I feel pathetic cuddling with pros. Anyone else have that feeling of worthlessness?
Not me. But the feeling you describe seems like the logical result of a common line of reasoning in which one says to themselves, "How worthless and pathetic must I be, that I have to pay someone just to curl up with me on a couch, play with my hair, and be kind?"
Being starved for platonic affection is bad enough, because when people won't touch you it feels like you must be worth absolutely nothing to anyone... and maybe (you think) they even find you repulsive. But when you're so desperate for a little human kindness that you start bribing people to be nice to you? Yes, I can see how that would make you feel pathetic and worthless.
Consider the premises, though.
Does not receiving affection mean you're unworthy of it? Is the world so just that only those unworthy of affection go without? If the world is unfair, it's possible that you're not a worthless human being—just unlucky. It's very unfortunate that you haven't met the people who would value you, love snuggling up with you, and not need to be paid.
Is it pathetic to pay for something you need when, unluckily, you can't get it for free? Is it less pathetic to go without water in a desert because, not finding a river or a spring, you refuse to buy a bottle from one of the desert-dwellers who make their living selling their own precious drinking water to select travelers?
Life isn't fair. Too often, our needs won't be met unless we pay a price. It doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you, necessarily.
And it doesn't hurt to remember that worth is hardly an objective thing. "One man's trash" and all that.
Chicken .... does your feelings have anything to do with recent comments on the forum .. ie. Creepy comments , unsafe clients .. “ private list of safe clients “ ?
After reading your profile though , I think you may benefit from seeing a doctor about depression
I do t know how many pro cuddlers you have seen , but , just one , is really not enough I think to feel like you have to dig in pocket every time you need a hug . There are pro cuddlers on this site , that have great day jobs and are doing pro cuddling for fun , who would Like to find someone for a few encounters without an exchange of Money . You won’t find them though if you specifically set out to look for them . They, ( like anything else in life) will find you when you least expect .
Have you ever thought that the pros are doing it because they need the money? The money might be going for some noble purpose such as feeding their child, paying medical bills, or helping thm get an education. So in a way you are also doing them a service by providing them with what they need. And just because you patronise a pro doesn't mean you have to give up on finding free cuddles elsewhere.
@chickengame1 You need to figure out what it is you are looking for out of the experience of cuddling. 1) Can a pro give you that? 2) What is it that you think/know a non-pro cuddler can offer you that a pro couldn't?
Also why you feel pathetic? Example answers: -Society wouldn't approve? -The pro cuddling didn't feel, right?
Don't look out, look in. How you feel is what matters.
Seconding that you need to talk to a doctor because it really sounds like you have depression. I don't feel worthless having to seek out cuddles. I don't see the shame in needing help, whatever form that comes in. The way I see it paying a professional is for convenience and security. It doesn't mean that you've failed somewhere, or that you can't find a cuddling partner for free, it just means that you're paying money to save time, trial and error.
@chickengame1 When I first started using a cuddling service, I liked that I was paying someone. They were there for me and there was no obligation on my part outside of paying them for their time. Maybe that's selfish, but it was what I needed. Also, I didn't want a girlfriend at the time and even if I did, finding a good match for me is a bit difficult.
I understand some of the prices are out of range for a lot of people, but there are pros that will work with you if that is a problem. I've seen some on here that barter with pros, provide a service the pro needs in exchange for cuddling.
I agree with @cuddlerforu24 that you might have depression. I have been depressed my entire adult life. Fortunately, I had a friend that pushed me into seeing a therapist and I am now on Wellbutrin and have been for years. Its made all the difference in my life.
Thanks for the replies all. I have not seen just one cuddler, I just told all the ones I did cuddle with to not review me.
@chickengame1 Why don't you ask those other cuddlers to give you karma? A free cuddle for a man is kind of like a unicorn, so don't feel bad. But it is possible. A woman considering cuddling would be much more open to it if you had plenty of good karma I think. At the very least, it would help show that you are not a danger to them and not a creep.
@chickengame1 i agree with @11rollover
I’m not really concerned about paying. That’s not it. It just feels like if I cuddle a pro here, they just want my money. And if I cuddle a non-pro, they are just doing it for themselves. I guess im in a really rough spot right now and I just had all these feelings of inadequacy overwhelm me yesterday. It’s hard to find someone who really cares about you
You'll have hard time finding someone genuine if you are already shooting it down going into it. Find what that "joy" you seek from cuddling is.
Some people are joyful playing video games. some like to go to the gym. others need music or literature in their life some like acupuncture, cupping...ect.
What is beneficial to you in your life? If touch and being close to someone is that, really look at what it means to you, and where that sense of "less than worthy" may really be stemming from.
All and any service comes with a trade or cost. But that doesn't mean that it is any less genuine or beneficial. Don't ever put a price tag on your health and wellness. You owe it to yourself to let go that cage you've created mentally and I do hope you find that comfort level in your life.
I'll be sending you positive thoughts.
Thats why i refuse to pay to cuddle, i have met non pros but i would feel like crap paying to cuddle lol. I respect that pros are trying to make a living but at this point of my life i don't feel like i would have to pay to cuddle lmao.
@DarrenWalker sooooooo very very well said! I seriously relate to everything you said and agree 100%. I wish it all fit in my screen and I could screenshot and save it haha.
Sorry didn’t read anything past that before commenting. But I truly agree with Darren. It is easy for us to say, though, not to feel that way or that you don’t need to. It’s a whole very different thing to be the person who must change this way you feel about yourself. You maybe look at me and think I couldnt relate. But sadly I can very much so. I decided to be a Cuddle Therapist, not just to help others but to also help myself. I get lonely too and have been deprived from human connection (was married to someone who didn’t show any kind of affection towards me for years). I know how easily one can become depressed and get anxiety with their life, that’s why we want to help. ♥️ It’s a long road to changing the way you view yourself, but you (and I) got this!
First of all, the first thing I always say in response to this is that it says a LOT more about the people around you than it does you, that you would need this service. Seriously.
@DarrenWalker provides an awesome response also. A lot of it is luck. Not all of us are lucky enough to find people who see us and value us as we are. I spent ten years single before finding my current relationship, and practically a lifetime of feeling misunderstood, that no one really saw me, or valued me. Was I not worthy? My current partner would beg to differ. I just wasn't around people who valued me, not that I wasn't worth valuing.
And I LOVE your desert water comparison, ha. Even down to the detail of the person selling the water selling their own precious resource ;-) Amazing.
I know that finding this work and spending time feeling valued for my gifts I offer helped jumpstart me into being in the mental place where my best self shined for others to see (I would actually put much of the reason for finally finding someone to partner with on being able to really feel my worth again). Finding a GOOD professional cuddler and spending some sessions with them can give you this same jumpstart. I know from my own experience, being touch deprived and not feeling valued by others really affected my mental health so I'm sure people weren't seeing what I know I was capable of giving. Similar to seeing a counselor for sessions for a while can sometimes help you get back on track. There's nothing wrong with paying for a talk therapist for that assistance, nor is there anything wrong with paying a cuddler.
@UKGuy , on that notion, I am a passionate animal rescuer, and my clients are helping me keep a roof over my animals heads, ha (without them, I would live in a car before going back to a corporate desk job, lol). I have no aim to manipulate people into seeing me, or even to CONTINUE seeing me if what is best for them is to find other long-term solutions, but every time I find someone who genuinely needs my services, it is a double win - they are helping me continue fulfilling my purpose in life, and I am helping them find connection (and in reference to this point, their own self worth) again.
Also, there is a lot more to diagnosing depression or a need to seek a counselor than just how someone feels about having to pay someone for cuddling. Connection and acceptance is a crazy powerful thing. Someone may have struggles that require a talk therapist, or they may just need some acceptance and validation for sometimes the first time in their life, or other times they could use the benefits of both. Don't be so quick to judge what is going on with someone from just one sentence and question... :-/
@chickengame1 , there is no shortage of pros on here just in it for the money, but a good professional's number one reason for being here is to make a difference. We just charge so we can keep doing it.
@Chocolatetreat You are incredibly lucky. It frustrates me for you to perpetuate the crappy feeling people have for not being so lucky =( Hopefully one day everyone will be so lucky because the world will be filled with kind and compassionate people, and I will no longer be needed in this function, but that day is not today, and most people in the world are not as lucky as you apparently are.
To the OP, based on your forum posts i would say your issues are less about hiring cuddlers and more ro do with other underlying factors that are impeding your emotuonal stability. I recommend trying talk therapy and explorimg an anti depressant. Cuddling is nice and can be helpful, however it will not fix you. I am a fan and an advocate of cuddling dont get me wrong, however there are some folks here who will.try to convince you that they are magical wizards who can cure mental and medical illness with their hugs . I dont know if they truly believe this or if it is product of being in a comstant state of self promotion , however it is both an irresponsible and dangerous notion that all you need is a good cuddle. And if i am being honest, if one is emotionally umstable and lonely to the point of depression, the come down from cuddling and the conflicting feelings of attachment, potential of blurred lines between business vs personal relationship, as well as what you describe as a negative self image due to paying for the service, actually all have the potential of perpetuating the cycle and causing more harm. So please OP identify your support system and reach out for some help. You might in the end have to shift focus from things like paid cuddling services and focus on other areas of your life for now. Regardless, make yourself your top priority.