Oh @TonySpark you will fail so BIG... and @DarrenWalker seems to know that perfectly.
@RainbowZebraSam : That could be true. However, some people might like cuddling because it has less feelings involved. They know they don't like people romantically easily, but then get repulsed quickly over the most trivial things. They might still like to connect with people physically and hence they cuddle.
@garrablanca: Well... I am fairly certain. But I also just really like testable hypotheses. Data-gathering! Falsification! Carefully documented methodology!
...Yeah, I'm a nerd.
@DarrenWalker yes it's good to live in a time where you can have the preferences that you want without being a big deal. and that is not unfortunate. :P ironic, right?
Ha ha ha ha ha ha @DarrenWalker I will say a Nerd with a touch of perversity! you just need the white cat in your lap.
@garrablanca: No, actually... irony has to do with a state of affairs or an event that seems deliberately contrary to what one expects. Like a gorilla slipping on a banana, or a firehouse burning to the ground.
The fact that my preferences for entertainment, previously confined to fiction and sibling-teasing, have been expanded to include the scientific method (something I wasn't down for, but my mom really pushed and you know what habituation can do)—no, that really doesn't have anything to do with irony.
I suppose you might consider it unfortunate that my newly expanded entertainment preferences make me a nerd.
Edit: Oh. Oh, I am so flattered. You have no idea.
But no white cats. I wear all black, and that hair just gets everywhere.
@DarrenWalker mmmh noup... your suppose is far to be right, you are free to believe or think anything you please... that's not unfortunate... that's your right to be. as long as you don't harm third parties everything is fine... as well as those who decide to stay with his own preferences. You'll see... theres nothing wrong or unfortunate either way.
@garrablanca: Do you think it would be unfortunate for someone to think they were a bird and, believing they could fly, to jump off a high cliff—out in the middle of nowhere, harming no third parties?
I think that would be very unfortunate for them.
Edit: In the same way... in case anyone's not getting it... it's unfortunate to hold any belief or preference which results in pain. Unavoidable in some cases, maybe. But still unfortunate.
@DarrenWalker you lost me... I don't understand your argument. are we talking now about the unfortunate that is for some people to act suicidal? there is no argue... but also is far away from the point. nobody is dying because they can't cuddle as they want. ha ha ha ha ha... go to sleep!
@garrablanca: I'm nocturnal. Until the sun comes up in GJ, I don't have to bed down.
Some beliefs are unfortunate, because they have unfortunate results. Some preferences are unfortunate, because they have unfortunate results.
You are certainly free to prefer anything you please—but some of your preferences will have results you'd rather they not, and so I say it's unfortunate that changing them (and thereby getting yourself some better results) is so difficult.
@RainbowZebraSam It may seem pessimistic but not far off from reality. It is less so with women, in that many of them genuinely want the cuddling with nothing else to feed the emotional side of the psyche., though it is not always the case. I do feel that regardless of the reasons, people seek out a cuddler, paid or non paid, as a sort of surrogate for something else, to feed something missing from their lives. Whether that be something emotional, physical, need to nurture or be nurtured, a sub for sex, socialization, hope for fwb, strictly something platonic, etc, varies from person to person.
This applies to EVERYONE. It is not just the men. This is why PEOPLE aren't getting matches. I don't particularly like that you felt the need to just point out men not getting cuddles. Women make mistakes too....women fuck up too. There are plenty of reasons women miss out as well. . .. At the end of the day, communicate. Be clear about what you want/don't want. Be clear about what works for you and what does NOT. Consider the feelings of EACH OTHER.... . If you do all of those things, you should have minimal issues. If something comes up that you don't like, say so. If something seems to be going in a direction you don't want it to, speak up.
If you don't, then you can't just play the victim and blame the other person for your lack of communication. (And no, this is not a stab at OP...just a general statement to everyone). If you don't say something, nobody is going to know what you want/don't want. They cannot read your mind.
It all comes down to COMMUNICATION. .. Okay, I'm done.
@MikkRozzWhuh yup!
@UKGuy - " As a guy I don't have any control over how other guys behave. "
I know. If you weren't several thousand miles away, I'd cuddle you in a minute! You sound like you totally get it.
" If I were a woman, I'd look for a guy that has sisters or daughters, I think they'd probably treat women better, no guarantees though."
Interesting thought.
@Suzanne - "Now I get that I'm a pro so I'm there for their satisfaction. But all of them were gentlemen and respectful."
I've been very specific and one guy who seemed to be a perfect gentleman turned around and started proposing nude cuddling. There's been more. I've decided what I really need to do is take more time in getting to know them before meeting them.
In my years in this earth I have figured women out.....better be good looking.....or you better have money. They value nothing else.
@pmvines - "people seek out a cuddler, paid or non paid, as a sort of surrogate for something else, to feed something missing from their lives. Whether that be something emotional, physical, need to nurture or be nurtured, a sub for sex, socialization, hope for fwb, strictly something platonic, etc, varies from person to person."
If I had a steady partner in life, I'd probably be getting the contact that I want/need. So, this isn't a substitute for that but a way of fulfilling a need that isn't getting filled naturally.
@MikkRozzWhuh - "I don't particularly like that you felt the need to just point out men not getting cuddles. "
It's men who have been complaining about the lack of cuddle partners, both in these forums and in the encounters I've had with them, so that's why I address it to them. The problems I'm facing are the opposite of theirs. I'm finding men who say they want to cuddle and I end up not wanting to because of the reasons implied in the OP. That's my experience. Others may vary but so far I can't recall any men who said they are getting frequent messages from women who say they want to cuddle and they push them away because the women are too pushy. I trust the men are adult enough to speak of their own experience.
"If you don't, then you can't just play the victim and blame the other person for your lack of communication."
I don't feel like a victim, far from it.
"If you don't say something, nobody is going to know what you want/don't want."
Well, that's exactly what I've done here, isn't it?
If you read my profile, a lot of this is spelled out pretty clearly there. In correspondence and in person, I've made it very plain what I am looking for, what I am not, what other guys have done that was a big turn-off, and they have still turned around and brought up nude cuddling, kissing, fetishes, you name it. Either they are clearly looking for something other than platonic cuddling or are incredibly clueless. Maybe spelling these things out won't make any difference because the guys in the forums already know this stuff but maybe, just maybe, some guy somewhere will read this and it might give him some insight that will lead to him and whatever women he meets having a better experience. Maybe. If the forums here are anything like other online forums, there are usually a lot more readers than participants. And I occasionally get messages from men and women I'll probably never meet who say hey, I read your comments and I really liked them. I learn from other people here, perhaps someone will learn something from me. I've gotten messages from women who said it helped them clarify what they did and did not want.
A word to the wise is sufficient. However, the wise probably don't need to be told these things because they are already paying attention.
@honestm4u lemme know how many folks clamor to cuddle up with ya with the awesome attitude there....
@honestm4u I'm sorry to know that in your years living in this Earth you had came with this conclusion, I think you need to live more years and meet more people around the Earth, not all the people are golddiggers or care about how goodlooking you are. You'll see, you will always get what you give... not immediately but it will return to you eventually and in life there's all kinds of people, depends on what is what you appreciate on them and how you treated them what is important. Do not distribute bitterness, because life will be back to you with even more of that. There are amazing women in this Earth, you just need to look for them correctly. You need to be a different man, one who deliver care, protection, safety, respect and love for himself... Did you notice? I did not mention money or to be goodlooking. Be kind, grow kindness in you and be the best version of yourself. One can't expect to receive the best if one doesn't have the courage to give the best of himself.
There are wonderful women walking the Earth in this precise moment!!
You just need to be that wonderful man for them.
@garrablanca
Basically, what you’re saying, is that if you love yourself and keep a positive mindset the universe will take note and provide you with another sentient creature that suits your wants and desires.
...that’s horrifying and repellent.
“Don't cuddle and start pushing your hips into her”
Hah... yeah... you wouldn’t believe how many guys do this.
☹️ ... Seriously. Stop doing this.
It’s not okay, it will never be okay, no matter how good you look, it’s gross and violating to hump a fellow human without their consent.
@honestm4u ... Oh yeah? Some of the women I know are asexual, looks have literally no meaning to them, and I supported my husband financially for six years. Tell me again, about how women only care about looks and money?
By the way, in addition to not having a job most of the time I knew him, and me paying for most everything, my ex wasn’t exactly young Hugh Jackman, hun. I didn’t marry him for his face, I loved him and stayed with him because I connected with him like an actual, civil human being, he had a much better attitude than yours at the time, and we became good friends before we ever dated...
The only reason we are no longer married is because he cheated on me while I was paying for him to go to college to study for his dream job, and decided he loved the other woman more, so he dropped out of college and left me. (Joke’s on him, she dumped his ass for being “creepy.”)
(Edit: 9 months on the site, and you don’t have any karma or any friends. Somehow, I’m not at all surprised.)
@garrablanca I absolutely agree with this. Ignore the haters as they only want to pull you down into their pit of misery. A positive sweet attitude attracts more honeybees than a feckless bitter one.
@Lorelei Yes and yes!! I freaking hate it when I'm humped as if I won't care. 1 strike, fine, but by the second time I want to just knee them in the stomach because I KNOW they're not that stupid. ?
I've already seen at least 2 comments on this thread basically saying how women will only cuddle with you if you're rich, or good-looking. Newsflash people, we really like a person with a great personality, and someone who will treat us with respect. With that kind of negative attitude towards us, you'll never attract a woman.
@Jade25 Some folks just dont get it and likely never will, and will always shift blame when things are not as they would like them to be. I know i am not rich nor all that good looking, but i still have had a moderate amount of success finding good people to converse and hang with from time to time. As you point out, a little bit of personality and something good about yourself brought to the table def goes a long way.
That's not what asexual means. Asexual means you don't experience sexual attraction. Other than that, they are still human beings. There is still aesthetic attraction, people have types, etc. Whether allosexual or asexual, there are people who care about looks to different degrees or who don't care about them much at all.
As far as this site goes, it definitely helps (for a guy) to be young. Most of the female members are in their teens and twenties and have narrow age limits. There's a few in their 30's, but after that it gets very thin on the ground. Many of the few older women state a desired age range younger than themselves. And with such an imbalance of the sexes, with women receiving more messages than they can handle, they are going to respond to the most desirable guys first. Regarding money, I think that was just meant to refer to the fact that if you have money, you can afford to hire the many pros on the site. I don't think there is any 'magic formula' that will result in more (or, any) cuddle partners for guys.
@hogboblin I'm afraid that's not what I meant. But your comment reflect how you interpreted it, and how you see life. Because you dragged terms into the light that I not even mentioned. Interesting.
@FunCartel well I guess if there is going to exist more bitter participants... then that means more opportunities for the nicest ones. If they don't want to understand... even better for us. And this applies to any gender.
Well I’m having hard time finding a cuddle.i am trying to not be. Pushy and wud ever as for other than a platonic cuddle because that’s all i want. Maybe it’s my age, but i think I’ve reaxhed out to everyone withn 100 mile radius and no luck. I’ve had a few decent exchanges and maybe it will lead to a cuddle but this is definetly discouraging
Each person on here, male or female, is unique and has their own balance of challenges and opportunity. Certainly geographical location makes a difference but I would suspect your odds will increase if you are a sincere and good listener, show respect, be generous, have a good mix of humor, encouragement and wisdom. Since you don’t have control over your genetics, accept yourself as you are, practice good hygiene and be more interested in giving then receiving. I suspect that will increase odds of finding someone and make the experience more enjoyable for both of you.