@hogboblin yup specially by logic and reason !!.
@hogboblin: [muffled laughter] ...I refuse.
@garrablanca: Your posts provide an engaging intellectual challenge. I find myself being more and more interested the more puzzling they become, and now that I'm done with the laundry, I'm in a position to appreciate them properly. Let me see if I can work out what you're saying in this one:
"are you trying to be their savior?"
The reference is apparently to the people whose preferences limit their options to a tiny subset of the CuddleComfort population. I'm not certain why I would try to rescue them from the lack of options that apparently tortures them so, but I do very much enjoy pointing out how silly they're being.
"Well, first of all, in the world there are stubborn and no too smart people"
I find it rather difficult to deny the existence of "no too smart people," alas. Your premise is granted: stubborn and unintelligent people do indeed exist.
"and don't you think that you waste your time listening to the foolish complainers?"
This is a strange question. It seems rhetorical, yet haven't I made it clear by my actions that I don't consider listening to people's complaints a waste of time? Say they're foolish—so what? We're all fools in some way. And if I don't listen to their complaints, how would I know what misunderstandings are prevalent in this part of the internet? And if I didn't know what people were complaining about, how could I enjoy telling them that their complaints are ill-founded?
"Whoever is a jerk will never get cuddles and that's in a fact of life, I'm sorry for them ... they have no salvation."
Pity the poor cuddlers who have found themselves cuddling a jerk. It happens far more often than you think. "If [jerk], then [no cuddles]" is neither a fact of life nor in a fact of life.
"Their only salvation is when they understand that they should have a change in their behavior, but is up to them ONLY."
...You do realize that you've just contradicted yourself, yes?
Mm. Well, leaving salvation aside for the moment, while it is true that behavior can only be changed by the person whose behavior it is, it's also true that new information can cause people to change their behavior. "I can get more cuddles if I'm willing to cuddle people who don't have black hair?" a hypothetical person might realize. "And cuddling with a blond or a redhead isn't really much different from cuddling with a brunette?" Armed with this new information, our hypothetical person with a preference for cuddling only the black-haired might expand his horizons... and get more cuddles.
Or he might not. As you say, the final decision is up to him: but if it's going to be an informed decision, it helps to have information.
"stop suffering because of their moans"
You have made an understandable mistake in assuming that the moans of others cause me to suffer.
"no longer pay attention to them"
A recommendation which would be sound if the rest of the argument held water. The gist of it seems to be that anyone who complains about not getting cuddles is a stubborn, unintelligent, foolish jerk who will only get cuddles when they make the decision—unassisted by any other human being—to change their behavior. Were this true, certainly it would be best to pay no attention to them, and simply wait for their behavior to mend itself... or not.
This is not, however, true.
"do not get trap on that"
A grammatical fiasco. Let me see—the intended meaning is probably something along the lines of "don't get stuck listening to others complain."
This is a wise piece of advice. Fortunately, I am not stuck.
"you will end up being as stubborn as them."
An interesting conclusion. While it is true that the people you spend time with tend to have an impact on your personality, I wonder whether stubbornness is the quality that would rub off in this case. Wouldn't spending time listening to people complain have a greater tendency to foster feelings of depression, entitlement, anger, or something else along those lines?
"capiche?"
Understanding was my intention... and I do feel that I've achieved it. I hope I'm not mistaken, that's always unfortunate.
@DarrenWalker
You refuse? Well...uh, there will be no salvation for you!
Also...thy mother’s name is ominous to children!
@DarrenWalker Thanks for the grammatical corrections, my apologies. I'm sorry if I can't go back and elaborate all along the previous conversation, what I said it's said, I do not have the time and I don't see the point of doing so. You have your own opinion, that's it. I respect it. We all have our own personal interpretations about life. we just keep and use what is useful for us. Every single one of us has his own time to bright, and some others never do.
@garrablanca:
"Thanks for the grammatical corrections, my apologies."
English is one of the hardest languages to learn as a second language. I was lucky(?) enough to be raised by an English teacher who's also a native English speaker. As a result, I've got all the grammatical corrections anyone could ever want... and you are welcome to them.
"I'm sorry if I can't go back and elaborate all along the previous conversation, what I said it's said, I do not have the time and I don't see the point of doing so."
Apology accepted. Time is a precious commodity, and it's wise to consider carefully what you spend it on.
The only point of going back through what you said earlier and explaining it to me would be to make sure that I understood you correctly. If you don't consider it important that I understand you, why would you spend time on it? Your choice makes perfect sense.
"You have your own opinion, that's it."
...Math is not an opinion. If, out of a group of 100, you refuse to even consider cuddling with 80, that does reduce your pool to 20 people... and the odds of finding someone willing to cuddle with you in a group of 100 are higher than the odds of finding someone willing to cuddle with you in a group of 20.
This holds true even if 70 of the 80 people you've rejected out of hand have also rejected you, because it expands your pool from 20 to 30.
You may want to consider studying probability.
"I respect it."
In what way do you respect my opinion that mathematical probability functions as I've learned it? How is this respect shown?
"We all have our own personal interpretations about life."
...I do hope this is not a segue to relativism. I have filled my quota of arguments to have with people who think that what's real depends on what you believe.
"We just keep and use what is useful for us."
I have always held that what is true is also what is most useful. Even if it isn't always most pleasant.
"Every single one of us has his own time to bright, and some others never do."
This appears to be a non sequitur. Also, for future reference: the phrase is "time to shine."
I scorn you, scurvy companion.
@hogboblin: "Scurvy companion"? Wouldn't "scurvy schoolmaster," "scurvy schemer," or even "scurvy scarab" fit the alliterative pattern better?
I’d think so. Alas—I am not the Bard. That line was from Henry IV, Part 2, Act 2, scene 4.
@hogboblin: [impressed] Ooh. Despite owning the Complete Plays of Shakespeare, I haven't gotten even a third of the way through it yet.
I don't feel the OP is asking too much, and I feel she is speaking on behalf of most folks on here. You cant just say hey, you seem neat, let me come to your place of residence, change into sleep wear, and get under the covers with you! Nobody said it is like finding a significant other or bff, but you have to still treat it as you would any other kind of relational dynamic where there is trust, rapport, and some sort of connection for it to work. Otherwise don't complain about not being able to find someone on here to cuddle with. If you aren't willing to make the effort, you will get nothing back in return.
@pmvines: Uh. I think sort of both? "Do this, don't do that, consider this, try not to think like that...."
But it's difficult to tell, because things have gotten a little out of hand, haven't they? Oh well. I don't care, it's bedtime, I'm logging out. I'll worry about it later, if it needs worrying about later.
@DarrenWalker Sorry I rewrote my original post that you are referencing in your last message so it may come across as disjointed or confusing to readers. Sleep well.
@DarrenWalker "Probability"... it's a tool used in the Meteorology and yet is not accurate to predict perfectly the outcome. and human behavior is like the weather, there is too many variables.
a good example of human behavior “The Man who says he can, and the man who says he can not.. Are both correct” -Confucius-
regards.
I'd probably be more uncomfortable than the female but I understand the mentality. Some dudes just can't distinguish between platonic cuddling and erotic suggestion.
Thank you @Babichev , your response is useful. I did want to throw that out there , that , there are women in this site who would like to hear something like that . I don’t think they number too many , but they are out there .
Um , also there are awkward men , who , are indeed safe , who will tender an appearance compliment in a Cuddle proposal. It’s logical , they are not getting their cuddles in the real world so they will come here for that .
What works for you , works for you , but it does sound like you have had some trouble with your selections .
Also I wanted to suggest a professional male cuddler if you get too discouraged .
Pleasant cuddles!
@pmvines: Thanks for noting that! My post does look very weird now. But I slept great!
Being willing to cuddle everyone, instead of a small subset of the CC population, increases your odds of getting a cuddle. However, this is only probability. You can't say for sure whether being willing to cuddle everyone will get you a cuddle: there are just too many variables. Therefore, you shouldn't give yourself more options.
Wearing a seat belt increases the odds of survival in a car crash. However, this is only probability. You can't say for sure whether a seat belt will save your life in any specific crash: there are just too many variables. Therefore, you shouldn't wear a seat belt.
Getting vaccinated against the flu decreases your odds of becoming sick with flu. However, this is only probability. People who've been vaccinated have been known to get sick anyway. There are just too many variables to be sure. Therefore, you shouldn't get vaccinated.
A 70% chance of rain means it's more likely to rain than not. However, this is only probability. You can't say for sure whether it'll rain: there are just too many variables. Therefore, you should schedule a picnic in the park.
...You really should look into studying probability. It's kind of important.
@Red1Eyes: Yeah, those dudes who can't distinguish between platonic cuddling and erotic suggestion. Do you think they should be cuddling people they're sexually attracted to? Seems like asking for trouble to me. Maybe better to practice being nonsexual with people they don't want to be sexual with, first. If only they would.
@DarrenWalker Man... I'm not against math or statistics... don't get me wrong. It's just that I don't think that people will change that easily their preferences in order to increase the odds in cuddling... just because their preferences are key in the complexity of what every single person its looking for to feel comfortable. So preferences are a constant, not a variable in this equation. your proposal works for those in where their preferences apply, but not for the entire universe of users.
@garrablanca: Oh, I must have misread you when you said "'Probability'... it's a tool used in the Meteorology and yet is not accurate to predict perfectly the outcome. and human behavior is like the weather, there is too many variables." (sic)
I thought you meant that probability was unreliable.
[thoughtfully] "Probability is a tool used in meteorology, yet it isn't accurate, doesn't perfectly predict the outcome..." you say... "and human behavior is like the weather: there are too many variables..." you say....
No, that really does look as though you're opposed to the application of mathematical probability to everyday life. And your argument now that the usefulness of probability has been clearly demonstrated is that people won't do it: that changing one's preferences is simply too difficult, even when it's obvious that it would benefit them to do so. Because it's difficult, you argue, it should actually be treated as impossible in this instance: preferences ought to be treated as a constant, not a variable.
You're probably right about that one. Isn't it unfortunate?
Thank you @Babichev It was very kind and thoughtful of you to share this feedback and these ideas. Everyone just wants to feel safe. I’m so sorry you’ve had to put up with the bait-and-switch kind of guys that try to get sexy during a platonic meeting. Also the pushy guys and self-centered types. As I’m sure you agree, the concept of meeting folks online for platonic cuddles is genius! In practice it’s a shy, awkward, long-dragging experience. (At best) But the added disrespect from men really sullies the pond. I hope you meet some good ones. ???
@cuddlerforu24 "Also I wanted to suggest a professional male cuddler if you get too discouraged ."
I haven't noticed any in my area.
@Tallmann "As I’m sure you agree, the concept of meeting folks online for platonic cuddles is genius! In practice it’s a shy, awkward, long-dragging experience. (At best) But the added disrespect from men really sullies the pond. I hope you meet some good ones. "
Thanks. Today has been a rough day in that department. In the last 24 hours I've gotten a text message from some guy who has been doing a stalkerish kind of thing for about a year. I have no idea who he is, he sends texts, said he met me at an event a few months ago, names a mutual friend, and none of it is true. He keeps changing his name and number but his story is always similar. First couple of times he fooled me, now it's just getting annoying. He waits a few months, does it again. So, I got another text today - new number, new name, same story. So I texted back, "Can't talk on this phone, call me back at ____" and listed the number of the local police department, then blocked him. Hope he called. I asked the police if there's anything I can do about this guy and they said unless he threatens me, no, just block him.
And then some other weird guy called my office.
Dudes, some of your brothers out there are making life really hard for you.
@Babichev , I’m sorry to hear that there are no male pros in your area . Hopefully , that might improve , i read all kinds of good stories in this forum of the good things that pro cuddling does with folks .
When I hired my first cuddlist there where no male cuddlers now there are a few .
@Babichev - As a guy I don't have any control over how other guys behave. Personally, I consider myself to be far more in tune with women than with men. And please remember, most guys were partly brought up by a woman - their mother. If I were a woman, I'd look for a guy that has sisters or daughters, I think they'd probably treat women better, no guarantees though.
@Babichev I agree with you 100%. I think what some people seem to be over-looking is that many people have turned to cuddling because they have experienced a traumatic event in their life and they are looking for comfort.
Some of us are emotionally wounded and do not want a sexual encounter. So anything that sounds like a “come on” is going to be quickly dismissed.
@DarrenWalker good advice. I'd say everyone stands to benefit by same sex cuddling.
@Babichev I'm going to recommend that you talk about the problem you have with the behavior you don't like. Be specific. Also remember that no one is a mind reader. I personally know several people who you have had the pleasure to meet and every single one of them was fine with me. Now I get that I'm a pro so I'm there for their satisfaction. But all of them were gentlemen and respectful. Maybe you're setting your standards too high? There are no perfect people. All humans have flaws. You do too. Would you want someone to write you off simply for sending a picture they didn't like? I think if you shared what you were feeling instead of simply saying "bye" you may get farther. Also, you are in a city that I would call a cuddle desert. I lived in Maryland prior to here and there were MANY more cuddling people there. So maybe expand your search? When you travel look for partners there. Good luck to you!
Hi @DarrenWalker hope you are doing well... Answering your last question "Isn't it unfortunate?" I don't think so, I don't see it as something unfortunate, since everyone is in the search of their own satisfaction, they, we, anyone has to stay truly honest to our own preferences, we have to have integrity otherwise the person looses identity an authenticity. Regards Garrablanca
@garrablanca: Huh. So you don't think it's unfortunate that some people's preferences confine them to such a small pool of potentials. You don't think it's regrettable that trying new things is so difficult for people. You actually believe that expanding your preferences would cause you to lose your identity.
That's amazing. You, garrablanca, are an amazing person—and you amaze me. The world is full of such interesting people!
I'm doing fine, thanks. Just discovered The Thundermans and oh, that is a fun thing to watch while making breakfast. Cheesy, but wonderful. Isn't tech great? It's tough to cook and read at the same time without getting stuff dirty, but with video technology you can get a story and fix pancakes without getting batter on your book. It's fantastic.
I love living in the future.
If I went to a Lamborghini dealer, stood in front of a car, and had a photo taken and used that on my profile, I would probably get a lot of cuddles.
I think the harsh truth is that, yes, most people are kidding themselves when they say they want something purely platonic. Most people will only cuddle with people they find attractive - and people of the gender they are romantically/sexually interested in - which means it's going to be really difficult to keep it truly platonic. They want to fantasise and simulate a romantic relationship. The majority of people have a low level of self-awareness, and a lot of people just want cuddles because they can't get a date or FWB. I think people often see it as a kind of last resort because they are a bit desperate. I know this sounds horribly pessimistic, but my experiences have shown this to be mostly true.
There are some exceptional people I've come across, who genuinely want something platonic and are willing to cuddle people they are not attracted to, but they are not the majority.
@TonySpark: Ooh, a testable hypothesis! Do it, do it!