Maybe I'm not being forward enough, maybe I'm coming off as creepy. Maybe it's maybelline.
I wonder that a lot, myself. Don't worry about it too much. You get responses when you get them. When you don't, you don't. It doesn't necessarily mean there's anything wrong whatever you said—though there might be, a thought which usually results in me analyzing my first messages down to their component atoms. Which has never seemed to help anything (and may actually have made some later attempts worse). Oh well.
You've been here, what, three months? I've been here three years. You get a lot of no responses in three years. It's cool. Don't panic. You're probably not a total jerk, right? And even if you are, someone'll talk to you eventually anyway! (I am here to prove this.) And while you have no one to PM, hey! The forum's fun. You can do poetry and stuff.
It's so very common... not just here but anywhere these days. Old and young alike. There used to be the same expectations as "real world" interactions -- a message deserves a polite response, even to say 'Not interested' -- but my take is that the sheer volume of incoming messages, combined with the ease and comfort of ignoring any that you choose, along with a healthy dose of paranoia appropriate to our times, has resulted in a new set of expectations: none.
It is incredibly hard not to take it personally if you start with internal doubts, but then again, the few who might intend a slight aren't worth your time or energy anyway.
Again, this isn't about this site; this is almost all communication these days. Shifts in paradigms can be rough, but the longer you live, the more inescapable they become.
Well said @Myrddyn Wish that comment could be stickied somewhere prominent.
Here is a far-fetched crazy idea: provide a “Cuddle Request” button where the recipient can Accept or Reject and for Reject attach a reason with preset responses such as “Too old”, “Too Far”, “Incompatible Schedules”, “Not my type”, etc. Lol. I thought of that from another website where offers are sent via an offer button. Reasons for rejection are not included though. Just an idealistic thought. Understandably impractical, however.
@calineur You are naive if you think people would even take the time to push a button. We are moving to a time when people can die or be murdered and not be discovered for months because people will think, “Hey, she did not respond so I moved on.”
Yes it was something you said, did and did not say. You ooze sex appeal and that is off putting to some. Don’t work bro. Your gonna find someone who loves you and want to squeeze the sexy out of you. Keep ya head up. Ooooooh child, things are gonna get easier. Oooooh child....things are gonna get brighter
I know this is an unpopular opinion and it is not meant to sound harsh. I honestly feel nobody owes anybody here a response for whatever reason, or for no reason at all. I think to have the expectation that somebody should respond or is obligated to respond to you is a little bit entitled. I don't see how complaining about it is going to really entice anybody to be more likely to respond. I do see how it can be seen as rude and I do see how it can leave one feeling rejected. And I do feel it is the polite thing to do in normal circumstances. However it is not something that should be an expectation. Just my thought on it.
I agree with most of what pmvines said, except for calling Biggiy4u entitled. That was harsh. He didn’t say he expected responses. He just wondered why he wasn’t having luck. It’s a fair thing to wonder
@MaryPond I wasn't calling @Bigguy4u entitled personally, was more so addressing that there is a general expectation among many men on this site that can come across as entitled. Didn't mean to imply that the original poster was being entitled.
@FunCartel "Just an idealistic thought. Understandably impractical, however."
Wow, again with the downer pmvines. Are you getting hugged? You seem like you are in urgent need.
@calineur & @FunCartel I love your comments! So sad yet so dismally true on both. But I am the type that would actually reject with the canned options! Believe it or not there are two men in my area I'd like to start cuddle relationships with yet neither of them are responding to ME now. In fact one was talking to me until I sent my requested picture, no response since. He's only 4 years older than me and we both fit our selected filters. So it does work both ways, women aren't always responded to, or suddenly shut off completely no reason given yet he's still on here every few days or so. If I were a lesser woman I'd be worried my appearance turned him off. But who cares? I don't want to bed him, I want to hug him fully clothed! If he doesn't like the way i look to such a degree he refuses to respond then he's not wanting platonic. So bye to another one.
Yes. It WAS something I said. No touching sexual areas, no taking clothes off, no grinding on my leg or ass, no I didn't intend to start platonically and flow into full on making out or sex. Just enjoy the closeness! All wrong answers around here.
@SweetPeaMN I didn't find anything negative about what @pmvines said, because it's actually true. Nobody is owed anything for any reason. It is a person's own responsibility to handle rejection, whether communicated explicitly or not, in a mature manner without placing blame. It isn't being a downer, it's just accepting the fact that not everybody is going to give you the time of day for whatever reason. Life goes on.
@Catloaf: Yes. What you said. Add me to the list of people who agree.
I was actually a negative statement. Last I checked we need to be at least 18 to register on this site and that means we are all adults capable of understanding no one OWES us anything. Stating it is not needed. Cripes, can't a person just look for commiseration on here from people who may understand without getting pounced on? You show me one well adjusted adult on this site who hasn't felt like the OP at one point and I'll call him or her a liar. @Catloaf, some of your posts express similiar sentiments so why can't a member of this site just be welcome to post a personal opinion without having some wordy one tramp on him? Basically... Was @pmvines comment necessary to the original intent of the post, did it add anything constructive or just get himself off by being banal? We should at this point, 2018 internet connectivity, be able to understand we aren't owed anything. Yes there are obvious exceptions but as a functioning adult in the real world we all understand no one OWES us anything. Duh.
Yes it is a downer and negative. Just because it may be true in today's world doesn't mean it needed to be stated the way he did. Look at the start of this thread, it's a straight up expression of exasperation. Nothing more. If you can't appreciate that then just don't comment.
Now I remember why I hardly ever post or seven read these anymore. Ya all a bunch of hypocrites! Yet want to come off as the friendliest, warmest, most charming person ever. Yeah right.
@SweetPeaMN: Oh, wouldn't it be lovely if everyone magically received full understanding of what they aren't owed in life the instant they hit 18? I could have used that.
And while we're wishing, wouldn't it also be nice if reaching the age of eighteen also bestowed upon people the understanding that simply calling someone a liar doesn't make them a liar? Or that insisting your sample be well-adjusted means very little when you're the one who gets to define "well-adjusted," and it would benefit you to include in your sample only those whose answers you thought would support your argument? Ah, if only logical reasoning and a few helpful basic premises came with an 18th birthday maturity packet!
Yes, it does look as though the OP was just wondering if he was flubbing this "online contact" thing. But @pmvines is right: many of the people who wonder why their messages are being ignored do think they're entitled to something in return. "A message deserves a polite response," they might think.
Since it's reasonable to assume that at least a few of the people reading this thread will have that attitude, it makes sense to address it. It isn't as though he changed the topic, just zoomed in on a bit of nuance—a common expectation—that could easily have caused a little trouble otherwise. It was helpful for me, even though I already knew it: some things bear repeating. After all, social stuff is different online. It's easy to forget. Why get angry if someone mentions something you, personally, hadn't forgotten?
It's all right, SweetPea—despite your name, none of us is likely to take you for a hypocrite, pretending to be friendly, warm, and charming when you're really not. Your true face is admirably plain, and I congratulate you on your honesty.
Wow. Not really sure where to begin with that one, but your perception seems rather off and you are reading way too deep, making conclusions that are subjective at best. Not only that, but your post reads rather hypocritical because of this:
[...] why can't a member of this site just be welcome to post a personal opinion without having some wordy one tramp on him?
That is exactly what @pmvines did, and you are ironically ragging on him for it. He even went so far as to prelude his comment by stating the fact that his held opinion is often viewed as unpopular. I don't see him as somebody being negative. He is adding to the discussion by sharing his views on the situation. Maybe you don't think it appropriate because it doesn't fall in line with how you'd word it. He was matter of fact and to the point. To some, yes, it can seem negative and crude but in reality it's just pragmatic thinking.
Look at the start of this thread, it's a straight up expression of exasperation.
Eh, you might be gleaning a bit much from an opening post that is two lines long, and rather tongue in cheek followed by an image of pignosed Helga from Hey, Arnold! He is likely frustrated on some level but judging by his post he isn't seeking condolences, rather answers. The thread is titled "Was it something I said?" To expect nobody to inspect and give their own opinions when you open with a question is like dangling meat in a coyote pit and expecting blank stares.
I don't see anybody tramping on anybody around here, except for your last few comments. Audit yourself and actually read what you wrote. Debbie Downer is definitely in the room, but it's not any of the people you mentioned.
As well, I'm sorry you don't feel welcome in the community, but you might consider examining the way you counter arguments. Majority of the people here are respectful in their discourse, versus the passive-aggressiveness I read in your words. You just jumped down my throat because I disagreed with your conviction. What's that about having different opinions, again?
My thoughts are that it is difficult to rationalize being both upset with someone for feeling overwhelmed with too many messages and at the same time upset that they dont respond to you. I am not sure @SweetPeaMN why you have taken this to task as you have, i seem to have struck a nerve with you. however if your view or the views of anybody else here differs from this it is perfectly fine with me. If you view me as negative it is ok, we dont live in a world where everybody will be pleased at all times with the words that come out of our mouths. Nothing personal on my end.
And i do not post here with the intent of causing arguments. Might i suggest that if you feel something i said is negative, not to spend so much time and energy on it. By doing so you are in an ironic twist both literally and figuratively focusing on the negative, which i am sure is not something you wish to do....
