Missing My Friend

Jarrett9Jarrett9
in General

I’ve been carrying grief with me for quite some time over me missing my friend. It’s been 10 weeks since I’ve heard from my friend, I’ve sent my friend 2 messages within the last 5 weeks including last Friday and I’ve not heard back from my friend. I’d like to point out that my friendship with this person is long distance. This person is the only friend I have in my life. Here is a timeline of the last 7 months.

March: I went to Austin to visit my friend and attend the NASCAR race at COTA. We’re both enjoying each other’s company, I asked my friend if she’d like to come to Nashville in May to hangout again and go to another race with me. She then says that she would be in Europe for 3 months and would not be able to go with me. I then asked if we could hangout together in Minneapolis in August for Summerslam weekend. She said yes.

April-July: My friend left for Europe in April and returned from Europe in July. My friend and I didn’t text or call each other during the 3 month period because it would cost more on her phone bill per text and minute called. It took us a week to really talk to each other again because I really wanted to be a patient friend and give her space to catch up with everything in her own life. She told me that she was excited for our Summerslam trip in August. I was so excited to see her again, but then everything changed a few days later. She ended messaging me a few days later to let me know that she wouldn’t be able to make it to Summerslam due to her car having trouble from not using it for so long and also due to financial issues from her European travels. She told me that she felt bad about missing the trip but she really needed to focus on work. A few weeks later, I asked her if I could visit her in Austin for my birthday in October and also to attend the ACL music festival too. She said that she didn’t know if she would still be in Austin at that point and it really depends on work. She also said that she would help recommend some places for me that she thinks I’d enjoy if I still decided to go to Austin for my birthday.

August: I went to Summerslam in August from the 1-2 and had a great time. I missed my friend the entire weekend. She messaged me on the 3rd asking me how Summerslam was and I told her that I had a great time.

September-Early October: I messaged my friend on September 5th for a simple check in message and I never received a message back. I messaged my friend last Friday with an amazing weekend trip offer to come to Houston in November for Thanksgiving weekend for Survivor Series and also for a Texans game. I never received a message back.

Comments

  • Goonie4lifeGoonie4life

    So are you able to talk on the phone versus seeing each other in person every time??

  • CaramelNotesCaramelNotes

    Maybe you want more out of the friendship than she is in a position to give. Maybe hold off on additional offers until you understand the status of the friendship. Maybe ask your friend - "Hey I wanted to check in. Things seem off between us. Is everything ok?"

    It could be nothing and it could be something but you don't know until you ask!

  • Minestrone101Minestrone101
    edited October 12

    Sorry for your missing friend. I've had that happen a few times in the past. My take: they could be experiencing a crisis or family situation, busy with work, wrapped up in a romantic relationship, or very depressed.

    I almost saved the life of one of my former high school friends. I knew him for 20+ years and he was always the most prompt, responsible, and "old young guy" of the friend group. One day he disappeared for 3-4 months. I thought he had ghosted me. I finally reached out to our mutual friend, and he also said he hadn't heard from the friend. I finally reached out to his sister and cousin. They were in touch with him but hadn't noticed any changes nor acknowledged our concerns. Finally, I reached out to his parents who finally intervened: he had also disappeared from work and lost his job. He was terribly depressed from a recent break up and lost all motivation to do anything. His parents and family helped to get him a therapist and he spent a year going to therapy, reading, travelling, and working out and built himself back up. Ultimately, he rebuilt himself up, dated someone new, and then became depressed again when she broke up with him. We tried to bring him back but he also took out his frustrations on me which ended our friendship.

    Sometimes an intervention is necessary, and other times you gotta let others live their lives: sometimes they just need space , sometimes they entered a new chapter in their lives , sometimes they're growing apart from us, and other times they need to experience their own journey before they circle back to you (or not). You really can't force it, so I feel the best tactic would be to move on and find other groups or activity partners to have shared experiences and be thankful that you and her had a those moments (and hope that those pockets of memories were special for her too - something she can look back on).

    Here are two images that might help. But there will be a period of time where you will experience grief and longing and acceptance. It's not to say you can't still reach out or make connections, but stepping back and allowing them the space to grow as well (and accepting their decision, their journey, or their absence). And there's still plenty of good times to be had (with or without them).

  • ahumanahuman

    I don't know the whole back story, from what I read, this seems like you want more than a friendship and she is pulling back.

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    I think he is missing all the subtle clues she is dropping. But
    We do not have her testimony so there really isn’t much to add.

  • SweetCuddler33SweetCuddler33

    🧐

  • SweetCuddler33SweetCuddler33

    Call her .

  • CuddlesofcuddleCuddlesofcuddle

    I'm glad you had fun at summerslam!! It was such a good show. I've cuddled at an indie show before in San Antonio. It was hot. lol :) but fun! Seriously though, it's super swell you travel for wrestling. I do too. Put yourself out there and I promise you'll find many more positive connections 🤗

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    Put yourself out there and I promise you'll find many more positive connections

    Before you make positive connections make sure you are grounded. That way you won’t be shocked by the connections you make.

    —Social interaction advice from my uncle who was a union electrician.

  • CaramelNotesCaramelNotes

    @TheFunCartel that was cute lol

  • KatotaKatota

    I think he is missing all the subtle clues she is dropping.

    @TheFunCartel 😆😆😆😆😆

  • ksb30ksb30

    Cartels right

  • BellaAineBellaAine
    edited October 13

    I think you may be holding on so tightly to this friendship because she's the only friend you have. Don't lose yourself trying to hold on to someone who isn't putting in the same effort. Start prioritizing yourself, building a life that fulfills you, and investing in your own growth. The more you pour into yourself, the less you'll feel the need to chase people who aren't meeting you halfway. Pursue the hobbies you enjoy and put yourself in places where you can meet people who share your interests. From the interests you listed, you can join a bowling league, find group trips for solo travelers, or connect with groups that attend NASCAR races and wrestling events. I have my suspicions about what's really going on here, but I don't want to be the bearer of bad news.