood what colloquial usage is and took the time to read the full message so the reports were dismissed, and I guess that's the important thing here.
Lol there's really no need for the condescension
@Carrie_Anne to the massage question, most of what I have heard from pros is the guest is clothed, they wrap a towel over the person's body and provide like a back massage. If they are using oils, the client would have on shorts and like a tank top or something sleeveless and would get their arms, shoulders, back massaged, and then drape that area over someone. That is practice at some spas and would be something similar. Also understand not wanting to conflate that with cuddling. Just one perspective. However, most of the time its just a shoulder massage in-between cuddling.
I totally agree with your post, @cuddlefaery ☺️
Yeah , perhaps I needed to read beyond 3 sentences. But I also don't really care enough so there's that.
@pmvines bah ha ha ha ha
They gave obvious contextual clues with the statements following
Not obvious to people who struggle with tone and nuance (eg, many neurodivergent people). I found it confusing, but was able to figure out what was meant. I can easily see people being confused and thinking he was saying he's a pro cuddler.
@jdev25 there was no additional context sentences added until the comment was edited nearly 2 hours later. Therefore my mentioning how in that time, many of the visitors may have been trying to ascertain intent and pro status.
@BlueIris yeah, I figured 😂 I may not be a mod here, but I've been one on several other forums/platforms and I know the patterns well. My spidey senses have become well-honed over the past 26 years lol 🤷🏻♀️
@KNoana it doesn't matter if the client remains clothed - it's still a secondary service which is not allowed through this site. Further, if the pro is not a licensed massage therapist they run the risk of issues with the law and liability depending on the jurisdiction they are in. In some locations, charging for a massage if not licensed & registered with the local government can result in fines at minimum. Same with providing companionship/escort services. The only reason professional cuddling has not yet fallen into similar regulation restrictions is because it's such a new, niche industry and there hasn't been a push on a large scale for training and licensing requirements. It tends to fall in a legal grey area outside of both massage and escorting, but some jurisdictions may still require professional cuddlers to register their business. I always encourage pros to look up what the business license requirements are for their area.
What I actually meant was that the first three sentences were enough context. (The ones present prior to the edit.) But anyway...
@cuddlefaery Understood. I am just replying to the component of how one remains clothed during a massage. I am not speaking to the rest of the elements about terms of service. However, if people feel strongly about it, it is an additional thing for the mods to look into, if they so choose. I also don't really look at it like companionship/escort services. And companionship doesn't always equal sexual. People pay others to accompany to events, dinners, travel all of the time w/o the expectation of that type of service. I am not going to associate some negative connotation with pros who do that and just try to help others through touch. If a person gives someone an extended hug and rub their shoulders, is that a massage? if they are watching a film and their head is laying on someone's chest and you rub their scalp, is that a massage? I feel like all of these things are subjective and if ppl remain clothed, I dont see the issue.