How often to meet up before cuddling? (Non-pros)

RainbowZebraSamRainbowZebraSam
edited November 2018 in General

I was just curious, how often do you like to meet up with someone to get to know them before actually cuddling (for non-paid cuddlers)?

If I trust the person and get along well with them, once is usually enough for me, though I think 1-3 times is a good rule of thumb. It seems like people vary a lot... some people are down to cuddle immediately (like as soon as we meet), while others seem to take weeks or months of regular meeting to build that sense of trust.

It does seem like for a lot of people, cuddling after only meeting once or twice can feel a bit vulnerable and like they are letting down their boundaries too quickly. But I also wonder if that's partly because they aren't used to it? I think when platonic cuddling is more of a normalised part of life, it doesn't feel quite so vulnerable or intensely intimate.

It's tricky because I don't always have the time to get to know someone for weeks or months before cuddling them, but I also don't want to be pushy or make anyone uncomfortable. Most people I meet don't have any previous experience with platonic cuddling and I sense that makes them a bit wary or hesitant.

Comments

  • calineurcalineur
    edited November 2018

    It is good to know beforehand whether someone will be open, even eventually, to the idea.
    I have met some who were open to it the first time we met, others who took a few times.
    Having a reference speeds up the process considerably, I have found. Like having Karma on one's profile.

  • UKGuyUKGuy
    edited November 2018

    Have never found anyone interested in cuddling but I once had dinner with a woman, emailed and texted her quite often, and talked on the phone a few times but she insisted we had to go on three dates before she would invite me back to her house (just to watch TV). That seemed reasonable to me, but I never did go out with her for other reasons.

  • hogboblinhogboblin

    Once.

    Ideally, we’ll then meet again for cuddling whenever the moon is next waning and gibbous.

  • ChocolatetreatChocolatetreat

    Usually right after i meet a non pro we cuddle first wemeet at a public place and if the vibe is right head to there place or mine.

  • CreativeCuddlesCreativeCuddles

    I know this is for enthusiast, but I feel we should all just go with your gut! Happy cuddling to all of you!

  • quietman775quietman775
    edited November 2018

    I'm always comfortable cuddling right away, so the limiting factor is the comfort level of my partner. Of the eight enthusiasts I have met, only one felt the need to meet me in public when no cuddle session was planned for afterward. The others all met me for cuddles right away, with no public meet & greet. It varies from one person to the next, of course. Some people joined this place to look it over and maybe think about cuddling a stranger someday.Other people are certain they want to cuddle, and they are ready and willing to do so without preamble. Some people are very cautious (even nervous) by nature and need half a dozen looks at you before they feel safe enough to let their guard down. Some folks are more confident, trust their initial instincts, and are able to say yes or no upon first meeting. Some are as selective about cuddle buddies as they would be about choosing a date. Others are down for cuddling anyone who doesn't disqualify himself with creepy vibes or bad behavior. There's no right or wrong approach; just what works for both you and your cuddle buddy.

  • [Deleted User]Leeyia (deleted user)

    Definately agree with you there. My thoughts exactly. Also because Im abit new to this Im abit worried I might be off putting if I might take too much time to know someone or build up trust especially when it comes to the pros. Also who else feels that sociaty has lost abit its connection and trust and lack of simple healthy human touch which is so vital for our wellbeing, for all ages genders etc...for god sake (lol), even animals love a good pet, but I guess for some there are abit of ingrained taboos around it.. for whatever reason.. And some may find it more confortable to keep it confidential, myself included, just because most people around you might not even understand or appreciate the concept - and its hard. And thus it resorts to ,partly, to having organised 'cuddle' to fill in the gap of connectedness/ feeling loved/or frienship/ etc, or just wanting a friggin hug! Thats my view anyway. Everyone deserves a hug if needed. But as I have been quite isolated for various reasons (one so being a single mum for over decade, etc...) and lack that confidance, but underneath that 'wall' I have a lot of love hugs and good times to share... (in between that busy scedules lol) ... anyways who am I to talk .. Im new here and havn't given anyone here a cuddle yet ? but thats why Im here reading this article, just to make sure I know whats what in theory, just to make sure I feel safe and take caution forward and learn from others experiences on here that have alread successfully taken the plunge...and had a positive experience.
    Much love , virtual hugs to all who need it ?

  • [Deleted User]Leeyia (deleted user)

    So where is the safest place or general cuddle places that people generally meet up, especially for the first time for example?

  • BlueIrisBlueIris Mod

    When I was an enthusiast, I was ready to cuddle fairly quickly after some conversation. My first overnight cuddle was with a well known poster on these forums, and it was also the first time I ever met him in person, as we lived several states away from each other. But we corresponded for three months before we met, so I was very comfortable with him. Usually I'll have some conversation, either by messaging or on the phone before I'll meet someone in person. If he gets that far, I'm usually ready to cuddle him right after the in person meet.

  • [Deleted User]chococuddles (deleted user)

    I love when @BlueIris chimes in on this topic because I'm the same as her.

    If I feel comfy, I go for it. There have been a few times where I didn't but normally I'm good to go.

    I'm eezy like Sunn'y moarninnnnnn...

  • calineurcalineur

    @chococuddles I thought the lyrics were “Easy like Sunday morning”? I looked it up to be sure. Confirmed.

  • CreativeCuddlesCreativeCuddles

    @Leeyia PRO’s and Enthusiast all have different time frames before they cuddle. We all have different things we need to feel comfortable with a potential cuddler and as long as you feel comfortable it doesn’t matter if it’s 24 hours, a week, or a month you do what’s best for you! You will be awesome!

  • DeathbyChocolatDeathbyChocolat
    edited November 2018

    I think it depends on how comfortable you are ppl normally talk and text a bit and then schedule a time to cuddle or they may want to meet for coffee or food to see if the vibe is right personally im a Gemini so im like spontaneous and tend to want to do things immediately but theres no normal time frame just personal preference and scheduling availability

  • JustWanderingOnJustWanderingOn

    i definitely say at least get a bite to eat or a drink to just see who you're dealing with and then go from there, always a good idea

  • [Deleted User]chococuddles (deleted user)

    @calineur Thanks, buzzkill.

  • pmvinespmvines

    I have met several folks for sleepovers right off the jump. Might seem a little impulsive but if it feels natural and not forced than why not. Hell i have been with total strangers for sexual encounters in the past so why would it be so far removed from the norm for me to do something non sexual with a total stranger....

  • [Deleted User]teapot (deleted user)

    I jump right in.
    I can't warm up or I end up over thinking and talk myself out of it, or I notice little things I wouldn't notice or care about if I were already snuggled in.

  • smilealotsmilealot

    @pmvines great point you made, in real life people do go home or somewhere for sex with people who are brand new in their lives and our strangers or virtual strangers. In doing so others or they themselves may later question that activity but they and the partner were seeking to fulfill a need or proposed/supposed need. It's not any different but perhaps more pressingo b/c most all persons here "know" and "proclaim" how basic and fundamental kind human touch and platonic caring is to "wellness" and "wholeness" compared to "sex"!! I say there is similarities 'yes' and for some 'comparities' b/c to some they will say "sex to them is like oxygen" but is that true for most of us human beings "No" ! The need and desire for platonic touch and association is much, much deeper! Hence the term "starved" for touch or companionship !

  • smilealotsmilealot

    @pmvines final point so too our drive or desire to get our need met or to help met another persons needs can and will move or motivate us to get past our fears or obstacles and move forward with getting that first cuddle on ** after reasonable assurance of our safety**. That is what brings most of us together at this "blessed site" that is blazing a trail for Platonic Cuddling"

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