What made you leave CC

pmvines · January 2019

I am posing the question to those who have left and then returned. I see folks all the time who seem really cool, contribute to the site, are engaging, and then all of sudden delete, deactivate, or just stop logging on. Since they are not around to ask, I am asking those who have left and then returned, why? What gives?

January 2019

I would suggest there are several communities on this website, rather than a single community of cuddlers. They would include, for example, the Pros, who are building up a regular client base, and I think they'd be unlikely ever to leave until the day they decide to give up being a Pro.

Then there are those who are non-Pros who have found a cuddle partner through this website, a fellow non-Pro, where both are happy to settle in with each other for a while, seeing no other cuddlers. Im one of those, and so is my current cuddle partner. So while I haven't left, my activity on the site has reduced (in terms o f contacting others) although I continue to be interested in the forum discussions.

I guess that there are those who , over long periods, have had little or no response to their messages, and may leave in frustration, but probably forever. As I understand it, more guys are in this situation than women.

While it is nice to imagine being part of a single, wider community on here, I'd be interested to hear whether others perceive there to be several overlapping sub-communities (as I have described above) , each with differing aims, which offers one potential answer to @pmvines question?

cuddlerforu24 · January 2019

I deleted and came back for a reason I’ll describe later .
For others that left , most likely , given a website full of emotional beings , some were chased , harassed or bullied away on the forum , by those who are more headstrong , argumentative and or disruptive .

I noticed that eventually , the website catches up with them and kicks them out .

UKGuy · January 2019

I know one lady who left because she received too many messages and another who left because she felt there were no people in her age group. Someone posted in their profile they met their 'full-time' cuddler and were travelling the world together. Also, If you want to change your user name, that is the only way to do it. So there are many reasons. I'd have to say the number one reason is probably that the person was not serious about it in the beginning. About 50% of the profiles I bookmark are gone within 3 months.

Morpheus · January 2019

I used to enjoy seeing pros. It was very different in the beginning. Most of the pros were here to cuddle and the money was secondary. Now it’s all about money. It’s to the point now that it’s ridulous and I don’t think professional cuddling will ever recover. My account is deactivated most of the time but I’ll come back and take a look from time to time mostly out of curiosity. I’ve thrown in the towel with pros though and I’ll probably eventually stop logging into this site all together.

SunnyD · January 2019

Good question @pmvines . and good responses all around I agree on a lot of them for reasons if why people leave cuddle comfort. I'm not one of them but there was a period of time where I was a lot less involved and active in messaging.

SunnyD · January 2019

Meant to say of, not if. Sheesh, autocorrect.

PaulaDahla · January 2019

I'm sorry to hear that Morpheus. Honestly if I lived anywhere near you I'd be willing to pay you for a scalp massage and to brush my hair! Simple joys. But a have to admit a person who is capable of keeping a conversation moving or at least showing that they follow along even if they don't comment is a big draw in a cuddle partner for me - so you have that as a enjoyable draw for me as well.! :-)

pmvines, in my time on this site you have had periods like that as well, so why do you keep coming back?

I don't know if I'd fit the criteria you've outlined but the people I talk with privately all know why I'm offline frequently and they occasionally follow suit and we communicate in the real world. They don't always get it, but they always say hello when I return.

TouchIsTLC · January 2019

I was here a few years ago, met a couple non pros that were local and had a number of cuddle sessions. During that time I also became busy with other ventures in my life and decided I didn't want to put the time in. I deleted my account thinking I wouldn't be back, but here I am. In hindsight I should have just de-activated, but at the same time starting over didn't seem to be a big deal. I think going forward if I decide to take a break I will just go silent or de-activate since I've spent some time cultivating friendships and chat buddies with a few nice pro and non pro cuddlers on the site and I'd like to maintain those connections going forward. Never know when I'll be on the east coast or some other far from CA location and might land a cuddle buddy during my travels!

cuddletime222 · January 2019

I am sure there are different reasons for leaving but let me offer a few from my perspective:
1. Those looking for an inner connection with non-pros or pros but never find it
2. Those who had a bad experience. All of mine have been great except for 1 “pro” who stood me up at the very last minute 3 times in 2 weeks. So rude to waste people's time like that. I can’t believe I was gullible enough to believe her the third time (guess I err on giving people benefit of the doubt). I just assume people are honest.
3.Those who live in an area with minimal cuddlers and get little to no response
4. People who sign up as “Pros” hoping to make a lot of money and don’t. Word of advice...those who keep their prices reasonable seem to have far more clients and return clients.
5. Loss of interest or life situations where this no longer meets a need

mickcuddle · January 2019

I left after several months and then came back. I left when if felt like a small group of professional cuddlers seemed to be controlling the direction of the site, objecting to anything appearing in the forums that didn’t seem to be centered on hiring a pro. Then I came back, and that feel to the site had subsided. There are a bunch of great people here in both the pro and enthusiast categories, but the site seems friendlier when nobody tries to exert pressure to her or his own benefit.

January 2019

I had deactivated my account so I believe I can answer this question.
As a person, I am proud of not needing much from other people. But breakups can change a man. I am always at pressure at work, both because it is a lot of work and also because my coworkers do not really socialize with me due to language barriers. I had also not visited my family for a long time. All this combined made me feel really lonely and cornered. That is when I started going to cuddle parties and hiring pro s.
But things changed after that - I started going out with people on dates. At that point I deactivated my account.
After another breakup, I am back but it is not the same as before. I have more people to talk to at work. I have more to look forward at work as well. I am making an effort to stay more connected with my family. I might not date again for a while - I have realized I have strange standards for romantic partners, but I am trying to find more people to talk to and connect with. When I do that, my need to cuddle is lowered. There was one phase when I was back when I again felt really lonely and cornered and really wanted to cuddle - but that passed as well.

Another generic reason due to which I am against social websites like this is that they are poor replacements for real world interactions. In the real world, even the rejections (dating/cuddling) feel more real (I honestly want to be rejected more), whereas online, what is the worst can happen? ghosting? getting blocked? polite refusal over a message? - the stakes are too low and it is just not as exciting.

January 2019

I think people delete their account and return because they want to dissociate themselves with their previous account. It could be because of being criticized on the forum, being blocked by other members, bad reviews that were on their previous account, etc.

ubergigglefritz · January 2019

There are a lot of people who leave for the reasons mentioned. I also personally know people who have left because they found it depressing (no one was responsive to them, even professionals in their area; I met the guy when I was traveling, there was nothing wrong with him, and I would have gladly done a session with him if he were in my area), or had bad experiences with professionals turning them away from using the service any longer (seriously, this is a problem and completely inexcusable).

@Morpheus hearing your comment is incredibly sad and frustrating for me. It is a huge problem (as I stated above). It frustrates me that there are professionals giving a bad impression of what this service can be or when clients feel like they have wasted their money (which has a similar effect). The fees for this service is a huge attractant for those looking for "easy" money to come into our world, but for those of us real about the work, it's worth the money and completely deserving.

I recently had someone inquire through another site really challenging and questioning the validity of paying for this service and the authenticity of my care when money is involved. It turned out this was someone I had seen for a session before (who later requested that the next session, I give him "more access" to my body and wear less clothes). Just because I need the money doesn't mean I don't genuinely care about my clients. I just have a mortgage payment and credit cards to pay for (with charges for my food, animal care, etc on it), so I can't do everything for free. I am currently scheduling a session with someone on food stamps. No charge. He offered to barter an exchange with the services he offers, which could help me in turn. Turns out he's also going to be a help as a good networking connection and knows of cuddle space I could use for sessions in town (it's not his, so I don't know what the cost will be yet). In any relationship, professional or not, there needs to be an equitable exchange of benefit to maintain the relationship. I help you, you help me. The sessions I provide people are purely for them and do not meet my own personal cuddle needs. I'm still pulling together my mortgage payment for last month. I'm here because I care, I charge because I need to keep a roof over my animals heads =P I also charge because the service is for the client, not for me. I feel wholly authentic and genuine in my intents and purpose here. There are some other people around the country who are similar to me. There are a LOT of people who are NOT. It absolutely sucks that is the exposure that many people have of the professional cuddling world. I am emotionally exhausted sometimes. I am so tired of hearing the crappy stories from clients about professionals in their past and from people around the country who I can't help. We are in a fuzzy time in the infancy of this profession and industry, where there are no regulations or restrictions as to who can call themselves "professional". That puts all responsibility on the client to find and screen the right professional for them. So many people barely have one option though, so screening someone might end up with them having to choose between a crapshoot or nothing at all. I am seriously giving myself a headache over this.

I'm sorry to cuddle comfort, but right now I am primarily working on building up my own local marketing, networking, and referral connections. My inquiries on here have gone from optimistic to absolutely dreadful. Just not worth my time. If you are someone who genuinely needs cuddling services, I would recommend trying to search for someone off of these types of sites. Unprofessional professionals are running rampant here. True professionals who really care about this as a profession typically will also have their own website and marketing elsewhere (and there is one other site that typically only has "real" professionals, because the barrier to entry is higher than CC). That's an easy way to filter out the real from the phony's, with exceptions of course. If CC changed to a flat monthly for women, instead of the 15% per session, that will help at least a bit I think. The no barrier entry helped me get started, so that's awesome, but how the industry has changed in just the past year since I signed up, I think a barrier has become essential if they want this to be a top site for finding real platonic cuddles. I agree with some other people in this thread, that this place is going downhill fast =( I am incredibly saddened to have to say it and hopefully I don't get banned for thinking so =P

ubergigglefritz · January 2019

I genuinely hope that they can figure out how to correct the path they seem to be on right now. I used to consider CC to be one of the higher end sites for this purpose. I also understand they are fighting a losing battle at times, with the government crackdown sending people over here in droves who are secretly looking for (or offering) more. They are trying their best. I just personally feel like adding a barrier to entry would help decrease the flaky "professionals" on here just looking for easy money, which seems to be very much not a positive addition to our community.

In the meantime, I really enjoy participating in the forums and adding to the amount of authentic genuine vibes here to help counterbalance all the negative experiences =(

MissAdventurous · January 2019

All these reasons seem across the board for any reason why we would "remove" oneself from not just the site, but from people and experiences in general who provide a negative experience.

Ambiguity is the killer of all good things. ?

Not knowing where you stand, confusion, stagnation, boredom, life changes, self-realizations....will make anyone retreat away from something they're testing the waters with.

All I can say, is that I'm consistent to seeing people as who they are, not as they appear. And all I want is that in return. That is a huge draw for me in platonic cuddling. That I am not judged by my outer self, but my heart and mind. That is special. If someone on here was to abuse that I am sure I would consider a hiatus.

&& when I interact with others, that connecting with others IS priority over the other benefits that I suppose comes with charging for sharing my very personal space and vulnerability. ?

I think the exchange for what my psych degree brings lightly to the table, the human experience of allowing yourself to unlearn a lesson that touch is wrong and just to have a joyous and relaxing moment in our restrictive lives..
Yeah. That's where it is. That's my happy place. ?

January 2019

I deactivated because of the lack of people/activity in my area. I'm in a big city, yet my area still lacks numbers. With the numbers we do have, there are almost 2 or 3 times more pros than non pros. I have nothing against people paying for cuddles but it's not for me. I come back every so often to check for new non pros in my area. I've even started to consider cuddling outside of my state. My issues aren't with the site itself. I just wish more peoplr were into this sort of thing.

Mark · January 2019

@ubergigglefritz

I just personally feel like adding a barrier to entry would help decrease the flaky "professionals" on here just looking for easy money, which seems to be very much not a positive addition to our community.

I think that will be achieved with the upcoming requirement of linking a card to a Pro account. And then following on from that we'll start automatically de-activating Pros who haven't been on for a few months. It wouldn't surprise me if we see over 50% of Pros go offline due to these measures.

What this leads to is 1) clients wasting less of their time and being less likely to leave and 2) Pros having more sessions as clients more efficiently channel through to them.

I've spoken about this before and I understand it's frustrating because nothing has happened yet. There have been some priority shifts that recently occurred. One important example, Search functionality started to get painfully slow due to the growth of membership. So as a matter of urgency that was recoded onto a new search engine and only went live around a week ago. But I'm very confident this barrier to Pros (new and existing) will be in place next month.

Lorelei · January 2019

Not sure my full honesty on this topic will be welcome, but from a pro's perspective of why we might leave, here goes:

I haven't left, but the first time I was sexually assaulted by a client who did not understand the word "no" and that I am a cuddler, not a prostitute, certainly gave me pause. I wish I could say "only" time, but it would be untrue.

I don't know if anyone who isn't a pro is aware of just how often this kind of thing happens to professional cuddlers, how us being given money for a platonic service seems to make an awful lot of people feel entitled to more from us in some pretty terrible ways. I'm here because I'd like to spend my time making the living I have to make by doing something I want to do, help others, spread compassion, kindness. I want to listen to other people, have mutual respect, send the people who see me off with a smile on their face and a light heart, but unfortunately... it doesn't always work that way.

You run into enough people who only want something you didn't sign up to give, well, you question your decisions.

pmvines · January 2019

@Lorelei i hate to hear that has happened to you and you are not alone . I have heard similar things from many of the cuddlers on here, and this is the reason i am such an advocate for the safety and respect for you all. Folks dont realize how something as seemingly harmless as oh but what if i get a boner ha ha ha can actually be quite triggering for those who have gone through what you describe.

ubergigglefritz · January 2019

I'm closing in on reaching 150 cuddle hours provided (will reach it by the end of the month!) and I'm fearful of my first experience of that. I wish there were more shared when things like this happen. There is no shame in it. Understanding everything leading up to the event can help everyone learn better strategies to prevent it happening to them. Sometimes there may be nothing you could have done differently (I know nothing about your experiences), but often there is. I know if this ever happens to me, if there's something I alter about my process moving forward, I would want to share that information to everyone. :-/ I want to understand the circumstances of when it happens to other people so I can make sure I'm doing everything I can do to prevent it with me. No one wants to have that experience =( After tomorrow, I will be at around 140 hours, from 28 unique clients, and never have I felt unsafe :-/ Knock on wood...

On the subject of this thread though, that would definitely cause professionals pause. Some professionals don't even make it to their first session. It's creepy to even be talked to the way some people do on here... :-/

pmvines · January 2019

@ubergigglefritz a major cause of it not being shared is fear of retaliation. Even in cases that is more boundary pushing than assault, it is often not reported due to fear of retaliation and fear of their name being dragged through the mud. There are folks on here who have a lot of good karma from a lot of cuddlers who are pretty much slime balls for fear of retaliation.

ubergigglefritz · January 2019

Definitely. There is some serious revamping needed on how karma works here =( I more meant shared between professionals. We talk among ourselves ;-) But it seems like when anyone asks any questions to try to figure out what the professional did or didn't do, they get super defensive, and think just asking these questions puts the blame on the client. I just see a lot of value in learning from bad things happening to try to reduce the chances of things happening in the future =(

pmvines · January 2019

@ubergigglefritz Not naming names but I have it on good authority from several paid cuddlers that at least one person well known to the site is not exactly a very great client yet has stellar reviews. Go figure....

respectful · January 2019

@Lorelei I'm so sorry that happened to you -- safety is my main concern for professionals (and everyone) on this site.

If karma isn't serving that purpose, maybe have a private list of safe clients only shared between professionals? (Though it wouldn't give a chance for clients who were being unfairly vilified to defend themselves. But safety is top priority really. It also doesn't work for new people).

ubergigglefritz · January 2019

@pmvines Agreed. It doesn't necessarily mean anything if someone has good reviews =( You need to do your own homework and judgment on both enthusiasts and professionals from your conversations...

LaGuy · January 2019

While I haven't deactivated I do go long time with out meeting some one. Cause most the newer pros coming to the site seem very cold. I'll have a session and it's like they don't want to be there. Then ask me for tip. And the ones who I did enjoy spending time with are either gone, or booked on the day's I'm free. I do have a hectic schedule so my fault to but it just feels different from when I first joined

ubergigglefritz · January 2019

@LaGuy That seems to be the consensus =(

Catloaf · January 2019

I wanted to comment on this thread since I've been on both sides of a couple fences regarding CC and how I feel about it. I've only been cuddling as an independent pro for 2 years as of November, and I first joined CC on my first account back in June 2017. Although that's not too far back, it definitely was a drastically different period of my life where I had a more arrogant perspective towards providing cuddles than I do today.

I am not ashamed to admit that when I started, my first few months as a cuddler were lawless with few boundaries, and it only took one incident for me to realise, what is happening isn't alright and maybe I don't actually fully understand what I'm getting myself into. While what happened wasn't my fault, it did make me consider that I really need to be sending the right message and unfortunately, I wasn't working hard at that. My voice was different, severely more cynical. My first posts here under a different name were horrendous, and I broke rules to the point that I was actually IP banned for a time.

I returned in January last year after much thought and education, listening to others in the community and what they have to say, realising that if I am going to do this for real, I have to do it the right way. So I applied for pro status, set up my website, and now I feel like the change has actually freed me and opened up parts of my mind I didn't even know had cogs left in it. That said, it becomes trying when you do everything properly and the odds are still stacked against you.

Personally, I am quite burnt out right now. I've been absent recently due to work, the holidays, and bouts of depression coming and going in between. Anybody dealing with that stuff knows how antisocial it can make you and I think muting myself, taking down my site for a couple weeks, and taking time for me and me only was the right thing to do. It's too easy to neglect the self when doing this, even when you aren't actively booking too many clients. There is a lot of behind the scenes work obviously, and sometimes when the scale is unbalanced against you, you just gotta say "F♡♡♡ it, I need a vacation".

laylanie · January 2019

I tend to ghost a lot on CC only because I've just been busy. I'm not a cuddle pro so I'm not always searching the site that often. I do tend to lose interest though considering that I worry that I wouldn't be able to schedule anything either due to distance or my work schedule or both.

queeninthenorth · January 2019

As someone who deactivated their account and then returned, I can at least tell you what the deciding factors were for me.
I was beginning to get SO many messages from men clearly looking for more than cuddling. They would insist that they “know I do more” and “other girls have done it”, blah blah blah- I’m sure you’ve heard all the lines. It was truly exhausting to wade through these people to try to find someone genuine.
If they didn’t do that in messages, then they would come to cuddle and try to reach for my vagina or my boobs and I’d warn them verbally but usually that did nothing, so I’d spend the whole time stiff as a board trying the hold my body in a way that they couldn’t reach or grab anything.
I was exhausted, and it was beginning to take a toll on my relationship.

I came back because I genuinely missed connecting with people like myself and I resolved to have a 0 tolerance policy for the nonsense. No sketchy message would go un-called out. So far, so good- but it’s only been a few days. We’ll see.

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What made you leave CC

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