Omgosh that's shocking!! Please no one should have to tolerate the scenario you've described that's a whole kind of scary to me. Sorry that happened. Don't feel like u have "to become stiff" if u find yourself having to doing that please end that session in everyway! By the way are those previous cuddlers banned?
So yes we want to spread, share platonic cuddle etc but everyones comfort and safety must come first.
I guess it's for the other positive experiences that's made you returned. Glad you've had those at least.
I used to have an account where I had like 16 karma and saw a few good cuddlers. The reason I left is because the ones I enjoyed the most deleted their accounts. My last two sessions before deleting was when the SESTA act was passed, banning prostitution sites and my experience in both those sessions was the cuddler giving me a "menu" in person for a bj for + amount of dollars and sex for + amount of dollars. When I said I was just here to cuddle they claimed I was wasting their time and got annoyed.
While I'm sure this site is still about cuddling idk how I feel about it but I'm still here lurking because of a fear of missing out lol.
I agree with sausalito in this sense, I haven't left for fear that I might miss out. That said, I have been here for well over a year. I've cuddled with 1 pro (good experience) and 2 non-pros (reasonable experiences). We all know the ratios of women to men on the site. I've never been contacted by a non-pro without me initiating. Half the time I initiate just a initial, friendly "welcome," there is no reply. I enjoy reading the posts in the discussion forums - that's about the only reason I'm still here. I'll likely de-activate soon.
There is a problem that many people who are leaving (or think they will be leaving soon) are the population of people we WANT on this site. The question is how do we fix this? We want the people staying who are seeking platonic cuddles and the people who are leaving to be those looking for more =(
For the record, my previous post might sound bitter - I hope not, but it might - but I'm really not. With the few exceptions I mentioned, I've been "touch-starved" (both giving and receiving) for 11+ years ... what's another 11? After a while, you kind of get used to your "new normal." I believe that the community that has been created here is for the most part solid. You can't fix every issue for every individual. Enjoy folks.
Overall there is a general lack of response from people claiming that they are colors both pro and non pro alike. At least that's been my experience. I send a general requests to see if they are available and what time will work for them at least eight out of 10 times I get absolutely no response. More confusing is the fact that they sometimes will click on my profile so I know they have seen the request but still don't respond. I just had a response from someone this week that I sent the message to 3 years ago, lol. Her response was " I only cuddle with people but I feel comfortable with ". she never mentioned how she goes about feeling more comfortable or if we can continue to talk or anything. Her profile know that she has severe anxiety, perhaps this isn't the best place for her I've never sent an inappropriate message, I haven't asked for anything inappropriate just a general request for when they are available. also many of the cuddlers, at least in my area I haven't logged on in one or two years. I do check to see when they were on last before I send any message.
@BigHugsCA - when I joined, I asked for feedback on my profile. I was told not to use the word 'touch' as it was 'questionable'. Seemed very odd to me on a website about cuddling.
@UKGuy yes, that seems odd to me, too.
no responses everyone seems to be just "curious" about the topic coming back to write one response, take a look at profiles and never come back Sad!
Agree.....the vast majority of people at least in the 50 mile radius where I am haven't been on for months or years. Perhaps the signed up and then just never followed up. I said four more increase in the past couple days some to folks that are called pros, and no response. Oh well
Thank you so much for addressing this topic and all those who responded. I am so new to this, I have only had two clients, and I set my boundaries pretty strong, but i can definitely relate to the girl who said she was exhausted from trying to "hold her body in a way" that the men couldn't touch her bikini area. Stiff as a board in other words. That is exhausting! Only one of the 2 guys I did was like that, so I don't know if I will reschedule him. I might give him one more chance to stick to the guide lines, but why guys, WHY do you want a cuddle session, when you can get sex anywhere, if sex is really what you want? There's plenty of websites and places to go. And then WHY would you want to keep "trying" to see what you can get away with? Like seriously, you can't read body language? Why would you keep insisting on trying to touch someone that has already told you, and by whose body language is obvious that your groping is unwelcome? Why would you pay $80 an hour for a person to spend the whole time hiding and trying to run from you? Like WTF!?! I sincerely apologize for going off on a tangent there, but I really don't like people who are disrespectful and who don't respect other people's boundaries. I know for me, that when I am completely comfortable, and I can trust my partner, that I can be totally open, then I know my client will have a kick ass cuddle session. He/she will have fun and experience touch in fantastic ways that increase dopamine and other endorphins that they probably never even thought about, let alone experienced, because they have only ever had sexual partners. And since this isn't about sex, it can open up a whole new world. But to those who want to ruin the experience with their narrow mindedness, and apparent lack of empathy, they are really losing out, I mean if you want to pay me $80 hr for me to spend the whole session trying to keep myself covered up and hiding from you, well then ok. But, you are not only losing out on a great session, but you are also probably never going to see me again, AND eventually get banned from the site. Or if you get too out of hand, then I've got a taser with your name on it:) But I can definitely see how having one too many experiences like that in a row, might deter a cuddler from wanting to work. I'd say though if you are having too many of those experiences, you definitely need to revamp your communication style before meeting your potential clients. Lastly, , the only other thing that would probably make me sleep my profile for a while, other than negative experiences, is a relationship. If I met someone who didn't like it, or if I get one really great cuddle client that gets all my available time. Thanks again! And many hugs to all my cuddling peers! Please feel free to msg me. I hope i didn't scare anyone off. LOL! I really am super friendly! And also very transparent. Looking for the same!
@ElizabethC .... I’m sorry to hear you have been hired by disrespectful clients . Certainly , or I hope so , that you go over boundaries verbally , before the session . I have observed one out of ten Cuddle professionals identifying , boundary areas , and I Understand , that , that short discussion takes the gracefulness out of your cuddling personality , but it is necessary . Also , you have the client service agreement to use to , stop the session at once .
Happy safe cuddles.
I'm actually thinking of leaving. I have met three cuddlers. I think that was already too much for me. I'm overwhelmed by all of the messages, even though I've had my account muted. I can't keep up with everyone and I think I'm going to be an exclusive cuddler with one I met.
@EwokLover - Wow and you only joined this month. You don't know how lucky you are!
I don't fund it lucky when they are asking me disgusting questions. I just had to block someone for asking why I met someone in less than a month and that I must be asking to get raped. I get inappropriate men in my inbox. I don't find that lucky.
@EwokLover: Well said. I'd love to get more messages... but good ones, thanks. "Lots of messages" can get you more cuddles than someone like me (who gets basically no messages), but when so many of those messages are horrible, is it really worth it?
[Answer: No. No it is not.]
@DarrenWalker It is not unlike going to a buffet. You come hungry and excited and leave wondering if you will return...
But seriously, this is part of the difference in the experience on this site for men and women. A lot of the men feel rejected and discouraged (or as we have seen angry and bitter) while a lot of the women end up overwhelmed and a little bit creeped out by the percentage of men who do not know how to behave. Where some of the men may see it as a blessing to garner so much attention, they are not seeing it from the womans perspective but rather from an ideal version of what it would be like for themselves to be the ones garnering the attention. Like a grass is greener approach, without thinking about how many weeds and pests and maintenance that is involved with the grass on the other side.
@EwokLover ... A very heartfelt plea from you, and it's sad that you have had experiences of rude messages from men. I think you are right to settle for just one other non-pro to cuddle with, which I have done. Far less energy required, and within a couple of cuddle meets, you have both come to accept and respect boundaries, etc, and can get on with the main thing ... Relaxing and cuddling!
Personally, I don't know how the Pros manage this tension with continual new clients, and all respect to them.
The downside of this is, of course, the 80-20 split of men to women, and from a man-woman pairing perspective, a lot of men would be disenfranchised by women restricting the number of potential male cuddlers.
I would be interested to know a bit more about two things:
A) the stats... While it may be an 80-20 male-female split, is that ratio even greater if looking at non-pros only? My guess would be very many more non-pro men on here than women.
I've never had to block someone, but in doing so, is there an automatic "Report" facility to the CC moderators. It seems a shame that there are abusive people out there who might get individually blocked, but simply move on to someone else with their abuse. An alternative might be that anyone who gets blocked more than 3 times gets flagged up to the CC mods, for their consideration. And when their account is forcibly deleted, it would be good if their email address is remembered in the database at the CC back end, and disallowed from opening another account with the same email address. I know it's possible to set up a new email address, but it can be a disincentive as its a bit of a pain to do so.
But, let's hope you don't leave, but are able to reduce the hassle you receive.
For me, it is the lack of any reply, Pro's & none pro's alike. I have been stood up by several pro's, I have a crazy work schedule, very hard to plan ahead, on several occasions, and 1 yesterday, I changed my work schedule so I could meet up with a pro, which was a loss of income for me, but no big deal, I kept the entire day free and evening, then NO response back. I guess I am to old fashioned for this site, I can NOT be rude to people, I was raised better then that. I did get to meet 2 very nice Cuddlers, which they allowed me to keep there ph. numbers so we could cuddle again.
@EwokLover Of course I’m disturbed by the frustration, perhaps flat out horror you and other women have encountered as your mailbox overflows with messages from clowns, freaks and creeps. Please though, do count yourself as fortunate to have found that one cuddle partner that you can see on a regular basis in so short a time. He or she is very fortunate indeed to have been found. For a million reasons, most of us never find that, rarely even make a connection. This is not to minimize your outrage, but just to ask you to recognize that there does seem to be one upside to your experience here.
Mark, is it possible to put something in place (besides bad karma and reporting) to detour pros from standing people up? Maybe 3 separate reports of a “stand up” and they're banned? Every pro I have worked with has been great, except one. She stood me up 3 times within 2 weeks. And I have no idea why - maybe it was a game to her? It’s been some last minute lame excuse each time.
She has caused me to waste 3 evenings waiting on her to come only to find out she was not coming. One time she said she was on her way and I never heard from her until 3 days later (only after I tried to contact her several times). I should have stopped after being stood up the 2nd time, but I gave her the benefit of the doubt and believed her lies. I guess I am used to dealing with honest people who have character. I never reported her or left her bad karma because I did not want to create a mess...though I know I probably should have.
She is still active on the site, but I will never deal with her again. Thankfully, she does not represent most of the pros - at least the ones I have had, which have been very good. But people like her cause people to leave the site.
@pmvines - You are a wise, wise man!!
@EwokLover - I guess you have to decide if you would prefer lots of messages and have to weed through them, or no messages at all. I know which I'd prefer.
@UKGuy : "Don't judge a (wo)man until you have walked a mile in his(her) shoes". No offense, but it is easy to know your preference when you have not experienced both sides.
No woman cuddle buddy was found.. That could be one reason
Right @patTheCuddler that is a very good thing to note, and in another thread another point was made about the grass definitely not being greener on the other side. Most of us probably think about that sort of thing ideally. We think we'd love to get the surplus of attention which the female population of the site gets but when the tables are turned you would soon find out how fun it is to sift through literal garbage for something genuine. It often ends in frustration and hopelessness and the final outcome is the same, somebody leaves because a few bad apples have made the whole tree look sick.
I hope this doesn't sound blaming as it is not intended to but here goes.
I strongly believe that anyone who pushes boundaries especially physically; groping etc, paying client or otherwise shouldn't get a second chance @ ElizabethC.
I can't remember how many times boundaries have been explicitly stated /mentioned even if one isn't active forum reader, the boundaries are pretty much all of the site. By all means everyone should repeat their own personal boundaries again in person, prior to their sessions etc.
However putting so much emphasis on verbally stating or mentioning boundaries may not always be enough especially if actions do not reinforce it. There ought to be consequences for people doing this for the sake of others and what this site is about not second chances. ANYONE trying to grope you doesn't care about boundaries he /she is merely focused on their gratification, getting away with as much groping as they can.
Pls don't tolerate it! I'd be mortified if someone felt the need to become a stiff board when cuddling me because I was touching them inappropriately. I can appreciate if the situation causes other problems especially when payments are exchanged.( Perhaps that's a whole new discussion for the pro site if it isn't already). But it makes me uneasily to read that as PROs you sound like you think this are behaviours you need to tolerate. Giving second chances in the hope that this client changes, will make it easier for such people to continue to push boundaries. Pls don't.
It's crazy to hear about all the disappointments and flakiness of some Pros , how karma can be misused. I supposed i'd need to read more of the threads in pro discussions to see if and what the consequences to that is. Feel for those who have experienced that, @ Jay222 have you received answers to your questions?.
@4cuddles Nothing as of yet.
@EwokLover There is good and bad out there, only you can sift through it and pick what works for you. Communication is so key.. discussing boundaries, expectations and consent. Glad you found someone local. No one will advocate for you more than yourself. Hope you find those warm embraces by people that understand.