How to say "no thanks" to someone after one or several cuddles

JoyfulAbandonJoyfulAbandon
edited September 1 in General

This must have come up before, but I can't find it. It's the thing (OK, one of several things) concerning me as I start to book cuddles here for the first time (😨): Suppose after one or several of them with someone, I want to say "no thanks" to more with them, assuming they're game for more. (Let me acknowledge that I may be the one to receive a "no thanks." I'm not presuming I'm perfect for everyone. I'm not. Nobody is.)

What are some of the kindest, gentlest, most compassionate ways to do that? How have you done it? It'd help to distinguish whether your answer is for an enthusiast or a pro, if that matters. But maybe it doesn't matter and maybe it shouldn't, unless perhaps it has to do with cost.

Well, my mind is all tangled up in this, and I bet you are the one to make it sound simple and easy. Please enlighten me! 🙏

Comments

  • ksb30ksb30

    Just talk to them and be kind about it, nothing wrong with how you feel if a cuddler is just not for you!

  • Minestrone101Minestrone101

    Just be weary of cuddlers overreacting to rejection. Maybe a good way is to say you don't think you're a good fit for cuddling. Or can say your cuddling schedule has filled up and you won't be available for the time being.

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    @JoyfulAbandon I think it depends. The amount of time since the last cuddle plays a role in the appropriate response as well as the number of times you cuddled with them. I often leave it open-ended and don’t say anything because I might have a change of heart. Other times I do what @ksb30 said—be open, honest and kind about it.

  • mauvefoxmauvefox

    I can truly appreciate the kindness behind this request. Usually people just ghost each other instead of just talking about it.

    I try to let folks know that I don't think anything is going to move forward with them as often as I can. And i don't think there is any perfect way of doing it.

    Ghosting sucks and doesn't feel good for that person, and being told someone isn't interested doesn't feel great either.

    Sometimes it's as simple as: Thank you so much for your time (if a message, or for hanging out if you actually met with them). I think this isn't the right fit for me right now. I wish you safe and happy cuddles in the future.

    Most folks take that for what it is and go in another direction with someone else.

    My interactions are all with enthusiasts but I don't think it necessarily matters. With a pro it could be as simple as 'no thank you' when they inquire about booking again. If they ask immediately when the last cuddle is done and you're feeling pressured to answer, you can always say you have to consult your calendar and then message later.

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    @mauvefox I can tell you from experience over the years that there is a difference between pros and enthusiasts. I feel you need to be upfront with enthusiasts because they invested their time in you and I feel like I owe them an explanation. Mine is usually I don’t come that way very often. The ones in town know why I may be unable to see them anymore and it usually involves our schedules.

    With pros it is different. I have only had 5 or 6 “bad” sessions and a few more “meh” sessions and the iciness in the room afterward says more than any number of words can. Normally this is with people who are very non-communicative throughout the session which isn’t a match for me. I am not a Chatty Cathy throughout, but my goodness let me know you are not a mute.

    So most of the pros I see are scattered throughout the country and I just tell them after a session there are no guarantees when I will be back around, which is the truth. I really don’t know. I have few I see repeatedly because I visit the town a lot. I have three I will definitely see again when I am out their way. But overall it is rare to feel an explanation is in order with a pro but I have provided ones to pros I like.

  • mauvefoxmauvefox

    @TheFunCartel
    I agree, most of the time with a pro there is probably no communication necessary, it just seemed like OP was getting caught up in what to say and what I meant in my post was just that my suggestion could be used for either.

    If it's been a truly bad session, just walk away. Usually both people know it's not a good match. 🤷‍♀️

  • VibeSeekerVibeSeeker

    Just say. "That's a tempting offer, I'll keep you in mind"

  • VibeSeekerVibeSeeker

    I had a bad cuddler. It was fine the first time but the 2nd time we were definitely on two different pages. Definitely not a match.

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    @JoyfulAbandon I think @ksb30 and @mauvefox have offered you some great advice but I will add this. Do not go into particulars or even broad stroke details because those add more chances that they will become upset. If they ask why the fit isn’t right, I would just say “I can’t put my finger on it, but sometimes things aren’t a fit.” They should respect that. Most people won’t say anything because no one wants to cuddle someone that feels uneasy or uncomfortable about the cuddle relationship.

  • zoeloveshugszoeloveshugs

    Just be kind and polite and inform person you don’t feel you’re a compatible cuddling match.
    🤩

  • CaramelNotesCaramelNotes

    If it's on you to initiate, just don't.

    If they reach out to you:

    "Hey there! I'm not available."
    "I'm not cuddling too much right now"
    "No thank you."
    "Thanks for thinking of me. I'm not interested at this time."

    I think any of those are ok.

  • cuddlefaerycuddlefaery

    For me, it depends on how I think they might respond and the reason I'm discontinuing.

    If they are unsafe, I am perfectly fine with myself or others "ghosting" (incorrect use of the term, but everyone uses it that way. Pet peeve of mine) or saying that we have no availability right now. If someone is unsafe, we do not owe them politeness to spare their feelings - safety and your own mental health is more important.

    If it's more just incompatibility, that is how I frame it. I thank them for the time we've had together, but that I feel like we are incompatible and both would be better suited finding other partners. It could be a mismatch of cuddle styles, hygiene, beliefs, schedules, or any other reason.

    The biggest thing: while it is great to be considerate and give what closure you can, it is ultimately not up to us to give others closure - they have to learn how to process their emotions on their own. We could give all the reasons, let them down as gently as possible, and they'd still feel rejected and/or confused. So it's important to proceed with firm boundaries in place: decide ahead of time what you will say, how much detail you're comfortable going into, and then stick to it. If someone cannot handle rejection, they may keep pressing for answers you do not have - continuing trying to explain just prolongs it.

  • ProfHermesProfHermes

    If it’s a pro, and you are not friends, just tell them you are looking to change things up and experience other pro cuddlers to broaden your cuddling experience, before possibly circling back. This is a business transaction after all and they should not be upset over it.

    I don’t have experience with an enthusiast, but I would think you can just let them know you are getting more busy with life and you need a break.

  • a_cactusa_cactus
    edited September 1

    Some* of the tips on what to say dont sound like different ways of saying "I dont want to cuddle with you anymore" but different ways of saying "maybe later"

  • MeltMyWayMeltMyWay

    Some suggestions

    1. If it's truly about money you can say ...

    I enjoyed our time, but continuing isn’t workable for my budget right now, so I won’t be scheduling another

    That leaves it open for them to offer a discount especially if you have been a regular or a particularly pleasant client experience

    1. For a pro ...

    Thank you for the session. I’ve decided to try a different cuddler whose style may be a better fit for me, but I appreciate your time

    1. When you don't want or have a reason ...

    Thank you for reaching out. I’ve decided not to continue cuddling together, but I wish you the best

    For enthusiast I would think you would want to have a slightly more personable conversation. Simply explaining you've had a long time cuddling with them but youre going to take a break or you want to explore the community and look into other cuddle experiences and wish them well

    🫂On a personal note bravo to you for being thoughtful enough to ask. 🫂

  • BrieBBrieB

    As a professional, I try to give the benefit of the doubt unless the cuddle made me REALLY uncomfortable for various reasons. In which case I don't ever intend to see them again, so I will lay out exactly what made it uncomfortable so that it can hopefully be avoided for future partners and wish them well regardless. I don't really like leaving things ambiguous

  • cuddlefaerycuddlefaery

    Some* of the tips on what to say dont sound like different ways of saying "I dont want to cuddle with you anymore" but different ways of saying "maybe later"

    @a_cactus that is because depending on the situation, more direct rejection can cause more problems, or even be dangerous. This is a community heavily populated by people on the two extremes of social-emotional skills: people with less experience and lower skill levels, and people with high levels of both experience and skills. People with lower emotional regulation skills can lash out when facing rejection, which can range from frustrating to scary. It is not always safe to reject people, thus why some have offered a range of suggestions to fit different scenarios.

  • Minestrone101Minestrone101

    @MeltMyWay - 💯💯💯

  • JubalJubal
    edited September 1

    In response to the OP, as a paying client who is dealing with a pro, it should be ok to say something like "I'm not ready to book another session with you at the moment. But if that changes, I'll be in touch."

    As has been pointed out so often, this is a business relationship. As long as you aren't being rude or insulting to the pro,
    this approach should be fine.

  • a_cactusa_cactus

    @cuddlefaery ok yeah thats reasonable

  • wanacuddle85wanacuddle85

    I’ve always just been straight up with people. I’ve met very few people who were just not my vibe but it has happened! One of them I just had an open conversation with and said you know you’re paying me and I don’t feel that connection with you, but I honestly think this pro could be a better fit for you. Just going off their interests, and things that they had in common. I do know a few of the pros around me which definitely helps because sometimes someone’s just not my vibe but I know that the another pro that could give them everything that they’re looking for. If I can’t fill their cup I don’t want to see them waste their money on rebooking me. I’d rather they find someone who can have a fantastic relaxing time with.

  • MonkeyNeedsAHugMonkeyNeedsAHug

    One time, I was talking to an eight-year old, who decided he wanted to end our conversation. He said, “I want to read my book now.” #mentor

  • TxTomTxTom
    edited September 1

    How to say "no thanks" to someone

  • mauvefoxmauvefox

    @MonkeyNeedsAHug
    That kid is something to aspire to.

  • TheDreamWeaver2TheDreamWeaver2

    Cuddle Sanctuary actually addresses this topic. They suggest something along the lines of “I realize something about our interaction isn't working for my comfort right now, and I know you deserve a fully present session.” And then put in your own resolve like “so I’m going to take a break from cuddling for a while”.

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