Suggestions on how men might get more cuddle partners

Comments

• hogboblin

  January 2019 edited January 2019

  Something to keep in mind, in general:

  You are owed nothing. You are not owed a response to any message that you send. You are not owed an explanation as to why communications between you and someone else cease. You are not owed cuddles, or warmth, or pleasantness—especially if you act in an unpleasant manner.

  You are not unique. Your desires and needs do not take priority.
• DarrenWalker (deleted user)

  January 2019

  @hogboblin: ?

  A good basic foundation to start off with. Zero entitlement.
• Babichev

  January 2019 edited January 2019

  @hogboblin - Um, I don't see how that relates to the OP.

  I don't have any problems getting responses. I have problems with meeting men who say they want to engage in platonic cuddling but either clearly want more than that or else do things that really turn me off to wanting to cuddle with them. And since men frequently complain about the lack of non-professional women cuddle partners, this might be part of the reason why. Nothing to do with getting a response. Maybe you've confused this with a different thread?

  @DarrenWalker - I'm lost as to both these comments.
• hogboblin

  January 2019 edited January 2019

  @Babichev

  ...do you like, look at words, and put them together in your head?

  There are multiple instances in the original post that I can look at and say, “Hey, this applies to that.”

  Are my suggestions specific? Not really. They’re more like general pointers on how men should act while on this site. Kinda like “don’t be pushy!” But slightly more involved.
• patTheCuddler (deleted user)

  January 2019 edited January 2019

  @Babichev : I think @hogboblin and @DarrenWalker are addressing men looking for non-professional cuddle partners, not you - although I can see how their comments could be construed otherwise.
• DarrenWalker (deleted user)

  January 2019 edited January 2019

  @patTheCuddler: Yes, well spotted— @hogboblin and I were indeed both making suggestions on how men might get more cuddle partners.

  Or, to be more specific, hogboblin was responding to the questions @Babichev asked at the end of her original post, and I was agreeing with him. Zero entitlement is a good place to start when trying to avoid making women wish you'd never been born! That particular suggestion, if taken, is almost certain to help make any cuddle experience better for everybody involved in it.

  And it's definitely worked well for him with at least one non-professional. I look forward to cuddling him at the earliest opportunity.
• garrablanca

  January 2019

  @Babichev I'm fascinated how you declare percentages about the user genders and their complaint, It's this because... Oh do you have access to the DataBase here or what? ha ha ha ha :P I'm just teasing you.

  WoW... how complex is all this that you expose...
  I though should be like "ok, do you want cuddles?... well me too... let's do this" very straightforward.
  Of course with common sense and respect.

  Regards.
• DarrenWalker (deleted user)

  January 2019

  @garrablanca: You have access to the database, too. He's called @respectful.

  He's collected so much data, and posted so many statistics, that if you go to the list of threads he's started you could be there a very long time. Even though the site only lets you see page one. Of course, interpreting the stats correctly takes some mental work. I don't remember him ever giving data on how many people signed up with this site are male, female, or other. He did once note that, over a period of one month, there were 3864 new users, 22% women.

  No word on how many fell into the other two broad categories, but that piece of information might give a rough indication of the male:female:other ratio, assuming June–July 2018 wasn't a notably unusual month.

  For an idea of how many men complain about not being able to find non-pros to cuddle with, just hang out in the forums for a little while.

  It'd be great, by the way, if people could just ask, "Hey, do you want cuddles with me?" and accept "No, not with you, sorry" as an answer without getting huffy and demanding an explanation of somebody else's preferences. "Justify your decision to me, stranger! Why won't you cuddle me? Don't you want cuddles? Well, so do I! So what's the problem? Just shut up and give me what I want, already!"

  Alas, the jerkishness is real, and "common sense" too often translates to "obviously you should cuddle me, duh" while "respect" means "I said the magic word, so praise me and don't you dare turn me down: I get whatever I want now."

  This is why we can't have nice things.
• Coco0985 (deleted user)

  January 2019

  How men can get more cuddles? I can’t think of a rea$on why’d they $truggle to in the fir$t place.
• MrKinder

  January 2019

  As a male cuddled/customer, the woman is the boss. Yes, I’m paying, but she’s the boss. Her comfort matters. She decides what position we cuddle in, at least at first. I let my wants known once she asks me to say so. She’s the boss because she’s the vulnerable party. Once she’s comfortable, then things tend to balance out and become more equal. The last thing I want is to try and enjoy myself with someone who is uncomfortable...and it’s not her job to make herself feel at ease, it’s mine...by having her call the shots.
• DarrenWalker (deleted user)

  January 2019

  @Coco0985: Some possible reasons men may have more difficulty than other people in finding cuddle partners include:

  ・Refusal to cuddle with approximately half the population of Earth
  ・Reputation for entitlement and violence
  ・Desire for instant gratification

  That second one's the real killer (pun intended). It takes a brave person to risk meeting someone with a rep like that. Sure, maybe nine times out of ten everything'll be fine. But that tenth time....

  Takes a lot to make a risk like that worth it. Don't you think?

  So the next thing to build on the foundation of "no one has any obligation to give you anything" is "everyone knows the kind of horrible things you could do if you wanted to, and too many people like you have." Even tiny, cute, and agender as I am, I'm male enough to scare potential cuddles off online.

  Men have a bad reputation. Here's hoping for enough decent human beings to redeem it—but until then that rep's a thing we have to deal with. Like @DT80, making sure his pro knows she's safe! Well done, bro.
• Coco0985 (deleted user)

  January 2019

  @DarrenWalker sorry all men are non gay serial killers.
• pmvines

  January 2019

  I feel like more often than not when someone says they cant find anybody here to give them the time of day a lot of it boils down to an unrealistic expectation for instant conmection and instant gratification . They want to skip the rapport and trust building part. This is one reason it is good that paid cuddlers are an option, however even this takes a minimal amount of effort on your part. Just keep in mind that even though this is a cuddle website, not evetybody is going to want to rush to cuddle, nor will they necessarily want to cuddle you. This is not a vending machine.
• DarrenWalker (deleted user)

  January 2019

  @Coco0985: All men are not heterosexual, nor are they all serial killers. But all straw men are either logical fallacies or not really as much use in a cornfield as one might think.

  I offer you a bag of candy. There's like a thousand pieces in there. But one of them's deadly poison.

  You say you don't really want to risk death for a Snickers. Sarcastically, I say "Sorry all candy is a murder weapon."
• Coco0985 (deleted user)

  January 2019

  @DarrenWalker except saying “men have a reputation for violence” isn’t the same thing as saying one in thousands is poison. Good attempt to move the goal post, though.
• DarrenWalker (deleted user)

  January 2019

  @Coco0985: https://researchtobedone.wordpress.com/2012/10/18/for-those-who-dont-understand-schrodingers-rapist/
• DarrenWalker (deleted user)

  January 2019

  @Coco0985: In case you missed the point (again), men have a well-deserved reputation for violence, and some number of them—I think it's safe to say rather more than one in a thousand—is poison.
• Chocolatetreat

  January 2019

  When this site first started you can get cuddled with a non pro but only way you will find somebody now is to have money
• ubergigglefritz

  January 2019

  @Chocolatetreat Sites and populations evolve. I know in just the one year I've been here, it has changed drastically. I rarely find any quality clients here anymore. If I were a non-professional there is no way I would still be here. Seemingly every profile is for someone wanting more. I remember my first impressions when I signed up before going pro. It was scary, sketchy, skeevy. That drives women away. I imagine when you're talking about the early days of the site it was a lot more pure in the members aligning well with the intentions. Now it's a mess of enthusiasts looking for more and pros with unnecessary attitudes or offering more themselves. There is so much more to this work than just being paid to cuddle someone cause you're hot. It's hard, even as a professional, to find someone looking for exactly what I offer. I'm working on starting to offer a sliding scale. It's not about the money for me, but helping people who need it. I just, unfortunately, need money to send to my mortgage company, lol ? I'm constantly trying to figure out how to do this in the best way to help both sides... Hopefully the population on here will get better, but just being honest in that knowing what I deal with on here, I'm saying it's no wonder there are so few female enthusiasts on here who actually stick around ?
• ColouredCrayons

  January 2019

  To people who are trying to cuddle non-pros and not getting a positive response; I would suggest contacting people in the same manor as you would in real life. If that isn't working, maybe it's worth examining how you interact with people in real life. I would suggest picking up a book on social interactions and how to socialize. We all know why we're here but starting off with "hey wanna cuddle" isn't going to work. I'm living for the day when "I'm cute, you're cute, lets make babies" actually works on a first date.

  To people who are creating negative experiences for others; I'd suggest looking at how you're interacting. A good general rule when you're in someone's personal space is to assume that you should ask before doing anything. Yes you may have been given permission to spoon someone but that doesn't mean you can put your finger in someone's belly button. If you want to play in someone's hair or hold their hands, just ask. Also know what the other person's boundaries are beforehand. If you know they don't want you playing with their toes don't bother trying/asking; it's probably a no go.

  To people who are having negative experiences; I'd suggest taking a step back and analyzing the situation. If everyone was following the above rules this section wouldn't be necessary but not everyone does. So it's important to look at what your boundaries are and what you are/are not okay with. The rules are clearly stated but between that there are a lot of grey areas. Knowing that you aren't okay with talking about your personal relationships or being touched on the lower back allows you to communicate more specific boundaries and not have them violated. Granted some people will push even clearly stated boundaries. In that case it comes down to better screening or deciding that it's too risky and calling it quits.
• Myrddyn

  January 2019

  So many discussions about what is required to register as a pro, and how to strengthen that...maybe it's time to recognize that we need to make the threshold for enthusiasts, male or female, more of a barrier as well.

  Oh god...did I just advocate for a wall? Ban me!!!
• Kempist

  January 2019

  This is all too complicated. Too much game playing, BS, psycho babble and manipulation. I'll stick with pros.
• UKGuy

  January 2019 edited January 2019

  All good advice by the original poster and all things I would do anyway IF I could meet anyone on here. Don't get any messages and cannot get anyone to respond. Seems like I get mostly men visiting my profile. The guys the original poster complains about, however. must have done something right because they got to cuddle with her. That's further than I've progressed after a year on this site. I'm starting to look elsewhere.
• TheFunCartel

  January 2019

  @snugbuddy I tend to stick to non-pros and I have had a lot of takers, but I agree with your post in general—especially the psycho babble. This is not rocket science...show respect and get respect.
• innoc

  January 2019

  Not sure about zero entitlement. I think we're all entitled to basic respect.

  I appreciate that the internet destroyed good old fashioned manners but if someone ignores my respectful hello then they're probably going to ignore my needs in a cuddle situation.
• ivlegend (deleted user)

  January 2019

  I think patience and respect are keys to have a cuddle, with a pro or non pro. Every one has their preferences and they are allowed to choose. I almost always had awesome cuddles from this site, it's a group of amazing and caring people.
• hogboblin

  January 2019

  @innoc

  Unfortunately, different people have different ideas of what “basic respect” entails.
• Navyman1010

  January 2019 edited January 2019

  @DarrenWalker damn you have so much hate towards men, Get over yourself

  Your a professional man-shamer
• DarrenWalker (deleted user)

  January 2019

  @ubergigglefritz: ?

  @Navyman1010: Professional man-shamer is a real job, of a sort. But it generally requires a bit more than a presentation of simple facts, and all in all... it's not really my kink.
• Cuddlerosaurus

  January 2019

  @innoc

  Well said!