The argument can also be made that throwing 100 baseballs at someone is probably pretty damn overwhelming and impossible to get through all of them, and likely are being pelted by many. That would make most anybody just simply avoid baseball altogether. If we are going with that as an anecdotal analogy.
@DCuddlerKing it’s more like you’re throwing the ball to someone who is nothing more than a mirage and isn’t physically there. We already know most men aren’t cuddling with women who are enthusiasts but I’m willing to bet most women enthusiasts aren’t cuddling either but for the opposite reason. While men are having a hard time getting responses back let alone meeting up to cuddle, women are getting overwhelmed with messages, vast majority go unread and the ones they do end up reading are vile and disgusting to a point where they say “f this” and leave the site. And that’s just the ones that bother to read messages; I’m sure way more will throw up a profile and then forget the site even exists shortly after.
@pmvines Your tone suggests you are disagreeing with me, but your words sort of make my point, I don't know, but I don't want to put words in your mouth, and continue the cycle casting blame.
@disneysamurai well I would recommend when searching for a cuddler on this site (enthusiast or pro) stick to people who have been active at a bare minimum the last month, I personally don't message anyone who hasn't been here within the same week, so those who sign up and walk away are their own category, we shouldn't be messaging them.
Excluding that group... and focusing on the ladies who are here at least a few times a week... I try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt until they prove me wrong, if they say they are here to find a cuddle partner I believe them. So assuming the absolute best intentions by the men and by the women.... just by the numbers it is unlikely most men will get any response from lady enthusiast, because of the overwhelming volume of messages they receive.
Again I hope everyone finds the cuddles they are looking for, no matter the odds.
Honestly, the internet isn't really a great place for guys to be looking for cuddles (outside of going the pro route). The whole mechanics of it all are just not setup to work. You're much better off developing friendships in the real world and hanging out with your friends. This can give you a lot of connection and emotional recharge or whatever you're looking for. My friends do cuddle puddles and what not, and I will cozy up to friends when we chill and hang out sometimes. I just got through hanging out at a friend's house this past week and we ended up cozied up for several hours while she was playing through a new video game. I think it's much easier in the real world, because you develop those relationships in a context where both parties can get to know each other in all ways at once. Online, you're just a username with a wall of text in a message, and you don't get all the other information about each other that you do in person.
@jdev exactly🙌🙌🙌
Haven’t had time to read through all of the follow up replies to mine, but I’ve skimmed through them. I do want to make it known that I’m not in the “women are the problem and I hate women” group haha. No one here, male or female, is entitled to anyone else’s time. So with that said, let me clarify what I did mean with my comment. When I joined this site, I was very lonely. I’d moved to a new state and had begun to battle depression pretty heavily a couple years after having moved away from my friends and family. I realized what I was missing was physical connection. I was happy to find this site which I thought was a place for others in a position like mine (for whatever their personal reasons might be) to find platonic physical connection. Because of the skewed demographic leading to vastly more male enthusiasts, that turned out to not be the case. It didn’t matter how much effort I put in. The unfortunate reality is that I wasn’t able to meet my need for physical connection without paying for it. There’s nothing wrong with those who charge for it by any means and it obviously does not make them a bad person, but I personally just can’t pay for it. While I could VERY rarely find someone to cuddle with (2 cuddles in about 2 years after messaging 96 people and even being stood up by one), my depression got worse instead of better. My experiences cuddling were absolutely amazing and exactly what I wanted, but the time in between reinforced my self doubt. It told me I was undesirable, unworthy, and just destined to be alone. So with all of that said, my original post was not saying that men are entitled to anything or anything like that. It was merely to say that constantly seeing people say that the only reason men can’t get cuddles on here for free is because we’re pushy or not putting in effort hurts a lot. I’ve mostly stepped away from the site over the last year or so to focus more on developing my friendships and just getting by without meeting my need for physical connection in the meantime.
@DCuddlerKing Now that I can absolutely agree with. There is definitely a problem of numbers when it comes to men and women at all and especially so when it comes to men to women enthusiasts.
I was mostly responding to the insult to injury comment. And I’ll add on to say you can’t be sure why men don’t get responded to. The only person who knows why they didn’t respond is the woman they messaged.
@BigAndCuddly29 just curious why can’t you pay for it? Is it because it’s outside your budget/not sustainable financially (totally understandable especially in this crazy economy where just paying the rent on time is a challenge)? Or does a sense of shame come up or you feel like paying largely takes away from the personal connection aspect?
@BigAndCuddly29 I appreciate you sharing your experience. You are not the alone.
And statements like yours are the reason I would like topics like this to focus more on numbers than blame, because most of us know we are not owed a response, but every time you put yourself out there, take the time read a profile, feel like this person could match with you, take the time to write a meaningful heartfelt message, only to get crickets... it hurts. It is a form of rejection. I don't believe it is done with malice or harm in mind, but it does hurt.
And, let's be honest.... many people come here hoping to find a connection that makes them feel better, some people come here because they're already hurting and need physical connection to heal, and to feel like they're doing their best to find support and not making any progress, hurts even more. Again no one is to blame but it still hurts (I'm putting in bold because I fear someone is going to say I'm blaming women)
And when the focus shifts to "who's fault it is it", it ignores theoretically everyone could be doing their best with the best intentions... and it is still likely most men will not be responded to, just by the numbers.
Once you accept that reality, once you accept an individual guy can do their best, and still not get a response, you can move on to step two which @jdev25 speaks of... which is realizing you might need to work on finding what you need elsewhere.
I love the cuddle partners I have made on this site, all pros (figurative and literally), and I wish it was easier to find an enthusiast partner on this site, but it's not. So my focus is on making connections to people through other means. Social events, gatherings, meet ups and whatever else. At the same time seeking out a mental health professional to deal with other feelings of anxiety and isolation... and then when I need a cuddle, I see one of my pro cuddle friends.
Would it be nice to go on this site and just message one nice enthusiast and get all of that in one shot for free... yes, but that's not realistic (Because of the numbers).
I wish everyone success in finding a cuddling partner who meets their needs, but if you are struggling to do that it doesn't mean it's your fault or their fault, it might mean this site might not be the answer your looking for (or at least not the sole answer).
I just want to point out that putting a lot of effort into something doesn't mean one is putting the right effort into the right places in order to get positive effects. We can work really, really hard at doing the wrong things. We can work really hard while missing a glaring point obvious to someone else. We can put a lot of effort into running in circles expecting different outcomes from the same input.
Just putting a lot of effort into something doesn't equate automatic success. Doing everything that works for someone else doesn't guarantee success for you, especially if you don't adapt their methods to your needs and situation. As the adage goes, "work smarter, not harder." Don't focus on putting in a ton of effort - figure out where to effectively put in effort and then work on that.
When I see a profile from a woman who is an enthusiast saying that she is looking for a person to cuddle with on a regular basis, and specifically says "men" in her profile I sometimes reach out to them because I'm looking for the same and can't afford to pay for it all the time because of my situation. When I tell them I am going through a similar season of life and would be happy to talk more to see if it makes sense to arrange a cuddle session at some point down the road I hardly ever hear back. I sometimes wonder if it's because I live quite a distance from them ( usually 75 miles or more), even though I say that I'm willing to travel their way, even just to meet for coffee initially. I get it though, would be easier if with someone who lived closer to them. Sometimes I wonder though, are they just looking for Pro-Cuddlers or a fellow enthusiast? It's probably a case by case basis though, I'm sure as each person has a different situation in life. I just thought it was worth putting it out there to discuss. I do not feel entitled to receive a response even though I have made efforts, I just wonder about this sometimes but I know there are many factors out there. I appreciate the Pros and Enthusiasts. I came across this site about a year ago when I typed in Google: "Places to get hugs." It definitely has been a help to me since joining at times but I'm realizing I can't keep paying for cuddles and have to figure out other ways at times. For me it's not just the cuddles but the heart to heart conversations I've had during the cuddles that have been "therapeutic" to me as that is something I have never really experienced much in my life thus far.
@disneysamurai It’s a mix of things. The latter one is the main issue for me though. I like the connection and spending quality time with the person. If I’m paying for it, it doesn’t feel as genuine for me, and that’s a purely personal thing. Obviously for other people, having to pay for it doesn’t take away from the experience at all, and that’s completely ok ☺️.
@DCuddlerKing Thank you for your response ☺️. Yeah I guess that’s all I’m asking for as well is that people stop trying to blame each other. The reality is what it is, and even when people are doing their best, things are still challenging. That’s just how it is. Sometimes no amount of effort can fix a given situation, and I do think this is one of them. I’m specifically referring to trying to find enthusiast cuddlers on the site. As far as addressing depression and self esteem issues, it’s just a case of needing to find a better way to overcome the issues like you and others have said, and that’s what I’ve been working on for the last year or so ❤️
@BigAndCuddly29
Read your last post @BigAndCuddly29. Appreciate you sharing what you've been through.
3 responded and said they weren’t interested (but were very kind about it),
🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯
@BigAndCuddly29 And you didn't call them "fat and ugly" when they did this?! 🤯
HA! You are going places, hang in there!😁👍 Don't give up!😁
I would cuddle with YOU just for that, of course you gotta come to Gainesville,GA though. 🫂😊
I will also feed you (feel free to ask @pmvines about my table full of food😋), and give you a "thank you for driving from Texas to cuddle with Katota" gift.🎁😁👍
@Katota haha thank you for the kind response! I’m actually originally from Alabama, so your cooking would probably feel like home ☺️. Although I’d have to return the favor, because I enjoy cooking too. I’m always looking for an excuse to make some homestyle cooking. My friends out here in Texas love it when I make beef stew and cornbread for them like my grandfather used to! If I’m ever in your area I’ll definitely let you know 🙂
Even if you do everything really really well in terms of your profile, research, messaging, follow up, confirming/sharing boundaries, being patient and persistent, etc. there’s a very real chance you won’t find an enthusiast partner on the site.
It’s not the fault of the site. It’s not the fault of the enthusiasts on the site. It’s not even necessarily your fault. It’s reality.
It’s similar to job hunters who have great experience and referrals (karma), tweak their applications (introductory messages/first impression), chat/message effectively demonstrating strong skills, empathy, respect via on site comms/offsite chats/calls/video calls (interviews) but never get actual offers. It sucks. It’s frustrating. It’s okay to feel your feelings.
That said ANY vibe that cuddles should be free other than “wouldn’t it be nice if…” are unproductive and come across as entitled. The market is the market.
You can apply the same respectful “put your best foot forward” approach outside the site. It’s a big world out there. Explore hobbies, establish friendships (patiently without expectations/pressure), and eventually you have a better chance to find someone you can share caring touch with. Don’t make the touch a requirement to be friends though.
It’s not easy. It’s not guaranteed. No one owes you anything. It’s up to you.
And yes, you might never find anyone to cuddle with you for free but opining it should be free is 100% counterproductive.
@HeldHereJeff that unicorn you’re looking for is absolutely possible and it is also much different, here’s how. When there is no money involved, both parties tend to be there for the cuddle. And not saying that pros aren’t, but just saying that there is a big difference when it’s not transactional. I personally look for enthusiast first because I have had great experiences with them. 1). More in-depth conversations. 2). No set specific times, and if there are overlaps, it’s not a big deal and there’s no clock watching. 3). Agreements that when this space needs to be shared, then we share it. 4). Not just a cuddle experience, but going out for walks and even coffee and tea again without the transactional aspect of feeling like you’re on a timer.
And overall just knowing that this something that both parties desire and really want to experience without the aspect of money being involved. Again not knocking any pros because many of them are superb, but I would much rather cuddle with an enthusiast who finds value in my cuddles and energy just as much as I find in hers. Some pros have a tendency to come off like therapists and you’re a patient, whereas enthusiasts meet you on equal terms.
@BigAndCuddly29 😁🫂😁🫂😁🫂
You don't have to return no favors here, as I said you're willingness to DRIVE FROM TEXAS TO GAINESVILLE, GA is favor enough for Me. 😁👍
It's my pleasure to host and cuddle with someone who will put in effort to make such a journey! 😁
Every time I see this thread title I think about selling pro paid and pro paid accessories. So i just had to share that.